When you wish upon a star

I look out of the window, lost in thoughts. The Ori are gone, the Wraith are left behind in their own galaxy, Pegasus, to run amok amongst each other and Atlantis is finally after 10.000 years back on planet Earth. Everything seems fine and all is well, but I have never felt so lost as now.

Sitting behind my working desk I let my thoughts go to all those whom I've lost during the past years. Janet, who became a good friend, maybe even my best friend. Narim, the first alien I came in contact with who had an effect on me that scared the hell out of me. Gentle, friendly and willing. Martouf and Lantash, whom I got to know through Jolinar and in hindsight I'm thankful for that. They showed me strength, kindness and a hidden passion and longing which I thought I had lost when growing up. Still, after all those years I feel the searing pain of losing them and not expressing my true feelings for them. Then of course my father and Selmak. Because of the Tok'ra and Selmak, my father and I grew closer in the last 4 years I had with him than my entire life before that. The list of losses keeps growing in my mind and not only individuals but also entire races pass by in my mind. They made me, shaped me, taught me, guided me and gave me purpose. And now, after all these adventures and losses, I feel alone in the entire universe.

Of course the stargate still exists, but with the world not being at the brink of destruction all the time, politics have taken over and all they can talk about now is exploitations instead of exploration. Reveal the big secret to the world? Use our allies to make money out of it? Colonization or staying all packed up upon this planet? Use Atlantis as an expensive museum, hotel or entertainment park? This silent battle has been going on for almost a year now and the slow and sneaky changes they've made in the organization has driven us all mad.

I've been reassigned to an space-exploration-laboratory where I can't perform my job with my skills, because I've required most of them off-world and that makes an hell of an explanation: "No, that's wrong. You must do it like this… Why? Because an alien half your size and grey taught me how to work it, with much more advanced equipment than this piece of shit right here." Instead I put all my energy, free time and effort in keeping in touch with the only friends I have left: my old SG team and even the members of the Atlantis leading team. We've been coming together twice a month to talk, have dinner, play some cards or another game and to try to forget all the crazy and amazing things we've seen and experienced, knowing that we'll never get another chance now that all threats have been eliminated and the world of politics has control over our precious stargate.

Jack retired as soon as he got the chance and he's living up in his mountain lodge next to the little pond. Daniel is trying to make himself useful with ancient cultures, but knowing about all those cultures in the universe, he also seems to be lost and he finds it difficult to keep busy and forget. Cameron is back to fighter pilot. Not that there is much to fight, but at least he is doing something he truly loves. Even though he tries to play it though, we all know he makes his long days of flight to forget the same we all are trying to forget. Vala stayed here on Earth. She is still trying to court Daniel with every move she makes and slowly it seems she is getting the better of Daniel but it is still an ongoing race. She works somewhere in a military environment, hidden from society because she would still steal everything that isn't chained to something heavy and unmovable. Teal'c and his son decided to also stay on this planet. After having lost so much in the last battles with the Ori, they've found their challenge in creating a new life here with us. Teal'c got some position in the army, but not being with his friends and the SGC is starting to show and it is more and more difficult to keep him on the base. At least he has some fire left in him. As for the Atlantis team: Rodney, struggles with the same problems as I am. And being a genius doesn't makes it any easier for him. John has been put on the same team as Cameron and together they terrorize the skies and their other team members and the Airforce. Jennifer and Carson both are working as top doctors on the most complicated surgeries and cases. They are also being kept under close watch and are almost every moment day accompanied by their new (body) guards. Ronon and Teyla decided to stick around when Atlantis landed on Earth. They are being kept at a leash and though they are comfortable in their new houses with Teyla's people all around her, they're still being kept isolated from the rest of Earth's population. To put it all shortly… none of us is happy with the current situation and even Jack is getting antsy even though he claims it is 'solely because of the constant watchful eyes and guards'.

I feel that I long for the old days… I almost don't dare to wish it, but staring out of the window onto the park below I wish it nonetheless.

'Carter?... Carter? You're there?!'

I wince at the loud voice of Jack O'neill.

'Damnit Jack, It's the middle of the night! Give me a break will you?', I mumble, trying to get the fogginess out of my head.

'General Landry called and ordered SG-1 and the Atlantis team to the SGC. On the double!'

…..

'Carter, you're still awake?'

'Hmmm?'

'On the double you know…?'

'Yeah, yeah on the double'

'Are you even listening?'

'It is probably something to do with politics, Jack.'

'He used the words, and I'm quoting: Life threatening'

'What?', I suddenly perk my ears.

'Quotation: Life threatening… mission…. On the double!'

…..

'Carter?!'

But I'm not listening to Jack's words anymore. I rush through my house with the speed of a tornado and am ready to leave everything behind and go to the SGC in no time. On my way out the door I grasps the phone, where I can hear Jack asking what the hell I'm doing, and shout:

'I'm way ahead of you Jack! Last one at the SGC gets to partner up with Rodney next time we're playing cards!'

With those words I run out of my house. Let the race begin.