WARNING: This contains spoilers for the Chicago episode (2x20)

I do apologize if the formating is weird... I haven't uploaded anything to fanfiction in such a long time that I've totally forgotten how everything works!

This is just a short drabble that takes place after 2x19. It assumes that the Chicago episode picks up the day after...

Thoughts behind closed doors

As soon as the door shuts behind her (for the second time in approximately 30 seconds), she wants to yank it open, run across the hall and continue right where they left off. She doesn't though. Even though it takes all the will power she can muster, she doesn't. She's not completely sure why – she's horny as hell and there is no doubt in her mind that if Nick hadn't accidentally taken a hammer to the fish tank, they be doing it right now. On the kitchen table! She leans against the door, her breathing heavy and adrenaline cursing through her veins, making it feel like her heart is about to burst through her chest. Her thoughts are one big, jumbled mess running rampant in her mind; she just made out with Nick (made out with seems inadequate, but in lack of a better word…), they almost had sex! Right there! On the freaking table! And they broke Schmidt's stupid, gigantuous fish tank… She groans out loud at the thought of the huge mess they left behind – but her usual sense of responsibility is buried somewhere under feelings of lust and anger, and there is no way in hell she could muster up the strength to go deal with the 100 gallons of water currently flooding their kitchen floor.

Instead, she walks to her bed and let's herself fall face-first into the blankets. Nick Miller! She burrows her head in a pillow and lets out a silent scream. She has never met anyone like him – someone that makes her want to tear off his clothes and his head at the very same time. She keeps replaying their "encounter" (which is still not the right word…) in her head – it's on repeat like some stupid, hypnotizing video she can't pause… She doesn't want to, really. She sits up on her bed, cheeks still flushed, heart still racing, but feeling a little more level-headed than 2 minutes ago. It's a bad idea with them. She knows it – Nick knows it. But at the same time there's something about it that feels right to her. She feels out of control when he kisses her – like there's some invisible force drawing them together. She never felt that with Russell or Sam or Paul. It's like she just can't help it – like they're out of control. It's exhilarating and scary at the same time… She shuts her eyes tight and tries to think of something else –anything else, but it's not working. Her body still feels too hot, and she's pretty sure it would take an hour-long cold shower to make her calm down.

She thinks about going to his room, knocking on his door… For the obvious reason of continuing where they left off, but also because she's curious to see how he's handling this. She knows him well enough to know that there is no way he has gone to sleep… Oh no! It's more likely that he's having a panic attack. She chuckles at this thought, but it turns into a groan – she just can't stop thinking about him. Even though she has basically spent the entire day in a Nick Miller trance, having actually acted on her urges seems to have only multiplied them. There is no way she's gonna fall asleep. Not with Nick just across the hall.

This, she thinks, is why you should never hook up with your roommate – you can't escape each other – it's bound to be a disaster! It really is just an immensely stupid idea with them.

Except… She closes her eyes and buries her head in her hands. What if it's more than just attraction? – What if it's not just sex she wants with him? She hasn't really let herself contemplate this before – but the thought has been lurking in the corner of her mind for a while now. What if she actually, genuinely likes Nick? What then? She did use his stupid, disgusting port-a-potty, just to make him feel better, and the jealousy she felt towards that Shane person was definitely real too. And she likes being alone with him. Her favorite nights are those where Winston and Schmidt are out and it's just the two of them, watching a movie or eating left-over pizza – or reading the funniest of her student's papers out loud to each other.

But until tonight she has never let herself consider the thought of them being together. In the silence of her room, though, she can't stop hearing his words in her head;

"We're just two roommates who wanna be friends but are sometimes attracted to each other…",

"it is something that I've thought a lot about – but you were never clear about it…"

It's not exactly a declaration of love though… No, he probably just wants to have sex with her… that's probably all he meant. And maybe that's all she wants too – to have sex with him. Maybe that's all this is – just pure, unadulterated attraction and maybe, if they actually act on it, they can make things go back to the way they used to be. No more sexual tension. Right now, this seems like the most logical idea in the world. Why shouldn't they have sex? – Nick clearly wants to, she definitely wants to… And they're currently alone in the loft – something that doesn't happen too often… Really, it's the perfect opportunity… They really should just get it out the way…

She doesn't allow herself time to actually contemplate what she is doing, before she has left her room and is opening his door, not even bothering to knock.

She doesn't see him at first, but when she does, she immediately knows something is wrong. He's standing with his back to her, looking out the window, talking on the phone with someone. She doesn't get farther than to thinking that it's an odd hour to be on the phone with someone, before he hangs up with a strangely sounding "I'll see you tomorrow" and turns to look at her. "My dad's dead, Jess".

And just like that she knows she's not just in it for the sex.