Voldemort's Nightmare

Basically the name… A few random slashes, Voldy nudity, language, embarrassment and pelvic thrusting. Such a wholesome combination, eh? I think so!

Disclaimer: I do not own the series or the characters but I did make up this certain dilemma. :3

Voldemort was sitting at the head of a long table with his closest followers, Bellatrix, Luscious, Snape and Wormtail.

"My Lord, I have news that Potter is ready to be caught." Snape said.

"I am the one who found it out, My Lord, I am the one who knew of this!" Bellatrix screamed.

"Shut up! I'll go get Harry and you all wait for my return." Voldemort hissed as Bellatrix and Snape brok out in a fist fight, "Damn, you kids are unbearable!"

Voldemort got up from the table and went to a door; he opened it to find himself at Hogwarts. He looked around and saw that it was his old common room and smiled.

Harry Potter must be here!

He opened the door and saw all his old friends in the other room, Rabastan Lestrange was the one who stood out the most.

"Tom!" Rabastan said happily, "I've missed you!"

"It's Voldemort! Not…"

Rabastan ran up and began kissing Voldemort very forcefully on the lips. At first Voldemort thought it was a horrible and disgusting and… He was so hot though, and Voldemort gave in.

Suddenly, Voldemort was in a giant cauldron filled with boiling water. It felt nice and he stretched slighty.

"Don't strain yourself, My Lord."

Wormtail was in the water with him and they were both naked, Voldemort realized in a awful second.

"I- You- What-"

"Shh…" Wormtail sighed, "My Lord, it's all right! I am here to help you! For better or worst, remember?"

Wormtail held up his left hand which had a silver band around his ring finger.

Voldemort also had such a ring.

"NYAAAAHH!" Voldemort screamed in disgust.

Suddenly, Voldemort was at a casting audition for the evil villain in Captain America.

"No, I have a red face. A red face is far more terrifying." A man sneered.

"He's right, you know," The casting directot said.

"But- But I am Lord Voldemort." He whispered.

"More like 'He-Who-Must-Not-Practice-His-Line', eh?" The red faced man laughed and the director joined in.

"But- I am a good actor! I- I-"

Then, Voldemort was in his old orphanage sitting on his bed.

"Oh, thank Merlin!" He sighed laying back.

He looked over and saw his chest of drawers burst into flames. Dumbledore came out and hugged him.

"Get off me, old man!" Voldemort screamed trying

"But I love you, Tom! I love you!" Dumbledore cried trying to kiss Voldemort all over.

Voldemort shut his eyes and screamed, "IT'S VOLDEMORT! OR THE DARK LORD TO YOU, YOU BLOODY OLD GIT!"

Then, he heard laughing. Children laughing.

He opened his eyes.

He was sitting on the sorting chair with the hat on his head.

"Why are you laughing?" He demanded of the children.

"Strike a pose for us, Voldy!" Harry Potter yelled from the Gryffindor table.

He looked down and saw that he was completely naked, aside from the sorting hat, which he took of his head and covered himself.

"Shut up! I- I'll curse you! I-"

"Is that a blush?" Hermione Granger called cackling like Bellatrix Lestrange.

Voldemort looked frantically for his wand, or any wand, but it was nowhere. So he ran. He didn't necessarily run away from the children laughing at him, since they followed him, but he made it to the edge of the Forbidden Forrest.

Suddenly, he was cloaked and Harry stood in front of him, holding all of his Horcruxes, and smiling.

"I know your weaknesses, Tom." Harry said.

"No. No you- those are secret!"

"No they are not! I have all of them. I am one of them."

"No." Voldemort fell back.

"I also know your deepest darkest secret, Tom."

"No you don't."

"You like-" A grin spread across his face.

"DON'T-"

"Luscious Malfoy!"

"You little-"

"Voldy and Luscious sitting in a bush,-"

"-Stop it! I do not-"

"-all you can hear is push push push!"

Harry made vulgar pelvic thrusts toward Voldemort at the words 'push' and destroyed all his Horcruxes.

"STOP IT! I JUST WANT TO RULE THE WORLD!" Voldemort cried.

"Can't do that if you're dead, can you, Voldy?" Harry asked holding his wand delicately by his neck. (Since he's the last Horcrux)

"No."

"Don't want me dead now, do you? How… Ironic." Harry said, a smirk playing at his mouth.

"You wouldn't." Voldemort was trembling, "I- I- You'll die, too, you know! You've already lived once! What makes you think-"

"Avada Kedavra!"

Voldemort woke up with a start.

"It… Was a dream…" He sighed and lay back down on his bed.

"Whatever you say, love." Luscious said from beside him, stoking Voldemorts' bare chest.

"NYAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

Harry woke up in his bed at Hogwarts and scratched his head.

"What the… Luscious and… Horcruxes and…"

Harry laughed lightly remembering a naked Voldemort and went back to sleep.

… Sorry if that was rather stupid, which it was. Review if you want… I just thought this was funny.

Hmm… Maybe I should do nightmares for each character?

Does anyone else think it's rather creepy that Harry was dreaming about Luscious and Voldy in a bed?

Wait- maybe it was Harry using the 'link' he has with Voldemort…

I don't know… By brain just made this up…

Yes, my brain and I work separately sometimes.

Don't hate.