Solace
A Primeval FanFiction
Chapter 1: The Evening
He was not talking.
Abby did not know what to do, for about three hours now, Connor was sitting opposite to her, but he was not looking at her, he stared at a point on the wall but it did not seem as if he was seeing anything at all. His eyes were covered with red and dark brushes as if he had cried, but unfortunately that was the point, he actually did not cry, not even one single tear had left the corners of his bright brown eyes, not even some hint of sobbing had passed his lips.
He did not mourn, he could not, and Abby was about to despair.
She understood, for Connor Cutter had been such a father figure, apparently the only sort of a father he had ever experienced, Connor had looked up to the strange and lonesome rider of a Professor, he had become like a centre to his world and now this spot was ripped off of his world and there was nothing else left but darkness and hopelessness.
She could have dealt with tears, with sobs, with curses and all ways of coping with grieve, but this, this stillness, this silence, this lonely distance was way too much for her and she had no clue how to help him, for she was stroke down with grieve herself. But even through her own sadness she had felt it, when he had held her in her arms outside the ARC, only a few metres away from what...from what had been their mentor, she had felt it in the way his body stiffened, his dead and emotionless look. He was still caught in the shock, his grieve had overtook him, but not in a healthy way, he seemed to forbid himself any sign of weakness, he did not want to give into this sadness, for allowing himself to mourn would mean that he accepted the truth, and the truth was Cutter was dead and he was not coming back.
Slowly Abby was rising to her feet and sat herself next to Connor, she softly took his hand into hers, his skin felt so unbelievably cold under her warm touch, as if it was not Cutter who was the cold dead corpse but Connor.
"We need to talk, Connor.", she said with a low voice after clearing her throat and bit her lip when he remained silent, "You need to talk.".
Still he did not make a sound and at first she thought he might not have understood her, so she opened her mouth to speak again when he suddenly spat out the words like cold knives.
"Talking is not going to change a thing.".
Abby twitched back by his cold hard words but she refused to let go of his hand which trembled lightly in her grip, she only tightened her fingers around his hand, giving him silent comfort through her touch but his look was as motionless as before.
"I know how hard is for you, Connor, I do.", she started again, trying to find the right words to console him, to calm him but he interrupted her rather harshly.
"How would you know, Abby?", he burst out and shook her hand off but when he saw how much it had hit her his voice became lower as he continued, "Just leave me alone."
Abby sighed heavily and bit her lower lip nervously before she reached out to take his hand into her own again, all the sudden fury was already gone from his face again, replaced by the well known expression of non-emotion, "I am not leaving you, Connor.".
"Leave, Abby, I don't want you near me.", he started again, he did not even look up as if she was not worthy of him to be looked at, and she had to admit, this had hurt her, the burning pain in her eyes showed her how close she was to cry again and so she looked down in order to hide her tears.
"You didn't mean that.".
"If I were you I wouldn't bet on it.", he snorted harshly and she twitched back automatically, the coldness in his voice was murderous and so not Connor, far away was the handsome boy with the witty smile she came to love so much, her best friend with the lamest jokes ever, the person with a good heart, who never thought about himself.
"I miss him, Connor.", she said with her low trembling voice, now she tried a different direction and surprisingly to her, he was actually shivering about her words while he closed his eyes to disguise a feeling buried deep inside.
"I miss him and I know you miss him, too.", she repeated with even more emphasis on her words and now he was rising up to his feet so quickly that she had a few problems following his movements with her eyes. He was leaning himself against the wall, covering his face so she could only see his back and slowly she came after him, she got the feeling that she was close, very close to get him to give into the grieve.
"I do believe that he...
Cutter would not want you to do this to you, Connor.", Abby twitched lightly as she saw how much pain in caused him to hear her saying his name but for her it seemed to be the only way to get him to accept their mentor's death.
She tried to take his face into her hands but he still refused to turn around to her, then suddenly he faced her with almost inhuman strength and before she could realize what was going on his lips were on her half opened mouth. Even if she had thought of resistance it wouldn't have been possible, his mouth on hers was at first cool but then it warmed up, almost melting together with her little moans escaping into his mouth.
She had always thought about Connor as being a boy, he always acted so boyish, so childish, she never used to see him as a man, he was her friend, disorganized, sloppy, irresponsible, so much more like a boy. But in the way his lips claimed her mouth, that was no boyish act, he was a man, and he was her man. The way he kissed her let her feel as if she had never been kissed before, at least not like that. Her lips nearly burnt under the movements of his mouth, so warm, so forcible, so sweet, it felt as if he wanted to conquer her whole body within one single kiss and by the Spirits he might be successful.
And then he let go of her mouth, as suddenly as he had claimed it before and heavily breathing she found his look while his breath was blown into her face in hot and heavy streams. There was an expression in his eyes she had never seen before, his formerly and usually bright brown eyes were now turned into an almost pitch black tone of a very dark brown, she could see the sadness within these eyes she came to know so well, the anger, but there was also a look she could not stand so easily.
It was this look of lust that made her knees tremble and she could have sworn if Connor had not held her in his arms she would had fallen down to the ground immediately. She could not remember that anyone had ever looked at her that way, of course, she had a few boyfriends, a few relationships...or meetings in the nights, but no one had ever looked at her this way: like if she was the last beautiful thing in this world, a light in the darkness, the only woman he would ever love.
Her hands found its way to his collar, she wanted his lips on her mouth again, the way he looked at her made her stomach jump in excitement and arousing joy but instantly he stiffened in response to her bold act and she looked for his eyes to see the reason for that.
Surprisingly for her, his eyes were closed, he was just standing there, his body so firmly pressed against hers that she could feel his heat flooding into her and his breath against her skin. Strangely to her, this situation reminded at the lions at the zoo, when she had faced the great majestic cats, when she had felt their thick, warm breaths trough the grid, she was caught by these eyes, and it was just the same way she felt now about Connor- she was not scared, but fascinated by this long hidden strength of him.
Eventually he leant into her while his lips slowly touched her lips as light as a feather- was he actually toying with her?- before his mouth wandered up her face, adoring her nose, her eyes, he still went on until his lips found its way to the sensitive spot behind her earlobe and she shivered heavily in pleasure.
She could hear him whispering her name.
For all the Gods in the world, all the creatures they had fought, she could have never said how they both had made it to her room, they nearly tumbled towards the bed, only separated by the urge to breathe again. Abby reached her eyes up to his glance and the dark tone of his brown eyes made her shiver even more, slowly she took his hand in hers and pulled him towards the bed, never losing eye contact. In front of the bed, she looked up again und his lips found its way back onto her mouth, his arms crushing around her, pressing her heavily against him, almost lifting her off of her feet while she put her arms around his neck, giving herself hungrily into his embrace. And then, once again he broke off the kiss and her confused eyes met his almost pitch black look, whereupon he took her arms and stretched them above her head while his hands found its way back to the edge of her shirt. The way he looked at her while pulling the shirt over her head was literally arousing, little streams of fresh air caressed her skin but she was more than positive that she was not shivering because of the cool air.
Slowly they pushed and pulled each other on the bed, giving themselves into kisses of fire and storms, she pulled him on her, pressing herself so hard to him that she could hear him moaning into her mouth. His hands wandered down her body, caressing her exposed skin in the most tender ways before he daringly grabbed her bottom, and now it was her turn to moan while his lips found their way down her neck, teasing her with soft brushes of his mouth. Her heart was racing and the blood rushed deafening through her veins, her shaking hands grabbed his shirt and pulled it over his head, nearly in light speed, forcing his lips on her mouth again while their bodies rubbed together. Even through the clothes, the layers of jeans, they could feel each other's warmth, it was like an anchor, a comfort, a light in the darkness and they were to follow this light eagerly.
From one moment to another she felt her bare skin pressed against his flesh, her passion arising in her mixed up with the confusion, for she could not remember when they had taken off the the rest of their clothes, probably she had missed it because there had not been this slight hint of his so Connor-like nervousness. Gone was the nerd she had fallen in love with, she was now faced with the man he was, the man who was capable of arousing her with the slightest touch of his fingers.
She slowly broke off the kiss, meeting his eyes halfway before she closed them and took in a deep breath, the butterflies in her stomach made the air in her lungs burn like hell, she wanted to taste the sweetness of this moment just for a second; it had been a long time since she had felt this safe.
But Connor was safe, he was warm and he was there, he would never let her down, he would ever follow her, no matter where she would lead them both and so the trust in his brown eyes melted together with his love for her and the lust which had formerly darkened his eyes. It was then when she turned cunningly in his arms and before he could even recognize what was going to happen it was her now who was sitting on him. She could feel his lower reacting quite impolitely to her new sitting position but it only caused her a smile, she felt this warmth between her legs, too, totally aware of the fact that he was between her legs and the very thought of it sent arousing shivers through her whole body. Slowly she grabbed his hands(which were shaking violently or were it her hands?) and pulled him carefully up, until he almost sat upright. He never lost eye contact with her and the intensity in the brown of his eyes made her breathing even speed up and she shivered heavily, for in the back of her mind, she could not really put together the Connor beneath her and the Connor of lame jokes- the bare thought of this side of him, always buried deep down, a side she had found out, it gave her some kind of pleasure, an arousing feeling of power. But as soon as his hand wandered down her back ever so tenderly and his lips placed themselves on her throat she felt unbelievably powerless, she let herself fall into his touch and she was absolutely positive that without his hands steadying her she would have fallen immediately down to the bed again. How was it possible that this stammering, nervous ex-student was so perfectly aware of what her body needed? How could he just know how to touch her, with his hand and more importantly with his warm and soft lips?
Her fingers were now in his hair, this thick, velvet hair, so dark, almost pitch black, exactly like his eyes which were staring at her in an almost forbidden way. While his hands on her back pressed her against his hot body she re-found her thinking somewhere between his kisses and his touches, and so, she eventually began to move her hips above him, at first slowly, steady and calm, only to tease him and to her satisfaction she could hear him moaning against the skin of her neck. The Hotness between her thighs was nearly driving him crazy, only the thought of possessing her utterly held him from driving immediately over the edge, and she knew it, and so she kept on rocking her hips against him, now almost panting herself.
She wanted him, oh God, how much she wanted him, but still she denied the both of them the pleasure of consuming their love, hesitating, waiting, so long until it was not possible to wait any longer. And she could feel it, the moment was close...closish...
"Abby...", she could hear him whispering at the spot beneath her ear and his low and husky tone made her stomach fly over the edge, she could easily hear the need in his voice, the lust, the passion, even the love, his need for love, his need for her.
And who was she to deny them any pleasure?
She tried to push herself up, but before she could do anything Connor had wound his hands around her waist, pulled her carefully up- so tender and strong at the same time- and then while his eyes found hers in the darkness he settled her slowly down onto his lap again. Both of them inhaled sharply while she took him fully in, enjoying the feeling of two bodies, finally melting together, completely and utterly.
They remained still for what felt like a short eternity, he pressed his forehead into her neck, heavily breathing, trying to calm down, while he pressed her so hard against him that she could hardly breathe but she did not object, his arms around gave her a strangely unknown feeling of safety.
It began slowly, careful and slow movements, forth and back, fluid like little waves of water, little waves of pleasure which started deep down in her belly, this wonderful warm feeling she had missed for so long time, it settled down in her stomach and pushed forward into her chest. Connors breathing was as heavy as before, hot and fitfully, burning her neck, burning on her skin while his hands dug almost painfully in her back, dealing with her little movements.
At some point she reduced her head to him and to her surprise the way his lips captured her mouth was in no way innocent, his lips played with her, sucking on her lower lip, making her moaning into his mouth, while heavy hot shivers ran down her back, making her rocking even faster against him.
His lips went on wandering, licking down her throat until she began to whisper in surrender, begging for salvation, her fingers dug into his hair and it was no tender movement- he was literally driving her crazy. She tried to speed up, moving faster, moving harder, rocking and pushing, hurrying towards the end but his hands slowed her down, until they both moved slow and fitfully again, so torturing slow, just fast enough to keep her whimpering and hoping for passing the edge but not nearly fast enough to get her satisfaction, but still he kept on torturing her so sweetly.
She had always thought Connor had never been with a woman before, but to her surprise and to her shock he knew so terribly well what to do to make her moaning in surrender, whereupon from one moment to another, he tore them both around in one single movement. And now it was her who lay beneath him and he moved so self-confident above her, slow and careful rocking against her, his lips on her face, on her hair, on her skin, whispering words she could not hear properly but she could feel their meaning in the burning passion that boiled in her body.
She closed her eyes and let her body arch into his touch, let herself fall into the thrusts while it was him now who sped up pace, his hips fitting so perfectly with hers, melting together in fast and hard pushes, and she rewarded him with the most exquisite sounds. She wanted to feel his lips again and took his face into her palms to kiss him but she paused in her movement and just fixed her look on his face, his eyes closed, his forehead frowned in concentration but apparently he had felt her look, because immediately he opened his eyes.
He glanced at her with this beautiful brown of trust and love while his heavy staccato of breaths hit her face like waves of hot and stormy winds, and as their looks locked it was like a revelation of all these things they had never dared to say. Her name was like a whisper on his lips, like a promise as he leant down to steal another kiss from her lips, wild and passionate, begging for entrance, breathing each other's scent and taste- and then, she could feel it.
In a glimpse of a moment her whole body stiffened in one sweet feeling, joy began to rush through her veins like hot lava, making her back bending towards him while her arms rushed to press him on her, the need to feel him was now more present than ever. And during her own screams she could hear him giving into this salvation as well, he moaned heavily, crying her name while he pushed harder than ever, moving with her, enjoying the pleasure of this moment until satisfaction took their minds away to a place highly above their thinking.
Chapter 2: The Morning
The sun broke slowly and warm through the great window and let her light fall slightly and undeniably upon the two shapes, cuddled together in that big bed, covered only by metres and metres of white bed sheets.
"Stop it, Connor.".
A bright smile crossed his face while his eyes were slightly narrowing and glancing back to the object of his attention. Abby was lying next to him, her eyes closed out of spite, angrily trying to defy the annoying call of the sun. She was lying on her stomach, head on the side, on one of the greater cushions, while the bed sheet only reached barely up to her hip bones and left the rest of her remarkable spin uncovered. The sun played painted forms and shapes on her back through the bright rays which entered the room through the window glass, blowing warm streams over the bare young skin, drawing the attention of the young man over and over again.
"I didn't do anything.", was the only thing he said to defend himself from her apparently annoyed reprimand, but he could not suppress a smile nor could he stop looking at her.
"You are staring at me.", she commented dryly, still avoiding to open her eyes and to accept the coming of day, and even though she could feel his glance on her she also did not make a move to open her eyes. Connor made a sound as if he had to suppress a laugh and she could feel how his breath washed over her face, slightly wandering down her shoulders- and she had to admit that she truly could get used to this.
"Just the way my eyes are pointing.", eventually she opened her eyes in response to his witty answer, only to find him smiling boldly all over his nerdy face, his brown eyes shining like warm gold, like an ocean of honey love.
"And I was not staring- just adoring.", he added while he reduced his look, not able to avoid the red colour blushing all over his face for his daring answer. Now it was her turn to smile sweetly at him, she reached out her right arm to softly caress his face, and he gave into her hand so sweetly, closing his eyes in response to her lovable touch, while he shivered in pleasure.
"So, and what exactly were you adoring, Mr. Temple?".
Her voice was low, almost inaudible, but of course he had heard it, whereupon his eyes immediately flew open and he took some moment to just simply stare at her-to really look at her- all the love he felt was captured in this one single look and she could not but to smile, again and again, caught in this happy prison of his love.
"You, only you.", he whispered with his low husky voice, while he leant over to kiss her forehead and she closed her eyes to shiver in pleasure, giving herself completely into this warm, wonderful feeling arising in her stomach, "It'll be always you, Abby.", his thumb gently stroked her chin, lovingly taking her face within his palms to brush his lips softly over her mouth.
She sighed relieved and lay her hands on his shoulders to deepen the kiss and to feel him, really feeling him, while his lips left hers with the sweet touch of love, sweeter even than honey itself.
She closed her eyes and let him take her into his embrace while she placed her head into his neck, breathing him in, taking in this moment of silence, of absolute perfection.
"How you feeling?", she said lowly after they both parted again and in this instant Abby knew exactly that she could not have said something more wrong and inappropriate, for from one moment to another, his face distorted in an unknown pain, as if he wanted to cry. He made first moves to turn away but she placed her hand on his shoulder to hinder him, while she took his face in her hands and forced him to look into her eyes.
"Don't do this, Connor, don't shut me out.
I am here for you, okay?
Don't turn away, I'm here and I just want you to know that I am not going away.".
Connor paused in his movements and turned around to face her again, while he cuddled against her, and now it was her who welcomed him into her embrace, preparing silently for the tears and cries- but still he remained silent.
"Are you saying it's getting better with time?".
His voice, this hoarse tone of suppressed tears and hidden sobs made her heart arch in pain and immediately she deepened her touch on him, letting him feel her warmth, her closeness, letting him know that she was really there and that she was not supposed to go away. She was thinking about so many ways to console him, most of them fraternised with little while lies to make him feel better but subconsciously she knew that lies, even if they made him feel better, would not help him right now and so she stuck to the simple and plain truth.
"No, Connor, it's not getting better, I am sorry, it's getting even worse.", she could feel him stiffen within her arms, as he heard her first words and she willingly gave him more of her touch while she went on speaking, "Every day you will remember something, a part of a conversation, every day you enter the ARC you will remember how the both of you developed the anomaly detector, you will remember how he patted your shoulder, how he told you he was proud of you.
You will remember how he called you names when you screwed it up."
"He never called me names.", Abby had to suppress a smile while she was happy about having him captured by her little distracting word trap, her fingers drove tenderly through his hair, she didn't even know it, it felt so natural to touch him, she didn't even think about it any more.
"That's what you think, Conn.", she teased and to her sensation a slight smile crossed his lips.
Connor changed his position and now it was her again who was in his arms and she did not even protested with one single word, just allowing him to capture her in his embrace, no, she eagerly got lost into his arms, hungrily searching for the warmth of his body. This felt good, and even though she would have never admitted it to herself, she liked this feeling of being safe within his arms, it felt so natural, it felt so right, as if it should have always been this way.
"Would it help, if I say I love you?", she said after a while, enjoying the feeling of his fingers driving down her spine ever so slowly, sending little streams of pleasure and warmth through her flesh while her head rested on his shoulders.
"Perhaps.", she could easily feel the smile that crossed his lips, witty and bold in its sad outlines but also saturated with the glimpse of love. She could not but smile about his answer, this other Connor would have never said something daring like that, he would have been stammering all along the way, tumbling over the words in pure nervousness- and yet, in the way he held her she could still feel that he was her Connor. Witty, the nervous nerd with the lamest jokes ever, a true friend and her mate, in every way, the man she came to love.
Was it a crime to find love in death? Or was it a gift? And if it was should we deny it? Or should we not embrace it?
"I love you, Connor.".
"I love you, too.".
Sometimes, apparently, we do not even have a choice, and most of the time we like being left with no choices by love.