So this is my first ever written Fanfic :)

It's most probably gonna be Malex with a bit Ryissa ;)

So the story is pretty simple, i hope the language is also ok. I didn't let it recheck by anybody...so i don't know.

Oh and well English is not my mothertongue, so if you find any mistakes just let me know and I'll correct them.

Title: Liquor & Love Discovery

Fandom: The O.C.

Ship: Ryan/Marissa/Alex

Warning: None (so far)

Chapter: 1

The Lifeguard Stand

I was staring out of the window. It wasn't the sunniest day in Orange County, California. It was rather cloudy and dark. As i walked down the street, I looked over at the front door of the Cohen's mansion.

I sighed. Why was life like this? Why did it never work out? It never did and I don't think it ever will, I'm tired of trying to make it work.

As usual I opened the door to the liquor store near the Pier, where they sell booze to minors. I took one bottle of vodka and two bags of cigarettes. I walked over to pay.

I started smoking a while ago, as well. I keep destroying my body with every possible means. The reason fort hat was simple: A broken heart equals a broken body. A love lost. I guess everybody knows what I'm talking about, since everyone has experienced exactly this or at least something similar before, I suppose. If I had known, what this pain would do to me, before, I would have never given my heart away. Especially not to someone, who took it for granted and didn't worship it.

I've been suffering for 5 months now and it didn't get any better. Well, actually, it got even worse, everyday.

I walked down the stairs to the beach, with the bottle in my palm. This is my daily routine. Buying booze plus cigs, then walking down to the lifeguard stand S 49 and drown all my sorrows in alcohol and nicotine. I used to drink vodka with orange juice, but since two weeks I prefer drinking it pure. That's the date when I started smoking also. Drugs is not a big subject though. I haven't tried much, only coke once and weed a few times. I got it from my sister, but she went back to High School. So I guess, if I feel the urge to get high and numb all the pain that is hidden inside me, I have to search myself a new dealer.

So anyways, I walked across the beach, almost hovering over the sand. I wasn't completely there, my thoughts always drifted away. The sand was warm, although the sun wasn't shining. It hadn't been shining form e ever since he had a new girlfriend. Two weeks had passed since then.

Well it's not like i didn't hook up with anyone in these 5 months. I've just never been in love again. And it still makes my heart ache seeing him be happy with another girl, he apparently really likes. I've had boys, too. Plenty of them actually. But I've only been using them for my own pleasure and replacement of the love of my life. I might even broke some hearts, but right now, I couldn't care less. I didn't care about anything much, lately. Especially not about myself, but when i think about it, I never took responsibility for my actions and I never took care of myself, either. I always had people do that for me. Well, until I chased them all away. I always lose the ones i love and actually care about. Only because I force them to protect me and save me all the time. It's not like I'm forcing them literally, they just have to, because I'm always getting myself in trouble somehow.

I'm a chronic mess, I know that, but I still need people around me to protect me from myself and from everything else, as well. But somehow they all get worn out and exhausted by the pressure of the responsibility to save me over and over again. I'm like a little kid you're not allowed to leave on her own, because I'll manage to hurt myself in some kind of way. I guess I can't expect people to rescue me constantly.

My mom tries to cope with me with sending me to a therapist. But not because she wants me to get better, but because she doesn't want to deal with me and my issues, anymore. Not that she ever did. So she's sending me there, however, I'm going. That's basically our relationship. I never really talk to this psychiatrist, he only listens to my made up stories. I'm not sure if he actually buys it, but well, he doesn't bother to actually ask, thus, I don't care.

When I arrived at the lifeguard stand, I saw shoes. Shoes belonging to a person. A person sitting in my place. My place. It's mine. No one is supposed to be there, except me. No one.

I stood still, stopped breathing. I think I cramped my hands around my bottle and I felt a slight heat burning up from my stomach to my throat. I was getting mad. I felt it was some dude, I'd definitively beat him up. I learned to defend myself against attackers. He… He said I needed to learn it „just in case". Right now, it was this case. I might haven't got attacked literally physical, but someone stole my place, my place of relief, my sanctuary.

This just wasn't acceptable, not at all.

I took a fag out of the box. I played with it in my hand and lightened it in my mouth. I felt the calmness floating through my body. Cigarettes always calmed me down when i got rage blackouts or mood swings. It felt good, it always felt like cigarettes blew life into my hollow body. I took another deep drag and then I walked towards the stand to see what kind of person I was going to chase off.

I was still focused on the shoes. Converse. Black ones, shoes which that dork Seth Cohen would be most probable to wear. What a coward must this be?

I could steal a glance at the pants now, as well. Dark blue jeans, skinny jeans. What kind of guy wore skinny jeans if he wasn't gay or sissy? It was easy to assume I was going to fight off a weak, effete dude. Too bad, he was probably just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

His head was leaned back, so I couldn't see his face. But what i could see now that I've moved closer were his hands.

I couldn't believe what I just saw. Was this guy doing manicure? He wore black nail polish and his nails were shaped and smoothed, his hands looked very soft in general, as well.

I was confused. Who was this?

So i walked closer just to see „his" face.

She had long fake blond hair with one purple streak. She didn't look as sissy, now that I actually saw her face. She had this determined look on her face. Though she looked kind of lost. If this contradiction was even possible. She wore leather bracelets on both her wrists. Suddenly she opened her eyes and let out a soft sigh. Her head went back forth.

I was so surprised of her sudden movement that I just stood there frozen. I totally forgot about my previous plan.

I'm not gonna punch a girl. Guys, yes…Girls, no.

I blew some smoke in the air and watched her. I waited for her to respond and or apologize for taking my place without permission.

But all she did was looking at me. Her eyes burned into mine like ice. If ice can burn.

They were blue-grayish. Dark circles framed them in their perfect shape.

I was still waiting for her to answer or at least say something. She turned her head back and suddenly had a confident smile on her lips. I could see one row of white teeth glinting between her rosy lips. Apparently she wore lip gloss. I didn't put lip gloss or lipstick for more than two months now and I suddenly felt how much I missed it. I always liked the taste of lipstick on my mouth.

„So are you gonna sit down now or do you wanna keep analyzin' me?"

Who the hell does she think she is? First stealing my place, then not moving away or apologizing and now this. She thinks she could boss me around? How did she even know I was analyzing her looks?

„Well this is my place." This just sounded damn silly. I could slap myself in the face right now.

„Oh it's your's Ma'am? Then I offer a humble apology. I shan't occupy other people's places, indeed."

I wasn't sure if she actually meant what she just said. I sensed a bit sarcasm, but I couldn't be completely convinced it was. She looked actually sorry. Then she made a move like she was actually going to leave. I already had a self-satisfied grin on my mouth. Yes, again. Marissa Cooper won.

„Did you actually think I was going?" She stood in front of me and raised one eyebrow. Her hands placed on her waist. Suddenly I didn't feel all winner. She still glanced at me.

„Um…Yes?! Look this is my place ok, you can't just come and butt in, alright?"

„Oh well, too bad. I already did. Only 'cuz you're one of these rich Newport Princesses doesn't mean you freakin' own this place. Either you accept me being here or you leave yourself. That's the deal. I'm not going anywhere"

This chick really started to piss me off. And you don't want to see me when I get mad.

She still stood very close to my face. One eyebrow raised, but now her arms were folded provoking.

So let me know what you think about my little story :)

Don't be too mean since it's my first, okay? :D