Title: Executing the Varia
Author: Ri-Ryn
Genre: Humor/Family
Word Count: 1960
Rating: M* (Content suitable for Mature Teens) / +T
Disclaimer: Katekyo Hitman Reborn belongs to Akira Amano.
Summary: Sequel to 'Picking Up-400 Years of Tradition': Tsuna laughed to himself in his office, "If they haven't noticed my guardians' new state of mind; it's their loss. Welcome to Hell, Varia! Sentence, atonement? Your sanity."
Warnings: Implied shounen-ai/yaoi pick-up lines as jokes. Perverted pick-up lines! Some Language!
A/N: I HAVE A POLL ON MY PROFILE, SO PLEASE DO VOTE FOR 12 CHOICES! I bring to you the sequel to "Picking-Up 400 Years of Tradition" in "Executing the Varia!" It's time to watch the suffering complete this circle of innuendo chaos! Being half-way perverse-creative is so hard. I'm trying my best to bust your guts here! I don't think I've ever written so many innuendos.ALSO, PLEASE CHECK OUT MY STORY- 'Retribution'
1st Target: Mammon/Viper-
Tsuna smiled as he parked his car at the Varia mansion, hands now clasped together in anticipation for today's events: first on the agenda? To make the Varia suffer!
But first, to get his hands warmed up. Mammon would be pesky if he stayed around, warning the others so he wouldn't have to pay for the damages that might ensue after Tsuna's…'activities.'
The Vongola boss exited the vehicle, confidently making his way to the front door. If he remembered correctly, Mammon was the one to answer the door so as to collect a fee from the visitors. He smirked as he saw a tint of purple when the door opened. "Ah Mammon, it's good to see you."
The illusionist ignored his pleasantries. "Muu, you know the drill, pay up Vongola Decimo."
Tsuna tilted his head in feigned innocence. "Alright, but only if you let me see under your hood."
The illusionist's frown deepened. "That would just about bankrupt you; are you sure?"
Tsuna's hand reached out to gently grasp the Mist guardian of the Varia's chin. "I'm not talking about seeing your face. I want to see what's underneath your other hood."
The Decimo let a satisfied smirk settle on his features as the former Arcobaleno fled faster than the wind and let him-self in, closing the door. Now then, who's next?
2nd Target: Levi-A-Than-
Tsuna strolled down the long halls of the Varia base, catching sight of the hideous hair of the resident lightning user. "Oi, Levi~"
The proclaimed "right-hand man" of Xanxus turned, his face contorting into something resembling anger at the sight of the brunette. He grabbed an 'umbrella', throwing it to sail in the air towards him.
Tsuna easily caught it, neutralizing its lingering lightning flames with his sky attribute. "These do have a bit of a shock factor," the Don dismissively bent it, testing its fragility in a mocking sense.
The Lightning guardian's face reddened in anger. "YOU! How dare you enter Boss's base uninvited!"
The Vongola Decimo said nothing as he applied a false look of contemplation to his persona. "Well, I was hoping to jump your boss for a good bout. Unless, of course, you being the lightning would prefer to," Tsuna's honey eyes zeroed in on the other, "take the hit for him, instead."
"Always!" The simple minded man easily fell prey to his words.
"Really now? Even without know exactly what I'm planning; what if your precious boss wanted it? Wanted my 'attack,' hm?"
Levi-A-Than puffed out his chest proudly. "Then I would want it ten times as badly!" He proclaimed boldly.
"Excellent," Tsuna swiped his tongue around his lips like a feline, "if you'll take his place, then I expect a ten times better fight from you."
"Hmph!" Levi-A-Than crossed his arms across his chest defensively. "As long as Boss doesn't have to be bothered with you."
Tsuna walked forward, never breaking contact as he slowly popped the buttons to his dress shirt, flinging the clothing carelessly into the hallway space behind him. He ran a hand through his brown tresses. "Then let's begin." One hand went down to slowly begin unbuckling his own belt.
Levi-A-Than took a hesitant step back, spluttering. "Wh-what do you think you're doing!?"
"Doing? You're the one who said you'd take Xanxus's place when I jump him today. Not every physical spar involves throwing punches." He lit his finger in sky flames, quickly drawing it down the lightning's attire and burning an opening in the clothing for his supposed access. "Surely you get my drift."
The taller man fell as Tsuna sighed. Readying the needle, he carefully injected the toxin into the man's blood. This was still too easy for him.
3rd Target: Belphegor-
The prince was, luckily for him, taking a bath at the moment. Tsuna adjusted the stockings and a garter, making sure his headband was secure before entering the bathroom without second thought to see the still clothed royalty filling a tub with water. "Master," he purred.
The Storm guardian turned, actually moving his bangs out of his eyes and losing his usual grin. "Ushi…shi…shi…" Bel backed away from the entrance and Tsuna, letting his hair fall back into place as he fumbled in his coat pocket for knives.
The prince stumbled to the floor against the far end wall, a stiletto heeled foot slamming into the wall space next to his head. The prince, open mouthed, peered up…under the skirt.
Tsuna smiled, glad he had donned every part of the lacy garments his costume consisted of. "Now Master, surely you shouldn't be thinking such naughty things right before the bath. Such thoughts don't suit princes and a lowly, personal maid such as me."
The heeled foot removed itself from the wall, moving on to "nudge" Belphegor. Tsuna tilted his head while smirking. "Then again, my Prince, you were about to take a bath. It'll be easy to wash away the evidence of our activities. It's my job to clean up." The Vongola Don put a finger into his mouth removing it with a wet pop. "Any way possible."
The storm guardian turned a sickly green before twisting body and bashing his head willingly into the hard surface of the bath tub, now unceremoniously unconscious.
Tsuna huffed, hands on his hip. "Really, even if this is my revenge. That's a bit insulting, you know?" The brunette shrugged to himself, bending down and injecting the same toxin into the blonde man. Resigning himself to the trip he would have to make to where Levi-A-Than was, Tsuna picked up the Prince's feet and began dragging him away.
Squalo was probably in the training rooms.
4rth Target: Superbi, Squalo-
Tsuna slid like a shadow into the training room, silently drawing a sword from the available canister holding them by the entrance. "Ne, it's good to see you again Squalo."
The swordsman paused in his training, turning with a scowl on his face. "VVOOOIIII, BRAT! What are you doing here!? That shitty boss will have my head if he finds you here!"
The sky flamer user shrugged, "Don't worry. I'll see to him soon enough. You won't get in trouble. Anyway, your sword Squalo, how long is it?"
"VVOOI, why are you asking about that, brat?" The silver haired man glanced at his weapon, "Three feet?"
A smirk appeared on Tsuna's face. "Quite the condition you have there." He sighed at the confused look on Squalo's face, "Is it well taken care of?"
Squalo puffed out in pride. "Of course, I am the Sword Emperor! Don't compare me to those useless idiots who don't know the first thing about the art of swordsmanship."
"Ah, but how good of a swordsman do you compare to Yamamoto?"
Squalo growled, insulted by the other boss implying him to be the lesser skilled of the two. He charged forward, the two metals clanging as the Vongola boss defended him-self.
"Even though I've only dabbled in swords," Tsuna parried another strike, "You're going to try sizing up against me?"
"VOI, don't get cocky brat!"
Tsuna gave the other a half lidded gaze as the two blades screeched against each other, neither of the fighters' strength giving in. Tsuna leaned in closer over the clashing swords, his face now uncomfortably close to Squalo's. "But that is exactly what I am now. Besides, I take pleasure in comparing our weaponry and exchanging such ferocious blows."
The brunette smirked at the flustered face of the other, taking the advantage to push forward and win the stalemate. A hand covered in sky flames shot forward, grasping Squalo's sword and slowly gripping its way down. "I think you private saber is ready for the taking, don't you? I certainly hope you live up to your title, mister Sword Emperor."
The Don smiled as the other seemed to freeze in place, unfazed as Tsuna inserted the needle and chemical into his blood stream.
Only one left to go before the delivery.
5th Target: Xanxus-
Tsuna entered the luxurious office of the Varia leader, seeing Xanxus sitting at his desk with a glass of fine wine. Inwardly celebrating his assured victory, he let a little of his blood lust coupled with killer intent seep into the office's atmosphere.
Xanxus glanced up, smirking. The trash was pissed; usually, this meant a job for the violent Varia leader that he would enjoy. "What do you want, Trash?"
Tsuna ground his teeth together in agitation, letting him-self appear to be on the verge of a break down after a rough decision: that someone needed to be killed. "I've been feeling these insatiable urges for someone recently. I need a man to take care of him. It's a big job, will you take it?"
The other ignorantly smirked. "Alright Trash, I'll see to it. What do you want me to do?"
"Make him scream."
"Easy enough."
Tsuna started forward where Xanxus thought he would put a picture of the target on his desk. He was thrown for a loop when Tsuna bypassed the wooden furniture altogether, choosing instead to violently turn the chair backwards and facing the Don. The Varia head was sharply yanked forward by his neck tie by the smaller male.
"Excellent, now drop your pants."
Xanxus experimentally swirled his wine and took a sip, finding it still good. "What the hell did you say trash?"
"Well, I need some sense pounded into me. Preferably, roughly right now in this office on that desk." Tsuna jerked his head towards the desk clean of papers.
The wine glass fell to the floor and Persian rug below, the glass shattering while the rich red-purple liquid soaked into the expensive décor below, staining it permanently. "Vongola," Xanxus narrowed his eyes, hoping to some God out there that no, this wasn't happening and that yes, he was right in his assumption. "Did someone slip you any drugs today at some point?"
Tsuna slinked forward onto the others lap, straddling the boss while he arched his body back before drawing closer, tilting Xanxus's chin up to face him. "I'll be on ecstasy in a few minutes if you just give me what I want."
The red eyed male raised an eyebrow. Shit.
"We're both male, trash."
"I know; it makes me excited just thinking about it."
Excited? Xanxus's eyes widened. Hell no, this trash isn't going to be, not on my lap.
"Isn't this illegal? We're cousins." He tried, feeling desperation actually begin to settle in.
Tsuna's smirk grew. "And you're one for legalities?" He countered cheekily. "Besides, not in Japan it isn't. We must preserve the family blood."
The other sky flame user was grasping at straws now. "I know they don't do first cousins."
"You're adopted, it's a moot point. Now babe, pants, gone," Tsuna slipped a finger down to the hem of Xanxus's slacks, giving them a sharp, suggestively teasing tug, "now."
Xanxus blacked out as Tsuna lazily finished injecting the last of his cargo with the drug. Now, he only needed to present the cargo to his desired recipient.
Finale Targets: All-
"I'm serious Lussuria, I was surprised too. I wouldn't have thought I would play counselor to the four of them coming out of the closet and wanting to the test the waters. I could never have guessed they would all fall asleep naked and waiting for you in your room, though. Granted, they all said they wanted a harsh and hot introduction to such activities. So, I guess they're leaving their first experience up to you. I'll leave them in your delicate hands then."
Tsuna hung up, cutting off the squeal from the other end of the call, smiling like the devil as he sped home. Sure, this might just be four accounts of rape and one of murder when they all woke up.
But hey, since when did Mafia bosses abide by the law?
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FIN