I heard the sobbing screams and bolted into a sitting position in my bed, already shaking. It was the inevitable again and I suppressed an exhausted sigh as I reminded myself he couldn't help it. I rubbed at my eyes and shuddered violently under my thin sheets when I felt the stale, freezing air. I glared at my thick comforter lying on the floor at the foot of my bed where I must have kicked it off during a nightmare of my own. Apparently this was a bad night for both of us.

I tried to clear my head, forcing the images of dreams best forgotten from my tired mind. But they flooded my vision: an abandoned warehouse in the middle of the night, a place where Hell was born again because of my carelessness. My fault, but he was the one who paid the price. Always him…

I was jerked back to reality by another tearful sob. I mentally slapped myself and pushed my sheets back, jumping from my giant bed wearing only boxers and a tanktop. But neither of us would be bothered by that. I roughly jammed my long dirty blond dreads into a rubberband from my nightstand and ran to the door, but it wouldn't budge. I took a deep breath and leaned my forehead against the cool heavy wood. "Bill, please," I thought desperately. There was a pause and I heard a sigh as the door started to move. I wrenched it open and ran down the hall, my steps muffled by thick carpet.

Another heavy door stood in my way but luckily this one swung open immediately. I closed it quietly behind me and looked around the room; it was much like mine. The only difference was where mine was quite plain, this room was full of colourful things; makeup items, broken crayons, scraps of bright cloth. I had time only to glance around before I was brought to my knees by more images. I heard a dull whine in my ears as memories flashed before my eyes; a broken body blurred by tears, so much blood around me , mine mixing with his, the only sounds being his desperate sobs as he clung to life and the maniacal laughter I still heard in my worst nightmares.

Eventually I became aware of a distant screaming and I focused on it, grateful for anything that could distract me from my twisted mind. The noise became louder and louder, and my throat began to ache when I numbly realized the screams were mine. With some effort I closed my mouth, silencing my agony and lay there on the floor, gasping and shivering. At some point I had crawled forward and I was now directly beside the giant bed in the center of the room. I heard his choked sobs and felt it as he thrashed around above me. I pushed myself up on my knees but almost fell down again as nausea took me over. I drew in a breath and pushed again, grabbing for the bed and narrowly catching the edge in my sweaty hands. I stood weakly and waited for my breathing to even out, gazing at the heartbreaking sight before me, one I had started getting accustomed to seeing more and more frequently.

Bill. My beautiful, angelic, innocent baby brother, writhing and twisting under his crimson and ivory sheets, clawing at everything he touched. Including himself. The crimson on his sheets was not an intricate design. It was his blood. I choked on the lump in my throat and reached for Bill's pale swinging arms. I tried to grab them and pin them to the bed but the moment we touched a whirlwind of images and sounds started again, with the most force I'd seen yet. Colours melted together and faces blurred into unrecognizable shapes by my hot tears. I heard myself sob and collapsed onto the bed, almost on top of Bill. "Bill… s-stop… it's me… T-Tom," I gasped.

Like flash from a camera the images ceased and the screams were muted. I rolled off of Bill and let go of one arm, using my free hand to wipe cold sweat off my burning foreheard. He had stopped thrashing but I groaned and tightened my grip on his thin arm as he started to shake badly, clutching his sheets tightly in his fists. I opened my eyes slowly, afraid of what I might see and Bill exhaled sharply, suddenly still. His eyes and mouth were both shut tightly. I watched him carefully, looking for signs.

An eternity later, his eyes opened cautiously, revealing a deep chocolate-brown identical to my own. He studied me silently as I lay beside him, breathing heavily. I looked him over and noted the many new scratches and cuts, some deeper than others and flowing freely. Tears leaked from my eyes at the sight of my angel broken and bleeding. I felt cold, trembling fingertips on my cheek and distantly heard him whisper my name.

"Tom."

I let go of his arm and looked up into his eyes, swallowing at his intense gaze. I tried to speak but could make no sound. My throat was suddenly parched and I choked when I tried to swallow. "Yes?" I whispered hoarsely. Bill hesitated a while longer, long enough for pools of tears to form in his big eyes and overflow down his flushed cheeks. I gently wiped one away and he caught my hand, burying his beautiful face in my palm. I felt more tears and his trembling lips when he finally broke down, violent sobs jerking his small frame. I quickly wiped my own tears away, forcing them back. I knew it would upset Bill even more if I cried.

I pulled him to me and wrapped my arms protectively around him, pushing back his velvety black mane. I tilted his tearstained face up and pressed my lips to his briefly, our fingers intertwined. He buried his face in my neck and sobbed louder. "I'm sorry Tomi. I'm so sorry." My brow furrowed and I shook my head at this. "Don't, Bill. Don't you ever be sorry." I hugged him tighter, as close as I could, and kissed him again, his tentative hands on the small of my back. More feelings began to burn inside me and I knew this could lead to anything in the state he was in. I broke the kiss and placed my forehead against his, both of us breathing heavy. I brushed the back of my hand against his burning cheek. "I love you," I whispered. Slowly blinking, a small shy smile appeared and I had succeeded. "I love you, too," he said quietly. We lay together, my arms around him to keep the ghosts of our past at bay for another night, letting my tears flow and mix with his blood only when there was no doubt my angel was asleep. I knew that as long as we were both alive, I would be there to protect him from himself.

Because after all, I'm the reason he's broken in the first place.

~Ende