Thin Chance
Monday 21st September
Don't ask me why I'm writing this because, to be perfectly honest, I don't know. I just need a distraction, a distraction from eating I suppose. I just picked up my pen and started writing. I've tried everything to keep me occupied, I just can't seem to set my mind to it, mind you I can't set my mind to anything these days. I'm tired a lot too, take today for example. I couldn't even pick up my camera, well that's a little over exaggeration but you know what I mean. I just can't find the energy to do it. Even now I feel weak and my hand is already starting to get tired.
Anyway enough of that, let me tell you a bit about myself. My name is Elise Davis. It's pronounced Eleese. I find it weird that people find it hard to say at first. Bit I guess I've been brought up with it. Everyone at my work all have a different way of saying it and I've given up trying to correct them. I'm a professional photographer. Although I don't seem to have any money. It all seems to be used on essentials and the occasional guilty shopping spree. Although I don't really care about the money. I'm taking photos for myself. People always ask me if I find it hard living in the demanding world of fashion. With all the skinny beautiful models right in front of me. But I just tell them that it makes me stronger. I aim to be like them. Perfect. They are my thinspiration. When I look at them I see my future, everyone pays attention to the skinny girls.
Although they aren't the reason I want to be thin. I was bullied at school for being the 'fat' kid. The bullies were harsh on me but 20 years on I am glad they were. If it wasn't for them I would be the overweight girl sitting in a corner left out from the world with only a chocolate cake and some cola to comfort me. It wasn't just the bullies that pushed me. My dad played a big part in it as well. He always came home from work drunk and hit me calling me names, teasing me for the whale I was. He blamed me for my mum's death. After all I was the thing that was holding him back. I hated him and unlike the bullies I still do.
But one day I shall show them I can be what they want me to be. Even if it means fasting for days, months even. I'll show all of you. Every ex-boyfriend that has dumped me because I wasn't good enough. Every bully that has left me out of the games because I couldn't keep up or took up too much room. Every single person that has looked down on me throughout my life. The killer look that said 'I'm better than you'.
Just you wait and see.
I Shall be perfect.
Please Rate and comment me!!
I don't really know where this story is going but I needed to get it all out while it was fresh in my mind!
I'm not Elise but I'm sure that there are plenty of people just like her out in the world. Don't look down on them. Talk to them. Help them.
Lots of Love
Sarah xxx