No one knew why Abby would go such great lengths for her brother. No one knew why she would protect him with every last bit of her. No one knew, not even her. She didn't know why, when a creature came to attack him in the future, she jumped in front of him to protect him. Becker would've wanted him to die, Connor too-Danny was the only one who understood.
Now she lied in the hospital bed, losing her life fast. She could hear Connor crying and Becker and Danny screaming, at each other, at the doctors, at Jack, at everyone and everything. But she couldn't do anything…couldn't speak, couldn't move…
"It's your fucking fault!" Becker blamed Danny.
"It is not!" He defended. "I tried, I just wasn't able to get to her!"
"You know what, if you had gotten the back-up this wouldn't have happened!"
"I just wanted to make Abby happy! I know what it's like to lose a brother!"
"Well now she's dying! What am I to do, Danny? She's my best friend, she's like my sister!"
"You're not the only one losing someone," Jack growled. "and she is my sister."
"Like you treat her like one, she didn't even mention you."
"So we've had a few fights, we've grown apart, whatever! She's still my sister and I still love her!"
"Oh, really? Is that why you stole her detector like an idiot? Is that why you screamed at her? Is that why you did this to her?"
"I didn't know any of this would happen! If I did, do you think I would do this? I'm half-decent!"
"I hate you and I'll never understand why Abby cares about you." Becker scoffed.
The nineteen year old froze cold at his words, he closed his eyes…he was used to those words. Danny's eyes widened and he gripped Becker.
"Calm down, will you? You've upset him!"
"Upset him? He's killed his sister!"
"She's not dead yet." Danny sighed. "Just-don't yell anymore. Jack didn't mean to do this anymore then I did…we all care about her."
"I-"
"Shut up, Becker." He said seriously.
Tears appeared in Jack's eyes. It'd been a long while since he cried…he had to have been twelve the last time.
"Sh-she's all I have," He muttered.
"Go cry to your mum or something." Becker sighed. Despite being best friends with Abby, she never talked much about her past.
"I. Don't. Have. One." The boy said. "She left. She never loved me or Abby, neglected us…and don't even mention my father!" His face turned red. "Abby's all I have. I'm serious when I say that…"
Danny clamped his hand down on the boy's shoulder. "Let's all relax, yeah?"
Connor stroked her hair gently, mumbling, tears streaming down his face. He'd already been ushered out twice, but now he was allowed, now they'd done their work and they said all she had to do was rest. When he questioned if she'd be okay, they said she should be, but it was possible for her to pass in her sleep. He didn't like that idea…
"Abs," He choked out. "you're my best friend, you've always been…the only one who understood me, who understood my need to disappear into video games and comic books, to disappear and pretend to be a superhero just for a bit. 'M not a very good one am I?" He chuckled. "I-uh-I just wanted to tell you that I love you…more than anyone I've ever known in my life and you probably can't hear me, but I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you have to go through this, I'm sorry your last moments might not be the peaceful ones you dreamed of, I'm sorry I've failed you…"
When he heard the door open, he sat upright and ran his hands over his face quickly, wiping away his tears. He saw Jack who was crying himself. He didn't blame the kid, he didn't like him very much, but-he knew Abby did and so…he respected him. He couldn't be that bad anyway, could he? Everyone had a bit of good in them.
"You don't have to stop your blubbering," Jack said, his voice gruff as he collapsed in the seat across from Connor, on the other side of the hospital bed.
"I'm not-I wasn't crying…" Connor lied.
"Tears are on your face, no need to lie now." The boy stared down at his sister, scratches littered her face and that hurt him enough, though it shouldn't even phase him at this point. He reached out to touch her, to run his fingers over her, but he flinched and shook his head, sighing deeply.
"You alright?" Connor questioned. That was a stupid thing to ask. His sister was nearly dead right in front of him and he probably felt as if he caused it, well-he did cause it.
"No." He simply answered, his voice raising an octave. God, what had he done? He made a promise to her, he had made so many promises to her and he broke them all. If Abby could kill him right now; he'd let her. He'd take her place, he wanted death and she didn't deserve it.
"It's not all your fault, you know. This could've happened without you."
"If I hadn't been there, she wouldn't have protected me…she wouldn't have gotten attacked by those-monsters. What were they?"
"Listen, Jack…it's hard to explain…I'll let her tell you."
"She won't wake up," He sobbed, putting his head in his hands. "Sh-she won't…"
It hurt Connor to look at him straight and say, with fake confidence "She will. Of course she will…Abby's a fighter, she never gives up. Not once."
Jack gave a small smile. "She never gave up on me…though I can give her a thousand and one reasons to do exactly that."
"You're not that bad," Connor said.
"You don't really know me to judge me," He bit his bottom lip. Seemed to be a running habit in the Maitland family. "But-she was there for me through it all and I don't know why…she could've left, done anything she wanted, but she stayed with me and protected me. She didn't even leave me when she caught me smoking…"
Connor knew she didn't like smoking, every time she saw someone doing it, she seemed to get a little uneasy. She claimed it was because she was just really scared about the health risks, but he knew that was just a lie. She never told him the real reason.
"Why does she hate it so much? I mean-I know some people are really judgmental about it, but she's not-it's just…she hates cigarettes, not the people smoking them…"
"Because of the few times I did it," He admitted. Was he really about to tell his whole life story to a man who he didn't even trust? Maybe he should, Abby seemed to. "Dad hated it too…he hated it because mum was addicted. I don't think he really cared when he was with her, I mean-I don't know, I was a baby…but after she left…he really just despised it. I guess it reminded him of her. Every time someone smoked, he snarled at them or said something about how they're going to die early and they should just quit. When my friends started smoking, I thought it was a good idea to try…I'd gone through a whole pack and a half before dad caught me with them. I liked it, it eased me, relaxed me…made me think that maybe not everything had to be so bad. When he found them, he thought they were Abby's at first-we shared the room and I had left them on the desk and she was old enough to buy them and I wasn't. He went through a whole check with her, when she didn't reek of cigarettes and I did, well-" Jack touched his neck, remembering the incident. "He grabbed my neck and held me against the wall, telling me that I was a terrible son, that I disobeyed him, I-I couldn't breathe, he asked me questions and when I didn't answer, he smacked me. I guess eventually Abby called 999 and managed not to get killed and-he was caught and we could be happy. I ended up in the hospital and…she sat by my side all day and all night, she wouldn't let me out of her sight, even when the doctors asked her. She screamed and yelled and threatened to sue and-she was there. She told me stories even though I was far too old and she said she'd find a place for us…for awhile, I lived with her…then I moved out with money I won by gambling. She always helped me…paid my debt, took care of me…but eventually we started fighting, I was wasting her money, she didn't have a lot, all that stuff. We grew apart and this is the first I've seen her in three years and I bloody kill her! I'm a terrible brother!"
Connor was silenced, she never talked about her past. Not more than 'I had a few terrible boyfriends, I don't like love, Connor.' and 'My mum left when I was young…I don't really care so much about her.' She'd never told him that her father was an abuser, that he almost killed Jack…god, he must've been brutal.
Now he saw why. Why she protected Jack, she was doing what she always did, what she felt was her job as a person…taking over the mother role. Now he saw why she was scared of his advances, sometimes when upset; even scared of his touch, why she was vulnerable and sensitive, yet defensive and why she got so angry easy. He saw everything.
Jack went quiet too, just staring at Abby. "Do you think I should tell her stories?" It was a weak joke, maybe not even a joke. He didn't know what he should do, but now he trusted Connor. He hadn't left, he hadn't told him that he was stupid, he didn't tell him that he did this to her.
"I think she'd like that, actually." Connor smiled. "Even if she couldn't hear right now, it's something she would love, especially coming from you. She loves ya, mate."
"I just don't understand why," He gave a chuckle. "After all these years, all I've said to her…"
"You're not that bad, Jack." Connor reassured him, placing his hat back on his head. "I-I should go."
"Where?"
"I need time away from here, need time to breathe and calm myself down…and more importantly, sleep. I'll um-bunk with Danny."
"The ginger?"
"Yep," He nodded, closing the door.
It was the longest night of all of their lives, they all decided to crash at Danny's…except none of them slept. Becker finished the beer, sitting up on the couch all night, Connor kept having mini-panic attacks, and Danny had locked himself in his room, but they heard him tossing and turning, swearing at himself. Every time one of their mobiles rang, they'd all run at it, checking for news on the woman. Did she pass? Was she alive? When would she recover?
But it was always something stupid. Things like the monthly bill reports, or Connor's friends from university sending him odd things, Danny's old boss telling him about the state of the house as if he cared at that point, once even Becker's mum called to set up dinner with him. No one understood why they were doing this, hell it was too late for this. They finally concluded the world wanted to torture them.
"Danny-" Connor squeaked out, standing at the door of his bedroom. Becker was a lost cause, he wasn't good to talk to right now. If you said one thing, he snapped…and the boy was quite afraid of breaking him, but he craved someone right now.
"Hm?" The copper replied, his eyes seemed emotionless as he stared at the blank ceiling, lost in a different world.
"I need someone to talk to…" He hated admitting it, he always used to try to distance himself from others, he always tried to appear happy; even if he wasn't. But Abby nearly dying was a thought he couldn't handle, he knew he couldn't pretend about this one.
"Come on then," Danny sighed, sitting up, his eyes locating Connor's who looked away quickly. "Listen, I'm experienced with this, with-talking and helping others. It was my job."
"Thought you were a copper," He replied, he realized his hands were shaking now.
"Do you think all that entails is catching bank robbers and shooting at big scary men?"
"Kind of, yeah," Connor gave a weak chuckle and Danny shook his head.
"It doesn't. Being a cop is much more than that…it's calming people down, saving people's lives, interviewing people that are terrified, and catching the bad guys and finding how why they did it…then throwing them in jail or prison or whatever they deserve."
"So-being a cop is more like a therapist than anything?" Connor wondered.
"A therapist that's allowed to take action with a gun," he gave a small laugh and watched the boy sit at the end of the bed. "What do you want to talk about?"
"Abby…" Connor looked at the floor. "as if that was hard to tell. I-I knew everything about her…and yet I knew nothing and now I can't even give her a hug and make up for everything because-she's dying and there's nothing anyone can do about it. I-I thought after Cutter…I'd never be happy again, but she made me happy…she made me laugh and smile…she talked to me and understood and I pretended to understand her boy troubles-but it was always more than that."
"Abby's like that," Danny said, thinking. "Tough girl with an attitude, can get all the boys in the world, but pushes them away. You think nothing of it because why should you? Her business is hers, but you can't help but try to get her, chase after her…want her. You don't understand why she doesn't think she's beautiful or why she craves power and control and won't let you touch her unless she directs it, but you go along with it because why wouldn't you? You don't want the lights knocked out of you. And she opens up and you think that's all she has in her and you help her, tell her everything she wants to hear, you tell her those men were no good and didn't deserve her. You think it helps, but the very next day she starts sobbing uncontrollably and you don't understand why because she got it all out of her, everything should be okay…but then you realize she's broken on the inside beyond repair and then you put the pieces together and come up with the answer why…abuse."
Connor looked at him mildly surprised. "You knew?"
"Mate, it took only a few days to put it together, a week at most." He shrugged. "I'd dealt with abuse cases…from children to teenagers to adults, there's more than one would think. I could admit, I was thrown off by her over-confidence, she seemed to fake it so well that she fell for it…but it didn't take long to find her sobbing in the gym, attempting to beat anything and everyone up.'
"I used to find her sometimes, nights when she thought I was asleep, sitting at the window looking so vulnerable, she'd stare at the moon and the stars and she'd talk to Rex, repeatedly saying that she didn't belong anywhere, that she wasn't beautiful or talented, or fun, that she hated herself. She'd cry and cry…but I couldn't do anything about it…I was helpless and I let her…if I had known; if I had the courage…I dunno. Things would be better."
"I've tried, sometimes she's just too damn stubborn for her own good," Danny gave a small laugh, he remembered fondly times they would have their personal talks. The first one though, sometimes he'd like to forget how badly Abby was hurt that day.
Danny heard sobbing, he wasn't one to bother anyone, everyone needed to get it out sometimes, but the sound of it wasn't one of the men; so it must've been Abby…and she never cried, so it was hard to stop his caring nature from walking in. When she heard him walk in, she abruptly stopped and glared up at the intrusion.
"I'm just leaving," She lied, standing up from the floor, passing him. He took her arm gently though and held it.
"Abby,"
"I'm leaving!" She firmly told him. "Please, don't touch me."
"Why were you crying?"
"Bad day," Abby admitted.
"What happened?" Danny wondered, getting her to sit down on a bench to his surprise.
"Connor-"
"What'd that idiot do this time?" He gave a small laugh.
"He didn't do anything…I-I love him, Danny…"
"Oh? And you're-sobbing?" He wasn't surprised that she loved him, he could see in her eyes that she did every time she looked at Connor, but he didn't understand why she was crying about it. "I'm not experienced in the whole love area, but I only assume most people don't cry over being in love."
"I don't want to, I'm terrified…" She clutched onto him, tears running down her face once again.
"Abby, shhhh." He soothed her, rubbing her back. "Why are you scared? It's just Connor, he's your best friend isn't he?"
Abby gave him a nod. "I-I don't want to ruin it…"
"Ah, I'm sure you won't. You'll make the boy very happy,"
"But I won't be happy…"
"Why? You said you loved him, didn't you?"
"He loves me too and that's scary…I've-I've never been loved before…"
"Never? I find that hard to believe, Maitland!"
"I'm ugly and terrible and no one likes me, I'm useless." She repeated the words engraved in her brain, the ones that haunted her, the words that seemed so true…
"Abigail!" He didn't mean to scream, she had jumped out of her arms faster than he thought was possible.
"Are you going to hit me…?" Abby hadn't meant to say it, she hadn't asked that question in a very long time, but it rolled out of her mouth, unstoppable.
Danny's eyes widened and he shook his head, putting everything together. Why hadn't he seen all the signs before? He could see them all so clearly now. He pulled her close and shook his head again, planting a gentle kiss on hers. "Sweetheart-I would never. Why would you think so?"
"Every time he screamed my name like that, I'd get beat up…"
"Who's he?"
"Dad…" She tensed up in his arms, but he didn't let go.
"And did he say all those things about you?" He said gently.
"He only said them because they were true and I deserved it, I deserved everything."
"No, you didn't, Abby." He knew that once you started hearing something so often, you believed it. He believed he was useless too for a long time…until he became a cop and started saving lives. "You're a beautiful girl, you're funny and one of the most valuable people on this team, you have everyone here wrapped around your finger down to Lester, all you have to do is smile and we'd do anything because we love and care about you, and you're wonderful. Sweet and caring, perfection." Danny placed his head on hers, trying his best to soothe her and her tears.
"Most people who say I'm beautiful just want to get into my pants…and I let them."
"No, no, I don't want that out of you, Abs. I don't think I could ever, you're like my little sister and I love you as such. I'm sure not everyone who compliments you wants to take you to bed. Have you ever thought they actually meant it?"
"N-no. Because no one ever does."
"So it's been more than just your dad, huh?"
"Danny-I deserve every hit I got. I sought out abusive boyfriends because I wanted things, but I never wanted love…"
"So men who judged you, who never loved you, who insulted you, and hit you were better just because they gave you satisfaction." It wasn't a question, it was a statement he knew that was true.
"Yes." Was all she said.
"It's hard, I know. I really do," he sighed. "and any time you need to talk, I'm here. We don't even have to talk, you can just sit there and cry and I'll be there to hug you and try to make things better silently. I know what it's like to be alone and it's no fun…but you can't deprive yourself of love. Fear was made to be fought against…so fight against it. If anyone can do it, you can."
"But I'm so scared of it!" She realized that was a weak argument, but it didn't matter now.
He laughed and poked her nose. "That's the point of fear, but once you face it…you get stronger. You can't deny how many people love you here! Becker loves you, Jenny loves you, Sarah loves you, Connor really really loves you, the soldiers love you, I love you, Lester likes you-which in itself, is one of the greatest achievements of all time and you will go down in history. Everyone loves you, Abs and if you say one more negative thing, one thing that has even a teeny, tiny bit of self-hatred in it…I will personally organize a day called 'Love Abby Maitland day' and you will be forced to endure it even though I know you hate that kind of stuff."
Abby gave a smirk. "Thanks, Danny…you're the best."
"Now get home to Connor, boil a pot of tea, and talk to the boy!" He barked orders, giving her shoulder a tight squeeze.
Connor spent the rest of the night with Danny, talking endlessly. What started out with a conversation about Abby, turned into a conversation about his problems, which slowly turned into them talking about random things and making jokes, attempting to make each other feel better. It somewhat worked, but there was still a pain in both of their chests.
The next few nights were oddly similar, though they did sleep. Not well, but sleep was still sleep…on the sixth day of this Hell, Becker got a phone call.
"She's alive," Becker grinned as he heard the news. "She's alive and she's recovering! Quickly, even!"
Connor jumped like a little boy. "God, leave it to Abby to scare us all half to death, yeah?"
Danny agreed, looking at the nurse. "Can we see her now, miss? Is she awake?"
"I'll go check on her," The lady gave them a smile and walked off.
When they heard that they were allowed, you could hear three idiot blokes scrambling for the door, nearly yelling out of happiness. They couldn't stop themselves,, Abby was important to them, she had become more than a team member. She had become a best friend, a family member, a loved one.
Abby dropped her phone, losing the game she was playing and a grin spread wide across her face seeing them.
"I hope you were plannin' on giving us a call," Danny teased, kneeling down beside her. "You gave us quite a scare, Maitland."
"You gave me a heart attack," Becker interrupted. "Never, and this is an order, do that again."
Connor stayed back, almost scared to speak. What could he even say? He felt himself tear up already, god he was such a baby.
"I'll try," She giggled, looking up at the men. "Do I get a hug?"
"No one wants to hurt you anymore, Abigail. The doctors said-" Becker said sternly.
"Screw them, I want a hug from you idiots."
"How can I not comply?" Danny shrugged, as Abby sat up in the bed. He wrapped her arms around her, kissing her head softly. "I'm a hugger."
When he left her arms, she eyed Becker who took a deep breath and did as she wished. "I'm sorry, you know…"
"For what?" She looked at him curiously.
"For not being there…for letting you almost die."
"You were nowhere near me, Becker. I didn't expect you to come,"
"Well-I should've been there, I should've been protecting you, Abigail." He mumbled, scratching the back of his neck.
"I don't blame you, okay? You don't have to be sorry, it wasn't your fault…Danny was the closest one to me and I don't blame him either. It was my fault, I chose to protect Jack, this was all my decision."
When she looked around the room she noticed Jack wasn't there and sadness filled her eyes. Had he even been there at all? She knew he was there on the first day, but what about every day after that? Was he there with the others?
"Where's-where's Jack?" She questioned.
As if right on cue, the boy stumbled in. "Sorry 'm late. Got the news only an hour ago, slept in." He muttered his excuse walking over to the bed. "I'm glad you're alive, Abby. Sorry for-everything. It was all my fault, I'll move out of your flat immediately…"
"You don't have to, you know…" Abby said, hugging him.
"Living with you is dangerous," He chuckled.
"You caused a lot of trouble that day, you stupid selfish idiot." She had turned bitter fast and Jack looked disappointed. Back to her old ways, he assumed. "But I love you and you could practically end the world and I still would. It doesn't matter what I say when I'm angry or what I do or how I act because-I'm not always who I try to be. I'm still your sister and I'm still the only one you have,"
"Actually when I was in the hospital the other day I was eyeing up this nurse and she was hot…maybe she could be in my life." Jack teased.
"Yeah, right. You couldn't get a nurse if you tried your hardest," She ruffled his hair. "If you leave, make sure you call me and keep me updated, yeah? We're not going to fight anymore!"
"Swear?"
"Swear." Abby extended her hand and they did what everyone else assumed was an old handshake.
Connor looked at the floor. It was as if she didn't even realize he was here. He was invisible and suddenly the days he spent at her bedside stroking her hair, telling her everything…didn't matter. It was just one more pointless thing he did in his life. One more thing to hate himself for…one more move Abby would never accept. She didn't love him…he might not even be her best friend. It sounded more like Danny was instead…or maybe even Becker. He didn't matter and it was obvious because how do you just not notice someone in a small, crowded hospital room unless you well and truly tried?
When Becker excused himself to the bathroom and Jack had went out to his car for his forgotten mobile, Abby looked up at Danny and gave her famous pout, asking him to get her something to eat from the vending machine. After he left, she still acted as if she didn't see Connor. Had he done something wrong? Something that upset her? She had been in comatose for six days, what could she know?
"Abby-" He finally choked out.
"I heard." She said bluntly.
"What do you mean? You-you were unconscious?"
"The first night I wasn't unconscious," Abby admitted. "I heard everything the first night…"
"Oh-no, no, no! I'm sorry!" He quickly said, closing his eyes, wishing he hadn't said he loved her that night.
"You're a very good superhero, Connor." She chuckled. "You're my best friend too, the first one I've ever had, and-" Here it comes, she was going to yell at him, put him down…she always did when his advances got too far. "I love you too…"
"What?" His eyebrows furrowed, that wasn't what he was expecting…his heart beat faster than he thought was possible.
"I love you," She repeated. "and don't make me say it again, yeah? Just-come here and give me a hug."
Connor gave her a crooked smile and hugged her tight, trying to make sure he didn't hurt her.
"You smell," He crinkled his nose as he pulled away, half a tease and half him being truthful.
"Oh shut up! You'd smell too if you hadn't showered for seven days."
He sniffed himself. "Nah, I smell good!"
"Ew," She rolled her eyes, but she pulled him back. First he was confused, but then he felt her lips on his, it was passionate and nice, he melted at her touch. "At least you brushed your teeth,"
Danny stood at the door awkwardly and tossed her a bag. "Here's some crisps, sweetheart."
"Thanks, Danny."
"Good job, Maitland."
"What're you talking about?" She looked up at him, realizing he had seen everything. Connor now sat back in a chair.
"Oh, nothing. Good job on surviving is what I mean," He chuckled, giving a wink.
The next two weeks at the hospital were surprisingly fun, despite what some might think. Everyday during their lunch break, the ARC would come down, often bringing her better food and some enjoyment. Connor even parted with his DS, knowing she'd need something to keep her busy. The hours were filled with stupid jokes and hugs and 'get wells', they played pranks and teased each other, and just had fun.
Once even Jenny came to visit, bringing her an abundance of romance novels. They talked for a long while about relationships, though it was still a touchy topic for the woman. She didn't stay too long, she said she was always busy these days, but they'd get into contact soon.
As Abby sat there alone in the hospital bed, pictures surrounding her (Connor, Danny, Becker, and Sarah had went on an urgent mission to find them, ripping through desks and bedrooms and drawers), along with books and sweets and everything anyone could want, including Connor sleeping on the chair, she felt loved for once.
Danny was always right, wasn't he?
