"William."
Will immediately lift his blue eyes from the book on his lap, a shock running through his body caused by the acknowledgment of the female voice calling his name. He knew he had been clear earlier on that same day, so just something very important and worrying could have happened to make her walk abruptly into his room in the middle of the night without knocking on the door first.
Was it Jem? Did something happen to him? Already prepared to go and take care of his friend, he asked, his voice calculatedly indifferent: "Tessa?"
She took a tentative step toward him. Her brown hair hung like melted chocolate in the back, her white nightgown touched the ground softly, hiding her naked feet, with no shoes at all, and the gown's collar covered her delicate neck. Suddenly he was aware of all those little details and how much he wanted to kiss every exposed inch of her pale skin.
"Will", she repeated, this time her voice was sweet and discreet, now that she had his attention. But she always did when she entered a room. The urgency on her face faded.
(I know I can not take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
Do not you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most)
"Did something happen?" he asked, polite, as if there was nothing wrong or unusual with the situation.
She shrugged. And walked another step toward him. Now he was aware of his body too, and how close they two were.
"Yes", she replied, her voice still low and calm. Was that some kind of joke? "I think it's serious."
"Demon pox?" Will raised an eyebrow. He did not know what else to do. Was Tessa sleepwalking? No, she seemed wide-awake. He could perfectly see her glowing gray eyes staring at him with an emotion he did not understand. Maybe she was more stubborn than Will had thought, after all, he had not been completely clear about their relationship that afternoon on the roof?
Tessa shook her head to his inquisition, with no surprise. She seemed to expect it and sighed wearily.
"Oh, Will." She pronounced his name so sweetly and tenderly in her American accent that he had to close the book and put it down on the table beside his bed. "Why do you have to be like this?"
He did not understand the question, though it had been directed more to herself than him, and he thought it best that way. Still, he decided to answer, using his dearest and oldest weapon: sarcasm.
"Well, when a man and a woman really love each other and get married…"
"I'm sure you were not born so cold and distant", Tessa said, taking another step. Now she was one foot away from the bed. "I just wanted to comprehend what made you this way."
Will's throat burned. So that was the reason she had look for him? Trying to unravel him? She had to know that he was not a character of her books that could be loved and understood and pictured in her most unpretentious fantasies.
Before he could answer, however, she said:
"But that doesn't scare me, William. I know what you said on the roof was just to keep me away and, although I was offended, now I understand. And I'm here to help you."
(I learned to live, half alive
And now you want me one more time)
Will wanted to laugh. But what Tessa did then surprised him even more. She leaned over him and, in an act, had his lips on hers.
Emotions exploded inside him, like if a jar had been opened, a torrent of feelings stirring, fighting to have space and to be heard, arousing memories, sensations, desires. He had been there twice and he had learned they were both a mix of the most divine elixir and the most dangerous poison.
Just like a drug. Will understood enough of drugs because of Jem to understand that the effect was the same. He felt numb and lively at the same time, in an ecstasy and in a frenzy, but then, within seconds, regret fell upon him, along with guilt, pain and anger.
A long time passed before he could control himself again. Involving her shoulders with his strong hands, he pulled away. The image of her red mouth, her messy hair – made messy byhis fingers -, her ragged breathing and her big eyes shining like diamonds were enough for him to almost lose control again.
(Collecting a jar of hearts
Tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?)
"Tessa", he muttered through gritted teeth, the words burning in his throat. He tried not to sound breathless. "What do you think you're doing?"
She was still on top of him, warm and welcoming, inviting his body to embrace hers - when did this happen? -, her nightgown spread over her like a veil. However, even with the sheets still tangled in his legs, he had never felt so cold, almost a physical pain as ice stakes tucked into his heart. Something an iratze would never heal.
"I'm doing what you said", she replied, innocent. She sat on the edge of bed; the side of her waist against his hip was a distraction.
Seeing his confused expression and raised eyebrows, she replied, rolling her eyes:
"Earlier today. About how we could meet. I know you said it'd be better in my room, but Jem is sleeping, then there is no reason for someone to find me here."
Will stared at her for a long minute, stunned, trying to digest the words. They had really come out of Tessa Gray's mouth, the one he knew and resembled warrior Boudicca? It looked like someone was using her power against her to wear her skin.
(I hear you're asking all around
If I'm anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms)
"Isn't this what you wanted?" Tessa asked, staring at him naively. She seemed one of the automata they had seeing these weeks, as if she was programmed to please him.
Wasn't that what he wanted?
The question ran through his mind for a minute before he gave in, pulling her close again. He did not know what was in Tessa that made him look and act like a wild animal; he wanted to breathe her, love her, protect her and caress her.
He knew, of course, that the most important thing was to protect her from himself, but altruistic wasn't among his few qualities. Selfish, however, was in the pile of so many defects that he wanted to hide from her. He could not be her perfect fictional hero.
And that was why he was there now, being covered and sheltered by Tessa's body, running his hands down the length of her skin, fast, elusive, voracious, while she corresponded with the same enthusiasm, her soft and delirious lips down his neck, her hands trying to get rid of his white shirt. He gave her sadness, she asked for agony; he gave her rage, she asked for hate.
As soon as she opened all his buttons with amazing speed and agility, he got rid of her nightgown in an act, stopping for a brief moment to catch a breath and admire her goddess body in the moonlight coming through the cracks of the curtain. Her curves, her skin, her touches. Everything looked like the Tessa he knew, but was this girl really her? It was still hard to believe.
(Collecting a jar of hearts
Tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?)
"Tess", he said softly. He was naked, his soul fully stripped to the woman in front of him, with no barriers or tricks. "Are you sure about this?"
He stroked one of her curls falling down her cheek. She was so beautiful that it seemed a sin to touch her; it seemed that if he did, she would shatter in his erroneous and immoral hands.
"I've never been so sure in my life", she whispered back, leaning over to press his lips.
Will rolled over and got on top of her, trailing kisses down her neck, her lap, every bit of skin he could reach. There was still that voice in the back of his head, saying it was wrong that he was doing it, he was not worthy of such a thing. But Tessa's incoherent whispers were enough to silence this voice. The pounding on his ears grew louder and louder.
He ran his hand down her thighs, preparing her. Her legs entwined in his hips, a refuge to his body.
"Will", she moaned, fully devoted. "I love you."
I love you.
Will could not answer, not even if he wanted to. He woke with a start, sitting on his bed, the sheets entangled on his legs. He was covered by a thin layer of sweat and her voice still echoed in his ears, now sounding more like a mocking whisper: Will. I love you.
It had only been a dream, he told himself, trying to calm down. Then anger flooded irrationally. Damned it, it had been only a dream! But it hadn't been any dream. He had dreamed of Tessa Gray.
Great, he thought. Now, besides being all the time in his day thoughts, the woman also came to haunt him at night.
That was how he made the decision to dress pants, shirt, vest, jacket, hat and boots and jump out the window. He did not want to risk finding someone in the hall of the Institute - especially her - and have to explain why he was sneaking out in the middle of the night.
The moon was round and full, shining pale light down the streets. He tried to walk in the shadows, unnoticed, like an abandoned cat. He could've taken a horse but that would raise suspicion, and he wanted to breath the cool breeze to put his thoughts in place.
Even after partially calmed, his goals did not changed. He turned a corner and saw Camille Belcourt's mansion rising above the others.
He went through the gate easily, indicating what he had long suspected: Camille had fled as soon as a chance came. Anyway, it did not matter to him, because he was there to find someone else.
He slammed the knocker on the door and one of Camille's human subordinates opened, a gray and emotionless figure.
Will made no effort to smile or look nice. Seriously, he asked: "Is Magnus Bane here?"
The damaged by blood loss human took a minute to process the information.
"I will call him for you."
Will tried not to look impatient while waiting, although it took too long for him. When finally the warlock went downstairs, with wrinkled clothes and tired eyes, Will waited for him to get angry or launch one of his sarcastic comments about his timing, but just a glance to him made Magnus soften his face.
I must really look terrible, thought Will, half amused. Maybe the warlock would take pity of him and make things easier.
"Very well", said Magnus snobbishly. "Why don't you tell me what's wrong?"
"Tessa Gray."
(Dear, it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You won't get to get me back)