Hey, mom.
I really miss you. I'm sorry I haven't written to you in a while, I have been… busy with everything that has been going on in our lives lately.
Right now, I'm sitting on the floor of my room. My empty room. All our things were already taken by moving truck this morning, but I wanted to take a moment to say goodbye to the place where I spent the last 16 years of my life. This little room where you used to come at night to leave a little goodnight kiss on the tip of my nose and say how much you love me. I will really miss this place, but I think there are more bad memories here than good ones. So maybe it's the best.
Today, we are finally moving to Central City. I heard they have a hero in that city. His name is The Flash, and he is super-fast. Its seems like really strange things happen there. There are always bad guys trying to hurt people, but this Flash seems to catch them all. Cisco is dying to see him in action. Can you believe things like that happen? It's hard for me to. It just sounds like a really bad movie.
Cisco and dad seem pretty excited about getting away from here, they keep saying how it will change our lives, how we are going to start a new life and everything will be better. But I don't believe that. Honestly, I don't believe things will ever get better. Not for me, anyways. But I don't want to make them feel bad, so I just smile and pretend that I believe them. I'm not sure if they fall for that, but whatever. I just want them to be happy. I don't care about myself. I know I will never be happy anymore.
Sometimes, I think I'm just getting close to the edge, you know? I don't know for how long I can still pretend everything is just fine. I think that one of these days I might just wake up and finally say ''I'm done''.
I'm running out of time, so I better cut this here before I start get all suicidal with you. We have a long way to Central City and I just want to sleep. I'll write to you soon. I don't want you to miss anything in my life. Not anymore. So, until next time.
Love,
Caitlin.
"Caitlin, come on! You're taking too long and dad's getting mad. " I hear the voice of my younger brother, Cisco, calling me from the other side of the door. He doesn't really come into the room. Cisco knows me better than anybody in this world, and he knows when I need to be alone. He has always give me the space I need, and I wish I could say the same about my dad. I am kind of glad he sent my brother instead of coming himself, because I'm sure he would have just stumbled into the room to take me.
"I'm coming. " It's all I said as I slowly get up from the floor, closing my diary and putting it back into my backpack. I take a last look at my childhood room, saying a silent goodbye before opening the door, finding my bother standing there waiting from me.
"You need to stop trying to make dad mad. Seriously. " Cisco says with a loud sigh, taking my hand as we walk together to the exit of our old home.
"I wasn't doing that. I was just writing. I don't care if he gets mad at me, anyways. " All I get as a response from Cisco is another sigh, so I don't say anything else. I know he doesn't like when my dad yells at me because of the way I act, but I'm so resigned with everything I just don't care.
We get out of the house, already seeing the annoyed expression of my dad while waiting from us to get into the car. As we do, he just starts driving without saying a world. Its better like this. I prefer him to ignore my existence to him yelling at me. I got used to his indifference towards me.
I look at the window of the car, seeing the place where I grow up getting lost in the distance. I don't feel sad. And I don't feel happy either. I don't see going to a new city as an opportunity. I don't really think anything will change. I will probably still be Caitlin, the loser who doesn't have any friends and is always alone in her own world. But at least I have Cisco, right?
As I close my eyes, hoping to fall asleep, I try to imagine myself being happy. Laughing, or just smiling. But it just doesn't seem realistic.