Anything is hard to find
When you will not open your eyes.
It truly is as hard as they say it is, raising a kid. Even more difficult when it's with someone you don't want to raise it with. It makes you appreciate silence more, yet hate it at the same time. You wonder what your life could have ever been without the little bundle of innocence. Then you start to wonder what could have been, what the kids life should be like with that person in their life. Alice's son, Henry, was an exception, she knew what her boy would be like, he'd be corrupted. He'd have to mature young like she did. And if she had the option, he'd stay far away from that life - she knew the time would come, when he'd start asking questions. Questions she wasn't ready to answer. That wasn't for many years, which she was thankful for.
She adored her son, treasured him more than her own life.
"Here comes the train," Henry watched the spoon gleefully as it was headed towards his mouth and bounced lightly in his high chair. Alice smiled broadly as he didn't refuse the vegetables. The doorbell rang, dragging her away from the prideful moment, "always gotta be when you eat your veggies, ain't that right, Henry?" she heaved him up out of the chair, unwilling to leave him alone in the kitchen, wiping his face with the cloth over her shoulder. Once again, the doorbell rang out obnoxiously. "Wait a second!" she called out, walking to the front door, Henry tugging at her dark hair the whole way, something he seemed to enjoy doing. As she reached the hallway leading to the door, the ever persistent noise echoed through the walls.
She cracked open the door, Henry's heavy weight on her hip hidden behind the wood as the chain constricted it from being opened any further, "you better have a good reason for being here."
"Still a bucket full of sunshine." she halted in bouncing Henry on her hip at the too familiar, husky voice as her mind went into overdrive. What the hell was he doing back in Nebraska?
Alice weighed out her options, she could let him in, displaying her weakness to him - he'd probably want to be a part of Henry's life and eventually her innocent child will be involved in something much deeper than humanly possible. Or, slam the door in his face and refuse to give even a minuscule amount of detail about her son to him.
Her head was working against her heart as she unchained the lock with one hand and walked in the opposite direction once she knew he'd be able to sort out the door himself. Alice headed in the same direction she came from, almost instantly placing Henry in his high-chair and resumed feeding him his Dinner. She heard Dean's not-so-light footsteps behind her and her stomach clenched at the thought of confrontation which was soon to occur.
"Cute kid." he said as she raised the half-full spoon to Henry's mouth, only this time he wasn't too keen on ingesting the orange mush. Alice didn't once turn around to face him even though she was certain his eyes followed her every move.
"Did you need something?" Henry seemed to notice the change in tone of her voice as she stared right at him and reached a hand out to her, tugging on the strands of her hair that hung close to him.
"Sam and I, we were in the neighbourhood, thought I'd drop by." his voice seemed too distant, as if his thoughts were somewhere else and the awkwardness Alice was feeling wouldn't let her even reply to his back-handed comment. "What's it's name?" one of the questions she dreaded to hear the most, not only was it a gateway to an attachment between the two, but it was also a dead giveaway to the whole reason he was alive.
"His name is Henry, he's 15 months." she tried again with the mushed up carrot, Henry seeming to accept the spoonful.
"Is he- I mean, Is-," Dean was struggling to get out his words, that much was clear, Alice didn't want to admit it to herself let alone him. Neither mentioned the fact that the kid's name was his own middle name.
"Yeah," she gulped down the lump in her throat as she smiled sadly at Henry, taking note of the Hazel eyes, freckles that pattered over his nose and cheeks before turning to Dean, seeing the exact same in the older man, "yeah he is."
Dean seemed to stop breathing, half expecting her to say no, the other, hopeful half longing for her to say yes. He didn't want to admit it to himself, but the two people in front of him were his one way ticket out of it all - he could finally ditch the life of a hunter and have a family. Hell, Alice already had that white picket fence, it was all there lay in front of him.
Then Dean's eyes flickered past the woman and to the smiling, squirming child. He didn't even need to ask the question, it was painfully obvious who he got most of his genetics from - the only difference between him and the kid was the dark locks which he'd clearly inherited from his mother. Alice. Alice hadn't changed one bit - granted, it'd only been two years, but in those two years he'd felt like he'd aged centuries. Each time he looked in the mirror he noticed an age mark that hadn't been there the day before, but her; she was still the woman he remembered.
"Why didn't you call me?" Alice wasn't expecting the sorrowful sigh that came out of his mouth.
"And tell you what?" her eyebrows furrowed before she turned back to her son, dipping the spoon into the orange paste to lift up to Henry's mouth, "Hey Sweetie, I'm five months pregnant and you're the baby daddy?" Henry's tugging on her hair stopped as he repeatedly patted his hands on the tabletop, enjoying his carrot, "you wouldn't have come back, Dean. As much as you want to say you would have, you know you're lying to yourself."
Alice heard him sigh deeply as she heard him lean back against the counter, "If you think that low of me, Alice-"
"Please, let's just not argue." he didn't reply to her plead and simply watched as her eyes lit up every time the baby took the food into his mouth.
"That stuff looks gross."
"You would think so after all the processed food you shovel into your pie hole." she dropped the rubber spoon into the plastic bowl and pushed it onto the breakfast table, pulling the cloth from her shoulder and wiping her hands clean before moving onto Henry's hands and face.
"When's the last time you ate a cheeseburger? You're startin' to sound like one of those uppity bitches." he joked, still feeling a little unnerved by the whole situation.
"When's the last time you ate something healthy?" she tossed the cloth back over her shoulder and lifted up her ever-growing son from his chair with a light grunt. Her tone was suddenly more serious, "I know this isn't your thing, this whole cereal box family - I don't expect it to be. But," she bit the inside of her cheek, "if you're gonna leave, then go now. I don't wanna have to tell my son something he doesn't want to hear."
Dean looked uncomfortable in his skin, nowhere near as used to expressing emotions as she was, he supposed it had something to do with childbirth, since before this she wouldn't utter a single word about herself.
A/N: So, I've had this idea in my head for a little while, and I've had it written for a couple of days, honestly - I was contemplating even uploading it, but here it is, I hope you enjoy it! Go easy on me, this is my first Supernatural fic that I've posted - let me know if you like it and I might just upload the second part^_^!