Disclaimer: I don't own NGE or Samurai Champloo, so trying to sue me will result in both parties losing money. sorry folks.
Neon Genesis Champloo...WTF?
This is not historically or anime accurate, but who the hell gives a damn?
Episode one: And then there was three, maybe...
The scene opens inside a small diner, with a young, perhaps, boy running dishes into the kitchen and out with dishes ordered by the customers at said eatery. The boy's brown hair was contrasted by his blue eyes, his body somewhat weak looking for males of his time.
Oh yeah, this is set in the Edo period of Japan, did I mention that? Guess I didn't… The town in which this story begins is much like any other, although from this author's knowledge, is unnamed. The local area wa-is run by the local magistrate, with his younger son being a prick as usual to the towns people.
We now take a look into one of the main figures of this story; one Shinji Ikari.
"Shinji! You've got another order up here!" yelled the cook from in back, making the young man dressed in a light brown kimono whimper as he quickly placed the meals already in his hands on their respective tables before rushing back to grab the waiting meals.
"Hurrying!" he yelled as he ran back, dodging some outstretched hands in doing so. "Hey, I'm a boy!" He shot back at his attempted gropers.
"Yeah, but you look like a girl!" One of the old men laughed, pointing out the boy's almost feminine features as he continued to speak, "and once yer naked, who gives a damn?"
Shinji, the boy in question, recoiled in shock at the man's outburst, showing his disgust by sticking his tongue out as he turned away and pretending to spit the taste out of his mouth. "How you get any buddy is beyond me" he shrugged before continuing on with his job.
Only minutes later, a young man walked in, his bodyguards at his side as he sat down near the back of the main room, slamming his fist down on the table before yelling about the service in the restaurant.
"Hey, can we get some goddamn service here, or will I have to get rough with one of you?" the young man shouted again as Shinji made his way over to the table.
"H-How can I help you, gentleman?" The young boy asked, his eyes widening at the sight of the man's bodyguards unsheathing their katanas.
"You can start with empting the place out now, and then follow up with one of everything you got, understand?"
Shinji gulped, yelling for everyone to leave right away before running in back to give his guardian, also the cook, the bleach blonde haired man's order.
Meanwhile, a few blocks away near the small river that ran through the city, a medium-sized gathering of people were looking on in horror as a elderly man dropped to his knees on order from what looked like a midget in a box with curtains.
"What the hell is this, huh?" The man within the box shouted, tossing the few yen coins in his hands at the elderly man before continuing, "I'm the magistrate around here, so you should be paying your respects a little better, don't you think?"
The elderly man sniveled as he tried explaining why he didn't have the money that the other man demanded, wincing as the other raised his voice to excruciating levels of volume.
"I don't think you understand! This entire town is under my protection, but if I don't have money, how will I pay the samurai that defend this place with their lives?" The magistrate spoke, grinning evilly before glancing over at the three samurai dressed in green beside the human drawn carriage.
"Make an example of this fool!"
A few seconds before the order, however, a certain blue haired individual stood at the back of the crowd, conversing with another villager.
"What is wrong up ahead?" The young blue haired person asked, causing the man in front to turn around.
"Wha? Why is a young lady such as yourself out and about without a 'escort'?" the man questioned the young girl, who looked rather weak looking and skinny when compared to the men and women surrounding her.
"…"
"Hey, why aren't you speaking? Well, no matter. You see, that guy is the magistrate of this town, corrupt as ever, but no one has the balls to say anything, and he often extorts money from the villagers, but a young lady such as yourself better keep far away from his son 'cause you'd have a lot more then your money taken, if you catch the my drift?"
The young lady spoke not a word as she motioned towards the two blades at her waist, making the grown man twitch nervously. "I will not allow for anything of that nature to occur to my body" she spoke in monotone, walking through the crowd as her light, sky blue gi and deep blue hakama disappearing into the crowd.
"Wait, was she wearing a men's gi? And a hakama? Just what is she trying to pull?"
As the order was given, the three samurai raised their swords at the same time, glaring down at the elderly man begging for mercy at their feet, stopping suddenly as the young woman from before stepped out of the crowd.
"Who the hell do you think you are? The Nerv of a woman walking around with katanas, acting the part of a samurai, perhaps?" the magistrate laughed as he tried to ridicule the girl standing behind the soon to be executed villager.
"I was about to ask you the same" she spoke flatly, looking on impassively as she surveyed the scene before her; two somewhat skilled samurai to either side, with one directly in front of her, all holding the same type of katana.
"Oh? You're gonna get stupid on me? Alright then, I'll inform you so listen up! I'm the local magistrate around here, Shibui Matsunosuke, so don't even think of pulling this shit again! Secondly; you shouldn't be carrying swords at all, little lady! Cause you never know who'll turn you in, and when I get ahold of a pretty little thing like you, well, I might not be able to contain myself, heheheh-huh?"
The man stopped laughing as the young lady in question quickly drew her blade, cutting two of the three samurai in front of her down at the chest, missing the middle one by mere inches. "Don't mistake me for a weak woman, or you will be cut down" the young woman spoke coldly, watching as the two dead samurai sprayed blood allover the street.
"WHA-WHA-WHAT IN THE HELL?"
The man, shibui, watched as the last samurai stood between him and the petite blue haired girl. "C-cut her down!" he ordered, watching in awe as the final samurai lunged with his blade outstretched in front of him, the young woman joining in the battle by swinging her katana upwards.
The man missed her, catching nothing but air with his blade as the girl's blade made its trip upwards, lodging itself in the man's jaw and skull, killing him in a fountain of his own blood.
The young woman flicked her blade, sheathing it as she relaxed her body, directing her attention towards the now sniveling man who ordered hers and the elderly mans' execution.
"P-Please, don't kill me! I'll give you anything you want! A place in the local courts? Or how about all the money you could ever dream of? Please, I pay anything as long as you don't kill me!" he begged, getting down on his knees as his followers ran to what they deemed a safe distance from the girl.
"Ayanami"
The magistrate looked on at the girl, puzzled at her words.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
That is my name, you would do well not ever to forget" she warned him coldly, returning her semi-glare to a once more impassive face, walking on down the street, leaving a massacre in her wake.
"What the hell is a red eyed freak like her doing in Japan, anyways?"
Anyways, after that, we turn our attention back to the diner where we left Shinji, the bleach blonde young man who was rude enough to have all other diners removed, by force if necessary, sat at his table, admiring his 'new' blade as his men continued to eat rather slovenly.
"Hey boy! Get your ass over here and wait on us!" the bleach blonde demanded, his voice now on his waiters final Nerv.
"Boy, do you think you could show at least a little respect towards me? I am the magistrates son, after all!" he laughed, causing his men to follow his example, even though he hadn't made a joke.
"You'd do well to remember my name, Shibui Tomonoshin, boy!"
Shinji cringed as one of the posse/samurai bodyguards stroked his butt, making a bee line for the kitchen before hearing the sound of cloth being shoved aside, followed by cursing in another language, the origin of which the boy hadn't the foggiest.
"Goddamn it! That idiot should've been watching wherehis damn horse was going!" the redheaded stranger growled, taking up a seat near the door on the side opposite the bleach blonde ass before signaling Shinji over.
"Um, excuse me? Are you a… customer?" the boy asked, looking the redheaded girl over, her fiery red gi cut in the shape of a jacket, and her gray hakama cut into a matching pair of shorts.
Her chest swathed in bandages, turning them into a makeshift bra, by Shinji's reckoning, rounded out with a strange looking black sheathed katana on her back, and a pair of geta on her bare feet.
Shinji came closer at the motioning of the young woman's finger, allowing her mouth to brush by his ear as she asked a question.
"You want I should get rid of those idiots over there" she motioned towards the bleach blonde across from her, continuing when the young boy made a sound urging her to continue, "it'll cost you fifty dumplings, take it or leave it."
"Fifty dumplings? Isn't that a little…much? Maybe ten?" he tried bartering with the girl, much to the confusion of the men towards the back of the restaurant's dining area.
"You obviously don't have much of a problem with the morons over there" the young lady pointed over towards the other, much more deadly looking party, "if all you're willing to part with is ten dumplings… but, I guess it's to be expected, what with all the tight-assed idiots around" she spoke rather airily, causing the bleach blonde to order his men to grab the boy standing next to her and bring him before said idiot.
"What the hell do you think you're doing? Trying to have the son of the local magistrate assassinated? Is that your plan? Well, I'll deal with you!"
the bleach blonde young man drew his 'new' blade, laughing at the boy as he ordered his men to bring him up to the table, having the man to Shinji's right pull the boy's hand out and lay it on the table.
"You're gonna lose a finger for that action, boy! So which one should I take, huh?" the man laughed rather sardonically as he tried to decide on which of the younger boy's fingers to cut off, not paying any attention to the stranger near the door.
"One hundred dumplings!" Shinji shouted, causing the young man to wince at the sudden increase in volume.
"Heh, see, that wasn't so hard!" The redhead snickered, looking over at the men standing at the other table.
"Let's see; nine of you morons, a hundred dumplings each so that's fifteen dumplings a piece!" the young woman shouted in glee, as she stood up, "Your lives are that worthless, didja hear?"
Meanwhile, at the entrance to the kitchen, an older woman stood counting on her fingers, "That girl is horrible at math!"
The end
A/N:
The idea always seemed rather funny to me, but I had to recover the (now) ruined scripts from 'certain' people before I could even try, although now I'm starting from scratch.
Ayanami as Jin, and Asuka as Mugen... somewhat fitting...
Well, read and review please!