I just did what we knew I had to do…
His
breathing was all she could hear. Easy, regular breaths coming from the
sleeping body of Li Syaoran. His arms around his cherry blossom and a content
smile on his face, he seemed oblivious
to what was about to happen.
Kinomoto
Sakura watched him lovingly, thinking about how cute he looked in sleep. His
face unpreoccupied, as though everything
was exactly the way it should be. She checked the alarm-clock on the
night table beside the bed. 3:45 AM, it read. She snuggled deeper in his arms,
wishing she could stay that way forever. 15 minutes to go, she thought
sadly. Her heart feeling as if it would shatter into a million pieces any
second now, she relieved the incidents of the last few months…
It had all
started on their first night together. 18-year-old Sakura had come for dinner
at Syaoran's place as she so often did.
This night, however, ended differently and changed the world as Sakura knew it.
She had shown up unexpected, since she was pretty bored and decided to swing by
and visit her boyfriend. Syaoran had seemed
utterly surprised, though extremely pleased.
"I was just
going to prepare dinner" he said "Want to stay?"
"You
cooking?" she asked teasingly "How do I know your not going to poison the
food?"
"You'll
have to trust me" he said in a mysterious voice
So she stayed.
He cooked and they had a great time at
dinner. After they had finished, she helped him wash the dishes. While she
washed, he dried. Accidentally, she splashed with a little water so he splashed
back. In no time, they were in a water-war. Sakura smiled, remembering the
playful, romantic scene. She had started running around, trying to keep out
from the water's reach. Eventually he had caught her, pinned her on a wall and
started kissing her. She kissed back passionately demanding for more. At some
point, they went to the bedroom and ended up in bed. It had been wonderful and
they couldn't have been happier.
Until they
finally fell asleep…
…And all
the time we knew,
Time was
never right for us, time does leave this love behind
I could
never leave you, maybe if I see you cry…
It was the
most terrifying dream they has ever had. They knew it wasn't ordinary because
they had shared it and got nasty little souvenirs…
In the
dream they had been flying. Not helped by a Clow Card ,or magic of any kind,
they just soared through the sky, holding hands. Higher and higher they went,
until they reached outer space. It was beautiful, Sakura thought, just me and
my little wolf surrounded by stars. At some point, however, things started
changing. Earth, which had looked magnificent so far, started showing great explosions and storms. The card mistress
could almost hear the screams from the desperate people below. Then other
planets started changing in the same way and the stars were slowly loosing
their glow. A now whimpering Sakura, held tight on to his little wolf as the
changes came to an end, leaving nothing but cold darkness. Both tried to use
magic, but it wasn't any good. Her wand and his sword simply refused to take
their real forms.
"What's
going on?!" she cried "Why are we here and why is our magic not working??"
"I know as
much as you do" replied Syaoran trying to keep calm "Don't worry, we'll figure
this out"
In that
moment they both heard a voice:
"This is
what will happen if you continue together. Your destiny is other and you'll be
responsible for this if you ignore that"
Then they
were driven apart by an unknown force that slashed every time they tried to get
close. It was getting more painful by the second, but they wouldn't stop their
attempts. She felt like she was about to faint and then…
She hit the
floor . She opened her eyes and saw she was lying beside Syaoran´s bed, in cold
sweat and trembling from hand to foot.
"Are you
okay??!!" asked a Syaoran who looked no better than she did.
"I-I think
so…" she replied in a soft voice. He helped her up to bed.
"It was
only a dream" he said in soothing voice.
"It was
more than that" she said firmly "People don't go around sharing dreams!!"
"We are
connected by a special bond that-
"Don't give
me that crap, ´cause I'm not buying it!! Look at me! I have scars were I was
slashed and-
"YOU FELL
OFF THE BED!! It's only normal you got hurt!" he shouted
"There's
nothing sharp enough to give me these wounds!!" she retorted now really angry.
"IT´S
NOTHING,SO CUT IT OUT!!!!" he shouted in such a loud voice she flinched and
tears started forming in her eyes. Realizing what he had done, he pulled her
close whispering "I'm sorry!! I didn't mean to shout to you, I was just trying
to make you feel better, I didn't want…. never, not to hurt you…" She merely
kissed him on his neck, afraid she would burst into tears if she spoke. He
understood and started running his hand trough her hair until they both calmed
down. "We'll work this out, my love, it will be okay, I promise"
She had buried
her head in his chest, wishing with all her might that he was right, but
knowing in her heart, that he wasn't.
…I'll
say goodbye for the two of us
Tonight,
while you sleep
I'll
kiss you softly one last time and say goodbye
Luck I
know we both
There's
just no other way, and I couldn't bear to see you another day
So I'll wait till you're asleep to say goodbye…
A single
tear escaped her eye as she remembered this. She hadn't slept for weeks after
the dream and nothing Syaoran said would make her feel any better. It's not
that she didn't appreciate what he did. She was thankful for all his support,
but couldn't help thinking that it hadn't affected him as it did to her. And
that couldn't be a good sign.
She checked
the watch again. 4.01 AM. She sighed, a familiar pain in her chest as she
slowly, steadily started to move away from her love.
When she
had freed herself from his embrace she got out of bed and started with her
plan. She sighed again, thinking about how many times she had done this in the
last few weeks. Almost an every-night ritual it had seemed, to get out of bed,
start gathering her things, shed some tears and return back to bed, telling
herself tomorrow, I'll do it tomorrow. This night would be different,
her heart was telling her so. This night she would complete the plan, not
return like a coward.
You're
being a coward this way too… an annoying little voice in her head told her
I am
not!!!, she told the voice angrily this is the best way, no, the only
way to do this
The little
voice didn't seem to have a reply to this, so it left Sakura alone. She
continued packing distractedly until something caught her eye. The drawer of
the night table was slightly open and she could see a small card (not a Clow
Card, just an ordinary one) sticking out a bit. She reached for and a
half-smile appeared on her face as she recognized it…
… Just
with our lives, how hard it is to do things
I'm trying to make it through this
Say
goodbye is just a sadly end…
She had
received it on her fifteenth birthday and it was the best present ever. Not
because of the card, but because of what it read…
That sunny
fourth of April had started as any other. The alarm-clock went off and Sakura
groaned under the covers time to get up already??, she had thought. She
hadn't made a move when Kero pulled down the covers and started singing "Happy
Birthday to you" with great care, as if he had been practicing.
"I didn't
know you could sing, Kero-chan" she said as she got out of bed
"Tomoyo has
been teaching me and she says I have a great voice" Kero replied quite proudly,
once he had finished the song.
"I'm sure
you do" she said.
"Do I smell
cake?" he asked hopefully. Sakura went to the hallway and sniffed the air. Sure
enough, a soft scent of chocolate filled the air. She laughed, trust Kero to
notice the most imperceptible smell as long as it was of food.
"I'll bring
you some later" she said. Kero gave her a BIG smile and returned to his drawer,
wanting to sleep some more. Sakura finished getting dressed and went
downstairs.
As soon as
she entered the kitchen she was greeted by her father and brother, who
congratulated her for her birthday. Then her father placed an enormous piece of
chocolate cake in front of her and they started eating. Then Sakura remembered
Tomoyo had asked her to meet in the park before school and she was already late. She ate as fast as
she could, her brother obviously not refraining from his usual comment ("I
didn't know monsters could eat that fast"), and excused herself from the table.
As she
roller bladed to the park (yes, she still does that) she wondered why Tomoyo
had asked her to meet her there. As she caught sight of the swings she felt
sad, they always reminded her of the day when her beloved Syaoran had listened
to her and helped her be happy again after her confession to Yukito. She shook,
her head, as though trying to shake the feeling as well and entered the park.
She looked for Tomoyo, but she was nowhere to be seen. She resigned and sat at
a bench just beside a Sakura tree. She let her eyes wander over the tree and
saw a small envelope stuck in one of it's branches. She took it. It was blank,
but she could see there was a card inside. She opened it and examined the card.
It was a very simple, white card and it only had to words: "I'm back"
"What
the-…" Sakura started saying but never finished because she felt two arms
grabbing her by the waist, hugging her. She didn't have to turn round to know
who it was, she would have recognized the green aura anywhere. It belonged to
the person she loved most…
"Syaoran!!!"
she cried as she turned and locked him in a breath-taking kiss. When they were
done, she hugged him.
"I guess
somebody missed me…" he said teasingly.
"You
wouldn't know how much!!" she whispered
"Believe me
I would" he replied and they separated at last.
"Why are
you here?" she asked.
"To make
sure you have the happiest birthday of your life" he responded "I see you got
my card"
"It's the
most beautiful-
"Then you
know I'm back" he said "for good"
Sakura
burst into tears of happiness and joy ,and
let out the loneliness of the four years they had been apart, as she
hugged him fiercely. They had stayed that way for a while, as though never
wanting to let go…
…I
can't, please try and understand
This time's just not the time for us
We knew
I couldn't stay
But that
don't make it easier to leave you
So that I can find the strength…
Sakura
looked at herself in the mirror. A slim, auburn-haired girl stared back at her.
Her evergreen eyes, usually warm and happy, reflected anguish and sorrow at a
point that scared her. She thought about his eyes, those amber eyes she loved.
What would they reflect when he found her gone in the morning? She would make
it, for she knew the reasons. But would he understand? No, she thought sadly,
but there was no other choice, she would never convince him to let go.
Sakura was
nearly finished when she remembered something, something she had never told
Syaoran. She walked to the closet and pushed open the hidden door. There it
was, the teddy bear he had given her right before he returned to Hong Kong. She
could remember the scene at the airport as if it had been yesterday. How was
she to forget those beautiful eyes, those pools of emotion? She had seen his
soul throughout his eyes. They showed a lot of love and a lot of sadness for
the lonely times ahead. But more importantly, she had seen a promise, the
promise to come back. Distance could never divide two hearts with one beating.
As a matter of fact, nothing would, ever. She loved him utterly, mindlessly,
and nothing would ever change that. Not even what was forcing her to leave at
the very moment…
…I'll
say goodbye for the two of us
Tonight, while you sleep, I'll kiss you softly one last
time and say goodbye…
There was
no way she could explain her decision to him. He just wouldn't have understood.
True, the dream they had shared and she wouldn't be leaving if it were just
that. But there was more, and she had gone through it alone.
What fully
formed her decision to leave had happened a few weeks ago on what seemed to be
an ordinary day. She had been window-shopping alone when she saw a beautiful
dress on a shop. Looking at the price, she knew she couldn't afford it but she
couldn't resist the urge to try it on. I wish I hadn't, she thought
now…
They hadn't
had the dress in her size so the saleswoman told Sakura to accompany her to the
back where they would surely find the appropriate. As soon as they got there
she fainted and has a vision…
Herself,
wearing that dress and standing on the side of a street. Syaoran waving at her
and running her way.
"Don't
cross the street!!" she yelled "There's a truck coming!!"
But he
didn't listen and crossed anyway. The truck hit him and his shout was the last
thing she heard. The whole scene changes in a blink.
Sakura
found herself still dressed as before but in a graveyard. He could see lots of
people around one particular grave, including Tomoyo and Meilling. Fear as
sharp as she had never experienced ran
through her. Trembling, she approached
the group of people and looked at the coffin. Syaoran laid there. Her eyes wide
and horrified she contemplated him. Surprisingly, he looked incredibly
handsome. She couldn't understand, she had always thought that death took every
last of beauty away from people. But there he was.
Her eyes,
refusing to believe what was there, scanned through the other people and she
noted something weird. Even while she stood out from the black-dressed cloud
(her dress was pale green) nobody seemed to notice her. She waved an arm in
front of Tomoyo's face. Nothing. Then she heard a voice, the same voice from
the dream she and her love had heard
"This will
happen indeed, if you don't follow my advice. I know you are a sensible person
and you'll do what's best for all. Leave him or his dead."
"Miss!! Are
you okay, miss?!!" said a very worried saleswoman
"I'm
f-fine…" she said "I just need some fresh air…"
And with
that she left the shop and headed straight to the park, knowing what she would
find. She was right. Hung from the Sakura tree was the dress…
Then she
knew instantly what she had to do. The only way…
…Before
your arms embrace me
Before
your kisses take me
Before your eyes can make me stay…
Darkness
Light
The two
more opposite things you could find
Constantly
in a silent battle, trying to overwhelm the other.
Opposites,
but which couldn't live without each other.
They
complemented each other, two halves of a whole.
There is
now light without darkness to define it and no dark without light to do the
same
Just like
her and her love.
…"I'll
say goodbye for the two of us
Tonight, while you sleep, I'll kiss you softly one last
time and say goodbye
Luck I know we both…
Emptiness
Sadness
Anguish
Sorrow
Pain
Emotions
raced through her heart as she returned to the bedroom for her final words to
him.
…I'll
wait till you're asleep to say goodbye for the two of us
Tonight,
while you sleep, I'll kiss you softly one last time and say goodbye…
Luck I
know we both
There's
just no other way and I couldn't bear to see you another day
So I'll
wait till you're asleep to say goodbye…
She sat
beside him. She knew he would hear her, but wouldn't wake up. She had no
thought speech. This came from the heart.
"My dearest
Syaoran, I'm sorry. What I'm about to do is the hardest thing ever done.
I don't
expect you to understand, but I hope someday you will be able to forgive me…
…When
you wake up, and find me gone tomorrow…
You'll
carry on, I promise, and so will I . But remember..
… Don't
think I meant to hurt you…
I will
always love you whatever happens…"
Tears filled
her eyes, loneliness would fill the rest of her life.
And with
her last statement she kissed her endless love goodbye.
"Farewell,
my love. My heart is yours, forever"
Everything
said, she left the apartment and entered the darkness of the night , which
resembled the times ahead of them both….
…Goodbye"
