Disclaimer: I don't own them, though I wish I did!
I wish I had a character. You know, someone who I could be, that everyone could define me as. I'd love to have a trait special to me, and only me. I wish I was an individual. Like him.
He of the wonderful clear eyes that express everything he is, but show nothing. He of the hands, which speak for him but would never make sense on their own, yet I could watch them for an eternity. Just enraptured by the curving and swooping.
His personality could be envied too. The way that he knows exactly who he is, different to what some want him to be, exactly what others want him to be, but he's still his own person. Unlike me.
I am the one who gives way to a beast every month, that people fear because that's what they've been taught. I'm not my own person. I don't even have a character. Apart from the slightly mad, slightly bookish, but very quiet boy. The boy who sits with his friends, and them only. Doesn't open to anyone, so why open to him?
See my dilemma? I am a nobody, and want to be just that for fear of exposure. Yet, I want to know what exposure feels like. To be the centre of a party. Not the outside. He could tell me if I asked him.
But how to ask my best friend, one of only three friends, how to change? He'd scorn me for even saying these things. He'd say, (just as he will when he finds this diary), that I am a beautiful, smart, witty creature that he loves more than anything. He'd then proceed to say that I am his boyfriend, and that in itself is an honour. Then I'd smile, ending in laughter, and he would too. Then, he'd kiss me. As he always does.
Do I really want to be more than I am? To have wonderful eyes and hands that says all. Do I really want to be the life and soul of everything, and have hordes of people following me, just because I'm me? What I really want is my man. My Sirius. Because I am his Remus.