My take on the actual weddings. Didn't read the novel, don't care to. Let the inconsistencies commence.
*description is a line from Bring On The Wonder by Susan Enan*
Two Weddings and a Funeral
You should love her.
The words are a mantra in your head on your wedding day.
God, your wedding day.
It's still weird. You never even dated anyone before her. And now you're in some ridiculous tux and she's in some white dress that probably cost more than a year's tuition. The white was unnecessary. The jig will be up in a few months but you can't think about that. That's tomorrow's (tomorrow'stomorrow'stomorrow'stomorrow) problem.
She looks really pretty. Hair all pulled up on her head and figure accentuated by the too expensive dress. Like a doll or a fairy or princess or some sort of mythical girly ideal. You should feel excitement or anticipation or something but instead you just feel numb as the girl who's not the girl slowly begins to approach you. The music swells as she walks down the aisle and it sounds like a funeral procession.
(oh god you wish it was a funeral because funerals mean ghosts and ghosts mean-)
.
You asked for a veil so you could hide your face.
You watch your guests behind the gauzy material and wonder if they can see the terror so poorly hidden in your eyes, terror you keep trying to disguise as happiness or impatience or gods something positive.
Renji doesn't deserve this. When you were young you dreamed about being safe and comfortable on the other side of that wall with Renji forever and here you are but it's turned into a nightmare. He should have more than a woman committing to lifetime with him hoping to be sustained by the memories of long dead feelings and desires.
You're wearing white again and it's all too familiar because the last time you were drowning in dread and wearing white you were marching to your execution with your head held low in that same defeated but accepting position and some teeny tiny infinitesimal part of you keeps hoping he will swoop in and save your life one more time-
.
(Two souls watch as the string that binds them is stretched thin but refuses to break, ends never meeting but connected forever.)
Am I back? Will other things be updated? Who knows.