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Tunes:
Dirty Little . . .
Stalker's Anthem (Explicit Lyrics) (Video)
I thought it might be fun to put a Death Note spin on social therapy. I may do other characters once I determine how I feel about this one. Or, I may just do lessons on sexual interaction for this character.
Disclaimer? I guess I'm supposed to say that I don't own Death Note. I don't own Death Note.
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Social Therapy - Dating
Dating Therapy Questionnaire
Be as honest as possible. You are completing this form because you are DESPERATE, and have no idea how to socially interact with the opposite sex.
This will determine what kind of mate I find for you. Help me, help you.
Name: Ryuuzaki
Age: 24
Hair: Black
Eyes: Black/Grey
Coloring/Complexion: Light
Race/Ethnicity: Caucasian
Height/Weight: 5'8/110lbs
Shoe size: 10 - 10.5
Boxers/Briefs: Boxers
Smoke: No
Drink: No
Kids: No
Religion: None
Okay, let's move on to some general questions about you, and the woman you want. Remember - honesty! I am not a miracle worker, so please keep it realistic. Underline the answer that best suits you.
1. When it comes to body-type, what are you looking for?
I like young boys.
I like a little meat on those bones.
I want a true hourglass figure.
I'm a chubby chaser.
If I roll over while on top of her, I'd still be on top of her.
2. When it comes to breasts, what are you looking for?
I like nips only.
Anything more than handful is a waste.
I have big hands.
I like broke-back boobies.
3. When it comes to the backside, what are you looking for?
The tight ass of a 12 year old boy.
I like 'white girl' ass.
Qualified to wear Applebottoms.
Sir Mix A Lot is my brother.
4. When it comes to hair color, what are you looking for?
Blondes are hot.
Red-heads have more fun.
Brunettes are where it's at.
Black - Goth turns me on.
Grey - Senior citizens for the win!
5. When it comes to general coloring, what are you looking for?
I like it when they glow in the dark.
I like pink.
I like that orange tan-glow.
Those Middle-Eastern women are so hot.
I'd like a Nubian Queen.
6. When it comes to sexual appetite, what are you looking for?
Sex isn't necessary as long as we love each other.
Sex is for procreation only.
I like sex on the weekends.
I have to sneak up and steal it when she goes to sleep.
I want a lady on the street, and a freak in the sheets.
Is that my hoe over there sitting on the curb?
7. When it comes to the "romance" department, which best describes you?
"On your knees and pull something" is my version of foreplay.
"I love you" is the password to the panties.
Hot and heavy on the couch watching a movie.
Teddy Pendergrass STAYS in my stereo.
Opera tickets, fine dining, and a carriage ride.
8. When it comes to attentiveness, which best describes you?
I just want to bust a nut - she's on her own.
What's taking her so long? Hurry up!
Get half of it in, and stir it like coffee.
I scream my own name during sex.
I'm going to make those legs shake by any means necessary.
9. When it comes to equipment, what are you working with?
Paper cuts hurt too!
I have to work a little harder than the non-Asian man.
I'm average.
I'm black where it counts.
When I use the bathroom, it touches the water.
It's my third leg.
"I'm blessed. I'm Big Boned. I'm heavy structured. I'm hung low. If I pull my shit out, this whole room get dark."
(-Bernie Mac RIP 1957-2008)
10. When it comes to the act of lovemaking, what are you looking for?
She does only what I tell her to do.
I do only what she tells me to do.
We don't talk much.
She likes to pull hair, and I like to spank.
I come out of the sheets with black and blues.
Now, for some dating questions. This section will be graded. Wrong answers will be discussed with you in person. Be honest!
1. You're on a date with the girl you like, and her friend. You want to invite this girl up to your room, but her friend isn't taking the hint. What is your best course of action?
Go home alone and jerk off - it's not worth the trouble.
Jump up and yell, "Stop cock-blocking, you loser!"
Slip something in her drink. She'll be out for hours.
Wait until she goes to the restroom, and run!
Invite her too for some hot girl on girl action.
2. You've been incredibly callous and insensitive to this female you just started seeing, and she's sending all your calls to voicemail. What do you do next?
Stop calling - 40 messages is borderline stalker.
Leave one message telling her the sex was terrible anyway.
Leave one message - beg her while crying.
Leave one message - guilt trip her and leave the ball in her court.
Call from a different number.
3. You're walking down the street with your female friend, and another guy tries to pick her up. How do you react?
Black his eye, and teabag his fallen body. You're the Alpha Male.
Let him run his game - it's the highest form of flattery.
Let her handle him - she's a grown woman.
The Entrepreneur in you offers to let her go for 500 bucks.
He's a lot bigger than you - Escape!
4. Your female friend has answered your phone while you were in the shower. It was another female you've been banging on the side. How do you explain this to her?
You don't have to - she trusts you completely.
"You know I can't tell you about my work."
"Why did you answer my phone?"
You were going to confess anyway - now is as good a time as any.
Cleverly redirect the conversation with, "That's my shrink."
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