Sitting in this incredibly boring 9a-6p Continuing Legal Education course, I thought to myself, what better thing can I do with my time than to write a one shot for the show I love... but hate all the same for the innumerable amounts of missed opportunities for character growth. Even though I have 2.5 hours remaining, I can't say I have any interest in rereading/editing this. I like to give my readers my raw stream of consciousness. Haha. I don't write fluff. I write characters as I see them in the show. So, feel free to share your respectful thoughts, positive and negative.
Many MANY thanks to all of you who took the time to read and review my other OUAT one-shot. Much appreciated.
The Never in Neverland
Emma smiled slightly as she watched her parents' interaction. For the first time in two days, the two looked like... normal. Or at least as normal as two twenty-eight year old fairy tale characters could possibly look while they traipse through Neverland searching for their grandson. Watching the way her father gently placed a kiss onto her mother's lips before moving ahead of the group to follow Hook, Emma noticed the sparkle in his eyes and the sweet smile that spread on her lips. For some reason, her parents' reconciliation was a relief.
"It looks like you two made up," Emma commented as she sped up to meet with her mother.
Snow gave a slight shrug to the comment. She had never been able to remain angry or upset with her husband. Charming had would have never done anything to intentionally hurt her; it was not in his DNA. However, hurt had nonetheless occurred, and she was simply finding a way to deal with it.
"I'm not so sure if I'd say we'd made up insomuch as we've put this situation on the back burner until we find Henry," she distractingly replied. "I think it's probably for the best."
While Emma could not disagree, the fact was that until she knew her parents' fate, she would likely not be able to put this situation on the back burner. She needed to know where they stood. She needed to know if she would yet again be an orphan.
"So, are you really going to stay here with him," she pressed the issue with the woman. "Are you-"
"Emma, I... I don't know," Snow stuttered. "Leaving you is not something that I would have ever considered-"
"But you are," Emma pulled the woman to the side to stop her from continuing to follow the group. "You are, Mary Margaret! If you stay here, you're leaving not only me, but you're also leaving Henry. And we'll..." she cleared her throat as the reality of how deeply this woman's decision affected her. "We'll never see you again. Do you get that?"
Snow sighed deeply at her daughter's words. What kind of question was that? Of course she knew the sacrifice she was making in choosing to stay with her husband. And she also knew what she sacrificed if she chose to leave him behind. There was no winning. There were only losses. She did not know what to do. With all the magic in the world, she could not manage to be in two places at once. There would always be a piece of her missing. There was nothing that could make up for that.
"I want to be with my family, Emma," she began. "That much I know. But how can I do that when-"
"You said you wanted to start over," Emma cut her off before she could continue. "I guess staying behind let's you get everything you wanted because then you can-"
Knowing the words that would leave her daughter's lips, Snow gently placed her hand over her mouth. The younger woman could not have been more wrong.
"No," she quietly stressed. "Don't ever think that, honey. I could never imagine, not even for one second, having another child if you're not there. I want to share with you everything we should've had together."
Using her fingers to caress her daughter's face, she smiled at the similarities in their features. Her bone structure, her fair skin, her eye color, and her chin - they were all replicas of her own face. Then she thought about the way Emma smirked when she was attempting to be sarcastic while hiding her true feelings, her laugh, her quick temper (well, maybe not that), her personality - those were the things she knew David had given their beautiful baby girl. That was all the two of them had ever given her. Their features. There was nothing else they had shared with her. There were no happy childhood memories, no milk from her own breast to nourish her, no summertime days shared at the lake swimming and bathing after a camping trip, no bedtime stories and snuggles. She had never wiped away her baby's tears after a fall, or kissed her booboos to make them feel better, or helped her dress for her first ball, fit her into her first corset, told her about the birds and the bees, and most importantly, helped her through the change in her life when she had become a woman. They had nothing. And yet, the love she felt for the woman before her was as deep as though they had shared those moments. But she still wanted it... but she still wanted her there with her as they shared those very same moments with a new baby. Anything else would not have been right.
"You and Henry are everything to me, Emma," she said as she held her daughter's face in her hands. "And your father."
Their eyes locked on one another.
"But we're not enough," Emma replied. Somehow she had managed to move from the notion that her mother might have decided to stay in this wretched land, to the feelings she had buried from the moment Mary Margaret had revealed her secret. She was hurt. "I know that you love us, Henry and me, but we're not enough for you. If you stay here, then you can have everything-"
Snow could not and and would not deny Emma her right to express the feelings. While under normal circumstances she would have pushed the subject, and questioned the distance that had formed between them, she decided to let her daughter her time to think. Because the woman was just like her father - ponderous, rather than impulsive, like her - she knew they would have spoken at some point. This was it.
"How could I if you're not with me, honey?" She breathed into Emma's ear as she brought her into her arms. "Do you even understand how much I love what we have? And yes, I will admit that it isn't enough for me because I long for the time we lost." She pulled away from her so that they could once again look at each other. "Is it... this... enough for you? Honestly?"
A frown formed on Emma's face as she slowly shook her head. "I would give anything to have the same moments with Henry... well, maybe not the same since his life wouldn't have been what I would've had with you and David since I was raised here, but you know what I mean," she smirked in the way that made Snow quietly laugh since she knew that in that moment her face transformed to look just like David's. "But I... I still feel like... even though I know that you're not wanting to replace me-"
"We're not," Snow soothingly agreed while running her fingers through the blonde's hair.
"But I can't help but feel that way," Emma sighed. "And I know how selfish that sounds-"
"It doesn't!"
Emma nodded her head in disagreement. "It does, Mary Marg-" she stopped. "I've got an eleven year old kid. YES, I did miss eleven years of his life, but he's still a kid. I still have time to leave my mark on him so that he can look at me the way you want me to look at you. You want someone who can call you Mom without first having to punch through all the defensive walls she's built around her. And I'm not there yet. I know that I have before, but it's... it was different." She looked around her at the depths of the forest around them. If she had been alone, she might have been frightened that she would have been lost from the group; but being with her mother, she knew the woman's talent in tracking would have made it simple for them to find the group. Sadly, the same skills could not be used to extinguish the fears she continued to have after 28 years of loneliness. "I don't want you to give up on me," she said in a cracking voice that seemed so strange and foreign. The orphaned little girl buried inside of her made her presence known. "I don't want you to stay here because you think I don't love you, Mo-" She bit her lip. Her eyes welled when she knew she would not be able to complete her statement. "I... I do... I'm just not there yet to... say it."
"Emma, honey, I know you love me," Snow said as she wiped her daughter's fallen tears. "And I would never give up on you, not here or in any realm. You're my wonderful and beautiful daughter whom I love beyond my own life whether you choose to call me Mom, Snow, or Mary-Margaret. That will never change. We're a family."
"But home is where your family is. That's not here! How could you want to stay here... without me? Without Henry?" Emma blushed at how selfish and perhaps childish she sounded. She looked away from her mother. Something about Neverland brought out the worst in her fears. She was frazzled and not making sense. She hoped her mother did not think she did not view David as a member of her family. That was not what she meant. "I'm sor-"
"Don't ever apologize for how you feel," Snow once again spoke over her. "I feel incredibly selfish for wanting to stay here with your father, but I... I don't know what to do." Taking Emma's hand in her own, she began to lead them toward the group whom she knew, given her inability to hear them, had ventured quite a distance away from them. "If I leave, your father, my true love, is left alone here to fend off the Lost Boys on his own. And if I stay, you're left without your parents... again." She sighed. "It's as though no matter what we do, we're cursed! We can dig ourselves out of one battle, but somehow we end up in another... and I guess, I guess I'm picking my battle... or at least trying to."
Hearing her mother's internal struggle on what she should do, it finally dawned on her what it was she was witnessing; Snow White had resigned to what she believed was her fate. With this struggle was the simple fact that this infuriatingly optimistic woman had done the one thing Emma would have never believed had she not standing before her to witness; her mother had given up. 'When I stop believing that things will work out for the best, that's when I know that they won't.' Her mind then went to her father's words, 'I will find you. I will always find you.' And then her thoughts fell to her son. Henry. The key to saving him from Neverland and from Pan was to have faith. Was this not the thing which the Lost Boys all lacked? Was not the absence of faith the reason these boys were trapped in a place never to return to their families, many of whom were long gone? If faith could save her son, surely it could also save her father from this hopeless land.
"You don't believe, do you?" She simply asked.
Continuing to track the group's footsteps, Snow frowned at the question. "Believe what?"
"That good always wins," Emma quoted the very words she had been reminded of by not only her mother, but also her son and her father. It was one of the two mantras in which her family strongly believed. "Mary Margaret, you don't have to stay here... because David... he isn't going to be here. He's coming home! You don't have to choose anything... except us."
"Emma, there's no way." Rather than allow herself the hope that her daughter was right, Snow continued her tracking. "Even if we were to defeat Pan, the fact of the matter is that David cannot leave Neverland. He'll die if he does! Don't you get that?"
Before long you'll be an orphan... The words resonated with her. Faced with her father's mortality, Emma tugged at her mother's hand to force her to stop and pay attention to her. They could find the group... her father... later. They would always find one another. This could not wait.
"Of course I get it!" She harshly whispered. "But don't you get that there's always another way? I mean, when did you stop believing that good always wins? When did you... God, Mary Margaret... when did you give up hope?!" When she noticed that she had struck a nerve, she softened her tone. "I don't know, maybe you're rubbing off on me or something, but I know there's a way." Emma continued with a squeeze of her mother's hand. "And I... we'll... WE'LL find it... that's what this family does, right?"
Squeezing Emma's hand back, Snow nodded. Perhaps she had allowed Neverland to also affect her and cause her to stop believing in the one thing that had allowed her to put her newborn infant into a wardrobe that would separate them for 28 years. Playing Pan's game, she had begun to lose her faith. She had lost hope. She had stopped believing. She would have preferred to stay in this land where time stood still so that she could be with her true love, all the while her other true love - her daughter - was yet again without her. A part of her believed that being with David would give him hope so that he would not succumb to the hopelessness of his environment; yet, she had done just that. The other part of her believed that of the two, her husband needed her more than their daughter did. But what use would she be to him if she stopped believing? She was ashamed.
"Thank you, honey," she finally managed to say. "You're right. I don't know when I lost the ability to see it, but there really is only one choice. It's our family."
Initiating a hug, Emma held tightly to her mother. "And our home." She allowed herself to relax as she felt the woman's arms wrap around her. "Now, let's get Pan and free Henry and David from this hell hole."