Hate by FriedAlaska~
Summary: "Hey Sasuke," Suigetsu asked nonchalantly, cocking his head slightly to the right. "Where'd you learn to hate?"
Suigetsu was sick and tired of eating fish. The smell, the texture, the taste. It was all wrong to him.
"Maybe Jugo fancies this kind of nutrition, but I could go without it." He grumbled, picking at one of the stray bones that lay in front of him.
Sitting across from him, Jugo looked downcast and cleared his throat quickly, before shoving another piece of fish into his mouth.
Suigetsu sighed. In fact, he was tired of a lot of things. Tired of moving too fast for too long each dreary day. Tired of Karin's infatuation with Sasuke and her nagging self. Tired of the cold and tired of the tired.
He glanced at each of the members of his 'team' as they slowly ate dinner in front of the fire in silence. The forest was hushed aside from slight chewing noises, the crackling of the flames and quiet breathing. He yawned loudly, putting down his food and causing a scene dramatic enough for Karin to let out a shallow growl which he ignored.
It was then he unofficially decided the conversation had to start rolling. They traveled together in absolute solitude for weeks already and he was about to go insane from all the "peacefulness". A question had lingered on his mind since the very first day this squad was assembled and this seemed like the perfect time to pipe up.
"Hey Sasuke," Suigetsu asked nonchalantly, cocking his head slightly to the right. "Where'd you learn to hate?"
The random spark of conversation caused Sasuke to pause and Jugo to grow alarmed. Suigetsu's words hung in the air as heavy as lead and nobody wanted to speak first. A faint rustling of leaves echoed in the background as Sasuke looked up. There was absolutely no readable expression on his face and his eyes were hollow, black as always as they bore into Suigetsu's.
A moment later, Karin yelped from behind him, obviously peeved off at the sound of his voice.
"Why do you have to invade into his personal life?" She objected, narrowing her eyes at him. She would never give him the satisfaction of knowing that she had been dying to know the answer as well. Suigetsu shrugged but Sasuke held up a hand and seemed to ponder at the question.
When in fact, he knew exactly when and where he had learned what it meant to hate.
The teacher is saying something about how he knows what it feels like to lose everything. He does and he doesn't. He does because there's no denying he knows what he's talking about. He doesn't because he doesn't know me. Where I come from, or the things I've had to deal with. What I'm feeling right now and how much my head hurts as I struggle to stay awake. Or how I'm itching to leave this place and forget all about today, yesterday, tomorrow and forever.
The teacher is saying something about my family's vibrant and comforting personalities. I imagine my brother chuckling, somewhere off in the middle of nowhere but always in my mind, telling me to give this idiot the finger. I imagine my dead father dropkicking his ass on the ground within seconds and having my dead mother scold him for being so hasty. I imagine everything and anything and feel a hole nagging and dying to open where my stitches are. He doesn't know me. I wish he'd stop pretending he does.
The teacher stops his speech short when he notices I'm twiddling my thumbs with my head down, and shaking softly. Against my will, circles of liquid are building up and I frantically resist blinking. Lately, my body has been having trouble connecting with my brain- doing things I've deliberately been trying to avoid. His words trail off and he stiffly walks over to give me a pat on the back. The rest of the class (who has been watching me anxiously since this fiasco started about 20 minutes ago) awkwardly claps, unsure of what to do next. Maybe they were moved by his touching lecture. Or maybe they're just grateful they don't have to listen to his clichéd words anymore. Either or.
I tense up when he comes near me, because I really don't want a pat and because I'm not crying and I refuse to believe that those tears are mine.
Shinobi rule #25: Shinobi must never show their emotions, no matter the circumstances.
I could just hear my father yelling at me, reminding me that weakness is never the answer.
Is it okay that I'm crying? Even if it's because this guy's speech bore me to tears? Even if I'm lying right now? Even if I'm not a shinobi yet so these stupid rules don't apply to me anyway? Is it okay to hate the ones who've made you cry, regardless of how much they used to mean to you?
Class is dismissed abruptly and the other students flee the area like a bomb warning had just been issued around the perimeter. I am the last one to leave the room as I stagger slowly, my feet skidding along the floor. I'm also praying the teacher would stop acknowledging me. At least once this week. Lately, it seemed like all people of Konoha wanted to give me were sad smiles and light hugs and every little hug initiated a knot rising in my stomach. I felt like hurling most of the day. The fatigue was overwhelming, and somewhere between police investigations, endless questioning and apologetic faces, I forgot what it felt like to sleep.
"Sasuke." He calls out, looking up from a mountain of piled papers, his eyes rimmed with red. I halt, and turn to look over my shoulder, not moving from where I stood. It hurt to just move my neck.
"Yes?" I answer. My mouth is dry and I let the words hang in the atmosphere, feeling the weight over my shoulders. I want nothing more than to go home to an empty house and chug down another gallon of coffee. I usually hated the way it scorches my tongue and it's lingering bitter after taste but it kept the nightmares and reruns of the past I didn't want to see far away. I figure as long as I don't shut my eyes and let my mind wander off on its own, I could at least pretend that I was alright. He opened his mouth to say something but decided against it and kept it shut. I took his silence as my own personal cue to leave.
"I'm sorry." He says suddenly, flustered and in a rush.
"I know." I say. Like I predicted that's what he would eventually come up with. He looks back up at me with a perplexed expression and I want to say more but I realize there's nothing more to be said. So nothing comes out and I stand paralyzed with a million things I could have mentioned and probably should have but don't. Then I compose myself and close my gapping mouth. I picture Itachi sitting at a now abandoned desk, smiling at me for enduring this new and more civilized form of torture for so long. I hear him saying, "Hey Sasuke- It's not every day you get so much attention from your elders, eh?"
I look closely at the teacher's frown lines that enclose his mouth and the permanently etched in wrinkles that line his forehead. I look at his headband, the one I so desperately wanted only a month ago but now hate and I see my reflection off of the sides of metal and I realize how stupid I look right now.
"Sorry." I mutter automatically, knowing my blank stares were not going unnoticed.
"It's alright Sasuke. You're so young. This must be awfully hard on you."
The teacher has no idea how hard. My frail 7 year old body has accumulated so much frustration, so much hatred, that I know I'm about to explode from the never ending nostalgia of a former life. I am lonely and I am tired but he'll never understand. They all don't understand.
Besides the occasional patch of grass that tickles my ankles and the single swing that does not stop swaying, I'm alone when I walk outside. It's cold out, being one of the earlier days in November and all of a sudden I'm in no hurry to get home. A faint rustle catches my attention from nearby, and my eyes narrow as I see not one, but two heads poorly hidden behind a bush, the sounds of their giggling ripples across the front entrance of the school. I could hear hushed whispers and shrieks that they try to pass off as quiet. I had already despised them; this feeling had taken root many months ago, but I tried my best to act oblivious. That the abnormal attention they gave me wasn't bothersome/boarder lining obsessive and that nothing had annoyed me more than their ignorance.
"HI SASUKE!" Screamed Yamanako Ino, as her blonde head of hair popped up, eyes shining and arms flailing. She seemed unaware that we were only 20 feet apart, and screeching at the top of her lungs made no difference except in terms of damage to my hearing ability. Another eager face appeared besides her, and I identified her as Haruno Sakura. She smiled and although she didn't speak, I could see the lust in her eyes that would have otherwise been mistaken as blood-thirst if I hadn't known any better. The two of them were like gnats, attacking your face at every possible opportunity and coming at you in swarms.
"Want to come visit my parent's flower shop? I'll be sure to give you a rose for free!" Cue more hysterical laughter from the one with pink hair, as the blonde boldly offered me a hand and a smirk remained plastered on her face. I could not have imagined anything more absurd and it fueled more disgust towards my mood for the evening.
"Hn." The quiet syllable escaped my lips louder than I had expected, and I turned my heel after dishing out another uncomfortable glance at the two of them. Not that they really mind. They lost interest in their obnoxious game and began a quarrel amongst themselves, insisting that they knew exactly which flower I preferred the most. To be honest, I wasn't a fan of any of them and I wondered if they thought I was into those materialistic sorts of things. Not that this occupied my mind for too long.
Suddenly, sitting alone at home didn't seem like such a bad idea. I could be alone with my thoughts and at least in my mind, there would be no one to bother me when I was in such a dangerous place. Peace and quiet seemed like a small price to pay for a walking distance only 5 minutes away. 300 seconds away. 300000 milliseconds away.
"Wait, Sasuke-kun!"
I think the most important thing to come out of all of this is to remember to not go back to school anytime soon after any relative has been killed in any sort of unlikely fashion. These two meant nothing to me. They didn't understand. In fact, nobody understood, and those who had tried to convince themselves otherwise, were wrong. Guilty, guilty, guilty. I didn't want to hear any of it. The very taste of living among these arrogant fools was vile and utterly hopeless.
He smiled to himself as he recalled the memory.
"Hate?" Sasuke asked, after a long, drawn out silence. His voice was unwavering, almost brushing on innocent. The three others were surprised to hear him speak. A rapid change in the mood of the night instantly took place, and to say that the atmosphere was tense would be a heavy understatement. Nobody moved. Karin and Jugo hesitated to even let out a breath. He looked Suigetsu directly in the eyes with such a chill it made the mist nin's blood run cold.
"Who said I hated?"
Reviews/questions/concerns & comments, I like them all ~