Chapter One: The Struggle

I grip the brass, carved edges of the great floor length mirror. I bow my head, shame crashing on me like a tidal wave – raging and relentless. Now was the moment of truth…now was the time to see how skinny I was. After how hard I've worked to get this way. I started with counting calories, watching my carb intake, double checking that I consumed low fat foods and gluten free products. I tried dieting for a week, living off of tuna fish and water. I passed out the third day, as if my body didn't want to cooperate. It never did…exercising was taxing and did nothing for me. What a waste of time it was. The sensation of my lungs burning and the excruciating pain shooting up my legs became so familiar…but in the end, hardly any progress was made. Not the progress I wanted.

My name is Kurumi Fujioka; a 15 year old, second year at Kaibara Highschool. I'm actually a Sohma, but I took on a fake surname so I can distance myself from them as much as possible. My blue hair and rainbow eyes don't help that situation, but what can I do? I'm the peacock of the zodiac. Try as I may, I can't hide who I am…even though I like to think otherwise.

I bite my lip, conjuring up enough brevity to face myself in the glass. I blink back at my reflection, anxiety wedging itself in my gut. My heart rate quickens as my eyes trail down my figure…not at all appealing or satisfyingly curvy. In fact, I look fatter than yesterday. I groan in frustration and push away from the unforgiving mirror. After a month I still don't look any different. Nothing ever worked. Just once…I wanted to be deemed beautiful…just once…

XxX

The very next morning, my alarm's blares fill the room; the irritating siren breaking the once peaceful silence and the prevalence it held. I drag myself out of bed and trudge to my chartreuse dresser to smack the alarm so that it shuts off. A yawn forces its way out, and edges past my lips as I rub my eyes in sheer exhaustion. Smacking my lips together, I become painfully aware of my extreme case of morning breath. With great agitation I make my way to the bathroom to freshen up and at least fix my hair to some degree.

By the time I've taken care of my hygiene, tied my blue hair up in a top knot – securing it in place with bobby pins – and have changed into the Kaibara uniform, I slink down the stairs with my bag slung carelessly over my shoulder. My Dad's seated at the elegantly carved dining table, periodically sipping from his sleek black coffee mug and checking his e-mails. My Dad worked at a nearby, high-end law firm. If you wanted to sue someone, clear your name, or get divorced – he was your man. He was actually photogenic in a sort of geeky way; his dark brown hair was voluminous and reached the tips of his ears, his chocolate unassuming eyes were hidden behind tan, round frames; his face had been clean shaven as he always had to keep it that way for seeing clients. Dad was tall, towering at 6 "2" and was nauseatingly, deeply, and profoundly in love with my Mother.

My Mom – an esteemed school teacher – was slaving over the stove, preparing a breakfast for the three of us. Her raven hair falls over her eyes, her hair reaching the tip of her shoulders, and curling at the ends. Her eyes an oceanic blue, standing out against her milky white skin – she was short but was anything but a pushover. Mom to me seemed to wear the pants in the family; she always looked to be the one in control. She pretty much was…she's what kept this family running smoothly. She had to…

My family didn't reject me for being born a zodiac. Although I could never know the warmth of a Father's embrace, they still loved and cherished me deeply…I never understood how they could, but I supposed they didn't have much choice. I was the only child they had left. After the death of my brother in a drunk driving accident a year ago, my parents have been trying to draw closer to me ever since. It was as if they believed I would somehow fade from existence if they didn't ask how I was feeling every five seconds. To me, they did so out of fear…fear that if they didn't love me enough – I too would disappear.

I plopped down in the dark wooden chair, reaching for the box of fruit loops and pouring them into my teal bowl. Being the peacock, I had a deep fascination with the colors blue and green and their plethora of shades. My family used to tease me about that all the time…before my brother died, when we could still make jokes and have lighthearted moments…now the house often felt tense. Awkward. Like a violin carrying on a sad note for far too long.

Mom turned the eyes of the stove off, and poured the steaming scrambled eggs onto three separate plates. She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and turned to me with a small smile. "Hey sweetie, how are you?"

There it was…

I popped the top of the milk carton open, and dumped the leftover contents into my bowl of cereal. "Fine…I guess…" except that I shouldn't be eating right now…did I ever learn?

"That's good. What about your grades? Have you been keeping them up?" She asked simply to make conversation; we all knew my grades sucked. I don't think I've ever seen a C in person, let alone an A. I barely got by years ago, now I just didn't care. It seemed after we lost Makoto, everything fell apart.

Dad lifted the mug to his lips before cutting in, "I was thinking lately about hiring a tutor for her…Yuki Sohma, he's a bloke I actually approve of. Why don't you have him work with you on your studies?"

I choked on my spoonful of fruit loops, and slammed my fist on the table as I coughed.

"Are you alright?" Mom rushed over, alarmed.

I waved her away, "Yeah…I'm fine. I just choked," I glared at Dad as I guzzled down my glass of orange juice.

Why did he have to bring him up? He didn't know the entire story of what went down between rat boy and I, but he knew the gist…we broke up.

It was during my first year of high school, days after the accident. I served on the student council that year as the school treasurer. Anyway, I'd decided to skip a meeting that day and instead sat outside the school sidewalk. I remember the suffocating and overwhelming darkness I felt. I'd stared up at the sky, everything appeared so dark…I'd been sitting there for so long; I hadn't even realized the sun had begun setting – the sky erupting in hues of pinks, purples, and blues. It wasn't until someone tapped me on the shoulder that I'd noticed how late it had gotten. I looked up into the prince's mysterious purple eyes. I saw Yuki and only Yuki. Everything else around me blurred and became a mute background noise.

"Hello Miss Kurumi. I missed you in student council today," he said to me. "Are you alright?"

He took a seat beside me. Akito's prized possession was actually asking about me. Honestly even though he was Akito's pet, I liked Yuki so much. Ever since we were younger I had been infatuated with him. He was always so kind to me, something I wasn't used to.

"I heard about the accident…I'm so sorry." His words caught me off guard. I supposed word spread quickly throughout the Sohma family. It wouldn't take long before someone knew all the skeletons in your closet.

I nodded, not knowing how to respond to his condolences. I'd been hearing so many apologies and words of pity these past few days that I didn't want to hear anymore. I managed to not cry the entire time. I shut my emotions off, refusing to feel anything. I numbed myself so that I wouldn't be in pain. I wouldn't allow myself to sink so deep into my grief that I wouldn't be able to snap out of it…but in this moment as Yuki looks at me with such sadness reflected in those purple eyes…I find that I curl within myself; a lump forming in my throat, my throat tight as tears well in my eyes. A tear escapes the corner of my eye, as I look at him. He draws me to his chest, wrapping his arms around me as my heart twisted painfully. Yuki had been the only one to comfort me, the only one to see through my façade and know the deep anguish I felt…it wasn't long after when we'd begun spending more time together and wound up dating a month later.

But Akito somehow found out about our relationship and threatened to lock me up in the cat room…so he let me go. The rat left me to my darkness, he left me to suffer and wallow in my depression alone…all because he thought I needed his protecting. I told him countless times that I could protect myself, but he never relented. He eventually stopped returning my texts, so things ended between us…and I never wanted to associate myself with Yuki or see him again.

"I think I'm going into school early. I'll see you guys later," before they could respond, I tossed my bag over my shoulder, pulled on my doc martens, and was out the door.

Hey guys! I was originally going to wait until I finished this story all the way through, but I couldn't help it xD I wanted to publish it two-three chapters in. But, I'm working hard on this and The Arranged Marriage so I can make speedier updates! (That's a hint that I haven't abandoned that story :p) I hope you all enjoy as I delve into new, unexplored territory with this character.

For those of you that have been around for a bit of time, this was originally another fanfic I had written entitled, "Rainbow Of The Past, Rain Of The Future," and I'm re-doing it entirely with a different plot.

I hope you all enjoy and the next chapter is already written! I'm just waiting for how you guys respond before I post ;)

Anyway, baiiii :3