Brad:
The trees were very green that day. The birds were singing. The whomping willow even seemed to be happy. Brad kalnasy was hanging out in the Center courtyard, reading. Big surprise. But it was October afterall, and surprisingly nice at that.
Though some of the trees had already begun to fade and wilt, many were still green. It was a wonderous thing really. The only thing that bothered Brad about this day was that he was reading a romance novel. Normally that would have been an excellent day, btu today he was reminded over and over of Kittseta, and what it could have been.
Instead of the lovely night both of them had planned on, it turned out monstrous. Infact, she wouldn't even look at him anymore. She blatently ignored him in Charms. Brad had managed a smile, and she looked right past him.
The truth was, that Brad missed her. Kitts was what he wanted. Sure, this novel was great, but it was nothing compared to what he was missing out on. All Brad had thought about since the ball was her, and what coudl have been.
Why it bothered him so much, he didn't know. No girl had ever made him feel this way. It was sually the other way around. Never had a girl stolen his heart. Never. What was so different about Kittseta Lochrial? She had played the same mean game on Brad, that he had on her. They had both been doing ti for so long now, they didn't recognize it when they saw it.
Brad closed his book. He got up, and wandered into the green houses, leaving the book on the bench where he was sitting. Soemone else would have a better use for it than he, he decided.
He now truely knew what it meant to be alone. With no one there beside him. Not even Leanne could know how he felt. Though, there was no way hh would ever open up to her about this. She knew of his deviant ways with women. Infact, if it weren't for the fact that they'd known each other all their lives, she probably would have suffered the same fate as so many other unsuspecting girls.
That rose the question to Brad. Why did they fall for him so easily, over and over? They knew he was notorious for breaking hearts. It was basically his middle name. Brad Heart-breaker Kalnasy.
Kittseta:
October was usually one of Kittseta's favorite seasons. She loved the changing colors, the shift in the weather and the warm clothes that accompanied her now due to the approaching cold. She loved pulling out her scarves and longer skirts and long sleeved blouses. And usually, October meant a new boy toy.
She stepped lightly down the stairs in her silver flats and navy blue skirt. Her sweater hugged her tightly as she had her hands stuffed in the pockets and a green scarf wrapped around her neck that accented her eyes beautifully. Her blonde hair cascaded down her shoulders, and she looked completely confident and secure to everyone that passed her in the corridors, even though she wasn't.
It had been bothering her a lot lately how she didn't know what she was feeling any longer. What had that stupid boy done to her? Kittseta wasn't used to this. And she didn't like it.
Ever since the end of last year, she had found herself no longer constantly smiling. Kittseta had always been known for her cheerfulness, the constant smiles, the perfect attitude. But she had fallen for a boy and she hated it. And now she was no longer happy. Happiness felt forced recently.
She had never encountered someone that played her own game before; he had played her, and she had almost thought she was falling for him. But the bastard had used her. Of course, she had been doing the same thing. But no one was allowed to play her game except her. And she usually played it so well… what had gone wrong? She had known Brad from before, surely he knew then… surely he knew that things wouldn't work. So why had they tried in the first place?
Kittseta hadn't even wanted to be around her friends any longer. She felt claustrophobic now, surrounded by a bunch of people. She didn't want to be around people if she couldn't be around him.
What the hell am I thinking… she thought to herself. She didn't want to be around him. Permanence… that's what that kind of infatuation would lead to. A relationship was a disturbing thought, and so totally opposite of her character. She couldn't let that happen.
Wandering aimlessly, she suddenly found her way to the greenhouse, which wasn't surprising. Kittseta had always loved the outdoors. And the greenhouses, though indoors, was a solitude sort of outdoors, which she needed right now.
Looking up, her eyes caught a figure, and she cursed under her breath. She wanted to be alone. Why did so many damn people have to like her? That's what screwed everything up. She moved a little closer as the figure shifted and she stopped. Brad Kalnasy was standing before her. She intook her breath sharply and narrowed her eyes, turning to leave before he noticed that she was there, hopefully.
Brad:
There was no one around. It was nice. Being alone for once. Brad didn't exactly get all the only time he'd like. The whole time he was inside the castle, eh was playing a sharade. Being someone else. There was no one he could go to about this. Was there? Leanne would just laugh. He coulnd't trust anyone else.
The one person Brad wanted to talk to the most, he couldn't even say hello to. Everytime he saw her in the corridors, in class, the common room, he couldn't bring himself to say anything.
This one person entered the greenhouses just then. Brad turned around to find Kittseta turning to leave the greenhouses again, at sight of him. Or atleast thats what it appeared.
"Don't go."
He knew Kitts wasn't goign to like the idea of them talkign again. IT seemed that after one night, he had gotten to know her so well. As impossible as it seems. They were so similar though. She knew it. He knew it.
At this pointin time, if Kittseta didn't forgive him, he'd have no where to go. There would be those silly fourth years following him around yes, but they were no source of comfort. There would be a piece of his heart missing. A Kittseta shaped hole.
Kittseta:
In any other circumstances, Kittseta would have been completely in control of the situation. Kitts was always in control of every situation. What she wanted happened, for she had that charismatic charm about her. She was never cruel, she was just kind, sweet, boy magnet, manipulative Kittseta. She didn't intend to hurt people, though it rarely bothered her that she did.
And so it would have been so easy for Kittseta to continue to storm out, even with interruption accompanying it. But as she neared the door, the voice that would no longer escape her head rang out through the green house, but now it was pained and hurt.
"Don't go."
She muttered a curse under her breath, and for some reason instinctively reached into her pocket and fingered her wand as she turned to look at him. She wanted to leave so badly, and her mind was working overtime to tell her feet to leave, but there was a part of her that was stronger that was forcing her to stay.
He sounded so sad, and helpless... and hurt... I don't care... she argued to herself, even though she knew it wasn't true. I can't get myself into this situation again. Permanence. A permanent relationship. Wasn't that what every girl wanted? She thought she had at one time, too, she recalled as she instinctively took her left hand in her right and fingered the ring on her middle finger concealing the latest, and most worthless tattoo she posessed. She would never get that name away from her now... and did she want that to happen with Brad too?
Yes... wait, no.
But yet she couldn't step away. She took one step towards him looking straight into his eyes and stopped, not allowing herself to move any further. She couldn't do this. Leave. But she couldn't. She was stuck there, unable to move.
Brad:
All of Brad's life, he thought his ways of treating women were perfection. There was no need for a relationship when you could get what you wanted and leave right? Until he met Kittseta. He knew from the very moment she looked into his eyes in the green houses, this is the woman he wanted to spend his life with.
What puzzled Brad was that Kittseta obviously did not feel the same way. Was she still content, going from guy to guy, ignoring their feelings? Just as they had done to each other? Had she not tasted the sweet taste of love as Brad did?
If she didn't, why did she turn around at Brads simple words? Normally Kittseta would have left without a second though. What brought her back to Brad was beyond him, and probably her as well.
Kittseta's piercing gaze put Brad on the edge. It was too much to take. How did she feel? He wanted to know the answer, then and there, but wasn't ready to ask the question. He was like a starving mouse, taking in the smells of cheese, sitting inside a mouse trap.
Brad couldn't stay a starving mouse. He knew that. But how to you get around this trap? Kittseta was... Dominating. Manipulating. Everything Brad used to be, and once thought was all that mattered. There was no getting around this trap. He'd just have to jump in head first, and hope for the best.
"Listen," He began. "This is really hard for me to say... But please, give me the chance?" This was harder than he thought. Sure, the words were coming to him beautifully, but getting them from his mind out of his mouth was almost suffocating. He could feel his muscles tensing up, all over his body.
He continued, "Every since the ball I... I've been. I've been thinking bout you. I can't stop. You're everywhere I am. I know there's no way you feel the same way, and that's okay. I'm just not happy with my 2 hour relationships anymore. I want something bigger. Something that means something. Anything. A story to tell the grandchildren. Something to remember on my death bed."
Brad paused, "I want that something with you, Kittseta."
Kittseta:
As much as Kittseta wanted to feel regret for turning around, she couldn't. Looking at Brad, a blazing hot light was suddenly lit on her heart trying to melt away all the iciness that currently surrounded it. But something inside her was desperately trying to block the light at all costs, and she wasn't quite sure why, even though she knew a part of her still wanted to.
"Listen," He began. "This is really hard for me to say... But please, give me the chance?"
What had happened to him? The Brad Kittseta had once known was nothing like this. The term charismatically and manipulatively domineering came to mind. That's what had caused the situation in the first place. And things had been so simple to end it. There had been a fight, and they had both yelled, and Kittseta had made sure that she dumped him before he ever dumped her. And they hadn't even made out yet. That's what pissed her off the most. That it had ended so soon.
But this Brad... he was acting like a little boy. Of course, that's what Kittseta was feeling inside, a lost, upset child. But if one were to look at her on the outside they would never be able to tell. Kitteta held up appearances well. Brad was tensing up, and he looked lost. Kittseta felt a pang inside her but ignored it. When Kittseta didn't say anything, but didn't move either, Brad continued.
"Every since the ball I... I've been. I've been thinking bout you. I can't stop. You're everywhere I am. I know there's no way you feel the same way, and that's okay. I'm just not happy with my 2 hour relationships anymore. I want something bigger. Something that means something. Anything. A story to tell the grandchildren. Something to remember on my death bed."
Kittseta tensed over. Don't listen to him, she told herself, he's speaking nonsense... he doesn't really want that, and neither do you, she said. Kittseta had only one aim; every night to date a different boy, calling each one of them by the same pet name, 'baby'. Always practicing this ideal, keeping temptation out of easy reach, never having to sing the sordid tale of a tied down girl. What did she need with love?
And all of this could happen so easily! ... without him.
Without him?
Kittseta may have been able to hold on to her ideals so easily. Until he spoke again.
"I want that something with you, Kittseta."
What? Shaking it off, fighting the urge to run over to him, she held her ground. Love wasn't real. She was just caught up in the moment. Her deadbeat father had proved to her that relationships didn't work. But without realizing it, her icy stare dissappeared and a soft look took its place. And moments later it was gone as Kittseta recovered herself, hoping he didn't notice.
She breathed in, then spoke in a voice that he had heard before, the one dripping with venom... though even Brad should have been able to tell that the venom was no longer as toxic as Kittseta wished it to be. "How.. can you even say that." She seached for words, fumbling, uncharacteristic of her character. "How can you say there's no way I feel the same way.. then force such an ideal of yours on me!" She was gaining momentum. "If you really wanted that than you would believe that I felt that too. Don't relationships have to be consensual? What's so different about this then before? I don't see any difference between this and the other tramps you've broken the hearts of. Don't relationships need love? We don't have any!" But her voice broke slightly before she could recover it.
Brad:
Brad was breaking down. This wasn't nromal. Kittseta had really done a number to the poor kid. What happened to the slutty, fun loving, cunning boy he used to be? He was gone. There now, in his body, was a scared, weak, fac similie of a sham of what he used to be.
It was as if a whole knew person had taken over. Brad simply ignored it. The problem at hand was much bigger than himself alone. Kittseta apparently knew it as well. There was a hint of consusion in her eyes, letting Brad know she was getting the picture.
Infact, she seemed clam at first. As if nothing were different, until he dropped the bomb. But ti was true. Everything he had said. He wanted a life long love. Someone to grow old with. And he wanted that someone to be Kittseta. Kittseta and Brad, forever, as one.
A hint of hope, in the midst of confusion burst through Brad's ears. "How can you say there's no way I feel the same way" How could she feel the same way? She had dumped him afterall. She was who Brad used to be. She didn't change. She wasn't constantly think of him, the way eh did of her. She could never return his feelings.
Still, her words gave him hope. Though as quickly as it came, she took it away again. Like ripping his heart right out of his chest, leaving him with nothing but the bleeding remnants.
"Don't relationships need love? We don't have any!"
And Brad was speechless again. He couldn't explain what it was about her. The way she talked? The way she moved? He didn't know. He loved all of her. Why was she different from all the other girls? Brad dind't know that either. All he knew was the way he felt. The way he was continuing to feel, and knew he would always feel.
He needed Kittseta. Like a little lost bird learning to fly. It needs its mother to teach him. Brad needs her to love him. Forever. Without her, he might as well clip off his wings, and jump off a cliff.
"I..." Brad paused. Every word was becomming harder. It was like... like throwing up a pitch fork, every breath hurt, and then he had to get it out. Afterwards, it would still ache. His throat would be irritated, and his heart would be broken still.
There was only one way to get that pitchfork out, and survive. Kittseta had to cooperate. Atleast be polite with him. Let him down gently if she didn't feel the same way? But no. She jammed that pitchfork right back down his throat and asked him to speak.
"I..." He tried again. "I don't know. All I know is how I feel. I just wanted to know if you felt this way too." Brad dropped his gaze to the ground. It was looking nice. There was a worm crawlign by. How nice a life it would be to be a worm. No worries. No problems.
Brad actually felt the same way about some statues a few days ago. Leannes words were comforting, but not enough to get him through this. There was still something in his way. His heart.
If Kittseta didn't feel the same, what would happen? Would he simply go back to being sad and sulking? Or would e return to his old ways, get over it and do the same thing to some other adoring fan girl.
And even if she did feel the same? Then what? It was like a never ending story. But which ending to choose? Could Kittseta ever fully understand the things he was feeling for her? Could she ever feel the same?
Kittseta:
Throughout Kittseta's short speech, Brad's emotions had fluxed and Kittseta could tell. At the beginning he seemed almost hopeful, which he should have, and still truly rightfully should have, for she really did feel that way. But then she cut him down. Her harsh words bit into him, just as she knew they would, even as it hurt her to say them.
How the hell had she gotten herself into this mess? The evening had been fine, until it had dawned on her that he was playing a game with her, a sick little game. He wanted her in bed, it had dawned on her as quickly as it seemed to dawn on him that she was playing her own game. And when two people play their own game, disaster happens. That was the mess they had gotten themselves into. If they'd have left it at that, it would've been so simple. She could live throughout life avoiding someone, that was now problem.
But now, it had become a problem, because she wanted him. And you can't avoid someone you want.
But she was certainly trying.
Brad may have thought she hadn't changed, but she had. That boy had ruined her. No longer could she come and go, the way she chose. She hadn't so mcuh as hugged a boy since the end of last year. The only boy she could be around and still be her normal flirtacious self with was Dorian, which she'd clung to as a hope. Maybe she could still lead the life she had led before.
"I..."
He stumbled, and breathed in as Kittseta flinched. She didn't know why she did so, but she found herself having to force normalcy once more, to pretend that everything was ok, and that she was perfectly happy the way she was.
"I..." He tried again. "I don't know. All I know is how I feel. I just wanted to know if you felt this way too."
Kittseta crossed her arms plaintively over her chest. Just force yourself to leave, you'll be able to handle things if you just leave. So she turned herself but stopped, and turned back, opening her mouth, before closing it again. Damn, this was difficult. Then without realizing it she took a step towards him, and closed her eyes. It felt weird, because she wasn't smiling, and she had always smiled before.
"I..." she began softly, her words no longer harsh, but her voice was changed. It wasn't sweet anymore. It was just normal. Kittseta wasn't normal. That's what was the problem.
She shook her head, and changed her question. "And.. and what is it that you feel, Brad?" She loved him. No she didn't. She shook her head slightly, but visibly, clearing thoughts away from her head.
She was just afraid of love, that was the problem. But it didn't matter, because love wasn't real! She breathed in one last time and spoke once more. "Because it's important for me to know exactly what you're feeling before I can know if I feel that way as well."
What the hell was she doing, just stalling for time? Kittseta no longer knew, but she stopped speaking. She couldn't continue.
Brad:
There was hope. Kittseta felt... someway. If it was the way Brad did, everythign would be alright. Wouldn't it? Brad didn't know about her constantly flirting with Dorian, but he would have to find out eventually. And even though he had Dalliah, nothing would prevent Dorian from sizing up Brad over a woman. They had been rivals for a good while now.
After meeting in the common room last year, Brad thought he was an okay guy. After being around him a little more however, he learned Dorian wasn't someone he wanted to be around, ever, let alone being in the same house and almsot the same year as him.
Luckily, Dorian wasn't there to hinder Brad's confession. If he had, Brad may have never gotten those words out. It would be even more painful for him to be denied the love he's been longing for since the ball, all through the summer, with someone there to watch. To laugh at his every pain. Which is precisely what Dorian would do.
"It's important for me to know exactly what you're feeling"
Little did Brad know that those words would be ringing in his head for days to come. Even as it did now, he had no clue what to say in response.
How did he feel? He still didn't know. All he knew was that he had to get conformation or it would be the end of Brad as we know it. He'd never be the same. With no time to think about how it was he really felt, Brad's words were jumbled inside his head.
Do I love her?
Brad knew as well as Kittseta did. Though, more than likely, Kitts knew more than she showed. He was bearing his feelings out for her to see. She had to figure something out, didn't she? Kittseta was much to smart to be ignorant to his emotions. There were right there. Just sitting. Waiting.
Waiting for her to bear hers.
"I don't want to say I love you." That sounded much harsher than Brad had intended. It wasn't his entire thought, but it was all that ahd managed to come out quite yet. His words were still just as hard.
"Because I don't know... exactly how I feel." And it was true. Thee feelings were suffocating. They were always there, Telling Brad to go after her, but never telling him how to d o it, or why.
With his heart beating faster than he's ever felt, Brad stood in front of the woman he loved. He didn't know it of course, but she loved him too.
Kittseta:
What was she doing? She was setting herself up again. She wouldn't be hurt, of course, because Kittseta didn't get hurt; at least, that was before. She moved closer to him, one tiny foot stepping at a time, it was barely noticable that she was moving, but as he stumbled over his words she moved closer, all the while willing herself to go back, but failing.
A few times she paused, but then without realizing she'd move towards him again. She couldn't deny that she wanted him, not to herself and not to anyone, but she was furiously trying to deny that she loved him, that she needed to be with him. That wasn't true. Kittseta didn't need anybody.
But even with all her precautions, she did love him. Stupid boy. She might not have realized it yet, but she did. But really, Kittseta believed, there was no love. Love was merely lust with all of it's glory faded away, wasn't it? Love was giving up. Giving up on independence; feeling like you needed somebody, and it always failed in the end.
She had used Dorian as a crutch, concentrated on him when ever she was trying to free her mind of Brad. He must have slipped her a love potion or something. Truly things were getting ridiculous. But she could always run back to Dorian, if she needed a distraction, a lapse back into her old self. Dorian was always helpful and welcomed her with open arms. A little kiss now and then was what everyone needed to clear their thoughts.
But before she knew it she was there, two feet from him, looking up at him in the same way she'd done when he'd met her in the common room that evening before the ball. And she could see his eyes and that they were hurting and that they were longing, and a part of her began to melt away. Mentally she turned on a fan, desperate for her icy exterior, as well as interior, to stay intact.
And she was failing.
"I don't want to say I love you."
She was stung, bought she fought it away. Even though she truly didn't want to love him, she had thought for a fleeting second... but it didn't matter. She didn't love him.
"Because I don't know... exactly how I feel."
She breathed in deeply, then closed her eyes, and a voice that she'd never heard herself use before came out. It was calm, and soft, but straightforward as she looked at him. "That's a dangerous game to play, Brad." She opened her eyes and held up her hand in front of him, where a serpant twisted around her finger. Quietly, she reached up and slipped the ring off.
"When a person thinks they love someone, they do stupid things." A name was inscribed, wrapped around her finger. "And you think you love me, even though you can't completely understand why or how. This is what hapened the last time I thought I loved someone. And it won't ever go away." She stumbled and dropped her hands to her side, breathing deeply. He was too close to her. She tried to step away and couldn't, but continued speaking anyways.
"Love isn't real, Brad..." she was fighting to say, trying to sound cold. "Love isn't a real thing. It will pass. You can't love me. I'm not the kind of girl that will do well with you... Love doesn't exist, it can't, and it never will... even though... I think I love you too." She dropped her ring and it shattered. What had she said, she turned away, forcing herself not to look at him. She had ruined everything. Dorian. Dorian. Dorian. Flirting. Five seconds relationships. But it didn't work and she attempted to walk away when she felt something grab her by the shoulders, preventing her from moving.
Brad:
"Love
isn't real, Brad..."
"Love isn't real, Brad..."
"Love isn't real, Brad..."
Her words were just as heartbreaking, yet somehow completely unsurprising. It was almost expected to Brad now that Kittseta would deny all traces of love in the world. Every bit of happiness had some other root. It wasn't love.
Little did she know it was love. She was missing out. Love was the most amazing thing to happen to Brad. Though he is totally confused and a bit nauseous, love had given him the greatest feeling of all. It was like a cloud he laid upon, that would never break, never falter or shake. It would always be there.
Brad stood, almost absentmindedly, listening to Kittseta's every word. His face was expressionless, and he was still looking to the ground. How could he face her again after those words? It was exactly as he had roginally though. no, he knew. He knew Kitts could never feel the way he did. It was unconventional. Her will was stronger than his. she would go on forever, drifting from man to man, never being completely satisfied with just one. Brad would simply fade away into the distance. A fragment of a memory of a girl who couldn't even remember his name 10 years later.
Then, Brad heard the words he never thought he'd hear from Kittseta. "I think I love you too." It had to be a lie. She couldn't feel the same. Never. It was a mind game. More of Kittseta's famous tricks. She didn't love him. She didn't believe in love. She was messing with him. Toying with him as if he were a small, hopeless child, there for her to taunt whenever she pleased.
Just as Brad was about to speak again, he couldn't. It wasn't hard emotionally as much as it was physically. His fingers were numb. His limbs were shaking. Even his head was getting dizzy. His vision blurry. It took everything he had to grasp Kittseta by the shoulders before passing out of consciousness.
Kittseta:
As Brad collapsed, all his weight was pushed onto her and her small stature collapsed beneath it and her knees fell to the floor. She threw out her arms to stop her fall, which prevented her head from slamming against the cold ground of the greenhouse floor, and Brad's figure collapsed on top of her.
Kittseta had an unhealthy habit of starving herself when she became upset. Having eaten little for the past few days, Kittseta's frame had grown smaller and she now weighed under one hundred pounds. She was weak, both emotionally and physically from lack of nourishment. With Brad's large, over six foot, heavy muscular body collapsed on top of her, she could find no strength to push him off, even though she tried. Her small hands pushed against him, just enough for her to shift to wear he was only covering her torso, his pale face now only inches from her own.
She was breathing heavily, and tears almost sprang to her eyes, but she shook her head and fought them down. She was only in slight pain from the fall, that was all. She wasn't upset. Sure, she had just defied everything she believed in, but she wasn't upset. ... she tried to convince herself over and over again without success, and soon she let out a shuddered sob before quieting herself and coming to her senses.
She wrenched her thin arm free and desperately grasped at her robe pocket, pulling out her wand, his face still far too close to her own as his closed eyes looked down upon her and she could still feel his steady breathing. Struggling, her fingers finally grasped her wand and she jerked it out of the pocket.
If she did revive him and he was this close and awake what would happen? She was drawn to him as much as she didn't want to be, and she knew that he loved her. But she didn't love him, she couldn't, even though she'd just told him that she did. But love wasn't substantial, and it never would be. Without thinking, she breathed in quickly, pointed her wand at him and muttered, "Ennervate," before dropping her hand and letting out a quick breath as she stared straight up into his face.
Brad:
The room was spinning. Everything was growing dark. There was Kittseta... and another one. And another. Three Kittsetas? Brad could barely handle one! His skin grew cold, as a small amount of sweat grew on his forehead. The moment he was just in was suddenly gone. Now he was in a world he didn't know. Everything was different. The walls were moving. The plants were growing before his eyes. Then there were words.
"Ennervate"
Things started to come back to normal. The walls ceased motion. The plants returned to normal size. All the Kittsetas floating around the room faded into one. The odor of fertilizer was once again present in the air. The feeling of pressure on Brad's rib cage was analyzed by his brain once again.
Kittseta was desperately pushing against him, trying to get his much larger frame off of her own. With sheer instinct, Brad used every muscle in his body he could feel to move himself off of her. He then rested his body once more on the ground. Every inch of his being hurt. It was like he had just been hit by a large truck. 3 times.
Then the scene, just second before this one, began to piece together in Brad's mind again. Kittseta. He had told her. She had... denied him, but then gave him hope? She felt the same way. This had to be a dream. Part of his unconsciousness. His mind was playing tricks on him. Kittseta Lochrial, like Brad Kalnasy? Not a chance. Kitts and Brad didn't like anyone. They simply used people like objects. No feelings. Why would that change now?
Unfortunately for his denial, Brad knew that his feelings for her were not part of an unreality. Those were true, and prevalent everyday of his life. That wasn't going to change now either. If anything, now he liked Kittseta even more. The feeling of his skin on hers was almost as unbearable as the feeling of waking again. Her finger tips sent a tingling feeling all through his body, that could only be described through words that hadn't been invented yet.
Kittseta:
Just as Kittseta feared she may collapse from such an enormous weight being pressed down onto her tiny figure, supressing her lungs and inhibiting movement, Brad's eyelids fluttered, and Kittseta breathed in sharply as she could see the blue of his eyes once again. He was far too close to her, and she knew that if he didn't move soon she's burst into tears; tears of what, though, she wouldn't be able to say.
Thankfully she felt the weight shifting off of her body and she gasped in, as if she hadn't been able to breath for ages instead of a few minutes; almost as if she had finally escaped from underwater. She sat up quickly, clutching her sides, big heaving breaths causing her body to shift forward and backwards with each intake. Gathering herself she looked over once more at Brad.
He was slowly regaining consciousness; Kittseta knew she should look away. She was starting to feel sympathy, which was very un Kitts-like. But in her heart she knew that she was no longer going to be her characteristic self; something was changing, something she didn't want to admit, and something she couldn't quite face.
Had it been cruel to tell him that she loved him? Yes, perhaps, but since when had Miss Lochrial been one opposed to unavoidable cruelty? And what if she did love him? The irrevokable side of Kittseta, her heart, was telling her she loved him, telling her to fall for this boy, to just lay her head on his chest and cry, admitting feelings that Kittseta hadn't known how to feel before. But the stubborn, unchangeable side of Kittseta, her past, was telling her to get up, walk out, and never talk to the boy again. She could avoid him for another year. What was one year?
But instead of thinking, she crawled over to him, her face a foot above his. On hands and knees she spoke quietly. "Brad," said a sweet voice, but concerned, and dotted with empathy. "Brad, are you okay?" She should have gotten up and left, but now she was stuck here. She'd asked a question. She had to stay.
Brad:
"Am I okay?" Brad thought for a moment. The scene that played before his eyes over and over again made him question his own well being. The girl he loved had broken his heart. Though one could say it was his own fault, for putting himself out there when he knew it could never be mutual.
Yet, it was... Mutual that is. Kittseta may have even loved him, elt alone given him a second thought. Way more than anything Brad could ever have hoped for.
Some would even say this was the perfect couple. They were both in the same place before they started dating. Going fromone person to another, until they got bored with them. So they were likely to be on the same page when it came to actual dating right? You would think. If only it were sdo easy. Kittseta and Brad. Perfectly happy, together.
But it was only a dream. For a moment it had seemed so close, butit must have been a mirage. The dream is as high in the sky as any dream could be. Kittseta didn't love.
"No. I'm not okay." Brad finally said. He stood high above Kittseta, looking down on her. "I'm standing before the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, and she's telling me love isn't real."
Kittseta:
Brad stood up and Kittseta backed away a few feet. Though never one to be intimidated, she couldn't deny that his figure was almost dominating as he stood a good foot taller than she. She had to look up to see him, and any trace of cheer was gone from both his face and hers as he answered her question with a clear note of pain in his voice.
"No. I'm not okay." Brad finally said. "I'm standing before the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, and she's telling me love isn't real."
Kittseta's mouth opened automatically but she quickly closed it again as her entrancing eyes gazed up into his own. Her emotions were tumbling and it was finally beginning to read on her face as something within her was starting to break. She was torn... how could he say he wanted to be with her for the rest of her life? Had her father once told her mother that, right before she became pregnant and he vanished for good? How could someone feel that much dedication to someone? Kittseta could never love someone like that, especially when love didn't exist. Wasn't love just an overexertion of lust and passion, and a loss of a senseless mind? Kitts couldn't get caught up in such nonsense.
And yet she did love him, though it seemed that she wanted to surpress such a privelege. But why? Why couldn't she just love? Slowly she was beginning to weaken, and her resolve was fading.
"But..." Kittseta began in an attempt to save herself. "Love isn't real, Brad... it's just an idea." She stepped ever closer to him now, slowly. "And though it may be a... fantastic idea... it couldn't work out. It would only cause more heartache in the end..."
Suddenly she was right in front of him and her hands moved to their place on his shoulder. Her eyes never left his face. Suddenly the dam broke; he was too close, too encouraging. She couldn't pretend anymore; suddenly she was caught in the current. Her hands moved slowly, deliberately to his face and gently she pulled his face down closer to hers. She stood on tiptoe, and then her lips touched his and suddenly she was lost in the moment and the rest of the world faded away.
Brad:
Kittseta finally said the words he was there to hear her say. It would never happen. Brad and Kittseta. Never one. Always two. Seperate. Brad knew all along that she would say so, but he knew he had to get it out. To love and be denied love was better that to love and deny love.
With those simple words, Brad's entire life changed. He'd have to find somethign else to live for. Atleast for a little while, to keep his mind off of her. For months now, he had centered his life around her, and now he would simply have to let go.
Brad had simply made a mistake. Fallen in love with the wrong woman. He'd learn now. Carry on, and find a woman who could love him back. Find someone who cared for him as he cared for them. Someoen who would never break his heart like this.
Of course, Brad knew the time this would take. Kittseta would be off with other boys, as if nothign had happened. He would have to watch everyday as she used boys as tools, the way eh once had, and watch as they fell the same fate as he had just before.
What had even made him fall for her? Kittseta Lochrial. She wasn't exactly a good person. She used people. Not just for dates the way Brad did, but she used her friends. She had no big passion. No reason for living. Or so he thought.
Now falling for Kitts simply felt like a mistake. A simple error to erase from his memory, but not forgotten. He would learn. Never make the same mistake again. Never let him fall for someone like this. Someone like Kittseta.
She tried and tried to convince him that love wasn't real, but he knew in his heart it was, and he had found it. As much as it hurt to see her throw it back in his face, he did gain one thing. Now he knew love existed. It wasn't a myth. All those sappy love songs really had something behind them. There really was someone out there for him. Someone for him to live for.
It wasn't Kittseta.
He broke the kiss. It was over. Nothing left but pieces no one could pick up. Brad kept silent, saying nothing, but looking back at Kittseta, as he exited the door.
Kittseta:
With one kiss, suddenly Kittseta was aware of things she had never seen before. It was like an electric shock, and when Brad broke it, Kittseta fell to her knees. Something was wrong. Something was terribly terribly wrong. She looked up and watched Brad's retreating form, and nearly cried out for him; because somehow, Kittseta had changed in these last few seconds.
"Love is real..." she said softly to herself as he retreated, and she knew he wouldn't have heard or listened. "And I love you." The brief kiss with Brad had felt more different than any other kiss she'd ever encountered. Kittseta had kissed so many boys; she'd given of herself fully to more than one of them. She'd led her life to ruin, she had drank away her sorrows, she had permanently attached people to herself through ink that might never leave, and she'd stolen more than just the hearts of people surrounding her.
Kittseta was an awful person. She manipulated people, the people she called friends, and the boys who so adored her. She had every teacher in the school wrapped around her finger. Hadn't it seemed so fun before? Hadn't it seemed so harmless?
Reaching into her satchel next to her, Kittseta pulled out a small piece of parchment and a quill. Breathing in deeply she began to compose a letter, where the words appeared fluidly, hurriedly, and passionately on the paper...
Brad
- I've been lied to, and hurt, by men whose promises have all
been broken. The twisted fanciful words of people around me have been
ripped apart and disproved time and time again. I can't trust people
anymore, and I can't trust ideas. It's difficult for me to trust that
love is real. It's even more difficult for someone to show me. My
mother told me once that there was a one in a million chance that
true love existed. And wise girl always believes in the higher
chance, and that higher chance is that love is fake, a falsified
idea. There's a one in a million chances that you'll find
this letter, because I'm going to hide it. If you find this letter,
then maybe something was meant to happen between us. You can't find
it if you're looking for it... you can only stumble upon it by
chance. I stumbled upon this with you. I love you, Brad. I
want to spend the rest of my life with you... but I can't just decide
to. I need something to prove to me that I'm making the right
decision. I'm going to distract myself, I'm going to try to
make myself forget all about you. I want you out of my mind. Because
you've captivated me. No one has ever, nor, I believe, will ever make
me happier than you. I love you. I love you I love you I love you.
Love is real. You've proven it. You've proven it more than once over.
And I hope to God you find this letter. Because my life will never be
complete unless the one in a million is real. I do love you.
Come find me. I want you now. Kittseta
Quietly she stood up, and paper in hand, left the greenhouse. Maybe someday life would be perfect. Maybe they were meant to be. But she needed proof, a one in a million proof of love.