A Survivors Needs

by Grumpy Unicorn

Sometimes there are moments that could have been different. Sometimes there are things we desperately want to change. And sometimes we are lucky and things happen as we wish them to. - Serie of OneShots about Hayniss/Abernathy, all based on the first Chapter

When you think you can run from your problems you are kidding yourself. I know that and though I trying to run away by drowning my problems in whisky and stuff like it. Katniss is different. She tries to fight her problems. Fight until the end. Although it could mean her death. Since the 74th games she tries to protect her family by pretending to love Peeta. One could say he is her expedient. Loving Peeta meant safety for Gale and Prim. But I think on her way she truly fell in love with him without noticing. And as hard as it is to admit I feel a sting in my heart to see her falling in love with him. Yes, he is right and perfect for her. Not some old drunk who long forgot how to have human feelings cause every bit is caught behind a great big wall in his head. I'm destroyed completely and I think I am only alive yet because she makes me fight for her without even knowing it.

And in lonely nights when I am almost done with everything, I dream about her coming into my house, walking up the steps right into my bedroom and… Ugh! I'm just some filthy old bastard!

I should not think of her that way because she is too young, too… I don't know. All I know is that I could never give her what a Peeta or even a Gale can. Sometimes it seems like I could be the one she needs. When she comes to me in times of pain and asks me for the only thing I can give - liquor.

Oh, what am I thinking! Me, the old drunk! Me, the one that lives in a world of complete blur! Me, that no one could ever love again because I have given up on everything. Just not her. I have not given up on her! And I will try… no, do anything to make sure she survives! And even if I have to die without her knowing that I did it for her and no one else, I will be happy. People may think I did it for the cause of the rebellion (whatever it would be I'd do) and saved her so that everyone could be saved. But I will only do it for her and my selfish needs.

So maybe one will say about me when I'm dead that old Haymitch Abernathy did finally some good and saved the one that everyone needs. But I tell you, what no one will ever know is that he was selfish. Only saving the one he needed.