It all started, when one of the dumbasses, spiked his drink. Mai had been making his tea when Ayako and Bou-san burst into the kitchen.

"We've got it, Jou-chan, you can just get back to work if you want," Bou-san said, taking the tea cup from her as Ayako steered her towards her desk, giving her no time to protest.

"Uhm…okay?" if only she knew what the Idiot Brigade had been up to.

One hour and eight more cups of 'special' tea courtesy of Bou-san and Ayako, Naru opened the door of his office, looked around, and promptly dropped on to his hands and knees, crawling 'discreetly' over to Mai's desk.

"Mai," he whispered, tugging on her skirt. Thank God she decided to wear leggings that day. "Mai." He whispered again. Mai looked down.

"What the…Naru? You okay there?" he shot up, clapping his hands together.

"Never better!" he looked around "But…where's my TARDIS?"

"TARDIS? What are you talking about?" Mai turned to face him, raising an eyebrow.

"My TARDIS. Stands for Time And Relative Dimensions In Space. I've misplaced it, Rose." Naru said sincerely.

"Naru, you are not the Doctor, and my name is not Rose." Mai pinched the bridge of her nose.

"I could be!" Naru defended. Both were oblivious to the snickering Ayako and Bou-san at the back of the room.

"Naru…what has gotten into you?" Mai asked curiously.

"Hehe…that sounded dirty." Mai's eyes widened.

"Oh my God! What!? You've been spending too much time with Yasu."

"Noooo, I have not, I spend too much time…wha?" he seemed to lose his train of thought. Something that never happened to Naru. Sober at least. Wait.

"Naru…who gave you alcohol?" he pawed at her shoulder.

"It...It was this guy…named Oliver, Mai-chan, he did it!" at this time, Madoka and Lin came out of Lin's office, and Yasu was walking in.

"Oliver who?" Mai pinched the bridge of her nose once more.

"…Twist!" and he giggled uncharacteristically. It was really kind of creepy.

"No really. Who made you drink the alcohol?"

"It…it was Gene, Mai-chan! I'm telling you! Gene made me do it!" Naru said, dropping to his knees and attaching himself around Mai's waist.

"Naru…Gene's dead." Mai reminded him.

"Whaaaat!?" Naru exclaimed, looking up at Mai with big eyes.

"I…I'm sorry." She said, patting his head.

"Okay." Naru then proceeded to walk triumphantly around the room. On his knees.

"No…wait, it was Honey-sempai! It was Mori! No, Mai-chan, seriously, it was Tamaki!" Mai groaned, getting up from her chair. And walking over to Naru. He pawed at her arm once again.

"Mai-chan." He whispered "Mai-chan!"

"What."

"…hi," cue another uncharacteristic giggle. Mai groaned. Again.

"Which one of you spiked his tea?" Mai cast an accusatory glance at Bou-san and Ayako, who each pointed to each other. Both had their phones out and were taping the event. Obviously, they came up with this together. Damn them. She lifted Naru up off his knees via his arm and had him use her as support.

"I'm taking him home," she announced. Naru then proceeded to hold up a fist for Yasu to bump, who gladly obliged as he laughed hysterically.

"Have fun you two," he said suggestively, leaning on an equally hysterical Madoka.

"Get bent!" Mai yelled at him, flipping him off. He just howled with laughter again.

And it seemed like hours before they arrived at their destination.

"Mai-chan! I…I…I like cats." Mai sighed.

"Very good Naru."

"Hey…hey guess what."

"What."

"I like cats!"

"I know."

"Mai-chan…talk dirty to meh!" and he proceeded to hum the tune to 'Talk Dirty To Me'. Mai wanted to kill something.

"Okay Naru, bedtime. And no, I'm not going with you."

"But…why not?"

"Just…no."

"Okay." He sounded disappointed. It had to be the alcohol. Mai dragged him towards his bedroom and put him down, taking off his shoes. She went to put the covers over him and he proceeded to try and play with her hair. She just slapped his hand away. As she was trying to turn him over so he wouldn't choke if he threw up, he sat up with a hand held toward her, staring intently at the wall in front of him.

"I," he started "AM NARU THE NARCISSIST." He pointed dramatically at nothing and Mai pushed him down by his shoulder.

"Yes, you are. Now, go to sleep."

"I'm not tired, though Mai-chan!"

"Too bad."

"Tell me a story!"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"But Maaaai-chaaaaan!"

"Ugh. Fine. Once upon a time there was a cat-."

"KITTY."

"Let me tell the story. Once upon a time there was a cat named Oliver Davis. This cat was very adventurous. One day, Oliver wandered to Japan, where he met all sorts of friends. And he lived happily ever after with all of his Japanese friends. The end."

"I like that story!"

"Very good. Now go to sleep."

"Okay, Mai-chan." And before anyone could say anything else, Naru the Drunk-Off-His-Ass Narcissist was asleep.

Naru would give anything for the sunlight to go away. Wait. Since when were his curtains drawn?

"Rise and shine, Narcissist." A clipped tone said. Naru blinked his eyes open and looked over to where it came from, braving the hatred of the sunlight.

"Mai…what-?"

"Do you remember anything from last night? At all?"

Naru tried to go back in his memory but the pounding in his head wouldn't let him.

"No…should I?" Mai sighed.

"Never mind. Nobody's going to work today. I told Lin you'd need the day off." Why did she sound so angry?

"What happened?"

"If you do not remember now, then you never will." Just then, Naru's phone beeped with a new message. From Takigawa. It was a video. Naru opened it, and Mai walked over, curious. And they both watched in horror as the events from the night before unfolded in front of their eyes.

"I am going to kill them." Mai said. "I am seriously, going to kill them."

"Mind if I join you?"

"Oh it would be my pleasure, Naru the Narcissist,"