Spike's On A Boat, a flashpoint fanfic

Elle: don't ask where this came from, I have no idea myself. I was just playing the song and this came to me…anyways. I make fun of Donna a lot in this fic so if you're a Donna fan you have been warned. One shot deal here guys, it's raining out by me and I'm bored outta my mind

Flashpoint isn't mine though I wish and as much as the song rocks "I'm on a Boat" belongs to the Lonely Island.

Spike Scarlatti was at Tim Horton's (Canadian readers if I spelled this wrong let me know) with his buddy Lou Young when Donna Sabine walked in at sat at their table. Spike shuddered and went to drink his coffee when he started to choke. Inside his coffee was a slip of paper. He opened it.

"Whoa," Spike said reading the paper. He had won some sort of contest. His entire face lit up. "Free boat ride for three…now who should I take…Lou and…" Donna's face lit up. Her, Lou and Spike were the only ones at the table surely Spike would choose her to go.

"And…" Spike said drawing out the moment. He didn't really want to take Donna but he didn't want to have to go through the whole team and pick someone. At that moment someone walked into the restaurant. "Ron Weasely"

~*~*~*~

~On the boat~

Spike: (Shortayyyy) Aww shit
Get your towels ready it's about to go down (shorty, yeah)
Everybody in the place hit the fuckin deck (shorty, yeah)
But stay on your motherfuckin toes
We runnin this, let's go

Spike Lou and Ron were standing on the deck of a giant Yacht. The three of them were wearing black suits and sunglasses. Spike was in a pretty good mood. He was on a boat with his best friend and some random Harry Potter character that had wandered into the coffee place.

Spike Lou and Ron: I'm on a boat (I'm on a boat)
I'm on a boat (I'm on a boat)
Everybody look at me cause I'm sailin on a boat (sailin on a boat)
I'm on a boat (I'm on a boat)
I'm on a boat
Take a good hard look at the motherfuckin boat (boat, yeah)

Inside the boat, Spike Lou and Ron had gotten into the wardrobe and were dressed up in captain's uniforms and dancing around acting like idiots. Spike had won the boat so there really weren't any rules

Spike: I'm on a boat motherfucker take a look at me
Straight flowin on a boat on the deep blue sea
Bustin five knots, wind whippin out my coat
You can't stop me motherfucker cause I'm on a boat

Spike stood on the deck in his suit jacket and a pair of short swim trunks. He unbuttoned the jacket and let the wind blow it out. He felt much like Leonardo DiCaprio in that movie…which one was it. It was one about a boat.

Lou: Take a picture, trick (trick) I'm on a boat, bitch (bitch)
We drinking Santana champ, cause it's so crisp (crisp)
I got my swim trunks, and my flippie-floppies
I'm flippin burgers, you at HQ straight flippin copiesLou was talking to the press about being on a boat. He popped open a bottle of Santana Champ and sprayed it all over Spike and Ron. He sat in the boat's hot tub with a pair of Old Navy Flip Flops on the bench. Ron flipped giant hamburgers on the gas grill

-Cuts to Donna at HQ fighting with the copier. It jammed up on her and as she went un-jam it the machine squirts ink in her face-

Spike: I'm ridin on a dolphin, doin flips and shit
The dolphin's splashin, gettin e'rybody all wet
But this ain't Seaworld, this is real as it gets
I'm on a boat motherfucker, don't you ever forget

A dolphin had swam by the side of the boat and Spike jumped on and started to ride it. It splashed around and got both Ron and Lou all wet. Spike smiled this was real he was riding a dolphin and he was on a boat.

Lou and Spike: I'm on a boat and, it's goin fast and
I got a nautical themed pashmina afghan
I'm the king of the world, on a boat like Leo
If you're on the shore, then you're sho' not me-oh

Ron: {Get the fuck up, this boat is REAL!!!}

Lou had a scarf wrapped around his neck. It was dark blue with anchors on it. Spike meanwhile was standing at the boats bow with his arm's wide open letting the wind run through his hair. He took a deep breath and bellowed "I'M KING OF THE WORLD". Then he realized that if his sea adventure ended up like the movie he'd meet a girl and then he'd die…maybe this boat thing wasn't such a good idea…

Spike: Fuck land, I'm on a boat, motherfucker (motherfucker)

Donna was back at HQ carrying a stack of paperwork to her car when Spike and Lou appeared out of nowhere and knocked her papers all over the place. Then suddenly they were back on their boat drinking with Ron.

Spike: Fuck trees, I climb buoys, motherfucker (motherfucker)

Donna was sitting under a tree reading a book. Spike was on the top of a buoy waving to the people in the other boats. They stared at him.

Spike and Lou: I'm on the deck with my boys, motherfucker (yeah)
This boat engine make noise, motherfucker

Spike Lou and Ron had changed back into their boat captain's uniforms and were dancing around in the cabin. Spike poked Donna in the back of the head back at HQ

Lou: Hey ma, if you could see me now (see me now)
Arms spread wide on the starboard bow (starboard bow)
Gonna fly this boat to the moon somehow (moon somehow)
Like Greg Parker, anything is possible:

Lou had finally stolen a moment from Spike. He stood out on the bow with his arms wide open, riding "Titanic Style" He had wild thoughts about flying his boat to the moon and then when he discussed his plan with Spike he said that if Greg were here, they'd find a way. Then again, he was Spike he'd find a way anyway.

Ron: Yeah, never thought I'd be on a boat
It's a big blue watery road (yeah)
Poseidon~!! Look at me, oh (all hands on deck)
Never thought I'd see the day
When a big boat comin my way
Believe me when I say, I fucked a mermaid

Ron had stolen a moment from Spike and from Lou. When they weren't looking a mermaid had jumped onto the boat and Ron…ahem…to keep this story "T" rated.

During the song and dance routine Ron stopped and pointed out into the open ocean. There was a big blurry shape just sitting in the middle of the water just minding its own business.

"Iceberg right ahead!" Ron called. Spike and Lou turned just as the boat hit the berg. Spike's face paled.

"We're all gonna die!" He cried scrambling on top of Lou.

"Spike," Lou called. Someone was shaking Spike's shoulder. "Spike!"

Spike woke up and shuddered. He looked up, Lou, Ed, Sam, Greg, Jules and Wordy were all standing around him. Spike had been lying in a pool of drool in the briefing room during a routine debrief. He sat up and a piece of paper stuck to his cheek.

"You're on a boat?" Greg asked with mild amusement. Spike shook his head sleepily. He had no idea what Greg was talking about. "You must have been dreaming then."

Lou suddenly burst out laughing at Spike's reaction.

"You were singing that song all throughout debrief," Lou laughed. Spike shrugged him off. Hopefully his mom made a giant plate of pasta that he could eat and then go get a good nights' rest. Sam threw Spike a fortune cookie. He cracked it open and read the fortune.

"Free boat ride for three?"