Disclaimer: I don't own them.

AN: Ok, I was stuck parked on the motorway for a couple of hours and wrote this.

What if

She looked at the name in front of her, letting her fingers trace the outlines of the letters. The sun was starting to set, casting a red glow into the sky. She stood looking at the name and felt a weight settle in her heart. It was the same weight that had settled there for the first time a week ago. A weight that she doubted would ever be lifted.

She sighed as she let her mind travel back to how it used to be. How they used to share a look, a touch. Those moments that at the time seemed like they would always be there. From the first moment she had set eyes on her, there was something drawing her to the other woman. As time went on, they grew closer. Spending more time together. It all seemed like it would have a happy ending.

Then something changed. No matter how many times she went over it in her head, she just couldn't work out what it was that had caused that change. She knew the exact moment that the change became final but she never questioned it at the time. Too hurt by those simple words to ask why. So instead she listened and did what was suggested. Pursued something she never wanted by turning her back on what her heart was craving.

She tried to put what they had shared behind her. Tried to put it all in a little box at the back of her mind. Forget what the other woman could make her feel with that one little look. Forget the way her skin would tingle after their skin would touch. No matter how much she tried to forget, she never could. The question of what if always spinning through her mind. The possibilities of what could have been.

What if she hadn't listened? What if she had stayed where her heart told her to? What if she had found a way to get her to try? Would it have been the same? Would she have been the woman that she first met all those years ago? Would it have still given her that feeling of butterflies in her stomach when she'd meet her gaze and smile? So many questions that she might have got answers to if she had tried.

There had been so many opportunities to take a different path. To walk a different road to the one she found herself upon. It was always a case of having to choose a road to take, never being sure what would lie at the end. That one choice she made did not lead her down the right path. She knew it at the time, yet she still took it. She took it because of one comment from her. One comment that pushed her away…and she'd let it.

There were nights that she would think about what it would be like to have taken a different road. To be able to turn back time to when they first met. To start again and take the right road. To follow her heart and not let herself be pushed away. She'd think about how different life would have been then. There would always be the question of what if on so many levels.

Now…Now she stood here and looked at the name again. Knew that those same questions would be left spinning in her mind forever. She knew that she made the choice to let herself be pushed away. She let herself walk away. She knew that she never stopped loving her and never would.

She realised all of this too late. She'd lost her. There was no way to turn back time. There was no way to go back and change actions that had been taken. It had all come too late.

She let her fingers trace the name once more. She let herself wonder about how life could have been once more. "I guess we'll never know."

With that she turned and walked away from Emily's grave, letting the tears fall from her blue eyes for everything she had lost because of taking a different path.