Crime & Punishment

by Nomooretears

Ezra climbed out of his Jag and stretched, wincing as his vertebrae realigned with an audible snap. Six hours in the car, even one as comfortable as his, was not something he enjoyed. He had been required to attend a conference in Sante Fe, New Mexico, for the last week, a terribly dull affair that had fortunately reached a premature end, allowing him to return a day early.

Grabbing his suitcase, he locked his car and headed in, looking forward to a hot shower and a quiet night. He stopped and stared at the door, which was slightly ajar. Setting down his suitcase, he pulled out his gun and cautiously moved forward. Hearing nothing, he nudged the door open with his foot, entering silently.

His front hall was clear, as was the bathroom. Making his way into the kitchen, he froze as he heard raised voices and breaking glass. Hurrying across the kitchen, he paused outside the doorway to the living room. Adjusting his grip on his gun, he spun into the room, yelling "Freeze, ATF!"

Taking in the scene, he lowered his gun with a sigh. Buck and JD stood in the middle of the room, staring at him in shock. There was an overturned stepladder next to them, and a broken vase in between. Ezra had apparently interrupted an argument over who broke the vase. JD was holding an overflowing backpack in which he could see brightly colored streamers, plastic wrap, a can of silly string, and – dear lord, was that a whoopie cushion?

Realizing the two guilty parties were still staring at him, he shook his head. "Please tell me that you gentlemen did not break into my residence just to execute some juvenile pranks?"

JD blinked. "Uh, no, course not, Ez. See, we were just...um."

Buck took over. "We just wanted to be sure that you knew we missed you, Ez. Thought you might like some presents when you got back. Just didn't think you'd get back a day early."

"We're sorry about the vase, Ez, we'll get you a new one. Buck knocked me off the ladder, and..."

"You're the one who was in the way, if you'd just let me do that, the ladder wouldn't have been there in the first place!"

"This is your fault, Buck, not mine!"

"No, you..."

"Gentlemen." Ezra struggled not to laugh as the two men turned to him, looking like they'd forgotten he was there. Before he could speak, footsteps were heard coming toward them.

"Ezra?" Josiah came around the corner, gun in hand. "What's going on? Your suitcase is outside, door wide open..." he stopped as he saw who he was pointing his gun at. Realization lit his eyes as he lowered his weapon. "Tell me you two didn't." Two sheepish grins was his answer. "You boys really should know better than listen to Vin."

Ezra looked up at him curiously. "What does Mr. Tanner have to do with this?"

Buck and JD looked at each other and back at Ezra. In unison, they declared "It's Vin's fault!"

"This was all his idea, he told it to us this morning." JD was grasping onto the hope that they might talk their way out of this. "He even brought the backpack." JD held up the incriminating evidence.

"He wanted to do it, but he had to be at the firing range all day." Buck added.

"So, this was Mr. Tanner's suggestion?" Buck and JD nodded vigorously like a pair of bobbleheads. "Mr. Sanchez, should I assume that you had knowledge of this, since you are here at my abode?"

"Nope, can't say that I did. I heard Vin discussing something with them this morning, but they settled down to work and I forgot all about it. I came to water your plants, couldn't make it over yesterday." Josiah smiled at him, secure in knowing he was an innocent party.

Ezra turned back to Buck and JD. "And Mr. Tanner told you of his plans this morning?" They nodded again. "Then it might interest you, gentlemen, to know that I informed Mr. Tanner of my early return last evening."

Josiah's booming laugh filled the room as Buck and JD stared at Ezra, then at each other. Stepping towards the door, Buck yelled "I'm gonna kill that slimy, scrawny-ass Texan!"

Ezra held up his hand, bringing the two men to a halt. "No, you are going to restore my domicile to it's previous condition before you go anywhere." Turning back to Josiah, he asked "Mr. Sanchez, since my home is indisposed for the time being, would you care to accompany me to dinner?"

"Sure, Ez. We made plans for a BBQ at the ranch tonight, the others are headed there now. How about a night of good food, good beer, and good company?"

"Sounds lovely. Shall we?" Ezra waved a hand for Josiah to precede him.

"Hey, we'll be right behind you. We didn't actually get very far, so it won't take us long to clean up." JD was looking forward to a fun night, and he was starving.

Ezra turned and looked at him, giving them both a dazzling smile. He reached over and flipped a switch on the wall. Directly over the fallen ladder, the ceiling fan whirred into life, coating every surface of the living room, and the two men standing in it, in a white cloud of flour.

"See you tomorrow, gentlemen." Ezra walked out.

Josiah laughed as he put away his camera phone and turned to follow him. "Don't forget to water the plants while you're at it, boys."

The End