Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this chapter...EXCEPT FOR
FRODO! HI IS MINE! MINE! GOT IT? ALL MINE! And you can't have him,
precious, no...
Frodo walked between Sam and Aragorn, they had just gotten away from that windbag, Elrond, and his stupid council. Frodo was walking between Sam and Aragorn because they both didn't want him wandering off like he had just a few minutes ago. "Don't worry, Mr. Frodo," Sam reassured him, "Aragorn and I won't let the Ring call you away again!" "It wasn't the Ring that led me away," Frodo protested, "I just wanted to see if the grass was greener on the other side of that fence!" "I'll tell you a secret," Boromir whispered walking up next to Frodo, "The grass looks greener over there cuz WETA's made the grass over here look brown." "Why'd they do that?" Legolas asked, walking along prettily. "It's because we're supposed to be on a dangerous mission, and it's supposed to look dirty! So look miserable!" Aragorn commanded. "Touchy..." Gimly muttered at Aragorn's command, while seriously thinking about making Aragorn carry his ax. "Dirt?!" Legolas shrieked, "I can't get near dirt! It'll make me dirty! And my perfect skin will be blemished! And my hair will get mussed! And I won't be the prettiest!" "But I'm the prettiesssst, Preciousssssss..." Came a sneering voice from behind the group. "NO YOU ARE NOT!" Legolas shrieked, putting an arrow to his quiver and looking around for someone to shoot. "Frodo," Aragorn commanded, "Tell Gollum to go away! We're not even at the river! He can't be tracking us already!" "OK!" Frodo replied cheerily. "No, Mr. Frodo!" Sam yelled, "You might get hurt!" "Oh!" Frodo cried, terrified, "You'd better tell him to go away, then!" "Go, away Gollum!" Sam commanded. "No!" Gollum replied, crossing his arms, though no one knew it because they couldn't see him. "Well, I tried." Sam sighed, trotting to catch up with the group. "I'll do it!" Gandalf bellowed, "For I am Gandalf the Gray! BUAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! None have the power to resist!" "Ok," Gimly chuckled, "But you're the one who suggested that we tried to go through that puddle, and YOU had to carry Legolas across cuz he might have gotten his muumuus wet." "They are VERY EXPENSIVE muumuus..." Legolas muttered, "And mud might have splattered in my hair! Then I'd have to use up the rest of my Herbal Essence shampoo trying to get it out!" "He's right!" Merry piped up, "Herbal Essence is really getting pricey these days!" "Whatever," Aragorn sighed, "Just get Gollum to go away until we get to the river, Gandalf!" Aragorn commanded, striking his most kingly pose. Gandalf cleared his voice, then in a low powerful voice bellowed: "I AM GANDALF THE GRAY! GO AWAY OR I WILL FEED YOU TO BOROMIR!" "Yum!" Boromir cackled, "Aged Hobbit!" Frodo screamed in a high-pitched girlie voice: "Save me, everyone! He's going to eat me and take the Ring!" Immediately everyone except Gandalf (He was still yelling at Gollum), Pippin (no one had seen him in a while), and Legolas (who didn't want to get his shirt wrinkled) crashed down on Boromir tied him up. "Just try eating Frodo like that!" Sam yelled, one foot on Boromir's head. Boromir tried to protest, but he was gagged, and all he could say was: "Ulmp murgf, blurluf!" "SUUUUUUURE!" Gimly scoffed, "We've heard THAT one before!" "Well," Gandalf sighed coming back looking worn out and tired, "I have battled long, but I am the victor." "So Gollum'll stay away until the river?" Aragorn asked. "Yes, if you don't want it to sound heroic and exciting!" Gandalf snapped.
A giggling came from behind some trees. "Who is it!" Legolas shrieked, cowering behind Frodo, who was cowering behind Sam, who was holding one end of a pole that Boromir had been tied to, while Merry held the other side. "Where's Pippin?" Merry screamed, letting go of his end of the pole, so that Boromir fell on his head. Boromir screamed something, that was stifled by the gag. Gandalf tip-toed over to where the giggling had come from. When he pulled apart the brush in front of the tree, everyone saw Pippin eating something from a huge bag, and he looked all sticky. "Fool of a Took! What are you eating?!" Gandalf bellowed, snatching the bag from him. "I was eating grapes..." Pippin giggled, licking his hands and not even seeming to notice that Gandalf had taken the bag. "NOOOOOO!" Aragorn yelled in a manly way, "Hurry, Sam!" He yelled, "Get me some Athelas! Pippin has just eaten the deadly Nazgul-grapes! It may help slow the poison!" "But I got them from the props department!" Pippin whined, "Everyone else was eating them, so when no one was looking I stole them!" "Hurry!" Aragorn bellowed, "Everyone must be poisoned! Everyone disperse and find some Athelas!" "But I'll get dirty!" Legolas sobbed, wringing his hands pathetically. "And I might get hurt!" Frodo screamed, cowering from every pointy piece of grass the just might stab him, and mortally wound him. "Has anyone seen my ax?" Gimly asked, looking around. "I'm hungry!" Pippin announced, smiling. "My mushrooms are wilting!" Merry screeched opening a bag of mushrooms that were starting to ferment and reek. "A wizard is never late, Frodo Baggins!" Gandalf announced to a surprised woodchuck. "You've got the wrong line!" Aragorn shouted, still looking manly. "If you make Frodo go out and he gets hurt, then you'll be in DEEP trouble!" Sam threatened Aragorn. "Mulloof! Hairlook neeruf woorlien!" Boromir shouted. "A Wizard is never wrong either!" "If I get dirty I'll never be pretty any more!" "Yum! Mushrooms! I was getting hungry!" "Is my ax in that bag of grapes?" "WAAAAAA! I don't want to get hurt!" "SOME ONE GET SOME ATHELAS!' "BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I am back, precioussssssss..." "But I smote your ruin upon the mountainside! You cannot be returned!" "Ditugh thouthgh etirhti!" "You say that line later, Gandalf! ATHELAS! ATHELAS! GET IT! GET IT!" "Are there any fishesesesesesesssssssssss here, preciousssssss...? No, preciousssss, no!" "*Giggle* Those mushrooms taste good!"
After a moment of complete chaos, after everyone had gotten their anti- Nazgul vaccinations, everyone had had their third and fourth breakfast, and PJ had told Gollum not to bother the Fellowship until the river scene, the Fellowship returned to their quest, and decided to go up the Cahedras.
Legolas pranced about on top of the snow looking ever so dainty and pretty. Frodo picked up a handful of snow, packed it until it was tight, then threw it at the back of Aragorn's head. Aragorn ignored it in a kingly manner, hoping that perhaps the Hobbit would tire of the prank. He was ever so completely wrong. His ignoring it only provoked Merry and Pippin to join because Aragorn didn't do anything about it. Boromir was still tied up, but had been allowed to ride Bill the pony because his ankles were bound. "Ughtire thigberaph..." He muttered, still gagged. "And this is what we do the FIRST time you threaten to eat Frodo! Just see what happens the NEXT time!" Sam threatened, waving his frying pan. "Ughligh kerlinf." Boromir sighed. "Whatever!" Sam said as he rolled his eyes. "I still can't find my ax!" Gimly roared as he threw down the bag of grapes that he had been searching in. "My feet hurt!" Frodo complained, "How long until we get to Mount Doom?" "Many miles lie between us and that evil place!" Gandalf shouted, "And never ask why I hate cats again!". "But I didn't ask why you hate cats!" Frodo pointed you. "Do not make excuses! For they are folly and full of French fries!" Gandalf bellowed! "YUM!" Pippin squeaked, "French fries..." "Gighthey thefir tgietigl!" Boromir sighed dreamily. Sam hit Boromir over the head with his pan. "Don't EVER use language like that around Mr. Frodo ever AGAIN!" "Egithgy thight!" Boromir cried, trying to roll off Bill and run away. Sam hit him over the head again. "Cover your ears, Mr. Frodo!" Sam called, hitting Boromir again and again. Frodo obediently covered his ears, but then informed Sam that he could still hear the sound of metal hitting bone. "I was delayed." Gandalf explained, picking up his staff and putting a snow ball on the top. "Gandalf," Merry asked, "Do you have a problem with short-term-memory?" "I am no longer Gandalf the Gray whom you betrayed!" Gandalf said, eating the snowball. "Wrong line again." Aragorn said, gathering his cloak about him to try to look extremely cold. "What are you doing?" Pippin asked, just before he attacked Gandalf's staff in a desperate attempt to eat it. "I'm looking cold and manly!" Aragorn shouted back. "Honestly! You'd think we were on a picnic!" "We're NOT?!" Frodo whined as he picked up the picnic stuff that he had just spread out over the snow. "Of course not!" Gandalf shouted, "What made you think that you could lick a rock until it dissapeared!" He asked, shaking his staff, trying to get Pippin to let go of it. "I'm hungry!" Pippin moaned, still holding onto Gandalf's staff by his teeth. "Are YOU hiding my ax?" Gimly asked Legolas who was prancing about, performing 'Swan Lake'. "Why would I carry a filthy ax?" Legolas asked, jumping over Gimly's head, "It would only get me dirty! And why would I get dirty?!" "Because being dirty is FUN!" Merry exclaimed, rubbing two handfuls of dirty snow under both his arms. Legolas' eyes opened so wide that everyone thought they were going to pop out, then he passed out. "Wow!" Frodo squealed ecstatically, "I never knew anyone could open their eyes so wide!" He laughed as he hopped about. "ACT COLD!" Aragorn commanded, shoving a woolly sweater over Merry's head. "But I don't want to!" Frodo whined. "If Mr. Frodo doesn't want to act cold," Sam said, thunder clouds forming behind him, "Then Mr. Frodo doesn't have to act cold." "Indecision is the sister of chaos, and the maker of hot-water-bottles!" Gandalf announced, prying Pippin off of his staff. "Indecision tastes good!" Pippin giggled, licking the splinters from his lips, and thinking about making a second go at the staff. Merry stumbled about, blinded by the sweater, and tripped over Legolas who was still passed out in the snow. Legolas, sensing a dirty being around him, woke up , and put an arrow in his quiver. "I don't wanna act cold!" Frodo sobbed, throwing a tantrum. He was so busy throwing his tantrum, that he didn't notice when he bumped into Legolas, who became frightened that Frodo might be dirty, and accidentally released the arrow, which hit Bill in the rump. Bill, thinking a giant mosquito was trying to eat him alive, charged down the mountain towards the caves of Kazad-Doon with Boromir still on his back. "Come back, Bill!" Sam shouted, and began running after his pony. "CHARGE!" Gandalf bellowed, charging after Bill, "Do not let old alliances hold you back!" Pippin looked over at Gimly, who rolled his eyes, then they both headed after the horse. "Wait!" Frodo sobbed, trotting after those who had already run after Bill, "Don't leave me!" Seeing that no one was paying attention to him, sat down and started crying. "I don't wanna be left behind!" Merry, who was still struggling with the sweater, ran towards the direction where he heard all of the commotion, and passed by Frodo, who, seeing his chance, jumped onto his back to ride up to the fellowship in style. Legolas walked down to were the others were, sulking most painstakingly. Aragorn drew his sword and charged with it drawn and shouted a battle cry in the most manly manner he could.
And that is how the Fellowship of the Ring got to go down into the tunnels of Moria.
Frodo walked between Sam and Aragorn, they had just gotten away from that windbag, Elrond, and his stupid council. Frodo was walking between Sam and Aragorn because they both didn't want him wandering off like he had just a few minutes ago. "Don't worry, Mr. Frodo," Sam reassured him, "Aragorn and I won't let the Ring call you away again!" "It wasn't the Ring that led me away," Frodo protested, "I just wanted to see if the grass was greener on the other side of that fence!" "I'll tell you a secret," Boromir whispered walking up next to Frodo, "The grass looks greener over there cuz WETA's made the grass over here look brown." "Why'd they do that?" Legolas asked, walking along prettily. "It's because we're supposed to be on a dangerous mission, and it's supposed to look dirty! So look miserable!" Aragorn commanded. "Touchy..." Gimly muttered at Aragorn's command, while seriously thinking about making Aragorn carry his ax. "Dirt?!" Legolas shrieked, "I can't get near dirt! It'll make me dirty! And my perfect skin will be blemished! And my hair will get mussed! And I won't be the prettiest!" "But I'm the prettiesssst, Preciousssssss..." Came a sneering voice from behind the group. "NO YOU ARE NOT!" Legolas shrieked, putting an arrow to his quiver and looking around for someone to shoot. "Frodo," Aragorn commanded, "Tell Gollum to go away! We're not even at the river! He can't be tracking us already!" "OK!" Frodo replied cheerily. "No, Mr. Frodo!" Sam yelled, "You might get hurt!" "Oh!" Frodo cried, terrified, "You'd better tell him to go away, then!" "Go, away Gollum!" Sam commanded. "No!" Gollum replied, crossing his arms, though no one knew it because they couldn't see him. "Well, I tried." Sam sighed, trotting to catch up with the group. "I'll do it!" Gandalf bellowed, "For I am Gandalf the Gray! BUAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! None have the power to resist!" "Ok," Gimly chuckled, "But you're the one who suggested that we tried to go through that puddle, and YOU had to carry Legolas across cuz he might have gotten his muumuus wet." "They are VERY EXPENSIVE muumuus..." Legolas muttered, "And mud might have splattered in my hair! Then I'd have to use up the rest of my Herbal Essence shampoo trying to get it out!" "He's right!" Merry piped up, "Herbal Essence is really getting pricey these days!" "Whatever," Aragorn sighed, "Just get Gollum to go away until we get to the river, Gandalf!" Aragorn commanded, striking his most kingly pose. Gandalf cleared his voice, then in a low powerful voice bellowed: "I AM GANDALF THE GRAY! GO AWAY OR I WILL FEED YOU TO BOROMIR!" "Yum!" Boromir cackled, "Aged Hobbit!" Frodo screamed in a high-pitched girlie voice: "Save me, everyone! He's going to eat me and take the Ring!" Immediately everyone except Gandalf (He was still yelling at Gollum), Pippin (no one had seen him in a while), and Legolas (who didn't want to get his shirt wrinkled) crashed down on Boromir tied him up. "Just try eating Frodo like that!" Sam yelled, one foot on Boromir's head. Boromir tried to protest, but he was gagged, and all he could say was: "Ulmp murgf, blurluf!" "SUUUUUUURE!" Gimly scoffed, "We've heard THAT one before!" "Well," Gandalf sighed coming back looking worn out and tired, "I have battled long, but I am the victor." "So Gollum'll stay away until the river?" Aragorn asked. "Yes, if you don't want it to sound heroic and exciting!" Gandalf snapped.
A giggling came from behind some trees. "Who is it!" Legolas shrieked, cowering behind Frodo, who was cowering behind Sam, who was holding one end of a pole that Boromir had been tied to, while Merry held the other side. "Where's Pippin?" Merry screamed, letting go of his end of the pole, so that Boromir fell on his head. Boromir screamed something, that was stifled by the gag. Gandalf tip-toed over to where the giggling had come from. When he pulled apart the brush in front of the tree, everyone saw Pippin eating something from a huge bag, and he looked all sticky. "Fool of a Took! What are you eating?!" Gandalf bellowed, snatching the bag from him. "I was eating grapes..." Pippin giggled, licking his hands and not even seeming to notice that Gandalf had taken the bag. "NOOOOOO!" Aragorn yelled in a manly way, "Hurry, Sam!" He yelled, "Get me some Athelas! Pippin has just eaten the deadly Nazgul-grapes! It may help slow the poison!" "But I got them from the props department!" Pippin whined, "Everyone else was eating them, so when no one was looking I stole them!" "Hurry!" Aragorn bellowed, "Everyone must be poisoned! Everyone disperse and find some Athelas!" "But I'll get dirty!" Legolas sobbed, wringing his hands pathetically. "And I might get hurt!" Frodo screamed, cowering from every pointy piece of grass the just might stab him, and mortally wound him. "Has anyone seen my ax?" Gimly asked, looking around. "I'm hungry!" Pippin announced, smiling. "My mushrooms are wilting!" Merry screeched opening a bag of mushrooms that were starting to ferment and reek. "A wizard is never late, Frodo Baggins!" Gandalf announced to a surprised woodchuck. "You've got the wrong line!" Aragorn shouted, still looking manly. "If you make Frodo go out and he gets hurt, then you'll be in DEEP trouble!" Sam threatened Aragorn. "Mulloof! Hairlook neeruf woorlien!" Boromir shouted. "A Wizard is never wrong either!" "If I get dirty I'll never be pretty any more!" "Yum! Mushrooms! I was getting hungry!" "Is my ax in that bag of grapes?" "WAAAAAA! I don't want to get hurt!" "SOME ONE GET SOME ATHELAS!' "BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I am back, precioussssssss..." "But I smote your ruin upon the mountainside! You cannot be returned!" "Ditugh thouthgh etirhti!" "You say that line later, Gandalf! ATHELAS! ATHELAS! GET IT! GET IT!" "Are there any fishesesesesesesssssssssss here, preciousssssss...? No, preciousssss, no!" "*Giggle* Those mushrooms taste good!"
After a moment of complete chaos, after everyone had gotten their anti- Nazgul vaccinations, everyone had had their third and fourth breakfast, and PJ had told Gollum not to bother the Fellowship until the river scene, the Fellowship returned to their quest, and decided to go up the Cahedras.
Legolas pranced about on top of the snow looking ever so dainty and pretty. Frodo picked up a handful of snow, packed it until it was tight, then threw it at the back of Aragorn's head. Aragorn ignored it in a kingly manner, hoping that perhaps the Hobbit would tire of the prank. He was ever so completely wrong. His ignoring it only provoked Merry and Pippin to join because Aragorn didn't do anything about it. Boromir was still tied up, but had been allowed to ride Bill the pony because his ankles were bound. "Ughtire thigberaph..." He muttered, still gagged. "And this is what we do the FIRST time you threaten to eat Frodo! Just see what happens the NEXT time!" Sam threatened, waving his frying pan. "Ughligh kerlinf." Boromir sighed. "Whatever!" Sam said as he rolled his eyes. "I still can't find my ax!" Gimly roared as he threw down the bag of grapes that he had been searching in. "My feet hurt!" Frodo complained, "How long until we get to Mount Doom?" "Many miles lie between us and that evil place!" Gandalf shouted, "And never ask why I hate cats again!". "But I didn't ask why you hate cats!" Frodo pointed you. "Do not make excuses! For they are folly and full of French fries!" Gandalf bellowed! "YUM!" Pippin squeaked, "French fries..." "Gighthey thefir tgietigl!" Boromir sighed dreamily. Sam hit Boromir over the head with his pan. "Don't EVER use language like that around Mr. Frodo ever AGAIN!" "Egithgy thight!" Boromir cried, trying to roll off Bill and run away. Sam hit him over the head again. "Cover your ears, Mr. Frodo!" Sam called, hitting Boromir again and again. Frodo obediently covered his ears, but then informed Sam that he could still hear the sound of metal hitting bone. "I was delayed." Gandalf explained, picking up his staff and putting a snow ball on the top. "Gandalf," Merry asked, "Do you have a problem with short-term-memory?" "I am no longer Gandalf the Gray whom you betrayed!" Gandalf said, eating the snowball. "Wrong line again." Aragorn said, gathering his cloak about him to try to look extremely cold. "What are you doing?" Pippin asked, just before he attacked Gandalf's staff in a desperate attempt to eat it. "I'm looking cold and manly!" Aragorn shouted back. "Honestly! You'd think we were on a picnic!" "We're NOT?!" Frodo whined as he picked up the picnic stuff that he had just spread out over the snow. "Of course not!" Gandalf shouted, "What made you think that you could lick a rock until it dissapeared!" He asked, shaking his staff, trying to get Pippin to let go of it. "I'm hungry!" Pippin moaned, still holding onto Gandalf's staff by his teeth. "Are YOU hiding my ax?" Gimly asked Legolas who was prancing about, performing 'Swan Lake'. "Why would I carry a filthy ax?" Legolas asked, jumping over Gimly's head, "It would only get me dirty! And why would I get dirty?!" "Because being dirty is FUN!" Merry exclaimed, rubbing two handfuls of dirty snow under both his arms. Legolas' eyes opened so wide that everyone thought they were going to pop out, then he passed out. "Wow!" Frodo squealed ecstatically, "I never knew anyone could open their eyes so wide!" He laughed as he hopped about. "ACT COLD!" Aragorn commanded, shoving a woolly sweater over Merry's head. "But I don't want to!" Frodo whined. "If Mr. Frodo doesn't want to act cold," Sam said, thunder clouds forming behind him, "Then Mr. Frodo doesn't have to act cold." "Indecision is the sister of chaos, and the maker of hot-water-bottles!" Gandalf announced, prying Pippin off of his staff. "Indecision tastes good!" Pippin giggled, licking the splinters from his lips, and thinking about making a second go at the staff. Merry stumbled about, blinded by the sweater, and tripped over Legolas who was still passed out in the snow. Legolas, sensing a dirty being around him, woke up , and put an arrow in his quiver. "I don't wanna act cold!" Frodo sobbed, throwing a tantrum. He was so busy throwing his tantrum, that he didn't notice when he bumped into Legolas, who became frightened that Frodo might be dirty, and accidentally released the arrow, which hit Bill in the rump. Bill, thinking a giant mosquito was trying to eat him alive, charged down the mountain towards the caves of Kazad-Doon with Boromir still on his back. "Come back, Bill!" Sam shouted, and began running after his pony. "CHARGE!" Gandalf bellowed, charging after Bill, "Do not let old alliances hold you back!" Pippin looked over at Gimly, who rolled his eyes, then they both headed after the horse. "Wait!" Frodo sobbed, trotting after those who had already run after Bill, "Don't leave me!" Seeing that no one was paying attention to him, sat down and started crying. "I don't wanna be left behind!" Merry, who was still struggling with the sweater, ran towards the direction where he heard all of the commotion, and passed by Frodo, who, seeing his chance, jumped onto his back to ride up to the fellowship in style. Legolas walked down to were the others were, sulking most painstakingly. Aragorn drew his sword and charged with it drawn and shouted a battle cry in the most manly manner he could.
And that is how the Fellowship of the Ring got to go down into the tunnels of Moria.