STAND ALONE

"I should have told her…"

I cannot tell you how many times these words fluttered through my brain. I stood on the deck over looking Midgar at Tifa's bar, the Seventh Heaven. Everyone from AVALANCHE was inside celebrating the defeat of Kadja and his brothers. I was alone – gazing at my surroundings. I have changed since the day we defeated Sephiroth; I used to be as cold as my dead carcass lying on the cement floors of the Shinra mansion. Now, I feel much more content with my life. That doesn't mean I still regret the many things that have happened to me in the past.

My death was roughly 30 ago, but hardly any time has passed it seems. I have not changed physically – I still resemble a 27 year old man with a dream of becoming a high Turk and marrying the woman I love. But dreams, like people, die if you do not grasp the opportune moment for them to live on. I should have asked her sooner; I should have told her sooner! But I was afraid; of what I don't know…I loved her and only learned too late that she truly loved me back. My Lucrecia…

I could hear Cid inside – he was defiantly as drunk as a sea dog by then. I wondered if Shera would ever get him under control. Suddenly, a voice in the back of my head asks me: "What are you thinking!? Since when are you so interested in other people's lives?" I don't know how to answer myself, so I shrug slightly.

"You've changed Valentine," the dark voice reminds me. This time I respond to my inner demon's remark out loud, "I know."

As I say this, the door to the deck I was occupying opens. Little Marlene, my companion Barret's 8 year old daughter, runs up next to me; her fine black hair tied back in a ponytail with a small pink bow – probably given to her by Tifa. I knew almost immediately where she was going to go. It seemed to be her sanctuary when she wanted to talk to me. Under my cape and clinging to the fabric of my pant leg, Marlene sniffed and began to hum a childish tune. I had a strong urge to ask her why she was here and not playing with Cait Sith or Nanaki in her room. But I felt that she would speak to me when she wanted to – right now I was busy pondering with my own thoughts:

Lucrecia was dead. She had died years ago in child birth…did she know that her son, Sephiroth, would be one of the soul reasons for suffering on the Planet? Probably not – but she had known that Shinra, the government that controls the lives of the people on this earth, was up to no good. Then why…why did she go to Hojo? Why did she choose that good-for-nothing Shinra scientist instead of me? I tried to save her; I tried to stop her – but I was too late. Instead, I was shot in the stomach and killed by Hojo; which gave him the pleasure of experimenting on me and bringing me back to life so that I may endure the pain of unnatural long life for years to come. Yes, I should have told her…

"Vincent," said a small voice. Marlene's tone was high pitched and had the easy ringing sensation of tiny chimes in the wind. I was startled from the voice that came from the girl standing at my side. I had forgotten that I was not alone on the deck.

"Yes, Marlene?" There was a long pause before she brought up the courage to speak again.

"Cait Sith told me that you were dead," she spoke with such speed that it took me a minute to work out what she had just said. "I…uh…I don't believe him," she continued.

I laughed, which seemed to sooth Marlene a little – her grip on my pant leg had loosened. Before I could think about my answer and how it would affect her, I said, "You should believe him…because he's right." I heard a petite gasp from under my cape – the grip tightened once more.

"Don't be a fibber Vincent!" she said angrily. "If you were dead you would be in Heaven with my Mommy."

"Yes, I suppose," I replied. I knew that I shouldn't have encouraged Cait Sith's comment on myself to such a young girl. I guess I still was not used to talking to someone so young and innocent, but I felt that I should explain the situation, "I am more the 'living dead' than anything, Marlene." Damn, that still didn't sound right…

"You're a ZOMBIE!?" She wasn't scared, just overly amazed, if anything.

"Well," I began, but before I could say anything more, Marlene decided to change the subject slightly.

"When I first saw you, I thought you were a Dracula!"

"You mean a Vampire?" I asked. She wouldn't be the first to think that.

"Yeah, that…" She was embarrassed by her slight mistake.

"No," I said. "I do not like the taste of blood." It was more of a clear statement then a humorous reply, I decided.

"I don't like it either…" was all that she said for a reply.

There was a long silence afterwards. I could distantly hear the chirping of crickets near Cosmos Canyon over the ruckus of Cid and Barret singing an airship sailor song in unison. Tifa was laughing (probably at their absurdity) and Yuffie was trying to talk to Cloud but eventually gave up – seeing that he still was not interested in her.

I had never liked the idea of celebrating so unappealingly after a hard win in a battle. It seemed sort of disrespectful to me…I started to remember the conversation that Lucrecia and I had about respectful parties and get-togethers. I placed my head into my hands sighing heavily; when was I ever going to forget her? Everything I saw, did and touched it reminded me of her somehow.

"Are you okay?" Marlene asked me.

"Yes, Marlene, I was just thinking."

"Me too. What were you thinking about?"

"Just," I considered lying, but decided not to. "I was thinking about…someone."

"Who?" was her question. Kids, I thought; they can never take the hint to let go.

"No one in particular," was all that I could come up with.

"I was thinking about my Mommy," she said softly. My heart ached somewhat when she said this. "I don't remember her – but I've seen pictures of her and Papa tells me about her when he's drinking his coffee in the morning. Can I tell you about her, Vincent?"

I didn't really want to hear her narrative on her Mother – I desperately tried to think of something that I had better to do. But (for some reason) my head nodded absentmindedly.

"She was really REALLY pretty!" The little one chanted. Some how, I had had a feeling that the story would start out that way.

"Her name was Eleanor…" Marlene continued. Eleanor? I thought. Wasn't Barret's wife named Mina? I began to get interested in Marlene's interpretation.

"She was the Mommy who carried me in her tummy. She was friends with my Papa and my other Mommy too. She had long black hair like mine but it was soooooo long that she had to tie it up on her head! She had three horses also; one's name was Folly and the other was Jackson and the other one Papa doesn't remember because he's silly sometimes." She giggled at her remark on her father. "That's all I can think about right now – I'm starting to get really tired."

"That wasn't as bad as I thought it would be," the voice in my head commented. But I didn't listen to it; I was shocked at the fact that Barret would discuss Marlene's biological Mother in front of her. I had heard about the tragedy that befell upon Barret's wife Mina and their two friends, Dyne and his wife, Eleanor. I was surprised that Marlene was not confused by the fact that she basically had two different pairs of parents. But Marlene was one not to care about such things, she was glad that she had Barret as a Father and Tifa as a "sister."

"Is your Mommy still alive?" I heard Marlene ask me. She had been the first person to ask me about my Mother since…well…forever. I hesitated for a bit…I had never talked about my parents with anyone – not even with Lucrecia.

"No," I said plainly. "She died when I was your age."

"But you had your Papa to look after you, right?"

"Yes, but I wasn't as lucky as you, Marlene. I didn't have a caring Father. I was mostly alone my whole childhood." Oh great, I thought. Here I am, spilling my pathetic guts onto a little girl…what's the world coming to?

"I'm sorry," she said. I suddenly felt the young girl's arms wrapped around my leg…hugging me. "My Papa says that you should never feel alone, because you're not!"

I myself could not believe what I had done next. Just then, unexpectedly, I found myself kneeling down to Marlene and hugging her back. She placed her hands around my neck and began playing with my hair – braiding it maybe? She was so small and fragile I felt that if I held her any tighter she would break in half. I sensed the voice in the back of my mind – yelling all kinds of words that I'm sure were blaming me for being soft and weak; I didn't care. Out of the blue, Marlene's little hands were not playing with my hair anymore and instead they were at her side. Marlene's small body became limp against my chest as she made slight excusable snores. She had fallen asleep in my arms.

I carefully picked her up so that her head still rested on my shoulder and walked into the Seventh Heaven. The partying had calmed down, and when I had arrived the only people who were not passed out on the floor were Tifa, Shera, and, surprisingly, Yuffie (but she looked pretty damn close).

"Good evening, ladies," I said tiredly. I was starting to feel exhausted from the night too. "Could…er….one of you take her?"

"Whatcha do to her, Vinnie?" asked Yuffie obnoxiously, before collapsing to the floor in which the only sound she made after that was disgusting snores. Tifa chuckled a little at the sight of Yuffie before agreeing to take Marlene to bed. I lifted Marlene off my shoulder and placed her into the bartender's arms.

"I think I will be leaving now," I said to them. I never stay in the same place for very long. I'm natural born loner, I guess. Tifa and Shera both looked at me with sad eyes, "Are you sure you don't want to stay for good this time?" Tifa asked me, adjusting her grip on Marlene so that the child didn't fall.

I nodded my head. "I'm sure." I carefully made my way over the unconscious bodies that lay all over the place and to the door.

"There will be other adventures you know," said Shera yawning. "You can't hide from us forever!"

"How about it Vincent," Tifa stated, "Will you be back for more adventures?"

I lifted my head and smiled, "Don't worry," I said. "You won't be standing alone…I'll be there." I left the Seventh Heaven and began walking through the dirty streets of Midgar. The hours of darkness seemed much cooler compared to the warmth that radiated from inside the Seventh Heaven. I began to wonder where the night's wind would guide me that night…

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A/N: I wrote this back in 2006!! I was cleaning out my computer and I came across it.