Renesmee's POV
No one to go to. No one I can tell. I keep asking myself why this had to happen to me. I was half vampire why couldn't I fight this off?. If my family ever found out they would be ashamed . With the best bringing up I could possibly have. The strongest most supportive family and friends ever. This would be with me forever. Eternity. I but the pillow to my mouth , tears running down my cheeks and screamed . The feeling inside of me one of guilt and regret. The feeling kept bubbling to the surface. I couldn't get the thought that I was ... was raped out of my head. Like it was on a timer every 10 minutes i would think about it again. It was slowly tearing me to shreds. It would be better to just tell my parents or even Jacob he was my best friend we were used to telling each other everything.
I think my family sensed that something was up especially Jacob because I had been distancing myself so much from the judgement I would face if they were to find out. My father would well i hope I never have to find out. I was glad at this moment in large room which was part of a huge mansion in Portland, Oregon that I was able to keep my thoughts to myself because from the appearance of a five-year old of five my family had found at that i had also developed my mothers talent and able to shield myself and for that I am sincerely grateful.
I was getting myself in preparation to sleep over at Jacob's this weekend. He had a house that Esme had built him about 30 km from us. I figured if I broke down now i could keep myself in together. Lately it was easier to stay together when in the presence of Jacob . I felt closer to him even though we had always been best friends. I couldn't think about having deeper feelings for him. I didn't deserve him even if that was a possibility . I was broken and scared.
What HE had done to me. I wish that HE would die. I had to try to hold myself together. At school HE would taunt me in the hall way. I was reminded of HIM every waking minute. I hated HIM more that anyone in the whole world.
Jacob's POV
I used to think I absolutely knew everything about my Nessie. She used to tell me everything but that all stopped when she meet her now ex-boyfriend TJ. I mentally spit at the name. It had been a month since she broke up with him and she had never been the same. I tried talking to Bella and Edward about it but they thing she is just going threw a typical 16-year old girl phase. I think it is something more though. I saw a similar face in Bella when Edward had left her . But Nessie's face is full of a pain that I have only scence , in a much lower degree on Sam's face when he thinks of Leah. But Nessie just didn't look there same everything in my core said she was hiding something and I knew it was my job to get it out o her.
Suddenly there was a knock on the door and the smell of Nessie possessed me. I had to keep a hold of myself it wasn't the right time to think about how totally drawn I am to her right now it was time to be a protecter, someone to talk to her.
Renesmee's POV
I took a deep breathe cleared my head and knocked on the door. Jacob opened the door with a concerned expression on his face . He than took my bag and gave me a big hug. I stayed immersed in this moment.I felt almost whole I almost forgot about HIM .
"Hey Jacob. It's good to see you" I said but the end of the sentence came out choked.
"I've missed you bub it's been three days. How was school yesterday?." I froze lucky we were still in the hug and he couldn't see my expression. The feeling and memory came to the surface. Yesterday HE had walked passed me in the hallway. HE had asked me if I remembered the night that HE had raped me. HE remembered too.
"School was fine." He must of picked up on the lie in my unconvincing voice because he shot a glance it me that said sure it was.
"Lets go for a walk" I just nodded at Jacob's words. He placed his hand in mine. Normally I wouldn't let anyone touch now me but my family. Jacob was an exception. His touch didn't sent a jolt of fear and horrid memories into my veins like other males . His touch felt right well his hugs and when he holds my hand. I don't think I could go further than that even if he was my more than best friend.
"Ness, I want you to know that I am absolutely here for you." What did he know. I know he was trying to get something out of me.
"Jake your my best friend." This really didn't have anything that is relevant to what he told me but I was trying to avoid any questions that I could see bubbling on his lips.
"I am better than your best friend Ness . I know you may not be able to tell a best friend everything but you can certainly tell soul mate." What did he mean what was he getting at.? Than in absolute surprise Jacob kissed me.I couldn't handle this I couldn't handle being with Jake if he knew what I had done . I didn't deserve him. I got up tear streaming down my face
"I can't Jake.... .I j-j-just can't I spluttered and ran. I knew that Jacob would blame his self for my reaction. But it's better than him knowing the truth. I just kept running. Jacob didn't follow.
Jacob's POV
Dammit Jake. Dammit, dammit, did you do that?. I was coming to the realization that i might have just completely ruined my relationship with Nessie. I just thought that maybe she might open up if I was closer to her. I was so wrong. I better give her space. She probably doesn't even like me and I have just ruined the friendship.
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