This is mostly a collection of crack fics. I'm not sure how long it will be yet maybe up to 5 chapters. I know that this first chapter can almost seem like a story but for right now it's a crack fic unless i decide to make it a story. I'll think of some more crack fics to do if i get inspired enough by fanmade video's on youtube. I do not own Devil May Cry or the characters. Inspired by the video 'No Booty Calls Dante!' and by Kelly (of course).
Nero- No Booty Calls!
Nero was in his room back in Fortana. Nero opened his closet and took out his clothes and packed them in a suitcase. It's been almost a year since the Savior incident.. All of the others in town have constantly sending him glares filled with hatred whenever he stepped outside. Kyrie hated him since he told her that her brother was killed. It hardly mattered to him how the others felt about him. Nero didn't care about all the others anymore.
"They can all get killed by demons for all I care... " said Nero as his Bringer glowed faintly. "I'm not even sure why I stayed this long."
He picked up Blue Rose and put it in it's holster. Then picked up Red Queen and placed it on his back. Nero stopped and looked around at his apartment before he picked up his one suitcase and walked out. As he walked out some of the other residents came out of their rooms. They all knew he was leaving and gave him a few glares as he walked by.
It wasn't any different once he got outside. People came out to watch him leave. All giving him glares as he walked by. Nero ignored them all As he headed towards the ferry.
"Nero."
Nero turned around to see Kyrie standing there with a few dozen others behind her.
"What do you want Kyrie?" Nero said as his Bringer glowed a bit brighter. Some of the others backed up at the sight of this but they still stood their ground.
"Don't ever come back here Nero. Your not welcome here anymore." Said Kyrie. Nero smirked and laughed as the others continued to glare at him.
"Why would I want to come back to this dump? You can all fuck off for all I care. Especially you Kyrie. The only reason people like you is because you fucked His Holiness." I smirked as Kyrie's face dropped and the others all gasped.
I turned around and continued walking towards the ferry as the townsfolk started yelling at Kyrie. I snuck onto the ferry then quickly found a spot to sit. I pulled out my ipod and started listening to it. until I got to my new home.
~A few hours later~
Nero found a small apartment a few miles away from the Devil May Cry office. Since he hasn't been able to get a certain silver haired half demon out of his head he decided to move closer to him. A few months after all the destruction, Dante came back and offered Nero a place to stay at Devil May Cry. Nero decided to live by himself before he decided to live with Dante.
~ A few months later~
Dante was in his usual spot at his desk. His feet were propped up and he had a box of pizza on his desk. Lady and Trish left to go home earlier that day. Since they stopped living at Devil May Cry things have been pretty quite. Nero still wont move in with Dante yet. They only dated for about 3 months before Dante dumped him. Dante still cant remember why he dumped him. Oh well must have been drunk.
Business was running pretty slow the past few weeks. So naturally Dante was extremely and utterly bored. Dante closed his eyes and tried to sleep. The first thing that came to his mind was Nero. He missed having him around. All the constant flirting and lovemaking they did made him frustrated from the lack of contact over the months. The phone rang interrupting Dante from his thoughts. Dante leaned forward and picked up the phone.
"Sorry but were closed. Call back some other time."
"I know your closed but this is important." said Trish from the other line.
"What do you want Trish?" I said as I reached for another slice.
"Lady and I are going on vacation for a while. Don't forget if you get any missions to pay us!" the line went dead before Dante could say anything.
"Ok then. There goes my entertainment for a while." Dante noticed he was almost out of pizza and ordered another. After he hung up the phone he picked up a magazine and leaned back in his chair again. He started reading the first few pages but he couldn't concentrate. All he could think about was Nero.
He remembered the way Nero used to blush whenever Dante kissed him. The sounds and noises he would make whenever Dante fucked him. After a few more minutes of daydreaming his pizza arrived. Dante looked at the clock as it read 9:30 pm. He needed to get Nero back here.
Dante opened a drawer in his desk and took out his laptop. He pulled up his pick up line list.
"Tried that…. didn't work….. didn't work… didn't work…. didn't work….."
Dante spent the next few hours looking one by one at all his pick up lines. Some of them worked on Nero but others failed. Dante looked at the time again. It was 12:30 am and he has gotten nowhere. He ran a hand through his hair and thought hard. That's when a thought came to mind. He just remembered about a video that Lady had told him about. He only watched it once but there was a chance it could work. Dante smirked as he pulled up Youtube and began his search for the video.
~10 minutes later~
Nero's phone started to ring. Nero ignored it the first three times. The fourth time he got up to answer it. Nero was too tired so he didn't bother checking the caller Id.
"Hello?"
"It's your ex." said Dante form the other line. Nero turned to look at the clock. It was 1 am. 'Why would he call me at 1 am?'
"It's one in the morning. What the hell do you want?"
"Baby I'm horny." Nero's eyes widened at this. He blushed grateful that Dante couldn't see him right now.
"So what are you saying? You want to get together?"
"I want you to come over all dressed up in leather like you used to do."
Nero blushed at Dante's words.. Nero got up and made his way to the closet. He moved some clothes around until he found the outfit Dante was talking about. It was a small dark blue bikini bra with red straps attached that can drape around his waist. It came with dark blue shorts and a leather thong. Nero's Bringer glowed brighter as he felt the straps with his fingers.
"T-that's not happening again. That was back then… besides I'm interested in bigger and better men." Nero lied. He hasn't met anyone since Dante dumped him. But he wasn't about to let Dante know that. "No booty calls, old man." With that they began their little phone battle of the pick up lines. (1)
"Aw come on kid you know I still got it going on.(2)" said Dante
"Wow with clichés like that I'm really torn. Your game is played go back to your porn."
"Start me up you make a dead man cum."
"Then you can just drop dead because your not getting some."
"What happened to the freak that used to rock my world?"
"Well the freak's still here but I'm not your guy. You broke up with me."
"I made a mistake."
"Then why don't you just ask me out on a date?"
Dante scratched his head. He checked the time… it was 1:20 am.
"Umm… tonight's a date."
"Please… no booty calls old man."
~10 minutes later(3)~
"Remember when we hit it off in the parking lot?"
"Outside of IHOP?"
"Yeah. That was so hot."
"Thank you I'm flattered but it doesn't matter. I remember that you threw up in the pancake batter. You got a problem, your drunk all the time. Are you even sure that this phone number's mine?"
"Uh, yeah I… wait what?"
"If that confused you, I'm going to have to lose you. Go back to first grade and get yourself a Blue's Clue. I don't even know what ever made me chose you."
"Cause were good together."
"But I can do better."
"No one makes you feel better.(4)"
"Buddy your like cheddar…. Cheesy. "
~a few insults later~
"You know Lady and Trish moved out and I got my own crib. (5)"
"That's funny that's just where you belong in a crib."
"You saying I'm your baby?"
"I'm saying a baby."
"I'm not hearing yes or no, I'm hearing maybe."
"Well get your hearing checked cause you cant play me."
"Hey hate the game, don't hate me."
"That's not how that phrase goes."
"I know but you just turn me on kid, from my head to my toes."
"Jesus Criest can you at least be original? If game was true then your would be fictional."
"Kid I got style and I got class."
"I got a brand new boot for your ass. No booty calls!"
"Aw come on kid-"
"No! No booty calls! That's not happening!"
"Hey kid I just don't talk the talk, I walk the walk, and I know you like my talk."
"Hey old man, don't discombobulate (6) me. If you want some of this you have to properly date me."
"You mean wine and dine? That's a waste of time. I can spend $5 and still get mine."
"Since that's probably all you have let me give you a hint. How's this? Go stuff your pee hole with a junior mint."
"Kid all I want to do is make you sweat. Let me be the Romeo to your Juliet"
"Ok drink some poison and I'll stab myself. You'd know that story if you ever took a book off the shelf."
"I don't need no book."
"Double negative so you do."
"My dick's hard. Look-"
"That's mature and it's so rude."
"I don't understand all these big words you use. I don't need big words cause I got big shoes."
"Verbally you're a moron, sexily you're a cling on. I'm more mature now I need a mental cling on."
"Baby I got brains in my underwear. My dick = MC squared."
"You need to go back to physics class. The only brain in your pants is your head up your ass. Check that, you know you could be right cause you do cum faster then the speed of light."
"You must admit, I got a load like a stallion. I (beep beep) on you with my creamy Italian. (7)"
"Ew! What am I to you! A salad bar? You like to (beep) so much I need a dick sneeze guard."
"You want some tonight?"
"I want some never."
" That's not what you said back when we were together."
"Well that's not happening again. That was back then and now I'm interested in smarter deployed men. No booty calls."
"Aw come on kid you know I treat you right-"
" No don't interrupt me, no booty calls."
"I know you like it. come on kid, come over."
"No! this phone conversation's over."
Nero hung up on Dante and laid back down. He rolled over to check the clock. It was 2:55 am. Nero couldn't stop blushing as he thought about what Dante said. His Bringer glowed brighter the more he thought about it.
Nero's phone rang again. This time it was a text message from Dante.
Please?
Nero sighed as he started to put on the leather outfit that Dante liked.
Fine…. Be there in 20 minutes.
Nero put on his regular clothes over the outfit then went quietly left his apartment. He got on his bike and left towards Devil May Cry.
~with Dante~
Dante smirked as he read Nero's reply to his text message. He got up to check the fridge.
"Out of chocolate syrup… and Nero will be here in 20 minutes…. Plenty of time to run to the store and back." Dante left Devil May Cry to go to the store so that He and Nero could have some real fun.
1. In other words it switches between Dante and Nero talking so many times I'm not saying who says what. You can sort of guess who said what without me telling you.
2. I cant get the rest of that line sadly so I left it at that.
3. I just put those minor skips because there are a few pauses in the song so I put the skips.
4. In the song it's wetter but I found that weird so I put better because I couldn't think of anything else.
5. The song says that she moves out of her mom's but I decided to put Lady and Trish instead.
6. It's a weird word but it is said in the song.
7. Idk what he said at that part so I just put beep.
Dante: Either way I still got him to come over.
Nero: I will kill you Wolf…. *takes out Run Queen*
Wolf(Me): Hey don't get mad at me I got bored! Besides I thought it be funny!
Nero: You will die!
Wolf: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! *runs away*
Sparda: Anyway... I get to be in the next chapter! ^_^
Nero: I'll barely have any lines in the next chapter...
Wolf: Surprise Glomp Attack! *glomps Dante*
Dante: Sweet….
Nero: Don't touch my man!
Wolf: D: *runs away*
Dante: Sweet…. *eats pizza and watches*
Sparda: Anyway we get to see how much my sons love their father.
Dante: lol…. Well that's it folks! Don't forget to review.
Wolf:Mkbye!