Chuck Vs El Cid
I don't own Chuck and never will. El Cid was a knight in the 1400's well respected by friend and foe alike. A most virtuous knight loyal to a corrupt king unworthy of his fielty.
Sarah sat nearly catatonic, tears silently streaming down her face. Mumbling to herself "you should have let him kill me" over and over. Chuck sat, craddling her in his arms, astonished by her words. Agent Shaw had tried to kill Sarah. He would have succeeded if Chuck hesitated and not shot him. This turned out to be his "red test".
The extraction team took Sarah to a psyche ward for evaluation and observation. She didn't need any sedation, she was quite pliant. Given a room to rest in, Chuck turned his attention to her asigned doctor. Chuck started asking if he could help in any way possible and wound-up telling as much of Sarah's life as he knew. Her childhood as the distraction while her father pulled con after con, moving from town to town. How her father's arrest provided her an opportunity to join the CIA. He even talked about this recent assignment of protecting an asset who she trained to be a spy. The spy, he told the doctor, standing in front of him. Dr. Sydney Berenstein was intrigued. The dynamic of protector to trainer to partner was astounding, no wonder the strong connection. He kept asking questions of Chuck. One hour, two hours rolled by. Finally Chuck stopped the questioning, this was supposed to be about Sarah.
"Please indulge me agent Charmicheal, do you love her?" the doctor asked. "With all my heart." came the swift reply. "Do you trust her?" Again no hesitation. "With my life, and my family's."
"Astounding", the doctor whispered. " So really? Never?" "Yes, Dr. Berenstein, never." Chuck was getting tired of this same question coming up. "Our relationship was..... complicated."
The following day, Sarah woke rested, but depressed. Feeling nature call( long distance of course) she was compelled to answer. Noticing the new slippers and bathrobe, she smirked. "Just like the Four Seasons." On the way to the bathroom she noticed the camera, it wasn't tracking her so she ignored it. Returning to her bed, she curled up into a ball,trying to ignore the memory of the past few days. A knock followed by Dr. Berenstein entering the room couldn't cause her to move. "Can I get you anything Sarah? Breakfast? Water? Shots of tequila?" "Just like all the other guys I know, get me drunk to get me to talk." She deadpanned. "Hey, it worked when I was a bartender, so why not? You know the only difference between the two, is that a trained psychologist can tell the topics you're trying to avoid. Besides, if we wander into topics I'm not cleared for, they'll just hit me with a twilight dart." The sound of a tranq gun goes off and the doctor falls to the floor. Rushing to his side, Sarah starts a light slap to Dr. Berenstein's face, while searching for the dart.
"You're a very good spy agent Walker, not many would actually look for the dart." The doctor stood up. "I'm sorry about that but I had to see if you still cared about others. It's also good spy humor don't you think?" Slapping his shoulder she turned and sat on the bed. "You would get along great with Chuck." She said, a concerned frown showed on her face. "Yes I got that feeling too when we chatted yesterday. He's quite a guy, you should feel glad he's there for you." Sarah spoke slowly, "oh yeah, lucky me." Tears escaped her eyes. The doctor continued probing, "why so sad Sarah? Shouldn't you be glad that you're alive? Don't you think he's a hero? Isn't Chuck your hero worthy of your love?"
The flustered agent responded, "I can never love him! He's a murderer!" Confused by this outburst the doctor countered. "I have eyewitness accounts stating that Chuck begged, pleaded, negotiated for your release, only to be forced to choose your death or killing agent Shaw. Hardly a murderer, in fact I'd call him a hero. He saved a life, yours. Was it because he had to kill your boyfriend?" A quiet voice responded. "He wasn't my boyfriend, I was going to leave with Chuck to Mexico." "Interesting" was the response. "Sarah, I'm going to leave now and won't be back until you eat."
It took a full day before Sarah would eat. Just as promised Dr. Berenstein returned to her room. "Are you ready for more torture agent Walker?" the doctor chided. "Is there anything you would like to say to me?" Sarah thought for a while. "How long will I be here?" "Well at the risk of sounding like all the other shrinks you have encountered, it's all up to you Sarah. So where should we start?"
Lunch came and went, they talked about her childhood. How her first kiss was to a boy she would never see again because her father started a con in another town and they left early the next day. Dinnertime came and the good doctor decided to eat with her in order to continue the thead of conversation. "You must have had a very lonely life agent Walker, no one to ever love you, just for who you are. Was Bryce your first sexual partner?" Delaying her response, Sarah waited for her thoughts to organize. "No he wasn't the first. There was college, seduction school and some Marks before he was the first person I thought I could love." "Thought you could love? Does this mean you never loved Bryce?" The doctor needed to know. "Well" Sarah began, "at the time I thought I was in love but now I know it wasn't true love. Chu- some one else taught me that. Remember spys don't fall in love."
"Is that why you can't love Chuck now, because he's a spy? Excuse me for being skeptical, but weren't you in a sexual relationship with agent Shaw before he tried to kill you? And for that matter, when you were Chuck's handler why didn't you use sex to control your asset? It's a proven method. Lord knows he never seemed to follow instructions." Dr. Berenstein was sure he found the reason for her breakdown, he just had to make her see her search for purity and redemtion in a man was misplaced, no matter how good a man he is.
"No Dr. , I could never use sex to control this asset. He was too sweet and innocent to abuse his trust." She was staring at the wall a blank look on her face. "Sarah, why don't we pick up this conversation tomorrow with this thought- does everyone deserve to be loved, does everyone deserve to be forgiven? Goodnight ,Sarah."
The orderlies were picking up Sarah's breakfast tray when Dr. Berenstein entered. He nodded to Sarah and asked "have you given any thought about what we talked about last night, agent Walker? Do any of us deserve to be loved. Do any of us deserve to be forgiven. I'd actually like to know if you deserve to be loved or forgiven." "No", came the one word response. "No what? No you didn't think about it?" He needed to draw her out. "No, I've done too many horrible things. I can't be forgiven. I don't deserve love."
"Ahh. Now we're getting to the heart of the problem." Dr. Berenstein droned on. " You don't love yourself enough to forgive yourself. And now since your knight in shining armour has a dent, he isn't pure enough to clense your soul. You won't forgive yourself for turning his pure heart into a killer. It's a very vicious circle." Silence ensued. Changing the subject,the good Dr. persued another line of reasoning. "Chuck mentioned you both were planning to go off-grid, why would you be able to love him then, and not now?"
"It would have been what we have always wanted, no cover, no lies, just us."
"Wow", Dr. Berenstein exclaimed. "I've never known such smart people to be so dumb. If you both went off-grid your whole life would be different covers and different lies in every new place you would stay. Fighting to stay alive from friend and foe alike." The Dr. brought a large pen with a flashing light out of his pocket. "Sarah as an original participant of Project Omaha you know there are few viable recipients of the Intersect. Chuck will never be free. And furthermore you can never be free. I saw your test results. It should have been you and not Bryce to receive it. Sexist are everywhere." The pen clicked. "So Sarah, I'll ask a different question, why couldn't you have a normal life with Chuck?"
An exasperated scream came from Sarah's lips. "What part of my life is normal! I kill people!"
"Calm down agent Walker," the Dr. began, "you protect the country and the country's secrets in your job. But that's what it is, a job. At the end of the day you're allowed to go home, you're allowed to be human. You wake up, you do your job, and you go home. What could be more normal than that?" He could see the wheels turning in her mind. "The job you do is morally ambiguous, but instead of holding on to the one person who always does the right thing, you push him away. He was forced to decide between his love for you or your life. To him, there was nothing to decide, just how he would live without your love. It has been a good conversation today. I'll talk to you soon." And he left the room.
The following three days passed slowly for Sarah. With nothing to do she only had her thoughts to keep her company. When Dr. Berenstein returned to talk, Sarah gave him a big smile. "Hi doc, it's good to see you." "It's good see you Sarah, and in a good mood too. What should we start with today?"
"Well, I realize I can't continue to blame myself for the sins my father caused, because they were his sins, not mine. Although I was a willing particpant, I wasn't old enough to truly see it was wrong. I guess I have finally let go of the guilt. I almost feel like I left a bad partner. Lighter but without remorse."
"Speaking of bad partners." The Dr. began. "What was the basis of your infatuation with agent Shaw? From what I have seen in recordings, his features were always schooled, never revealing any emotions. Quite a difference from agent Charmicheal."
"I.... I felt safe with Daniel, we could talk about things, and...it felt familiar." Sarah forced out.
"So you felt safe with a man who, by all accounts, had a target painted on his back. And you talked about things, like all lovers do, like children and places to live. Am I getting this right Sarah?" He probed. "And it felt familiar because...."
"Stop it! Stop it!" Sarah yelled. "No. It wasn't like that!" She calmed down. "We talked about missions, and coping with the pain, and past partners. Things like that."
"So, all things spy related, he's such a romantic! But that's why he was safe, wasn't it, spies don't fall in love. You would never love him. Another contrast with Chuck, who is a bundle of emotional chaos. An unrelenting bundle of chaos." The Dr.'s exasperation was showing now. "I truly believe that if you don't get better soon, agent Walker, that I will be in the next room as a patient."
Sarah giggled, which turned into a full laugh, as she visualized what the Dr. had said. "Sarah, can you tell me what you were thinking when agent Shaw decided to get captured in order to defeat the Ring?"
"Well, I thought he was a hero, a true patriot willing to sacrifice himself to protect us all." She stated.
"Can I explain why I think you're wrong Sarah. Will you listen to my reasoning?" She nodded. "I saw the video. And what I saw was a man bent on suicide. He wouldn't listen to any modifications to his plan. He didn't want to come back. He was going to die as a martyr to the memory of his long dead wife. As he left, he entrusted your wellbeing into Chuck's hands as if he tossed the keys to his car. He wasn't even worthy of the kiss you gave him a minute earlier. True patriots may get difficult missions, but always in their planning, they find that last bit of hope to retun to their loved ones. From a strictly operational viewpoint, Shaw failed at all of his objectives. The tracking device was removed. The bunker didn't even have any leaders of the Ring present."
"Oh my God." Sarah said with realization showing on her face. "I've got to talk to Chuck." She started to look for her phone. "Dr. can I see him? Is he here?"
"Yes and yes. He's in the cafeteria talking to one of the nurses." Dr. Berenstein couldn't stop himself. A smirk played on his lips.
"Is she a brunette? Nevermind. Could you unlock the door for me Dr.?" Sarah was pacing.
"You mean you never once tried to open the door? Its not locked. This is a secure facility."
Sarah was at full speed out the door, with the Dr. yelling after her. "Main cafeteria to the left down the long hall!"
A minute passed and a short red headed general enters the room.
"This isn't what I wanted, Sydney, She's compromised."
"You wanted the Intersect team fully functional and in the field. I merely reasoned with her finding out what caused her breakdown. The path to her recovery was her own. Besides Diane, she's the most dedicated and fiercest protector he'll ever need. After those two talk today, she should stay here tonight. I think it only fitting that she be released on Easter."