IN THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE
By Basilea
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Spoilers: None
A/N: Thank you Clara for your beta!
I finally arrive to this empty house, my empty house, and I´m so tired I can´t even think about breakfast. All I can think about is having a shower and getting some sleep. I need some sleep... I can´t seem to sleep enough lately... I always feel like I need some more.
I undress in front of the mirror and I can´t help wondering if my body is still attractive… I think there´s nothing left from my dancing years. And I´m glad. But I´ve lost some of my security in it... I know men look at me... men always look, but that´s not enough anymore. I look so tired… and I think about how long it´s been since the last time I shared my body with someone. But I don´t feel like doing it. Not anymore. There´s just one man I long to share it with, and he doesn´t know. I don´t think he´ll ever know.
I´m standing naked in front of my mirror and his image apears behind me. He smiles. And I imagine his hands running over my body, and I can almost feel his touch. "I´m too tired". I say it out loud, trying to get those thoughts out of my mind and I get into the shower, hoping hot water will help to relax my tensed body and ease that void feeling that has been growing inside for some time now. But caressing my body with my soap-filled hands only makes my mind trick me again, and my hands become his hands... and that´s not helping.
I wrap myself in the towel and comb my wet hair, trying hard to concentrate on that single task, but he´s again behind me, staring at me inside my mirror. And I know I want him to stay there, to keep me company.
I´ll send a message to you
I close my eyes and hope it gets through
And I whisper his name, hoping he hears me calling…
It´s in the language of love
Because now I´m sure I love him. It´s taken me fifteen years to realize love was what I was feeling... how am I supposed to be able to share it with him now?
It´s in your touch there in your mouth.
It was just a kiss. One shy kiss under the mistletoe and fifteen years of friendship vanished. I could have stayed there and kiss him for the rest of my life... I still want to...
I wonder if you hear me tonight
Sometimes you´re so far away.
But I´m never sure anymore. We don´t even seem friends lately, and I can´t help thinking that maybe it´s me the one that keeps pushing him away... maybe I am too scared of letting him know. We don´t talk anymore like we used to... and I feel him more and more distant, I feel I´m losing him, and I can´t stand it.
I want to have you near me tonight
I need him as close as we were before... even closer...
Do you belong to me?
But I´ll never know if he wants the same.
Who loves you?
Who´re you gonna run to?
Who loves you?
Whatcha gonna do about it?
And I can´t stop thinking what would happen if I´d let him know, if he´d feel the same... If he could love me like I´m loving him. I wonder what would happen if he heard my message and understod its meaning...
Who loves you?
Who´re you gonna run to?
Who loves you?
Whatcha gonna do about it now?
But I am a coward. I´m so coward I put my nightgown on and get into bed, hoping to get a dreamless sleep... a sleep without him... even though I know I won´t be able to.
So tired I can´t fall asleep,
I close my eyes and breath in the heat.
Each time I close my eyes he´s here, in my bed, close to me. I can almost smell him.
I´ve got this passion for you
Like inspiration out of the blue.
I´m still surprised at the power of my own feelings. I´ve spent fifteen years loving him without knowing it... and suddenly, I can´t spend fifteen seconds without him. He´s all I think about now… all I want to think about. And I call him once more with my heart while I fall asleep... hoping he get´s it this time...
Who loves you?
Who´re you gonna run to?
Who loves you ?
Whatcha gonna do about it?
The doorbell wakens me. I refuse to move... I can still feel what he was doing to me in my dreams but one crazy idea cames to my mind: What if he got the message? I run to the door whithout knowing what I´ll do if it is him, but desperatedly hoping it is him.
Who loves you?
Who´re you gonna run to?
Who loves you ?
Whatcha gonna do about it now?
His smile is the first thing I see as I open my door. His perfect smile fallowed by his beautiful blue eyes, and I can hear his voice even though he´s not talking: "Did you call me?"
I send a message to you
I close my eyes and hope it gets through...
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Fin
"Who loves you" – by Alannah Myles