I do not own Harry Potter or Primeval; they belong to their rightful creators.

WARNING: SLASH.

Summary: Harry had been working with the ARC since it was first founded with the original team. He had lived through losing Stephen, Cutter and Sarah because of their job, and now he has to come to grips with the fact that he has lost Abby, Connor and Danny to the past. His lover, Becker, is full of guilt over everything that has happened, and needs Harry to be there for him. But first he needs to know if Harry blames him for everything that has happened.

Pairing: Harry/Becker

AN:/ Based a couple of months after the end of the third series. It also might sound a little choppy, but please bear with me on this. :D

"Just don't call me 'soldier boy' again." – Becker in 'Primeval'

For three months things have taken a drastic turn in Harry's life. It had been three months since Connor, Danny and Abby disappeared somewhere in time, and three months since Sarah had been killed by a future predator. Three months of haunted nightmares that stole Harry's sleep and taunted him about what he's lost; and three months of effecting his and Becker's relationship.

Everything had all but gone to hell, and Harry would be the first to admit that it was partially his fault. At the moment the two were having another row over what; Harry can't say apart that it once again involved Connor, Abby and Danny in some form or another.

Now Harry was feeling angry at Becker who shared his mood, the ex-millenarian's body coiled up tight in trying to contain his ire.

"You're going to keep blaming me for this?" Harry accused, "or are you going to take some responsibility to what happened? You were hired to protect the team after all."

Becker turned away from Harry sharply.

"Shutting me out?" Harry snorted. "Nothing ever changes then, does it? You just remain cold and aloof like you've always be-"

It was Becker's fist slamming against the wall that caused Harry to shut up and flinch back in surprise.

"Becker, what the hell's gotten into you?" Harry demanded, for now overlooking the newly formed cracks in the plaster and the point that they were arguing just moments ago.

"Probably the same thing that got into you a long time ago," Becker bit back. "But it's what you've wanted after all; for me to be more 'emotional'."

"You're talking nonsense," Harry said, his previous anger leaving him; only to be replaced for guilt.

"Nonsense?" Becker questioned coldly.

Harry, mentally cursing himself for not thinking before he opened his mouth, took a cautious step forward, taking on a different approach.

"Hil," Harry hesitantly touched Becker's arm with the tips of his fingers. "Please-"

"Please what, Harry?" Becker growled, spinning his body around to face his lover. "Please pretend that everything is fine? That Sarah didn't die a horrific death?" Becker reached over and grabbed Harry's shoulders, jerking him forward and against his body. "Or perhaps you want me to act like Abby and Connor and Danny aren't stuck in some prehistoric time and quite possibly dead as well. Is that what you want?"

Tears fell from Harry's eyes and he shook his head roughly.

"No, and you know as well as I do that I don't ever want that. Never," Harry answered him, tone almost pleading.

"I don't believe that." Becker whispered; his hold loosening. "Half the time you can't even look at me, and when you do… your face is so expressive, Harry. You blame me for what happened."

"Shut up!" Harry snapped, wriggling against Becker. "I don't!"

"Yes you do!"

"For God's sake-"

"Admit it, Harry, when we went through for that last rescue mission, you trusted me to bring us back safe, and I didn't. I got Sarah killed."

"Hilary-"

"Isn't that right?"

"I'm not-"

"You blame me!" Becker shouted.

"YES!" Harry screamed back before he could stop himself.

Becker stilled and stared down at Harry, his face turning expressionless, all but his eyes that Harry, despite his own shock at his admittance, noticed the shattered emotions that swirled within them. The ex-soldier dropped his arms but stayed perfectly still, gazing down at Harry and looking so lost and so hurt that it made Harry's insides clench painfully. Swallowing, Harry calmed himself down enough to pull away from Becker, moving a hand to rest on the other's neck. He had already lost so much, and Harry couldn't lose anyone else, least of all someone who was experiencing the same pain as he was feeling.

"I do blame you for what happened," Becker flinched but otherwise stood still while Harry's thumb stroked the underside of his clenched jaw. "I also blame myself for not going with them and for not being enough to help in any way that I could have." Harry continued, words that he had held in for so long finally escaping his mouth, "I blame Lester and Christine… Hell, I blame Sarah for not de-coding Helen's notebook fast enough and then dying on us, Danny for bringing Helen to the ARC in the first place even though she was in disguise, and Connor and Abby for not coming back."

Harry took a breath and leaned forward, fingers moving to tangle in Becker's hair as he rested his head on a tense shoulder.

"I… My mind keeps creating scenarios where our friends need our help and we can't get to them. The nightmares where we find them, but it was just moments too late." Harry choked on a sob. "I won't accept that they're gone because they can't be; they have to find a way back to us. They're our friends, and Abby and Conner… the three of us are the last original members of the ARC."

Becker's arms slowly wound themselves around Harry's waist.

"That's why you started to sleep in the spare room." Becker said in realisation, "Not because you stopped…"

Harry kissed his partner's neck.

"I'm sorry for acting like such a bloody arse," Harry said quietly. "I'm so wrapped up in my own misery that I hurt you."

"We had both hurt each other." Becker's hold became more secure. "We pulled away and shut each other out instead of doing the exact opposite."

Harry chuckled humorously.

"Is that what we're going to do now, then?"

"It's what we should have done a long time ago," Becker replied, "when it had all happened."

"We should have," Harry agreed, "but we can't change our past actions."

"Then we'll have to start now."

Harry nodded, pausing only momentarily to come to a conclusion. He tilted his head back, lips parting a little, enough to prompt Becker into leaning down to close the gap between them, their mouths finally joining after what seemed like such a long time for the both of them. Then in a sudden and desperate need, Becker's tongue pushed past Harry's meagre defences, causing the shorter male to moan in response which drove Becker further into a frenzied state. In retaliation Harry arched himself up, pressing their bodies together as their kisses became more passionate.

Eventually the need to breathe became too much and the couple had to finally part, only for the soldier to trail his lips feverishly over Harry's sensitive skin, nipping and sucking his way down and along any bare flesh that he could reach.

"Hilary," Harry gasped, finding himself being led backwards.

"Bedroom," Becker ordered hoarsely.

Harry hurried to comply, all but dragging his lover into their bedroom, Becker barely kicking the door closed behind them before pushing Harry back on to the bed.

Harsh pants filled the room as Becker took Harry for the first time in three months, both moaning in pleasure when their bodies joined and Becker clutched Harry close throughout it all, neither able to last long. Nails dug into skin and teeth bit lips when they peaked, gasps and cries echoing off the walls.

Desperate and fervent kisses turned sloppy and lazy as they calmed and came down from their high, and Becker soon found himself lying on his back with Harry half on top of his own, the green-eyed man's head resting on his upper torso.

Blearily, Harry pressed an open-mouthed kiss to Becker's chest, a small and tired smile forming when Becker ran a lazy finger down Harry's naked back.

"I do love you, Hil," Harry stated softly, eyes drifting closed.

Becker clutched Harry tighter to him.

"I love you too."

Harry hummed contently at the words. He knew that they still had a way to go before their relationship was back on track, but it was getting there. Harry and Becker had suffered through too much loss and heartbreak to live through anymore; only having each other seemed to ease the pain.

I now love Primeval, and I wanted to do a one shot because I realised, to my horror, that there are very few HP/Primeval crossovers.