JUDGE JANEWAY
BY: LANNAWANNABE
Disclaimer: I own neither Judge Judy nor Star Trek: Voyager. I just don't. That's the way it is.
Note: This came to me while I was really bored in Science Class. Please forgive me if things aren't exactly right. I don't watch Judge Judy.
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ANNOUNCER GUY: You are about to enter the court of Judge Kathryn Janeway. The people are real. The cases are real. The decisions are final. This is HER courtroom. THIS is Judge Janeway.
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TUVOK: All rise for the honorable Judge Kathryn Janeway. First Case: Torres vs. Seven of Nine
JANEWAY: What exactly are you suing Seven for, Miss Torres?
TORRES: She cracked the warp core casing!!
JANEWAY: How?
TORRES: She's a moron, that's how! She pushed a few buttons and BAM! Big long crack in the side! It took out 6 crewmen and 9 ensigns! Took weeks and tons of spare parts to fix and now we barely have enough plasma to reach a planet to get more! I want her out of here and I want a crap-load of money!!
SEVEN: Judge, I object! There is no proof that I cracked that-
JANEWAY: When I want you're opinion, I'll give it to you! Is that understood?
SEVEN: But, Cap- I mean Judge- that's not-
JANEWAY: That's it! Bailiff Tuvok, remove Seven from my court! Torres, you win! *Seven struggles and protests all the way out. B'Elanna jumps up and down and goes to Tom to give him a big kiss. He breaks it*
PARIS: Fiji, baby, yeah!! *they make out some more*
TUVOK: Next case: Paris vs. Chakotay *Tom breaks kiss and hurries to the front where Chakotay is waiting*
JANEWAY: Wait! I don't even need to hear the case! Tom, you win! Chakotay, you're an idiot. Give Tom whatever he wants!
PARIS: YAY!! *goes to make out with Torres some more*
CHAKOTAY: But, Judge, that's unfair. And a woman as beautiful and smart and courageous as you can run a better court than this.
JANEWAY: What's that sound? *pause* Oh, now I know! It's the sound of YOU KISSIN' MY ASS!! You lose! Go home! *Chakotay hangs head and sulks off. Tom and B'Elanna make out some more. (Yes! I even managed to turn THIS into a P/T story!)*
TUVOK: Next case; Vorik vs. Torres.
TORRES: Do I gotta go back up there? I'm trying to make out with Tom!
VORIK: Hell, yeah! And beside, you should be making out with me, not Tom!
PARIS: Screw You!
VORIK: She's mine!
PARIS: That's for her to decide!
TORRES: Forget you, Vorik! I love Tom and he loves me! HAHA!
PARIS: So there!
VORIK: NOOOOOOOOO! SHE IS MY MATE, NOT YOURS!!
PARIS: Know what? I've had enough of your shit! *punches Vorik hard in the face and breaks his nose.*
JANEWAY: Well, I guess that matter resolved itself. Next case, please.
TUVOK: Next case; Doctor vs. Chakotay.
JANEWAY: Chakotay, don't even bother coming back in. Doc, you win. *Doctor is so happy he starts to sing opera. Torres stops kissing Tom just long enough to turn off the Doc's vocal processors.*
TUVOK: Next case; Carry vs. Torres.
TORRES: I do NOT believe this! How can Carry have a case against me? I haven't even seen him since Season 1!
JANEWAY: Carry, she's right. No one cares about you anymore. See ya. Go home.
TUVOK: Next case; The Entire Crew vs. Neelix.
NEELIX: I can't imagine what they'd have against me.
PARIS: We've chosen Ensign Ayala to speak for the crew.
AYALA: To keep it simple; Neelix's food is ruining our lives. My breath smells so bad from his leola root casserole that I can't talk for fear of people fainting from the stench. *half the courtroom promptly faints from the stench.*
JANEWAY: *holding her nose* I have to say I agree, Ensign. Neelix, you are no longer head chef. Applications will be due Monday for anyone who would like the job.
ANNOUNCER GUY: Join us next time for more from the court of Judge Kathryn Janeway.
CHAKOTAY: I can't believe she blew off BOTH my cases!!
*And Tom and B'Elanna kiss on. and on. and on.*
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So, what did you think? Reviews would be nice.
BY: LANNAWANNABE
Disclaimer: I own neither Judge Judy nor Star Trek: Voyager. I just don't. That's the way it is.
Note: This came to me while I was really bored in Science Class. Please forgive me if things aren't exactly right. I don't watch Judge Judy.
+++
ANNOUNCER GUY: You are about to enter the court of Judge Kathryn Janeway. The people are real. The cases are real. The decisions are final. This is HER courtroom. THIS is Judge Janeway.
+++
TUVOK: All rise for the honorable Judge Kathryn Janeway. First Case: Torres vs. Seven of Nine
JANEWAY: What exactly are you suing Seven for, Miss Torres?
TORRES: She cracked the warp core casing!!
JANEWAY: How?
TORRES: She's a moron, that's how! She pushed a few buttons and BAM! Big long crack in the side! It took out 6 crewmen and 9 ensigns! Took weeks and tons of spare parts to fix and now we barely have enough plasma to reach a planet to get more! I want her out of here and I want a crap-load of money!!
SEVEN: Judge, I object! There is no proof that I cracked that-
JANEWAY: When I want you're opinion, I'll give it to you! Is that understood?
SEVEN: But, Cap- I mean Judge- that's not-
JANEWAY: That's it! Bailiff Tuvok, remove Seven from my court! Torres, you win! *Seven struggles and protests all the way out. B'Elanna jumps up and down and goes to Tom to give him a big kiss. He breaks it*
PARIS: Fiji, baby, yeah!! *they make out some more*
TUVOK: Next case: Paris vs. Chakotay *Tom breaks kiss and hurries to the front where Chakotay is waiting*
JANEWAY: Wait! I don't even need to hear the case! Tom, you win! Chakotay, you're an idiot. Give Tom whatever he wants!
PARIS: YAY!! *goes to make out with Torres some more*
CHAKOTAY: But, Judge, that's unfair. And a woman as beautiful and smart and courageous as you can run a better court than this.
JANEWAY: What's that sound? *pause* Oh, now I know! It's the sound of YOU KISSIN' MY ASS!! You lose! Go home! *Chakotay hangs head and sulks off. Tom and B'Elanna make out some more. (Yes! I even managed to turn THIS into a P/T story!)*
TUVOK: Next case; Vorik vs. Torres.
TORRES: Do I gotta go back up there? I'm trying to make out with Tom!
VORIK: Hell, yeah! And beside, you should be making out with me, not Tom!
PARIS: Screw You!
VORIK: She's mine!
PARIS: That's for her to decide!
TORRES: Forget you, Vorik! I love Tom and he loves me! HAHA!
PARIS: So there!
VORIK: NOOOOOOOOO! SHE IS MY MATE, NOT YOURS!!
PARIS: Know what? I've had enough of your shit! *punches Vorik hard in the face and breaks his nose.*
JANEWAY: Well, I guess that matter resolved itself. Next case, please.
TUVOK: Next case; Doctor vs. Chakotay.
JANEWAY: Chakotay, don't even bother coming back in. Doc, you win. *Doctor is so happy he starts to sing opera. Torres stops kissing Tom just long enough to turn off the Doc's vocal processors.*
TUVOK: Next case; Carry vs. Torres.
TORRES: I do NOT believe this! How can Carry have a case against me? I haven't even seen him since Season 1!
JANEWAY: Carry, she's right. No one cares about you anymore. See ya. Go home.
TUVOK: Next case; The Entire Crew vs. Neelix.
NEELIX: I can't imagine what they'd have against me.
PARIS: We've chosen Ensign Ayala to speak for the crew.
AYALA: To keep it simple; Neelix's food is ruining our lives. My breath smells so bad from his leola root casserole that I can't talk for fear of people fainting from the stench. *half the courtroom promptly faints from the stench.*
JANEWAY: *holding her nose* I have to say I agree, Ensign. Neelix, you are no longer head chef. Applications will be due Monday for anyone who would like the job.
ANNOUNCER GUY: Join us next time for more from the court of Judge Kathryn Janeway.
CHAKOTAY: I can't believe she blew off BOTH my cases!!
*And Tom and B'Elanna kiss on. and on. and on.*
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So, what did you think? Reviews would be nice.