Pairing: SasuSaku
Warnings: None, as far as I know, besides a complete disregard for canon.
Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me.
Notes: Happy birthday, Kankuro? This has absolutely nothing to do with you. Yay.
I haven't forgotten about Investigative Journalism. I will continue it. Soon. I promise. Sort of.
The next chapter is intense! Lots of stuff happens! You learn all about Sasuke! Yes? Don't hurt me. And I lay the UST on really thick! Naruto and Sasuke lust after each other. Good? Yes?
oo
"SASUKE!"
Sasuke looked up instantly, hyperaware of the fact that in a second the door was going to blast open and shatter into a million pieces. This he could tell by Sakura's angry screech from right outside the room.
Damnit, second time this week.
As he had known it would, the door was slammed open into the wall, where it broke into three uneven pieces, with woodchips spraying everywhere from the force of the blow.
"Sakura." He deadpanned, staring resignedly at the wreckage of his door.
Sakura had the decency to look somewhat apologetic before she remembered what she had clutched in her hand. "What is this?!" She spat at him, shoving it directly in his line of vision.
He took the wrinkled piece of paper and flattened it out, reading over it quickly. "It appears to be a bank balance."
"Really now?" She said snidely, hands on her hips. "You know, we're married now!"
Sasuke hesitated, uncertain of whether or not she wanted a response. He decided to take the safe route and nodded decisively.
"And that means we tell each other things!" Sakura continued, satisfied with his response.
"Yes." Sasuke nodded again, keeping his tone very firm.
Sakura paused for effect, lips pursed in a tight line. "…So why didn't you tell me?!"
Sasuke searched desperately through his mind for the right answer. Damnit, he couldn't think of one. He asked falteringly, "Tell you… what?"
Then he waited for her to punch him.
She didn't hit him, or even yell anymore. Her anger seemed to have dwindled out until she was left with a grim curiosity. "Tell me how rich you are."
"Oh." Sasuke said blankly. He set aside the accounting management he had been working on and gestured for her to come sit with him.
Sakura moved gracefully across the room and sat down on his lap. She looped her arms around his neck and murmured, "Now that we're married, I wanted to move all my money into a shared bank account. Then I saw what your balance was and flipped out. Why are you ashamed of your wealth?"
"I'm not really," Sasuke said slowly, searching for ways to articulate what he was thinking. "It just never seemed important to me."
She rolled her eyes, keeping the vivid emerald locked on his as she leaned in to kiss him. As she pulled away, she nuzzled his forehead amusedly. "Where did you get it all?"
"Oh… around." Sasuke answered vaguely, wrapping one arm around her waist and propping the other up on the table.
Sakura pulled back her arm threateningly, winding up to smack him.
"Well, let's see, there's all the money from missions I've done, both here and in Sound. The missions I completed in Sound were all very high paying, because they were assassinations and those pay incredibly well." Sasuke instantly rambled, flinching away from her hand. "And there's the money that I… Sakura, the Uchiha clan was very, very wealthy."
She blinked at the non-sequitor and nodded in acceptance, waiting for him to explain the random statement.
"In their wills, each of my family members left the money to their spouses, and if both parents died, the children would get it. If the entire family died, the money went to my father, the clan head. If he died, it went to my mother, and if they both died, Itachi. After that, me." He elucidated, using his hands to help illustrate the timeline.
"And since they all died," Sakura whispered in understanding, "The money all flowed directly to you."
Sasuke nodded.
"That explains the insane amount of money in your bank account." She smiled, glad to have it cleared up.
Sasuke winced, raising his hand and rotating it back and forth in a 'so-so' gesture.
Sakura glared at him. "What aren't you telling me?" Her smile hardened into the sharp-toothed grin of a predator waiting to pounce.
"Well, that's not all." Sasuke persisted with his account. "There's the money the government is required to give orphans, no matter how rich they happen to be."
"Is that all?" Sakura asked.
"Not quite." Sasuke half-smiled, biting his lip nervously. "There's more. When I killed Orochimaru, all of Sound's money went directly to me, because I qualified as his heir."
Sakura shook her head disbelievingly. "Is that all?"
"Not really." Sasuke grimaced. "There's still more. When we demolished the Akatsuki, the bank decided to spread the money out evenly among their relatives, and if there were no living relatives, it would go to the government. As it turned out, Itachi was the only member of Akatsuki with living relatives, so all of their funds went to me. And Kakuzu took very good care of their accounting."
"Good God, Sasuke!" Sakura gaped. "How much money do you have?"
Sasuke gestured to the paper now lying on the table. "You saw it for yourself."
"Every time I look at it," Sakura began, staring at the numbers on the paper. "My mind blanks. I think they must have misplaced the decimal point."
Sasuke shrugged, skeptical. "Maybe. Does it really matter?"
"No, I guess not." The pink-haired woman shrugged back. "Even so, you should have told me. Am I allowed to brag to all of my friends?"
Sasuke smirked and shifted so that he was more comfortable. Sakura moved to get off of his lap, but he kept a tight grasp on her waist so she couldn't get away. "If you want to."
Sakura smiled affectionately at her bizarrely oblivious husband. He had never mentioned anything at all about being obscenely wealthy. Honestly! How strange was he? Honestly, it was very sweet that he was so unconcerned with material goods.
Plus – her smile sharpened again – now she could blow tons of his money without feeling too guilty about it. The hospital did need a lot of new supplies…
Sasuke had turned back to his paper to pencil in more figures, and saw her grin out of his peripheral vision. Absentmindedly, he wondered if he should be worried about it.
Eh, whatever. There was no way Sakura could spend that much money.
What he didn't count on was Sakura telling Ino about his wealth, and the blonde persuading his wife to loan some of it to them.
When the economy went into recession because there was too much money flowing through it, Sasuke could honestly say that he had nothing to do with it, and Sakura had the grace to look somewhat ashamed.
Ino just flipped her hair and laughed airily, then went to buy a yacht with Sasuke's money – just because she could.
oo
Constructive criticism?