Musings on Dark and Love
A/N: This is just a quick one shot I had to write after reading the 8th book. SPOILER ALERT. If you haven't read the 8th book yet, there are SPOILERS in this. If you don't want the ending ruined, don't read this until you've finished the book. Thanks.
It was still surreal for Tom. Alice was back. He had spent so many days trying to cope with the pain of losing her, and she was with him once again. Tom was filled with joy mixed with equal parts apprehension. Alice may have returned from the dark, but she was changed. Although she had regained some of her sanity again, her eyes were still haunted with the things she'd seen in the dark. Even more worrisome was the idea that she belonged fully to the dark now. Regardless, though, Tom knew he'd always remain her friend – if a witch assassin like Grimalkin could be his ally, so could Alice. What Tom was really worried about was what the Spook would do if he found out about Alice's dark powers. If Alice couldn't cross the streams on the way back to Chipenden, the Spook would know for sure, and Tom feared he'd put her in a pit for good.
Something else had changed, too, but not with Alice. The change had come from within Tom himself. Or maybe it wasn't a change at all, just a realization. From the moment Tom had lost Alice, he'd realized he loved her. Now, he couldn't find the courage to tell her. He didn't even know if she felt the same. Of course he knew she cared, just as he always had, and that she would do anything to help him...but he didn't know if that meant she loved him.
Not only did he lack the courage to tell her, he wondered if it was wise to. If Alice really was a malevolent witch now, wouldn't it be wrong for him, a Spook's apprentice, to care for her that way? The Spook would surely disapprove, even in spite of the fact that he had once been in love with a witch, too.
Tom watched as Alice walked along up ahead, the sun bright against her now white hair. The truth was, he was feeling more conflicted than ever. A fanciful part of him wondered if telling Alice he loved her would help her. Her whole life had been hard, a struggle. She'd always valued their friendship, though – so maybe she just needed someone there for her, to care for her...maybe then she could pull away from the dark. Perhaps by loving her, Tom could help Alice become benign, just like his Dad had turned his Mam good.
The logical part of Tom knew that love wasn't a magical cure to darkness. His Mam had sacrificed a lot when she married his Dad, and though she was benign, after his Dad's death, she slowly reverted back to her true nature. If Alice's true nature was really dark, was there anything Tom could actually do? Not to mention, Alice had no qualms about using her dark powers now, especially if it came to his own safety. He knew she'd do anything to keep him alive, so they could be together.
It was terrible, and he knew it. But more than anything, he wanted to be with Alice, too, and so he knew he couldn't stop her. She had saved his life too many times with dark magic for him to try and convince her it was wrong. Maybe it was like the Spook had said, though. While the Spook was reluctant to use the dark to fight the dark, maybe it was how Tom and Alice would have to fight in the future. After all, Tom had already been compromised, but he was growing stronger each day. With the Fiend bound, he and Alice could work toward getting rid of him for good. Tom needed Alice, and the Spook knew it.
Alice's pace slowed. She seemed lost in thought, but apparently felt Tom watching her, because she turned to look at him. Her brown eyes were sad and haunted still, but she gave him a small smile, and Tom found himself thanking Pan again for saving her. Returning to Chipenden without Alice just wouldn't have been right. Life without Alice wouldn't have been right.
"What is it, Tom?" she asked him as the Spook walked on ahead, his stride strong and full. The Spook was full of renewed vigor now that they were returning home.
"Just thinking, Alice," Tom said, picking up his feet to catch up with her.
"'Bout what?" she questioned. He stared at her pale face, still so drawn and tired from her ordeal, but his heart sped up anyway. I love you, he thought.
"...I'm just glad you're here, Alice," he said sincerely. This brought another smile to her face, however drawn it was.
"Me too, Tom. Thought I'd been in that darkness forever. It's all thanks to you and Pan that I'm free."
Tom reached over and took her hand as they walked, squeezing her fingers lightly.
"I couldn't leave you there. It wouldn't be the same without you, Alice."
She squeezed his hand back, and Tom took comfort in the warmth of their intertwined hands.
Light or dark, Tom knew he was in love with Alice. Maybe one day he would find the courage to tell her. They both picked up the pace again to catch up with the Spook, who had stopped to look back at them. The Spook's eyebrows furrowed when he noted their hands, frowning. Tom looked the Spook straight in the eye and saw the disapproval there, but he didn't let go. Alice had been gone from him for too long, and he wasn't going to let her go just because the Spook didn't agree. The Spook just shook his head, however, taking a deep breath of the Ireland air.
"Let's go home, lad," the Spook said. "We've got a lot of work to do."
Tom knew this to be true, but he didn't feel too worried. As long as Alice was with him, it would be bearable.
A/N: Yeah, it was short. I really just wanted to get into Tom's head about Alice and his relationship with her. I was devastated when I thought Alice was gone for good, and I was really glad that she was able to come back at the end of the 8th book. Of course, it wasn't without consequences. So I just wanted to focus on how Alice possibly being a malevolent witch would affect Tom's relationship with her. Feel free to leave a review. Thanks!