A/N: Okay, so my muses have come back to demand another Alex/Olivia story. I don't know where this came from, but my muses demanded, and I delivered. My dream for the season premier of SVU is that Alex comes back and declares her undying love for Olivia. Hey, a woman can dream. I also dream of that on Criminal Minds. I'd just be happy if Stephanie March came back as Alex Cabot full time and we could get rid of these ADA's who sucked. I will restate this: I love Diane Neal as an actress. She is awesome. But I am a diehard Stephanie March/Alex Cabot fan and Casey Novak sucked compared to Alex Cabot. I will never write Casey/Olivia. I will never write Elliot/Olivia (blech). For me, it will forever be Alex/Olivia.

Disclaimer: Not mine. These characters belong to NBC, Dick Wolf, Mariska Hargitay and Stephanie March. I am just a hard working fanfiction writer who still is enthralled and in love with this pairing after all these years.

You watch the car drive away, wondering how much more you can shatter into pieces. You feel the tears burn behind your eyes, but you refuse to let them fall. You didn't even cry when your mother died; you'll be dammed if you're going to let a bunch of strangers see you to fall to pieces.

The look she gave you transcended everything you ever thought she felt for you. You knew you two were running around in circles around each other, too afraid to tell each other your feelings. So you hid behind a friendship that was more than you could ever have hoped for. Maybe it was being the only two women in a man's world; maybe it was just the fact that you two were loners who needed that one person who could let you just be; you didn't have to be strong in front of each other. You could just be. You could break and fall and the other one would catch you.

"Alex," you whisper to yourself. "I love you. Don't leave me."

You smile bitterly at the thoughts that run through your head. You knew what pain was like. Growing up with an alcoholic mother, you knew what loneliness was like when she went off on one of her benders and you were always torn between cleaning up her mess or dumping the liquor down the drain and hoping that would wake her up to get help and be the mother that your other friends had.

You burned for justice; you knew at 16 you wanted to be a cop. You jumped at the chance to go into SVU so you could help people like your mother. Maybe you couldn't give her the long delayed justice she deserved, but you could give it to other victims who suffered like she did. You were good at your job; everyone said how compassionate you were; how you identified with the victims. Your heart broke at the children who came into your life; some of them were too young to understand what had happened to them.

You just always wished that after the long hours you put in, you had someone special to come home to. There were the one night stands; the men and women whose name you'd be hard pressed to remember in the morning. There were the drunken nights when you drank to get the rancid taste out of your mouth from some of the cases that still haunted you after all these years. Sure, you had your healthier outlets, such as rock climbing, running and the punching bag at the gym; but in the end, you just wished that you had someone you could come home too; someone who would understand the pain and the trauma that was caused by your job.

You smile bitterly again, taking a sip of your whiskey. You wish that you could have told her how you felt. She was the one person who could have understood everything; while she sometimes saw the trauma and pain caused by the perps first hand at crime scenes, you knew that prosecuting these cases was eating away at her soul.

Gone was the idealistic ADA who came in with political aspirations. Gone was the ADA who told one prisoner that she would be answering the phone when they stuck him with the needle. In place was someone who genuinely cared about the victims. Who still burned for justice; who still cared about her win/loss ratio a little too much; who, in the end, was more than willing to bend the rules to get the suspect and put them away.

Then came the Velez case.

You begged her not to take this case on; you saw firsthand what damage this man had caused. She had to do it; her conscience wouldn't allow her to do otherwise. The argument you two had was worse than any you might have had over a warrant. You begged, pleaded, with her not to do this. She told you she had too. You yelled at her that she was being stubborn; she yelled back that she had a job to do and that you of all people should have understood what that entailed. You begged her to spend the night at your place; she refused and said she would not let him win. She knew about the threat that Velez put out on her; she refused to be cowered.

Then the sound that still haunts your nightmares to this day; gunshots and looking over your shoulder to see a wounded Alex Cabot lying on the ground, bleeding out. You rushed over to her side, yelling at Elliot to get an ambulance immediately as you begged Alex to stay with you.

"Alex? Sweetheart? Stay with me. Look at me with those beautiful blue eyes of yours. Stay with me sweetheart, stay with me."

When you heard she died, your world tilted on its axis and never righted itself. Even after you found out she was still alive and being taken into WITSEC, you still felt like your world was not right and that you needed her to right it again. The look you two shared said more than words could ever say. As you watched the car drive away, you felt stranded. You wanted to run, throw yourself on top of the car and stop this chain of events from happening; instead, you stood rooted to the spot and wondered what could have been.

Now, four years later, you still wonder what could have been. You wonder why you can't let go of these feelings. You wonder why you're left here all alone while she's off living a life that doesn't include you. Didn't you pay your dues enough with your mother? Why are you forced to pay dues with this also? Why couldn't you have let your stubbornness go and admit to her how you really felt?

"Because you're Olivia Benson, and stubbornness is your middle name", you think wryly to yourself. What you wouldn't give for one more fight over a warrant. For one more dinner out; for one more drink. To hear her walking down the hallway at the station and coming over and perching on the edge of your desk.

"Alex…" you say softly to yourself, wishing that the wind would catch your words and take them to her, wherever she is right now. You know she's alive somewhere, but you don't know where. You know that she's safe, but where is she? Four years and nothing. You would hope that Hammond would call you or let you know if something would have happened to her.

You stand in front of her mother's grave, looking down at both headstones. You know that hers is empty, but for some reason, this has always given you solace. Maybe, just maybe, somewhere, your words have caught on the wind and she has heard your silent pleas to come home to you. Maybe, just maybe, she can hear your thoughts and realize that you always did love her; you were just too stubborn to say anything.

"Mrs. Cabot," you say respectfully, laying the flowers at her headstone. "I wish you could have known before you died that your daughter was still alive. It was hard enough to have you go to her funeral dressed in Kevlar, knowing that if Velez was there; he would have done to you what he had done to Alex. I'm sorry you died never knowing the truth." You kneel down and brush away some errant dirt from the grave.

You look at the headstone next to hers and smile slightly. "I know you're not there; I saw them pull you away. How is it I stand here helpless and wonder where I go from here? I never realized how much I loved you until you were taken away from me. From us. None of the ADA's come close to your level of intimidation. Elliot isn't the same since you left; I know you two didn't have the best beginning, but in the end, he considered you one of us."

You pause and say quietly, "I wish I could have told you I loved you. How much I was in love with you. However, my pride and fear got in the way of what could have been something great. I was afraid. Afraid of rejection; afraid that someone like you could never love someone like me." You chuckle softly to yourself. "I miss you. I miss fighting with you; I miss our talks. I miss the fact that you understood me better than I understood myself sometimes. I miss our "foreplay without the sex," as Elliot referred to our fighting."

Sighing, you pull your jacket tighter around you. "I wish I could have one more moment with you."

Off in the distance, you hear the wrestling of leaves and can hear car doors opening and closing. You ignore the sounds around you and run your hand over the headstone, saying quietly, "Why did you leave me alone? Why couldn't you have listened to me and not gone after Velez? You'd still be here with me, with us." You pause, searching for the right words. "You were my best friend Alex. I didn't intend for that to happen, but you were my best friend and now…I don't know if I'll have the chance to tell you what I really feel for you."

You trace your fingers again over her name, anger boiling over. "Why did you have to play the crusader for justice? Just for once in your stubborn life, couldn't you have listened to me about the danger you were in? Why? Why?" You feel your voice break, but you refuse to give into the tears. "Why did you leave me stranded here by myself, all alone?"

As you prepare to turn around, you feel a presence behind you and you almost stop breathing. You'd know that scent anywhere. You'd dreamt about that scent for the last four years. You shudder and close your eyes, wondering if you're dreaming and you're going to wake up alone and your pillow soaked with the tears you didn't realize you had cried.

"Liv?" says a voice so softly, you wonder if it's the wind playing tricks with you. You close your eyes, shaking your head. "Liv?" the voice says again, the voice that has haunted your every waking moment. The mezzo voice that you missed so much.

"Lex?" you say softly, your back still turned.

You feel yourself being turned around, yet you still refuse to open your eyes, afraid that this is a dream again.

"Liv, open your eyes and look at me."

"No."

"Please?" the voice says softly, imploringly. "Look at me."

You shake your head and you feel a hand run down the side of your face and the ghost of lips brushing against your forehead. "Why?"

"Because this will be like every other time I've dreamt of this moment. I'll wake up and this will have all been a dream."

You hear a throaty chuckle, and you risk open your eyes, looking up at the blonde who has haunted your dreams. You swallow hard and say quietly, "Alex?"

She nods and for the first time in four years, you let the tears flow. She pulls you into her arms and you breathe in her scent, and start to shake. She holds you tightly, whispering into your ear. You feel her hand run up and down your back and you sob into her shoulder. You've dreamt of this moment for so long, but yet, now that it's here, it seems so unreal, and you can hardly believe that she's here, holding you.

You pull back and look up at her. "You're really here,' you whisper, running a hand down the side of her face. She closes her eyes and leans into your touch. Then you do the one thing you swore you would do if you ever got this chance.

You kiss her.

She whimpers softly and what seems like a prayer falls from her lips quietly before she returns the kiss. In that moment, you are the only two people in the world. You pull her closer and she places her hands on your hips, and she opens her mouth against yours as your tongue seeks entrance to her mouth. Minutes pass as you both are lost in the kiss.

When the need for air forces the two of you apart, she places her forehead against yours and you pull back slightly, wondering if this is a dream. She sees the emotions in your eyes as you ask quietly, "How'd you know where I was?"

"Elliot."

The simple admission makes you smile slightly as you look into the eyes you never thought you would see again. "So, your home for good?"

She nods and you pull back, running your hand down the side of her face again. "So, you've always loved me?" she asks quietly, with something like fear playing across her face.

You smile slightly and say quietly, "How much did you hear?"

She doesn't answer as she leans in and kisses you again. You lose yourself in her touch and her kiss and after what seems like an eternity, she pulls back and you whimper softly from the loss of contact. She smiles and says quietly, "I heard enough to know that over the last four years, you are what kept me sane. I've loved you since the day I first argued with you over a warrant."

You smile at that and she chuckles. You pull back and take her hand and say quietly, "Come home with me? We don't have to do anything but talk."

She gives you a look and says quietly, "I called Elliot. You're the only person besides him that knows I'm back."

"So it's come full circle." You state. She gives you a confused look. "We were the only two people who knew you went into WITSEC and now we're the only two people who know that your home."

She nods and laces her fingers through yours, saying quietly, "I love you Olivia Benson."

"Let's go home, Alex Cabot."