"BeepBeepBeepBeep"
"Ahh! Fucking alarm clock!" I thought to myself. I leaned over to shut it off and saw the time: 5:30 AM. Damn it, I thought it was fixed. Unless Cortana did it. But I deleted her last night at the party so she couldn't have changed the alarm. Either way, I can't sleep. I got up and looked out the window. "At least the sun's out.", I thought. Leaving my residence with coffee in one hand and a magnum in the other to look for the newspaper, I spot it …..
…...in the middle of the pricker bush wall I have around my house. "Dammit!", I thought, "With this MJOLNIR armor I will feel every prick!" As I slowly yet painfully make my way to the newspaper, I wonder why the engineers created such an unreliable suit of armor. I mean, I can survive reentry into Earth, but I can't walk up to a grunt without worrying about being killed by the little asshole. When I got to the paper, I realized it's struck to the side of the bush. I screamed with pure rage, throwing the coffee into the air. I started to pull on the newspaper with one hand, but it didn't budge. Then I pulled with all my strength, but to no avail. Fuming and foaming at the mouth, I tossed my magnum away and went at it with both hands. Finally it broke free. I triumphantly swung it around in the air and yelled victoriously.
Then I noticed the red sniper dot on my helmet's visor.
"Shiiitttt! I shouldn't have tossed my magnum." I thought. "Please be a bad shot."
"PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!"
BOOM!
In the distance:
"HOOLY DOOLY! That MJOLNIR armor is truly shitty!"
"Sniper, That's why I only buy American made goods."
"Well my job's done. Lets go back to camp for some breakfast then Solly."
"I agree, but don't call me Solly! IT'S Soldier you Australian!"