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It was not unusual for Leroy Jethro Gibbs to find himself worrying about one member of his team or another. They were a family, however dysfunctional and more than slightly neurotic. Worrying about his family came naturally to him. It was, however, unusual to find the person of his concern to be Timothy Mcgee. This was the agent he didn't have to worry about. He was the one who could be counted on to remain sane and do his job well without constant supervision, and the aid of only occasional headslaps.
With the others he knew what to expect. He had rules for each of them; not official ones like the rules he ingrained into their heads, but guidelines he could typically count on concerning each of them. He could handle DiNozzo's childish antics, unique work habits, and the fact that he pretty consistently got himself framed for murder. With Ziva he expected to explain the excessive force complaints to the director, had the number of a good auto repair shop on speed dial and had learned to watch out for the emotions she was amazingly good at pretending she didn't have. Abby too was simple enough. Don't question the science, reassure her everyone came out of each case alive and keep visitors out of the lab. The general rule to caring for his team was to fill the role of dad. Each of them needed someone in that role and they had apparently at some point all decided it was going to be him. Sometimes he wondered if there had been a vote.
The exception to the rule came with Mcgee. He knew Tim had grown up with the nuclear family, presumably in a normal navy upbringing, well as normal as that could ever really be. For Tim he didn't have to worry about the familial issues, unless he decided to cover up for his sister again. The most damage control he ever had to do with his computer genius was prevent his hacking from landing him with prison time. Mcgee was his low maintenance child for lack of a better term. Gibbs knew that Mcgee was a private person, none of them knew much about his childhood apart from the computers and the odd comment. Of course it wasn't all great, but nobody's was. He would be willing to bet that the bullying went further than Mcgee let on but comparatively the others had more concerning issues to be dealt with.
His view of Mcgee's general stability and self-sufficiency had never before had a reason to come into question. The closest had been when his second book almost got Abby killed but even then Gibbs' focus had been on the case followed by Abby. Mcgee had never been on his blame radar. Recently though, his confidence was beginning to shake. To find out that Tim hadn't talked to his father in years was a shock to say the least. Had he missed something big? Seven years would have been around the time of his …slight obsession… with Ari and then Kate had died. They were all preoccupied but he should have noticed that one of his agents cut his family out of his life.
Gibbs had overheard Tim's grandmother suggesting that he call his dad. He had disappeared before they saw him. He went to work the following days watching Mcgee. From what he could tell there was no change but Mcgee had been looking a bit more defeated lately. Did that mean he had called his father or not? Gibbs was beginning to think another team dad was out of the running for father of the year. He was curious but of course he couldn't ask the agent in charge of all things computers to run a phone trace on himself just to satisfy his inquiring mind. He considered asking Abby but she was protective of Mcgee and it would just lead to questions. Abby could always be counted on for questions.
His pondering was put on hold by a call about a dead body. It was a fairly open and shut case so Gibbs left Ziva and Tony to finish and went back to check on Mcgee's progress with the bank records. He arrived to find the bank information on his desk and his agent harshly hanging up the phone only to promptly abandon his desk and head for the stairwell. Gibbs had a decent idea where he was headed so he chose to give Mcgee a few minutes with Abby before he went to check on his agent. Something was awry.
Mcgee slammed his phone down and bolted. He realized he was headed in the vague direction of Abby's lab. Unsurprising, he usually ended up there when he was upset. Penny had finally gone literally insane if she thought his father was ever going to come around. Apparently it was a slow day and his father had finally had time to return his call. Tim's first attempt had resulted in voicemail. Now he wished it had stopped there. There had been no warm reception, just the same criticisms and indifference. He made it to the lab where Abby took one look at him and had enveloped him in a hug. "Who do I need to kill?" He couldn't help but smile just a bit. "Nobody." "Come on Timmy, you can't have all the fun at least let me help you imagine deadly scenarios." "Is patricide still illegal?" He sighed; he could not hide from her. She was looking at him with her sad eyes. One of the looks that typically got her anything she wanted, but this time sad for him. Abby had always understood him far too well.
He supposed it boiled down to the fact that he had never been the son his father wanted. He had tried initially but both father and son could tell it wasn't ever going to work from the start. His father would have rather had a son like Tony. Like any of the other agents. He probably would have taken Ziva over Tim. No matter how smart he was, no matter how much he did or how far he succeeded, it would never be enough. He knew, deep down inside, that nothing was ever going to be enough but he still couldn't stop trying. He had stopped talking to his father but then Penny had come and stuck her nose in everything. Now everything he had tried to bury was being dredged up to the surface. Thinking he could have a normal conversation with the Admiral had been a ridiculous idea.
His dad still had no interest in him. His father obviously thought something along the lines of it being cute that he was a federal agent. Like they were letting him play cop and hold a gun and everything. Never taking anything he did seriously. Still not believing his son had accomplished anything. Tim seriously doubted he had even read the books. The writing would always be seen as a waste of time. He had not joined the military. He had not followed in his father's footsteps. He had never managed to toughen up when they were still in communication. Despite how desperately he wanted his father's approval, it wasn't going to happen. He would always be too weak, too slow, too everything he wasn't supposed to be.
He'd been told as much, on repeat, for years, from one of the people who should have been on his side. He had finally begun feeling like it didn't matter what everyone else thought. Then he has to try one last time and get told the same things he had been told his whole life. He was never going to be good enough. Major Mass Spec started pinging so Mcgee let Abby go with a kiss to her forehead. She kept her watch of him as she made her way over to her beloved machine. "You want to work down here?" He nodded and went to set himself up at one of her extra computers.
As Gibbs approached the lab he could see Mcgee focused in something or other on the computer. He looked around for Abby and found her watching him from her lab table, obviously hoping he wasn't there demanding results. Instead, he raised his hands to sign to her before Mcgee figured out he was there. "He okay?" Gibbs watched her hesitate, obviously torn between wanting to please him and give him answers and her loyalty to Mcgee. She settled for some kind of half shrug that she thought wouldn't really tell him anything. Actually, it told him plenty.
Gibbs crossed over to where Mcgee was working. "Left the bank records on your desk, Boss." "Found them. Something going on I need to know about Mcgee?" Mcgee didn't answer him. Gibbs could see Abby watching their conversation through the glass. She was worried about Mcgee. Luckily from their positioning she wouldn't be able to read their lips even if she had wanted too. Finally he got a "no boss" before Mcgee went back to the keyboard with renewed vigor. Gibbs leaned against the edge of the desk. "Not believing that. Want to tell me who was on the phone?" "It's nothing, just my father." Gibbs settled back into the silence punctuated only by the hitting of keys. "The admiral well?" Mcgee let out some kind of strangled laugh at his question. "Apparently. Wouldn't really know." Gibbs nodded. "Father's can be tricky." He should know. Mcgee looked over at him as if sizing him up. "My father is not a chronic liar; he never left me to die in a desert." "Mcgee, just because you don't win the worst father of the year award, doesn't mean he was right."
The team leader was putting together a picture of the childhood that would have resulted in Mcgee's confidence issues. He should have been paying more attention. He'd let this slide through the cracks. Just because Mcgee didn't act outward didn't mean the issues weren't inside. "Whatever he said to you…" Gibbs trailed off. Mcgee looked directly at him for the first time since Gibbs had arrived downstairs. "I am not weak." Gibbs nodded yet again. "I know that. Didn't think you were. Wouldn't have wanted you for my team if I thought you were. Different isn't bad Tim. Doesn't mean you aren't a good agent. Understand?" Tim managed to nod. The flabbergasted way Mcgee was looking at him made Gibbs chuckle as he got up to exit the lab.
As he headed for the door he met up with Abby, who had forgotten all pretenses of actually working while she waited for him to finish their conversation. He pointed her in Mcgee's direction and could see her wrapping her arms around his shoulders before Gibbs had even hit the door. His dad patrol was expanding but he wouldn't have it any other way. Gibbs knew he was never going to understand these dads who didn't see what they had. Mcgee would be all right. But he couldn't say the same for the other two if they weren't back yet. He was going to need coffee. New rule for dealing with the kids: Don't assume with Mcgee.