Hi, everyone!

As this is my first phanfiction, I thought I'd tell you all a little bit about myself, so if you aren't interested just scroll on by until the bold lettering stops.

My name is Natalie, but you can all call me Nat. My best friend introduced me to the phandom a while ago, and I've been reading some phanfics and finally decided to write one of my own. I hope you all like it! I love writing, and it would mean the world to me if any of you reviewed. I love to hear from anyone willing to share advice, criticism, praise, random puns, or basically anything at all. How was your day? How was Dan's day? How was Phil's day? How's the stalking going? Have they noticed you following them around with binoculars in your 'Phan is Real' t-shirt yet?

Ya know, just casual stuff like that.

I do have private messaging, so if anyone ever wants to talk, needs someone to listen, wants to fangirl, or wants to share any story ideas then feel free to shoot me a message! ;)

Alright, enough about me and on to what you're really here for: the story!

Disclaimer: Roses are red,
violets are blue,
I like spaghetti,
let's go- wait wait wait, that's not very appropriate. How about this:

Roses are red,
violets are blue,
I don't own Dan and Phil,
and neither do you.

Well that was kind of depressing, but I guess it got the point across. Sorry to crush your dreams.

Phil was lonely.

His head was filled with swirling images of Dan and blood, jumbling together into horrible mixtures that made Phil pull at his ebony hair and scream. He couldn't get rid of them, sitting alone in their flat with his arms wrapped around his knees. He squeezed his eyes shut and willed the images to go away, but they kept coming.

Of course, none of them were real. On some level, he must've known that. They were just what he'd concocted in the dark corners of his mind, the scary thoughts that he could have pushed away if he had someone by his side to help distract him from them.

But not anymore.

He could only vaguely remember what happened. It came back to him slowly, in short, painful memories that he'd tried too many times to piece together in a way that left Dan okay.

But he'd failed each time.

They came flooding into his mind, washing away everything else and rushing, rising until Phil couldn't escape. And he was dragged under, gasping for air.

Groceries, spilled across the road.

Running to grab them, trying to scoop them up into his arms and bring them back to the pavement where Dan was waiting.

Yelling.

Ignoring Dan, because he almost had all of the foods back in the bag and he was almost done and it was fine, there was nothing to worry about and-

Frantic footsteps.

Headlights.

More yelling, scrambling up and trying to back away but stumbling.

Falling, slamming hard into the dark concrete.

Not letting go of Dan's hand.

Dan's eyes, staring at him in fear as they both lay sprawled across the road.

A honking horn.

"I love you."

Wishing he'd let go of Dan's hand.

Darkness.

Phil didn't remember anything else. And although science was never his favorite subject in school, and although he certainly was no doctor, he was sure this was what shock felt like. Well, shock mixed with depression and grief. They were all very new emotions for him.

He'd never wanted to die before. He'd never not wanted to eat, never not wanted to be with his friends. He'd never been so numb. He'd never felt this alone, he'd never felt such strong emotions battling to take over his mind, anger and fear and sadness and nothingness and despair and loneliness and regret and guilt and denial all jumbled up into a messy pile of indescribable pain.

Until darkness fell.

Phil realized how odd it was that the darkness would bring him so much happiness, so much light. But he didn't care. The darkness was his friend. The darkness was the time when the entire world looked the way he felt.

But that's not all.

The darkness was when Dan came.

Phil would close his eyes and feel Dan's presence, feel his arms wrap around him as he lay in his bed. He would feel Dan's hand grasp at his, and feel his calm breaths against his neck.

And then Dan would talk to him.

Phil knew he sounded crazy, which was why he never told anybody about this. Not that there was anyone to tell, Phil locked himself inside his flat and never came out. People banged and banged against the door, begging him to come out, telling them they missed him. They yelled, "it'll be okay," and "please, we can help you," and "come on, we're here for you," and "you're strong, you can push past this". But Phil ignored the banging at the door. He didn't want to emerge into a world that Dan wouldn't be a part of.

So he stayed inside, and found himself lucky that he and Dan had previously stocked the house so well with food (not that he ate much anymore). And he didn't mind the darkness, the cold, the loneliness. He tried his hardest to tune out the constant knocking at the door, and sat in the darkest corner of his bedroom and cried.

Until nighttime.

Dan would come to him and stroke his hair, and he would lie by his side and warm his icy fingers with his touch. And he would whisper sweet things in Phil's ear, and Phil would feel okay.

He crawled into bed, his heart thumping in his chest. He waited all day, letting the pain and the guilt eat at him until night fell. He closed his eyes, a small smile on his face, and drifted to sleep.

And he came, just like he always did.

His arm wound around Phil, holding him close. His breath was the most comforting noise Phil had heard in his entire life.

That is, except his voice.

"I miss you, Phil," he whispered sadly as they cuddled.

"I miss you too," Phil breathed.

"You shouldn't stay like this, sweetheart. It's unhealthy."

"I don't want to leave this apartment Dan, I've told you. I can't, not without you."

"You need to move on from this. I know you can do it. I believe in you, Phil, please. You can get up from this bed, you can-"

"No."

Silence. Dan lay there, letting Phil be, probably hoping he was thinking about going outside, going to see his other friends and family. He wasn't though. He was just thinking about how much he missed Dan's smile. But eventually Dan spoke up.

"I hope you know how much everyone misses you. Your parents, you friends, your fans. They need cat whiskers, Phil Is Not On Fire 8 is supposed to come out soon, and you've got to be there to do it for them."

"I told you, I can't without you."

"Phil… I know how hard this is for you. But you can do it. I know it doesn't feel the same, but I AM here for you. And I always will be."

Phil heard voices outside his door. Dan sighed, his breaths becoming shaky.

"Okay Philly, it's time for me to leave. I've got things to do, and you need get up. Alright? You hear me?"

"I don't want to, Dan. I want to stay with you forever."

"It's time to wake up."

Phil used to love daytime. But he found himself despising it. During the daytime, he was alone. Besides the banging at the door, he was completely and utterly alone. He found nothing interested him, and nothing made him feel better.

He missed Dan.

He missed Dan so much that it physically hurt. He had stomachaches and headaches and toothaches and his entire body felt like it was on fire.

Dan was right, this was unhealthy.

He felt dizzy when he walked, and letters jumbled on the pages of books. Food tasted strange and TV show plots seemed incredibly pointless and uninteresting and odd, even Buffy held no appeal for him. Colors blended together and his phone would ring but no one would be there.

His mind was playing tricks on him.

"I'm really worried about you Phil."

"No need, I'm fine."

"You shouldn't be like this for this long. You should be out by now."

Phil shook his head, his eyes fluttering closed against Dan's cheek.

"I'm okay now, Dan. I'm with you."

"I've always told myself that these visits every night were good for you. That they would help you. But maybe they aren't."

"No. P-Please don't say that, please don't leave me." Phil grabbed hold of Dan, wrapping his arms around his torso. If he kept such a tight grip, maybe Dan would never be able to leave him.

Dan sighed.

"I just… I miss you. I want to be able to see you smile again, Phil. I want to see you light up when you interact with your fans. I want to see you laugh, I want to hear your bad jokes and I want to taste your cooking. I want to go shopping with you, and go on trips with you, and… I- I just… This is so hard, Phil. You have no idea how hard it is to be so close, yet so far from you. God, I miss you so much. It's so hard to see you like this. You have so much potential, so much to live for, so much to teach people…. PLEASE. Please, Phil. Please, I can't…"

Dan was crying.

Phil felt Dan's tear drops splatter on his chest, and his heart broke.

"I… maybe I'll go outside sometime, Dan, but it's really hard. You have to understand. I don't want to make you sad, but I just can't do it. Not now. Someday, but… not now."

"You have to do it soon, Phil. Your parents…" He stopped to take deep breath, trembling. "They need you to come out, Phil. We all need you to come out."

Phil sat there, shaking, for the rest of the night, holding Dan and praying that his crying would stop.

It didn't until the sun came up.

Sitting on the couch, Phil listened to the voices at the door for the first time in a while.

"Phil. Phil please, we miss you."

"Phil, sweetie, your father and I can't… we can't wait for you much longer. Do you realize how many months it's been? TEN MONTHS. I… We… we're starting to lose hope."

The guilty feeling returned, and he put his head in his hands as his forehead throbbed.

"It's been a long time Phil, you really need to come out of there."

"Please Phil. Come back, join the real world. We can help you get over this."

"I've come to drop off some fanmail. There sure are a lot of people who miss you, my friend."

Could he do it? Could he leave the depressing halls of his flat and walk the bright streets of London again? Could he handle a world where people still smiled, even though Dan was gone?

Could HE still smile?

Phil shook his head, his thoughts swirling as he stumbled up the stairs in the darkness to reach his bed. He needed to talk to Dan.

Lucky for him, Dan needed to talk to him too.

"Phil, listen. This is very important, okay?"

Dan's voice was laced with pain, and his words tumbled out of his mouth like he didn't have enough room inside him to fit them all anymore. He didn't even climb into bed this time, but instead knelt on the floor beside Phil's bed and held his cold hands in a tight grip.

"I know it's hard for you to do this. I know it must be very quiet, easy to think, rather peaceful all alone. But you're never going to be happy if you don't wake up."

"Wha- Dan, I don't understand. I thought you liked talking to me, I thought you liked when we cuddle at night. This is my only peace, I need you to be here. I can't do this without you. I can't see you if I'm awake, I can't think about you if I'm out there."

"Your parents have lost hope Phil, it's almost been a year now and they just… they can't do it anymore. Please don't let them let you go, I need you to come out. Please Phil, this is so important. Please, I'll never ever do anything bad again, I'll do whatever you want, just… please. Before it's too late, I need you to get up."

"You'll do whatever I want. Dan... Don't you know the one thing I want is for you to come back?"

"Phil, I'm begging you. I'm on my knees, I'm begging you to come back to the real world. I love you, Phil, I need you to do this for me. Please."

Dan had never sounded so terrible. His voice cracked, and his tears dripped on Phil's fingertips. He'd often thought, in some part of his mind, that this wasn't real- it was a dream, it was an illusion, it was a hallucination. But this… this was too real.

And Phil couldn't handle it.

"Okay. I'll do it, Dan.

"But I need you to hold my hand."

Phil stood up, his knees shaking as he squeezed Dan's hand and wobbled down the hall. Dan followed, but didn't stop crying and murmuring "please", and Phil nodded numbly as he stepped slowly toward the door.

"I know Dan. It's okay, I'll do it. It's going to be alright, I'm getting up, you see? I'm going outside, I'm going to see my family."

He heard voices outside the door, and he knew his parents were waiting for him.

It was already morning?

"…Miss him, but… can't do it, don't know… tried, very proud…" the murmurs grew louder as he curled his fingers around the doorknob. He squeezed Dan's hand one last time, and pulled.

"He squeezed my hand. I swear to God, he squeezed my hand."

"Look, sir, I know how upset you are about your friend, but the orders have been given by his parents. They are his emergency contacts, and with all due respect, they have the authority to decide this. Not you."

Bright lights. Everything was so bright. What happened to the darkness of his bedroom?

"If you pull the plug on him I swear I'll make you regret it. Phil is going to be okay, you need to give him more time!"

"Sir, don't make me call security-"

"Call whoever the hell you want! I…"

That voice. It sounded like Dan. But that was impossible, wasn't it?

"… I'm telling you doctor, he squeezed my hand. Please, you have to listen to me. I CAN'T LOSE HIM."

"Mr. Howell, I understand this is very hard for you. But your friend is gone, and you have to accept that, however painful it is. We can't keep him alive here if he's only going to be in this state. We have other patients who need care."

Mr. Howell. Mr. Howell, Mr. Daniel Howell. Daniel James Howell, his best friend. His true love. His roommate, his soulmate, his other half. Danny.

"D… D…"

He tried. He really did, but it was hard. His tongue didn't want to move, his eyes didn't want to open. His body wouldn't cooperate.

"Please. Give him just a little more time, I'll pay you double what they were, I'll do anything, please-"

"D…" He pried an eyelid halfway open, and tried to make eye contact with any of the blurry people in the room.

Where was he? Was he in heaven?

Phil tried to move. He tried his toes, his fingers, his arms, his eyebrows. He could move them a little bit, twitch them in tiny directions. But it wasn't enough. Eventually he decided to focus on his eyelids.

After a few moments of blocking out the yelling beside him, he'd opened his eyes.

Dan.

It was him. He was standing right there, backed against the wall, a tower of equipment between him and the cool white tiles. He was arguing with a man in a white coat, his eyes darkened with pain. He was very pale, and thinner than Phil remembered.

He was so beautiful.

"Dan," he whispered.

He could feel his heart beating so loud that he didn't understand why they hadn't turned around already.

Oh, they didn't hear. He needed to try harder.

"D… D… Dan."

They heard this time.

The man in the white coat stood speechless, stumbling for words and staring at Phil with wide eyes.

Dan slowly turned to face Phil, his fingers trembling.

"Ph… Phil… You… You… Oh my God." He threw himself on top of Phil, running his fingers through his hair and crying, laughing, trembling with happiness. "I told them Phil, I told them you would come back to us. I told them you'd come back to me, I knew you would, I missed you so much. Oh my god, I-"

"How is this possible?" Phil interrupted, unable to believe his eyes. Dan shook his head, smiling widely. Phil didn't think he'd ever stop.

"What- what do you mean?"

"You're… you're alive, Dan. You were dead, you were killed in the- in the- the car crash.." he bit his lip as his vision blurred, and he blinked it away. "How… How did you get here? Where… where is h-here? The last thing I remember is walking out of the apartment, Dan. You… you told me to come back to the real world, to leave the apartment. You were begging me to stop mourning you and go outside… you kept saying, 'please,' Dan, what does that mean? W- W- W-"

"Shhh, Phil. Stop it, calm down. This isn't good for you, you need to calm down, okay? I'll explain everything, I promise." Phil nodded and buried his head in Dan's neck.

Nurses filed into the room upon hearing the news that Phil was awake, and the doctor had already slipped out to get Phil's parents and make a few calls. But the filling room didn't stop Dan from cuddling into Phil's figure and laying his head softly on his chest.

Apparently Dan didn't care if people knew about them, now.

"I never died, Phil. I've been here the whole time. When that truck came and we fell in front of it, it hit you. It put you in a coma. I tried to help you, but… there was nothing I could do." Dan swallowed hard. "It was really hard… but you're okay. You're okay now, like I knew you'd be. And that's what matters. …Oh, I knew you' be okay, I told them all. You're so brave Philly, you're so strong. I'm so proud of you." He threw his head back, grinning and chuckling. "God, I missed you so much."

Phil's mind raced as he thought of the past months, and he felt so overwhelmed he wanted to vomit. He shut his eyes and took a deep breath, feeling Dan's body rise and fall with his.

"When I was… in the coma… did you visit me, Dan?"

Dan sat up, his hand rubbing the back of his neck as he looked down at his fingers.

"Uh… yeah, I, uh.. This is kinda weird, okay, but… I visited you at night." His voice became a whisper as he reddened. "When the visiting hours were over I would sneak in and… and I'd lay with you. I just couldn't sleep on my own without visions of you, c-covered in blood… they kept me from sleeping. So I'd come and I'd sleep with you. I wasn't used to sleeping alone, I guess." He shrugged, a small smile gracing his lips.

Phil grinned. His head was spinning, he could barely move his limbs, his throat burned, and he probably had the worst morning breath in the HISTORY OF THE WORLD-

But he was happier than he'd been in a long time.

He knew it would take a while to heal. He knew that there would be a lot of drama, interviews, and annoying press to deal with. And he knew it would take a while to move on from all of this.

But for now, he was content with a smile on his face, a heart beating in his chest, and Dan's hand in his.

That was the saddest fanfiction I've written and I must say I'm pretty proud of myself. :) I'm so glad it came to a happy ending, if it hadn't I don't think I could've posted it. I'm a sucker for the happy endings!

Please, please review, favorite and follow, it would make my day and it only takes the click of a button!

Have a phantastic day, everyone. I love you all, and thank you so much for reading my story!

*heart hands*

Bye-bye, everybody. Goodbye!

~ Nat