**My very first attempt at writing something. This is a ship that I love but hardly ever find good fics for so I decided to fix that. Obviously the characters are Jo Rowling's but since Dorcas especially is a mysterious character, I sort of took off with this. I dont know, review and let me know if you like it!**
The date was April 30, 1980. It was the night of the full moon and Remus Lupin was all alone.
He had been out of Hogwarts for two years now and not a day had gone by when he didn't miss it. Not just the friends, but the sheer safety he felt while there. Things were different on the outside, especially now. People were vanishing everyday and it seemed as if there was nothing that could stop it. There were a few slivers of light, though. Since leaving, James and Lily had gotten married and were expecting a baby boy and day now. But most importantly to Remus, he was still happily with Dorcas.
Then again, the term "happily" should be used loosely as it wasn't all happy. They were on the run. Constantly. Rarely settling down for more than a few months at a time and almost never living by themselves, they had no real place to call home. They had lived with James and Lily, Sirius, Peter, and each of their parents in turn. It was not always easy but they were willing to do it to keep themselves safe.
Remus was a werewolf so he was an obvious target, but Dorcas was the real problem. She was loud, and smart, and outspoken. Not to mention she was a bloody gifted witch. If there was one person you'd want to have on your side, it would be Dorcas Meadowes. They had gotten word a few months back that Voldemort himself was looking for her. It brought them closer, yet father apart as they ran faster than ever before. The smallest things could erupt into a full blown argument that could for last days. This was one of those times.
Remus woke up on Sunday morning, the 30th of April. He walked down the stairs of the small cottage where he and Dorcas were currently staying. The muggles that lived there had moved to Surrey for the summer holiday. As he walked into the kitchen, Dorcas was sitting at the table, pretending to read the Daily Prophet, but she had that look in her eyes. Something was so obviously wrong, and it had nothing to do with the new day's list of missing witches and wizards. As he approached the table, he saw a letter lying open. Remus could have recognized that scrawl anywhere; it was from James. He walked to the table and picked up the letter. He planned to see James and Sirius tonight during the transformation. What could be so important that it couldn't have waited a few more hours, he wondered. He read the letter through three times before he looked up.
"James and Sirius aren't coming tonight," he said to Dorcas, almost in a whisper. She looked up and nodded her head, she already knew.
"I'm coming wi-" she started, but Remus cut her off before she even finished the sentence. She didn't have to finish because he knew exactly what she would have said.
"Like hell you are. You have to stay here. You've never seen me during a transformation; you don't know how dangerous I get. I could kill you, I could - I could *bite* you." The last words felt heavy on his tongue as they spilled out.
"I can't let you go alone. I just can't." Tears welled up in the corners of her eyes with each word that she managed to choke out. Remus walked over to her and reached his hands out to hold her by her shoulders. The stress had not been kind to her, she was skinnier than ever and it was beginning to show as she was almost all bones these days. He looked at her, trying to understand.
"I've done it before, really. I used to be alone every month before James, Sirius and Peter found out about me. I'm used it. In fact, I like it better that way." The last part was a lie, but he would have said anything to convince her not to accompany him. But it was useless, she knew him too well.
"That's a lie and you know it, Remus Lupin. I hate when you lie to me. This is serious, you know!" She was on the verge of yelling now.
"Would you rather me lie to you or bite you? She winced and he knew he had struck a nerve with her. Think about it, Doe. You've known me for half my life. You've seen what this has done to me. I cannot let that happen to you!" Tears were streaming down her face now. The only problem was he couldn't understand whether they were out of sadness or anger. Before he got a chance to say anything else, she turned away and walked out into the garden. He knew better than to follow her, at least for the time being. Instead, he turned in the opposite direction and walked upstairs to prepare for that night.
The sun was beginning to set, Remus' cue to leave. He walked down the stairs and called for Dorcas. There was no answer. Again, he called and again silence followed. He was worried; Dorcas had never been the most level-headed person and she did have a bit of a reckless streak. As much as it pained him to do so, he had to leave. He quickly scribbled a note for Dorcas that he left on the kitchen table and another to Lily and James that would be sent with an owl. He did this every month, just as a way to remind them how he loved them and would be seeing them again soon. This time, however, he added something extra to the letter for James and Lily. "I haven't seen Dorcas since this morning after we had a row. You know as well as I do how reckless she can be sometimes. I'm hoping our current situation will have given her some perspective, but I'm worried about her. I've left her a note to send you an owl when she gets home. If she isn't back by late tonight, please send someone to look for her. I'm worried. I am really worried." Hoping his writing was legible through his shaking hands and ink spots, he folded it and sent it off. Covering himself with an old invisibility cloak of Dumbledore's so he would not be seen, he set off.
His walk was long and gruelling and not a second went by when he didn't think of Dorcas. He recounted the first time they had met on the Hogwarts Express and then later that night when they were both sorted into Gryffindor. They shared classes for years and grew closer as their mutual friends grew closer. In their seventh year, after fancying her for almost three years, he finally plucked up the courage to ask him out. Only a few weeks later he had to tell her about his lycanthropy. She didn't look at him any differently than she had and that was when he knew that she was truly special. They had been on the run together for close to a year now and had been with each other through the ups and downs. All this flashed through his head as he walked, alone and scared.
When he finally arrived in the abandoned house where he would do his transformation, he sat on the bed and waited for the worst to begin. Just sitting there he knew that tonight's transformations would be one of the worst he had ever experienced. He was upset, he was alone and the moon was strong. Then, without any warning it began.
The next morning, Remus woke up, shivering in the corner, cold, naked and bleeding. The birds sung sweetly to each other and the bright morning sunlight shone through the windows, but that just made him feel worse. He slowly lifted himself off the floor and walked gingerly over to the bed where his bag lay, miraculously untouched. He pulled out his wand and began to heal what cuts he could. Dorcas always told him he should learn how to heal more skilfully, but he never listened. He healed what he could and the rest Dorcas could manage when he got home.
A pang went through his chest. Dorcas. He forced it out of his mind. She was safe. There was no way she couldn't be. He pulled on his trousers and a shirt, picked up his bag and walked out the back door of the house. He walked slowly through the streets, partly because he physically could not manage it and partly because it was hesitant to get home. No matter what he told himself, he could not shake the unsteady feeling that something was not right.
-
Ten minutes later, coming around the bend, he noticed smoke furling in the distance. Frozen in panic, he stopped and stared. He broke into a run until the cottage he had recently called home came into view. The cast iron gate was hanging loose and the flowers were trampled. The familiar bright blue door was hanging ajar and there was broken glass strewn about the yard.
Holding his wand out in front of him, Remus barged into his house. It was an utter mess. Furniture was overturned, and the pictures they had so painstakingly hung on the walls the week before were smashed on the floor. Dishes were crushed on the kitchen tile and the curtains were ripped to shreds.
"Doe!" He called but the words didn't even come out.
"Dorcas," he tried again. Footsteps sounded upstairs.
"Dorcas!" He yelled and his voiced echoed through the destroyed house.
"Remus! Remus, is that you?" A familiar voice called from upstairs. His heart sank. A familiar voice, but not the voice he had been hoping for. James Potter appeared at the top of the stairs. His eyes were red and his hands were shaking. Remus had known James longer than anybody and knew him better than anyone, too. He was hiding something; Remus just hoped it was not what he was thinking.
"James. James, where's Dorcas?" His voice quivered as he spoke. He looked up at James and knew the answer immediately. James looked at him and simply shook his head. Without thinking, Remus dropped his wand and his bag and ran up the stairs, taking them two at a time. The door at the end of the hall was ajar. He ran to it and pushed it open. James was right behind him, but Lily was now right in front of him. She was kneeling on the ground next to the bed, tears running silently down her cheeks. Remus stepped a few feet forward as the scene on the other side of the bed came into view.
A body lay on the floor, still and cold, eyes wide open. Those kind, warm eyes that once belonged to his Doe were now dead. Eyes that had always seen the good in people even when there was very little good to be seen. Eyes that were constantly looking far off into the distance as if in a perpetual daydream. Those eyes were gone. Time seemed to stop. Remus sunk down on his knees, his head bent over, resting on her stomach. He gently shook her, as if to wake her up from a long night's sleep.
"Wake up, Doe. You can't do this, you have to wake up," he sobbed as his tears soaked her sweater. "Wake up. Please."
He lifted his head and looked at James. Lily had sat up and was sitting on the bed. James' arm was draped lightly around her waist. Her head was rested on his shoulder and tears where slowly running down their faces. Remus looked at them as if expecting an explanation but none came. His head fell back down as he continued to cry, shoulders shaking. Unaware of what was happening around him or how much time had passed, Remus slowly rejoined reality. James and Lily were no longer in the room with him, but he could still hear muffled sobs coming from the next room. Suddenly aware of his unhealed wounds from the previous night, he was overcome with the inability to get up. Picking up his wand, he intended to send a patronus to the other room; their own way of communication. Remus muttered the incantation but nothing but a wisp of white smoke came out of his wand. Again, he tried. And again and again until he was sobbing once more. Nothing was happening and he knew, deep down, nothing would happen. Patronuses were comprised of pure joy and happiness. There was no happiness left in his life at this point, it was useless.
James appeared at the door with Lily following closely behind. "Moons?" He whispered gently. Remus looked up, wand still in hand. "We don't know what happened. We only got here five minutes before you did."
Remus paused to search for an appropriate response but nothing seemed to come. Finally, he whispered, almost inaudibly, "I yelled at her. He looked up, hoping for a response from James but none came. Reluctantly, he continued. The last time I talked to her was during an argument. She's dead because of me, James. It's my fault. If I had just stayed home or let her come with me last night..." He trailed off.
James put a hand on his shoulder. "There was nothing you could have done. Don't you dare blame yourself, do you hear me? If you had taken her with you, she probably would have died anyway. And a much worse death, at that. She died painlessly and she died fighting. Just the way she would have wanted to go." Lily's tears had started again, harder than ever.
Remus knew that James was right, but it was impossible to accept. How could he continue to live when his reason for living was lying dead beside him? Unable to do anything but sit and stare across the room at the blank wall in silence, the three of them sat together, comforting each other in the only way they knew how. Somehow, they all ended up on the floor, their arms around each other. It was in that moment that Remus decided to do something, anything. He lifted himself off the floor, wincing at the pain coming from his body, and walked over to the door. Both Lily and James' eyes followed him, but neither one got up. Remus had to do this alone.
The sun was setting now and the last lights of the day were flooding through the windows, casting an eerie glow on the dismantled house. Not even thinking, Remus walked into the kitchen and there, sitting on the table, was a letter. It wasn t the same one from the previous morning. The handwriting was much neater, yet harder to read as many words were impaired by large tear stains.
Dear Remus, I may have done something really stupid. I was angry and upset. Not just at you, but at the world. What kind of life do we live that we're constantly in fear of our lives? Hiding out in other people's houses and taking on new disguises every month? I don t know about you, but it s not how I pictured our life to be. It's not the way a life is meant to be lived, Remus. I just couldn't take any more of it. I hid when you called me. Part of me wanted to make up before you left, but the other, more stubborn part of me wanted to stay mad at you. Guess which side won. Well as soon as you closed the front door, I got up to chase after you, to say I was sorry. For everything. But I was careless, Remus. They saw me, I know it. The second I stepped outside the door, someone Disapparated. That's when I knew. I knew I didn't have much time left. That s why I'm here writing this letter to you. Don't worry about me, dear Remus. I'm sure I'll be fine but even if I'm not, I know you will be. All the love in the world,
Your Doe Oh, and PS, just rememb
But nothing came after that. Interrupted in mid sentence like he had done to her only a day before, only this time he didn t know the one thing he needed to remember. He didn t know what she would say next.
The End.