He just couldn't understand her. She was truly a peculiar, if extremely irritating, creature. He felt a strange combination of fascination, contempt and desire for her as well as a desperate need to protect her that he'd never felt for anyone save himself – that is, if one was under the pretence that he could feel. It was quite shameful if he was being honest - feeling like these were not something an Espada should indulge in. Certainly not one of his calibre.
Yet he was unable to help himself. When he wasn't near her, when he couldn't see her with his own eyes, a burning ache ignited itself in his chest, scorching his entire being with it's intensity. It was an ache only she could soothe – this he instinctively knew but was too proud to admit. After all, Ulquiorra was the fourth Espada and he refused to give into emotions like a weakling Shinigami would.
Thus he remained silent, stoic as always, watching her without appearing to, smothering the irrational longing to hold her and claim her for his own. Were it not for his orders to keep tabs on Lord Aizen's escaped prisoner, Orihime Inoue, he would retreat back to Hueco Mundo, his home safe within the shadows. Flee from these bothersome feelings - flee from her. Although, being the analyst that he was, he was doubtful going back would work anymore; even in his spare time – rare though it was – he found himself thinking about her.
And sure as day, it was she who occupied Ulquiorra's thoughts tonight, just like every other. The moon was high in the sky, a perfect disc in the inky blackness, punctuated with pin pricks of white light. The roofs of the houses in Karakura Town bathed in the otherworldly glow and perched upon one such roof sat Ulquiorra Schiffer, Cuatro Espada and Aizen's primary correspondent in the world of the living. On the outside he seemed as cold and composed as always, not the barest hint of emotion on his pale, teal-tear lined face – he was not so far gone as to fall to that just yet. But in reality his mind was in turmoil as he thought of the female Shinigami who slept soundly in the house directly beneath him, in the home of Orihime Inoue herself.
Ulquiorra pictured her face in his mind and felt the familiar involuntary shiver run down his spine and the excitement curl up in his stomach like a spring – at first he'd fought these reactions but after a time he learned the fastest way to rid himself of them was to let them run their course.
Part of him wanted to block the image of her face from his mind – the larger part, he was thankful to say – but the other part – the more significant part he was not pleased to find – forced him to recall the smallest details about her. Her large, rust-coloured eyes; her long black eye lashes; her smooth ivory skin; and her irresistible smile to name but a few. By far his preferred feature was her long crimson red hair - the way it shimmered in the sun was hypnotizing. Like the shimmer of blood on a Zanpakutou...
Each detail he called to mind made him burn with the irrational need to be near her – a need he denied this night as he denied every other. As he exhausted every memory of her he had, he called upon her name - a name which pulled all these pieces of seeming perfection together and made them a whole, a single entity. Kaori...
Along with the immense wave of satisfaction thinking her name brought, a flare of irritation accompanied. This was ridiculous; pitiful even! He was an Arrancar, an Espada. How could one Shinigami have such an effect on him?!
"Yo! Ulquiorra!" a voice Ulquiorra had no trouble placing called out; soft yet full of authority, light yet loud enough to be heard over a babbling crowd. Of course it was. It was the way of the world for things that looked bad to get even worse.
Internally he groaned. Surely her presence would only make this ailment worse – though the inferno in his chest dimmed somewhat, so evidence would suggest the opposite. Regardless, he turned to the girl wearing the same icy front he would use on anyone – everyone – else and raised an eyebrow fractionally in question. She looked hesitant, vulnerable in a way - he had never wanted anything quite like he wanted this girl. Had never wanted anything, period. It irked him that he should suddenly start desiring things now, especially trash like this Shinigami.
Quiet reigned for some time before she spoke again, this time more wary than before.
"Mind if I sit with you?" she asked tentatively. He held her gaze for a moment, desperately wishing he had the strength to say 'no' to her, before nodding and gazing at the stars again.
He heard Kaori's muffled footsteps as she approached and when she sat (closer than he would have liked, yet still not close enough) he could smell her natural fragrance and became instantly intoxicated by it. Cherry and cashmere unless he was mistaken, a heady scent that scrambled his thoughts and almost disabled his will to resist the overpowering desires. Their arms were almost touching and he had the strong urge to reach out and pull her into his arms – though he could think of no explanation as to why. Instead, he folded them and lay back on them in an attempt to prevent any actions he might regret.
"Are you still mad at me, Ulquiorra? I said sorry, okay! Just let it go please," she pleaded.
"Let what go?" he asked in his customary lifeless tones.
"You don't remember?" Confusion coloured her voice and produced frown lines on her face. "But I thought that's why you'd been avoiding me recently. When I stopped you killing Ichigo by hitting you with my Red Flame Cannon?"
Actually Ulquiorra had forgotten; in the face of this new sickness it hadn't seemed such a big deal. It hadn't hurt and besides, he could kill Kurosaki later. "There is nothing to forgive. You were obeying your orders, as I must obey mine."
"I see... Well then why are you so distant all of a sudden. I mean you've always been the quiet type but recently you seem more... hostile." As she struggled with the words Ulquiorra glanced at her face and was able to see the offence this caused her. Strange. Offended by an enemy's hostility... Kaori is one of a kind. That was another thing that drew Ulquiorra to her; she didn't judge people based on assumptions, rumours or gossip. She made her own decisions on people using first hand evidence. Naturally this was why she was so friendly with an Arrancar such as he. It was a stupid and dangerous way to live, but an interesting one just the same.
"That is my nature. I do not feel, therefore I do not pretend to." I just wish it were true.
Kaori seemed unsatisfied with this answer. Even a tad hurt it appeared. "And here I thought I was your friend!" she said half-teasing, half-upset. She curled into a ball, hugging her knees close to her.
"I have no need of friends. We are enemies; we shouldn't even be talking like this." Ulquiorra answered, regretting it immediately. Kaori shot to her feet, a red tinge creeping up her neck and a look of fury on her face. He could tell he'd wounded her with that remark and her hurt caused him a strange form of pain.
"Very well, Mr Schiffer. I'll leave and you needn't speak to me again!" With that she stomped off.
Tempted to sigh aloud, though as usual refraining from any outward displays of feeling, Ulquiorra grabbed her wrist halting her. She struggled and he held on tight, briefly noting how there would be no going back now. With a rough tug, she fell backwards and landed in his waiting lap.
Her eyes were wide and filled with unshod tears, much to Ulquiorra's displeasure. She should never hurt like this. Not for anyone. Least of all me. Without a second thought – or a first for that matter – he brought his lips down on hers and allowed all the desire and passion he'd bottled to run free, enjoying the warmth and the closeness of the moment. Her lips were soft and warm and after a short delay, welcoming. They moved in synchronization with his, displaying equal longing.
He could feel her falling tears wet on his face and tried to pull away thinking he was hurting or upsetting her but she entwined her hands in his jet-black hair and pulled him closer. The world evaporated and they were the only ones left. The kiss was soft and tender, seeming to stretch out for eternities. While that significant part of him revelled in this development, the larger part of him had no idea what he was doing. His limbs seemed to be ignoring his orders.
When they finally broke apart Ulquiorra wiped her eyes – another action initiated by the significant side – clearing them of any moisture before kissing her nose gently. Then he embraced her and refused to release her for fear this was the only chance they'd get to be like this.
"I love you, Ulquiorra. I know I shouldn't, but I do and I'm glad." she whispered, snuggling against his neck. Love, huh? Is that what this feeling is...?
It wasn't in him to say those words back to her. Not now and, if his larger side had anything to do with it, not ever. Instead he showed her his care for her in the only way he knew.
"I'll protect you no matter what." he hesitated then added. "Even against Lord Aizen."
"I thought you were unconditionally loyal to him?" Kaori teased. For the longest time he didn't answer. Then, when she'd almost lost hope of him answering at all, he spoke in a voice so low she almost missed it.
"I was before I met you."
For all those who might have read this before and are now, for whatever reason, reading it again, you'll notice that it has been changed somewhat. The reason for this is that whilst going over it I discovered that Ulquiorra was appallingly out of character and to correct this, the plot had to be changed somewhat. I think he's still a tad out of character but it's not as bad as it was.
By the way, I meant to do this earlier: this story has a sequel! It's called 'Making The Choice'!