Seeking
Leliana stared out the window in her room. After her meeting with Cassandra, they had gone to a nearby inn to decide on their next move. They had agreed that the first order of business was to report to the Divine as soon as possible. They would both leave for Orlais in the morning, but in the meantime, Leliana was lost in her thoughts.
She remembered that day, when she saw the Chantry disappear in a red blaze. She remembered the blood bath that ensued and the madness of the Knight Commander. But most of all, she remembered feeling ashamed. As horrified as she had been by the destruction and carnage, there had been a small part of her that felt something else, something she did not want to face even now. Amidst the outrage, the horror and the sheer disbelief that something like this could have happened, a little voice that she had heard before, a voice to which she had been tempted to listen.
"Why bother to go on?" it whispered. "Everything you love and about which you care will be destroyed eventually. Why not end it now?". Leliana shook her head violently to chase away the thoughts, but they still lingered beneath the surface. How often had she wanted to give up? When Marjolaine betrayed her, she felt as though the world had ended, as though life could not go on without her. Mother Dorothea had given her the strength to go on, at least for a while. Then she had met her. "Kallian", she whispered softly to herself. Her hand unconsciously wrapped around the golden medallion Kallian had given her as she remembered.
How small she had looked. Dirty too, she recalled with a smile. If she had to be perfectly honest, her first impression of the Warden could have charitably been called "under whelmed". Kallian had changed her mind quickly on that matter in the minutes that followed, not to mention the following months. She had felt truly alive at Kallian's side, and now… When she had heard the news that the Warden Commander had vanished without a trace following the events at Amaranthine, her first reaction had been shock. In spite of months of searching, she had found no trace of her.
Leliana sighed heavily as she left the window and prepared for bed. She would need her rest if she was to travel with any speed tomorrow. How long had it been since Kallian vanished? Years now. She had wanted to give up then too, but the tought that Kallian would be ashamed of her had kept her going. It kept her going even now.
Leliana absently plucked a string on her lute. That had been a gift from Kallian too, she remembered sadly. As she lay down and closed her eyes, one last thought ran through Leliana's mind: I will find you.