Stacked
By: Aviantei
A Heart no Kuni no Alice One Shot
[Twelve Shots of Summer 8/12]
In some ways, becoming One With Duties is random, as if there's a giant deck of cards for every person in Wonderland to choose from, and the one lucky person—or unlucky maybe—to draw the necessary card suddenly is shoved into a whole new world, completely and utterly different from anything they've remembered before.
The strangest part for you, frankly, is the fact that you have a face. Not just one barely distinguishable from the tons of other Faceless kids on the streets, but a face that can only belong to you, designates you as someone who's worth just a little bit more than the rest of the clock-run citizens of the world. The eye patch is a bit strange, but you accept it.
At first, it's kind of exciting. After all, being a Faceless is rather dull. Being One With Duties… Well, there's a number of rules to follow, but at least they're somewhat exciting, depending on which country you're in. Of course, things are mostly boring for you until April Season rolls around, but that's just how things work in Wonderland.
Because when it comes down to it, you happened to draw the Joker, and that's what you'll be for the rest of your life.
Early on, it seems fun, running the circus or the trains, depending on season and country. Honestly, when you look at it, the Joker doesn't have as much responsibility as they others. You get to put on a show or run the train or let people fall into your prison when necessary, and most of the work is done by Faceless kids or other Ones With Duties or even the guilty ones themselves.
Except, you realize, there's rather a limited need for the Joker. You have to be connected to someone in order to have any real influence, and Elliot March is boring, for god's sake. Beyond that, too, no one seems to like you, which is a blow of its own.
You can't blame the other Ones With Duties—if they don't like you, that's probably just part of their role. The others get into territorial scuffles all the time, near to-the-death battles when it's time to do so. Some part of you, though—and it's a bigger part than you realize at first—does blame them, because the others are just blaming you for something you couldn't control. After all, if you could have known, there's no way you would have drawn the card that made you the Joker, because that's not a role that anybody should willingly take.
Because some days, you just want out.
The hardest part is when the other you appears—or, rather, two part of you decide that trying to coexist is just a pain even if you've always seemed to manage it before and simply split off. Even worse, you know there's nothing you can really do to stop it, because becoming two beings is just part of what it means to be the Joker, and it's really a miracle it hasn't happened sooner.
Everyone else expects this, too—after all, it's part of the rules. It's an easy enough distinction: one of you puts on smiles and runs the card game and the circus during April season, and the other spouts out curses like they're water and spends his time taking care of the dungeons. You both are viewed as different people, and you even act like it sometimes, but the fact is you're still the same person.
The more mild-mannered you still thinks all the things the foul-mouthed one says, and the worse-off for manners of you two still has the same sort of logic as your seemingly calmer half. In some ways, you really aren't two different people or parts, but just one person trying too hard to pretend like you're not alone.
And that's the reason, really, that you ended up acting this way, like you're separate. Because it's a bit too hard to manage being the Joker otherwise, even if you don't have a choice.
And so, you let others believe there's not just you, but instead there's part of you and the other part of you, and then you pretend that this set up actually makes things easier.
Some people would say that there is a choice in what happened, as if you actually got to reach into a deck and draw out the Joker. They would say that you, in fact, got to pick which card you wanted, and you just failed to draw it up blank. What they don't realize is that becoming One With Duties is not like that at all, and instead the deck is shuffled and cards are dealt and nobody gets a chance to switch their hand before looking.
And for you, when you're younger, you're not just Faceless, but you're nameless as well. Nobody cares about you, and you don't have a home. When they come to tell you that you've been chosen to be One With Duties, you think it's a joke. After all, there's no way that someone like you can ever become someone that important.
But when you look in the reflection there's actually a face in the mirror, so you don't know how to deny it.
You think about being Faceless a lot more than you should. Both of you do, because it's something faking separation can't even break up between you. Something about being a Faceless seems so much easier, because it is. There are no real rules. You can do what you want. You don't have to deal with being broken apart, with being unwanted most of the time. The only risk is that you're more likely to get shot and no one will care because you can easily be fixed.
You would take that, even over the fact that being the Joker has given you a name.
There are probably a number of things you could blame for how you've come to behave over the seasons—your role, the rules, how you've been treated, anything—but you don't. You don't even bother because blaming things won't get you anywhere. You are the way you are now, and that's just how things have ended up.
Because even if the deck's stacked against you, you still have to play.
A part of you wants to apologize to Alice for it. A part of you still wants to take it back, to try and start over. Of course, that's impossible, so you toss the thought aside and do whatever it takes to keep Alice to yourself, because as long as you do that, you're in control of the game.
It's a lie, but you accept it, because lying is what you do.
The rules deal out the next hand.
With no other choice, you pick it up.
This was kind of meant to be confusing to read, so if you're lost, don't feel bad.
This was written for the Twelve Shots of Summer challenge, which has about one month left if you're interested. This week, the prompt was "Too Far Gone," which I kinda touched on near the end of this. I also combined things with the alternate prompt which was "The Card Master," since you have to play Joker at cards to switch the seasons, or, I guess you could count the "Rules" of Wonderland as being the hidden card master...
(is shot several times by each of the Ones With Duties)
Regardless, before the week eight prompt was even announced, I decided I wanted to write for Heart no Kuni. At first I thought it would have to wait...then I said "Fuck it, I wanna write about Joker!" and it went from there. After doing my best to research the games, I realized any canon information about joker is either A) sparse, or B) confusing, so I just kinda made up headcanons and wrote whatever I felt like.
(is shot again)
"Write in second person," I said. "It'll be fun," I said. "It's not like Joker has two parts to him and trying to convey that in second person will be a pain in the ass," I said, severely in denial.
Still, all I wanted was a happy ending for Joker... 'Cause I love him so much.
But! If you're interested in reading far less confusing one shots, go and check out the T-Sauce forum, and maybe even join us for the last month! It's lots of fun, I swear.
Wait...where the hell did summer go?!
Thanks for reading!
[POST] 072914