Title: Jane's choice
Rating T for content.
Sad and triggering but can't say for what in interest of story. Just pull out tissues.
WARINGS: contains a hard life changing choice and controversial religious themes. If you are more extremist/traditionalist in your views don't read.
Fair notice: I am atheist and was not raised in a religious household so this may not be correct but I'm trying to write this from what I imagine a church is. Please don't start religious debates or anything like that.
Enjoy
Jane knelled in front of the statue of Mary. She hadn't been to church since TJ's christening and needed guidance.
It's weird as a child she hated going to church but now needed it to guide her. To see if this is the right decision. She clasped her hands and looked at the statue with tears in her eyes.
"Oh Santa Maria, Santa Maria. Please help me. Show me the path I should follow. I'm desperate." She said.
She couldn't help think of how pathetic she looked, begging to a statue to help her but she needed it.
"Miss?" She heard.
Jane turned to see Father Crowley. The man that she always had to give confessions to, the man who preached and drilled the word of god inside her brain, the man Tommy hit in a crosswalk.
"I'm sorry Father Crowley. I was just thinking and the door was unlocked and-"
"Jane there is no need to explain. I open the church to all."
He had seen the detective many times but never like this, so broken, so desperate and so guilty.
"Would you like to talk?"
Jane nodded and cried. He smiled and led her to confession.
Jane sat there and cried. She tried to bring herself to speak but couldn't. Crowley was patient however. She took a deep breath and explained the situation as best she could.
"If I went through with it would I go to hell?"
"Jane. I am not to determine that but I doubt it."
"What? But this is a big deal and I hear people say I will."
"Child. God doesn't determine your fate based on one event. No one can be perfect besides I think all women should choose what they do with their children."
"I just-"
"Jane you have done some bad things in life and you may see this as the worse of all. But you have also done many more honorable things. You like all cops have saint Michaels blessing and power to protect the innocent. God will look at that as well."
"I don't know."
"Think of it this way. Your brother hit me with a car and went to jail, right?"
"Yes." Jane said curious as to where this was going.
"But since then he has turned his life around, got a steady job and became a good dad."
"Yeah he's a good man."
"Exactly."
"What. I missed some steps."
"Tommy has done some bad things in his life but has done much more good things and it is these good deeds that define him as good person. Why judge a whole life based on one choice?"
"So if I went through with it it shouldn't define my life and I won't go to hell."
"I can't determine that but you are a good person Jane Rizzoli."
Jane said nothing.
"Besides it's better to spare a life then to go unloved your whole life."
Jane still said nothing but stood and left the booth. Crowley also got out. He went to Jane and placed his hand on her shoulder.
"Tell you what. I'll leave the door unlocked that night and you can come think about it. You can bring anyone even that doctor friend of yours."
"Maura can come? Even though she's a-"
"Yes Jane. As time goes on I see the similarities in us all. I shouldn't judge your doctor friend for her atheism or her being gay. Lest thou judge that which doesn't concern you."
"Thank you Father."
"If you decide not to come, that is fine as well."
Jane nodded and Father Crowley saw her out.
Jane walked into the building a week later and went through with her decision. There was a twinge of guilt but mostly a relief. She sighed and walked to Maura's house for comfort. She passed the church on the walk and went inside.
She knew Father Crowley wouldn't be inside as he was on vacation. She went back to the statue and kneeled.
"Please tell me I made the right choice."
Moonlight shined in through the stained glass and illuminated her. She felt a warmth wash over her as the light cleared her conscious. She did make the right decision. She felt it and knew it in her heart. She smiled and left the church.
That's how she arrived at Maura's spilling her guts out over wine. Maura just listened like Crowley did. Jane still felt a twinge of guilt for what she was going to tell her mom. Her mom was so excited for the pregnancy and now-
Maura held Jane as she Jane broke down.
"Jane. I did the same thing."
"You did?" Jane said shocked.
"Yes. It was after college but before med school. I loved him but wasn't ready for a baby so I went through with it too."
"How did you cope?"
"It was hard but in my heart I knew it had to be done. I knew the pain of not being wanted by your parents and wouldn't put my child through that."
"Was Constance?"
"She was upset but not disappointed. She knew it was my decision and respected it as such."
"Do you think I'll go hell?"
"Jane you know I don't believe in such things…but I wouldn't say so."
"Why?"
"Because everyone has sins. It wouldn't be fair to be judged on one."
Jane thought about that. Crowley and Maura said the same thing. Religion and science agreed on the same thing.
To not judge that which doesn't concern you.
Even if Maura hadn't went through it she'd never judge Jane. Just as Jane would never judge Maura's decisions.
Jane would never judge Maura's homosexuality.
Maura would never judge her for this.
She smiled as she came to a realization.
Even if her family abandoned her and even if she went to hell. She could be at peace with herself because Maura would love her.
Abortion and all.
FIN