Blue eyes stare intensely at green ones, which only look away.
The small room they're in provides limited sunlight, but it's enough to see the worry in the pools of blue. It makes Gaara shiver.
"You've really decided, then?" Naruto asks, passing the other boy a pair of socks. The warm touch makes Gaara only even more nervous, and he withdraws his hand quickly. It's been like this for awhile now. He doesn't know what started it. One day, he just woke up to find Naruto's touch so... intimidating. A shiver runs up his spine, without him even noticing it.
"Well?"
Sea green clashes with blue. "Yes. I have."
For a moment, the only sound is the rustling of clothes being jammed into the small leathery suitcase on the bed. Sounds of muffled laughter can be heard in the hallway outside the door.
"It'll be quiet without you."
"You'll have Kiba, Sakura, Sasuke, Shikamaru, Shiho, Tenten, Hinata-"
"Okay, maybe not. But still." Naruto leans in as close as he can get in the small room. But luckily for Gaara, the suitcase blocks him from getting too close. "It won't be the same."
Gaara lets out a snort. "You make it sound like I'm dying. I'll only be gone for two months."
"You don't even know how to speak Japanese!" Naruto fumes. "I can't believe your siblings are allowing this!"
"Temari and Kankurou trust me enough to know I won't do something reckless," Gaara replies, trying to make his voice sound as cool as possible, despite how annoyed he's getting. "And besides, I'll be with teachers. Other students. I'm pretty sure nothing bad will happen. When did you start to care?"
"When I became your best friend."
The green narrows to slits, but doesn't deny or protest against the statement. Instead, the suitcase is snapped shut and tossed to the side. The dorm room now looks half-empty without the clothes that used to be on its various shelves, racks, and hangers.
"I'm more worried about you than I am about me," Gaara says, plopping down on the floor and taking out a candy bar from his pocket.
"But you'll call everyday, right?"
"Naruto, one minute out there is-"
"Promise."
"But-"
"Promise."
There's so much intensity in his usual orbs of blue, that even Gaara is surprised. He'd never seen the blond acting so... serious. He nods, and the muscles in Naruto's body relaxes.
"You better bring lots of manga back too. I'm almost done with everything I bought last month," Naruto says, much more humor back in his voice. He's practically skipping with joy. Shaking his head, Gaara agrees. "I heard Sakura's gotten back together with Sasuke. Isn't that really stupid? I mean after all the times she's gotten into fights with him..."
To Gaara, Naruto's voice becomes nothing more than a background buzz. He's more focused on how his lips move so smoothly, how his eyes could be so bright and cheerful, but so intense at the same time. The 'whiskers' slashed across his cheeks look so perfectly natural, along with the sun glistening blond hair that falls perfectly in place whenever Naruto bobs his head.
"...Gaara? Earth to Gaara; you in there buddy?"
With a jump and a shake of the head, Gaara's eyes become focused again. "Uh, yeah."
"Are you worried too?"
"More worried about you."
"I'll be fine." Naruto waves his hand lazily, dismissing the subject. "Stop being so troublesome."
"You're starting to sound like Shikamaru."
Naruto smiles.
"He's leaving."
"I know."
"You still haven't told him?
"..."
"You have to tell him, or it'll be too late."
"Later."
"You don't have later."
"...Later."
There are hugs, tears, and more hugs at the airport. 'Too much,' Gaara thinks, and scowls. He hasn't seen this much hugging in a lifetime, and instantly decides that he loathes airports. His fellow students are also doing some hugging on their own. It's only Gaara that remains, a bit awkwardly, by the security check gate.
"Gaara!"
Before he can turn, a flash of yellow squeezes him tightly, making the redhead growl and squirm.
"You're such a teme! Even more than Sasuke!" His starling-blue eyes flash with mock hurt. "You should've waked me up! We Shikamaru said that you'd already left-"
"I felt no need. Now let go." The blond did as he wished, still grinning all the while.
Gaara, grumbling, shoulders his pack awkwardly. "You shouldn't have come," he mumbles.
"I'm your friend! Would I really have just let you go without saying goodbye?"
Naruto smiles before saying more softly, "Remember your promise, okay?"
Gaara is about to protest when the teachers are calling him over. Instead, he replies to his friend with a short nod.
Not satisfying enough.
'What was I supposed to say, then? That I'll miss him and think of him and all that crap?'
But there's still an uncertainty in his heart as he enters screening, and that feeling follows him all the way to the plane.
It's approximately eight thirty-six PM in EST time when the plane lands. Gaara, glad for the chance to get off the overstuffed, crowded area, enjoys the first breath of land as much as he can, which really isn't much. The teacher, Baki, tells him to 'get a move on' when he stops every few steps, looking at the new sights and sounds.
First impression: bright. Lots of bright colors that make him nauseous. Fighting back the urge to scowl in disgust, he catches up with his group. They're chattering like starlings that make the bright colors seem like nothing.
"You okay?"
A pale boy asks, smiling a much-too-fake smile. Gaara takes a tiny step away. "Yeah. Uh, you don't have to smile like that you know."
The smile disappears like mist in the morning. "I'm glad you said that," the boy implies. "My face was getting much too tired." Now that the smile was gone, he looked like some sort of zombie. But Gaara was more relieved to see something non bright or colorful, that he really didn't mind.
"Have I seen you around before?"
The boy shrugs. "It's elementary that we should introduce ourselves, I suppose. I'm Sai, senior. I think your hair look like the shade of a carrot. I think I'll call you carrot-head." The smile comes back again, the tiniest bit more real.
'What's with this guy?' Gaara scowls. Nicknames? Why so rude? Fighting back the urge to scowl again, Gaara responds. "Gaara."
"No age?"
"I'd rather not give it away," he responds coolly. At that moment, the phone in his pocket starts to vibrate. Glancing at Sai and getting a nod back, he picks it up.
"Hello?"
"GAARA!"
The said boy winces at Naruto's loud tone from the other end. Regaining his composure, he responds, "Naruto, what are you-"
"I've been trying to reach you for hours!" Naruto shouts, not bothering to hide his glee.
"I was on the airplane," he responds, dragging his feet. "Do you know how expensive this call is? My phone is barely picking up a signal."
"Fuck the cost, you're here now, aren't you? If it's really that bad, get an international plan!"
With the knowledge that he won't be able to win this argument, Gaara sighs in defeat. "Fine. But make it quick."
"I just wanted to know if you got there okay-"
"I did. Bye." Without hearing another word, his fingers pressed the 'end' button to disconnect the call.
"Who was that?" Sai asks curiously.
"A friend."
"Good friend, to be worried about you like that."
The redhead flashes the older boy a glance. "I don't know what he means by it."
"Isn't it obvious?"
Before Gaara has a chance to respond, Baki calls to the crowd of student, "Move along now! We have to catch the bus, quickly! No, Matsuri, stop whining. We'll have plenty of chances to- KONAHAMARU PUT THAT FROG DOWN!"
A wave of giggles spread across the students as the frog is released. It amazes Gaara how he was able to bring a frog and keep it alive in the first place, but he waves it off.
"Very unique, isn't it?"
Sai is referring to the little black and white shop pushed into the corner of the large, open space. "How is that unique?"
"Unique is different."
"Not like that." But still, the redhead reluctantly agrees with Sai. It does seems a bit out of place compared to the rest of the area. "Can you read that, Sai?"
"'Curio shop' would be the basic translation, I suppose."
"Baki, sir?" All eyes go to Gaara, who is usually very quiet and out of the way. "Since we have time, can we just look around a little? Just for a bit, until we have to leave."
Baki and another teacher whisper to each other before agreeing that the students had exactly ten minutes to look around. Timers are set on phones, and they are off to explore the new environment. Every student goes off to separate places, looking at flamboyant shops with great enthusiasm, especially the girls. Some wander to nearby chair to sleep off their jet lag, just a bit. Gaara, however, goes straight to the curio shop with Sai following close behind.
A man with white hair that reminds Gaara of a lion greets them, smile big and arms wide. There are bulky rings on each of his fingers. The man says something in Japanese.
"He's saying, 'welcome, would you like to buy something?'," Sai says. Gaara jumps, not realizing the boy was behind him.
"Wander off somewhere else, would you?"
"You need a translator don't you, carrot-head?"
Gaara sighs. "Fine." Green eyes inspect carefully, looking at various items, sometimes lingering but most of the time just moving on. Until he finds the perfect thing.
"That one," He says, pointing to a golden statue of a fox with nine tails, sitting proudly on a golden rock. Its red eyes seem to challenge anyone who dares trespass on its territory. It's just a statue, but somehow, it looks so alive.
Sai says something (kore wa nan desu ka?) to the man, in which the man replies by picking up the statue and starts turning the rock. Even over the loud chatter, the quiet tinkle of the music box comes nice and clear. It has a creepy sort of amusing tone to it, and Gaara smiles without even noticing it. "Perfect. How much does it cost?"
But when he reaches in to grab some money, he realizes, with a sinking heart, that his US dollar haven't been changed into money.
Sai explains the situation, which the man waves off with a laugh. "He says 'keep it'." Sai says.
"S-Sumimasen..." the redhead manages to stutter out.
"Jiraiya," the man laughs. Gaara takes the extended hand, and shakes it. Holding the music box close to his chest, the pair of them head back toward the teachers and the students that are slowly accumulating.
"When did you change your money into yen, Gaara?" One of the boys ask him, peering at the fox.
"Oh, just somewhere."
Two weeks since he's arrived in Japan. The hotel is nice enough, and maybe he's even becoming friends with Sai. Slamming down onto the bed, Gaara lets the fluffy mattress surround him and encase him. Nothing can break this moment of tranquility except-
Bee de beep! Bee de beep!
Getting up with his elbows, Gaara shuffles his way to the phone by the TV. "Hello?"
"Gaara! I haven't talked to you in forever!"
He's heard that voice before. "Naruto, you talked to me yesterday. And the day before that. And the day before that." Even though he says all this with a annoyed attitude, he can't help smiling to himself. 'Typical Naruto.'
"Well, I just wanted to hear your voice, is that wrong? And besides, I have something to tell you." Naruto's voice falls down to the level of a whisper. "Sasuke and Sakura are going out!"
"About time."
"I know, about- Wait, what?"
A slight smirk comes onto Gaara's face when he hears the bewilderment from the other end. "I have eyes too, you know. I can see when someone likes someone else. I'm not that heartless."
He glances at the clock. "Listen, it's getting late at my end. Talk to you later, okay?"
When he hangs up, the redhead knows for a fact that Naruto was going to say something else. Something more serious. Something that he dreaded knowing, even though he didn't even know what that something was.
He'll tell me when he's ready.
"Did you tell him?"
"I couldn't. He hung up."
"The doctor said-"
"I know what the doctor said. I still have plenty of time, don't I?"
"No. You have to tell him. If you don't want to-"
"I'm going to, okay?" A sigh. "I-I just need time."
"There's a chance you're not going to die."
"A small one. I need to tell him."
A month now. Gaara's in his hotel room once more, waiting for Sai to come back. He knows that the older boy's been taking art lessons, but...
Something else is pinging him at the back of his mind. Something's not right with Naruto. That cheery attitude is gone. It's still there, but it's not. Hollow, like a log. More than once, Naruto hung up in a hurry because of... something. He'll barely talk about his life now. He avoids questions.
Gaara ponders on the idea of cutting the trip short and just coming back. There is still a month left on the trip, but maybe... if Naruto is worrying so much...
As usual, the phone rings. Gaara picks it up.
"Naruto, I was thinking..."
But the boy doesn't give him a chance to speak. "Gaara, I have a problem."
The redhead remains silent, listening.
There's a deep intake of breath from the other side. "I might... have feelings for you. I'm always thinking about you, worried about you, and... I you won't get out of my mind."
"...Naruto?"
"Shikamaru kept saying that I should just see a doctor, 'cause I've been having hallucinations, bad dreams, and muscle spasms. So I did. The result..."
"Naruto."
"It wasn't good. Come back, Gaara. I want you back."
"We're friends Naruto." Gaara's chest tightens, because deep inside, he knows that's not true. "Nothing more. Friends worry about each other, right?"
There's an awkward silence, because Naruto knows that's not true either. He knows that Gaara is just avoiding the truth.
What Naruto doesn't know, however, is that the pale hands holding the phone are shaking slightly. "Just stay okay until I get back. A month, that's all."
"...Everything hurts, Gaara."
Another silence.
"Do you l-"
He hangs up before the blond can finish.
"Shikamaru..."
"It didn't work, did it?"
"..."
"You're only a shell now. Come on, where's the Naruto I know?"
"He died. A long time ago."
"Naruto-"
"What do I do now, Shikamaru?"
Blue eyes gleam desperately from the sheets of white. The monitor beeps nearby.
"What am I supposed to do?"
One day, the call comes.
"Is this Gaara Subaku?"
Gaara's voice trembles when Sai passes him the phone.
"Yes?"
The voice from the other end is grave.
"There's been an accident."
The clatter of the phone dropping. Wide sea foam eyes.
The tinkle of the music box in his head.
"No."
The plane arrives twelve AM in EST time. Running out from the airport as fast as possible with his things dragging behind him, Gaara hails the nearest taxi possible.
"Fifty dollars for a ride to Kohona Medical Ward, as long as you get there fast."
The speed never drops below sixty during the whole ride.
The only words he can catch.
'Naruto. Heart faliure. Surgery. Rate of death; 80 percent,'
'Looking for you,'
'Not going to make it.'
When he sees Naruto, however, all words are lost. The only thing his eyes are transfixed on is how dead the blond looks in his creaky wheelchair and loose, white clothes. His lively eyes now look lifeless, locking away all signs of the old Naruto.
"Hi." Is all Gaara says. Naruto smiles, but only a little. Kind of like Sai's smiles. But even more brief and fake.
They don't say any other words. Naruto searches Gaara carefully. The only thing the redhead does is stare at the ground.
'He's waiting.'
Gaara knows he's waiting for those three words. The little life he can have before death. But maybe Gaara's just selfish, or afraid to admit it, or maybe because he won't mean it, even if he does say it. Not to this Naruto, at least.
He doesn't say it. When the time comes for him to leave, however, he meets Naruto's eyes one last time.
They are blank. But, like a shadow, they hide despair.
The surgery is two days after that. Gaara spends his time in the waiting room, counting away the seconds. Sakura, Sasuke, Hinata... They're all here. But to him, the room is empty.
The music box. He didn't even give it to him. This music box was meant for Naruto. That wasn't Naruto.
'You can tell yourself that if it makes you feel better.'
He takes it out and fingers its smooth polishing. The lever feels natural in his fingers. There's a soft clicking sound as he winds it up, but everyone stops what they're doing.
That eerie, haunting sound comes out, feeling up the silence with its music. But weirdly, it has a calming effect to it as well. The tenseness fades away slowly.
Tinkle. Tinkle.
Why weren't you there?
Maybe he's just a bad friend, but he doesn't cry when the nurse comes out.
Naruto was dead long ago.
"It was muscular dystrophy. Duchnne MD."
Shikamaru moves another piece. They are still in the hospital. But not to visit. Just there to be there.
"So I heard." Shogi seems to fit Shikamaru. Gaara told him how the game works, ever since, he's been challenging Gaara almost every day. He's the only one who knew that Gaara never said the words. But, he doesn't blame him. Only states the facts.
Gaara moves his promoted bishop and captures the other's pawn.
"Nice, but not good enough."
Gaara makes a tsk noise by hitting the roof of his mouth with his tongue. Gently, he winds the fox back up with his fingers while inspecting the board. The tinkling music comes back to life again. This has been a tradition whenever he and Shikamaru played Shogi.
"...You know, he just wanted to hear those three words. He really-"
"I know."
Shikamaru broke his gaze from the board to stare at the redhead. "I know you know. But do you understand? Maybe Naruto would've had hope. He lost his will to live."
"No," Gaara corrects. "Naruto died. The shell of him wanted to die with him."
"You could've brought him back."
"Maybe."
"Are you sorry?"
The tinkle of the music box makes his answer unheard.
But maybe it's better to not know.
A/N I don't know. I wanted to practice my writing, and I was in a really depressed mood.
If you don't want to hear a depressing story, or hear me ramble on about my life, feel free to stop reading. I would appreciate it if you reviewed!
My grandfather died last year, before I join FF. I had one chance to say 'I love you' to him, but I couldn't. I couldn't stand how... weak he looked. I guess I was afraid. I remember thinking, when I heard the news, 'what kind of granddaughter am I?'
I didn't even cry.
Last night, that memory just struck me. I don't know, but the dam broke right then, I guess. I started crying. A lot. Then I decided to write this story. I was going to write a one-shot anyways, because I thought I needed to practice, but... yeah.
Thanks to the people who are reading this.
Disclaimer: Yes, I know this should be at the beginning. It didn't feel right there, ya know? Naruto doesn't belong to me.