This is all you'll be getting until my computer with my 20+ story files is fixed. 8K. Also, weirdish Creek with some Cartman in it. I dunno. It just came out of nowhere.
Xenophobic.
I am scared.
Scared of so many sights and sounds
Around me, that shriek in the night
When I cannot feel
I am frightened.
When you disappear, sometimes for just a little while
Before my grotesque nightmares begin once more
And I wait, white-knuckled
For that shadow on the wall might be you
Or some other folly of my mind—
I am angered;
Though there are some emotions I can never show
When he touches me
(Maybe for some blond fetish, as I have seen behind school walls before)
Horrified of what he thinks
And what you would think of me.
I do not understand
(Or maybe people do not understand me)
As people pass me by and stare
While I wonder if they know, or if you know
Sometimes you ask me what is wrong
And I tell you nothing
Because I do not know either
The strangest things outside my window haunt
Not only me.
I twitch and shudder
Whenever I see you in ire, or when you leave me
Weeks at a time—
An abysmal feeling seeps through
And I wonder if my sanity is intact
Or if it was ever there before.
And now I lay me down to sleep
On your shoulder's edge—
I still wonder of tomorrow's causes
And what feelings the strangers would bring
To my homestead—
I know I am afraid, yet still—
The look in your eyes in what dangerous intoxications
Sends me reeling in the most capricious way
Under some exotic sensation
So far—
And still I wonder at night if you know me.