This is my first attempt at writing a fic. I want to thank, from the bottom of my heart, MFAB (My-Fake-Ass-Beta), OhHereKittyKitty. You know who you are girl!!! I love you to death, and without you I would have never had the courage to do this. xoxoxo.
Full Summary: Bella Swan-Newton is a working mother and wife to Mike Newton. She is extremely dissatisfied with her life and struggles with the knowledge that her husband has been unfaithful to her for years. Meanwhile, a new employee has joined the company where Bella works, Edward Cullen, a widower who is new in town. Will Bella get the second chance at life she has been hoping for?
DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to the one and only Stephenie Meyer. I own nothing. I simply live vicariously through her books.
"Love was always supposed to be
Something wonderful to me
To watch it grow inside yourself
To feel your heart beside itself
Sometimes it hurts to love so bad
When you know you've given all you can
Sometimes it hurts to even laugh
You do your best but it's still much too bad
Sometimes the pain is just too much
And it hurts like hell
That's the way it feels"
Aretha Franklin, "It Hurts Like Hell"
*BPOV*
What is left in a relationship after the trust is gone? I was asking myself that this morning as I absentmindedly pulled into the parking lot at work. This is how it has been lately for me. I wake up in the morning, get my daughter ready for school, drop her off, then proceed with the 15 minute drive to work that I hardly even notice anymore. The same routine every single day. Will things ever change for me? Is there anything better out there for me? Do I even deserve anything better?
My internal rambling was interrupted by a loud knock on the driver side window of my suburban wife minivan.
"Hey! Get inside girl, you're going to be late!" nagged the voice on the other side of my window.
I jumped, startled by the sound of her heavy knocking, and rolled my eyes at Alice once I saw it was her interrupting my daydreaming. Huh? Can it really be called that? Daydreaming? I mean I wasn't actually dreaming. Dreaming would entail some kind of fantasy or wish fulfillment that would offer me some kind of escape from this fiasco called my life. But this wasn't dreaming. This was, was, oh, I don't even know what it was. Was I reflecting or was I just deep in thought?
I let out a deep sigh and brought up my hand gesturing to Alice to wait for me. I gathered my purse and my iPhone, killed the engine and let myself out of the van. All these steps in perfect sequential order. Exactly as I did them every single God damn day.
"Are you okay hun?" asked Alice with a concerned look on her face. Poor Alice. She has been my rock through it all. The one friend I could count on and could tell all my horror stories to.
"Well, you know, just thinking about...stuff," I said almost coming out of me like a mumble under my breath.
Alice gave me that look. That knowing make-me-feel-like-shit look that screamed, "What are you doing with that fucker?!" She crossed her arms and said, "Oh, more 'stuff' from the asswipe?"
"Alice!" I reprimanded and narrowed my eyes at her. I knew she didn't like him but sometimes she went a bit overboard with the insults.
"What?" she shrieked, "Don't tell me he doesn't deserve every single one of the insults I've given him."
I sighed, "I know Alice, but he IS my husband and the father of my child."
"Yes, but the man cheats on you and treats you like crap. How long are you gonna let this go on?" said Alice while narrowing her eyes at me.
I didn't answer. What could I possibly say to her? She was completely right and every single bone in my body knew it. Yet I had chosen to ignore the fact that my husband has been cheating on me for years, that he possibly had a completely separate existence with this woman and probably even owned a separate house with her. Jessica. That was her name. I knew that fucking slut's name from the numerous times I've caught him secretly talking to her while he was in the bathroom thinking I was asleep in the other room. All the additional telltale signs were there, too. As if I needed them. The supposed late office meetings, the lipstick on the shirt collar, the supposed business trips to every odd location possible, the women's perfume draped all over his clothes, plus all the other things that have been happening in the last few days that are just too painful to think about right now. All the signs pointed to one thing, and it was not good. It was just too fucking obvious to ignore anymore and anyone from the outside looking in, as was the case with Alice, could see the painful truth.
But I was not an outsider looking in. This was happening to ME, on the inside. It was me who saw the pity written all over people's faces as they saw me play the part of the good ol' wifey, while Mike lived a double life. It was me who felt unloved and humiliated every second of this wretched life. It was me who was completely afraid of leaving Mike for fear of what it would do to our daughter. Childhood memories of the fights between my parents, Charlie and Renee, resurfaced anytime I considered the possibility of leaving Mike. What would Nessie think? I remember how much it hurt me when my mother left Charlie and it would sure crush Nessie as well. She was only seven years old but she was a very smart little girl. She would ask questions, and I'll be damned if I'm going to tell her the things that her father has done. I just can't bring myself to let the story repeat itself.
I sat down at my desk and got ready for another workday. Another day of mindless entering, approving, and denying insurance claims. It was a job great for those that wanted to just keep busy, but I wanted more than that. I wanted excitement, I wanted adventure. Right out of high school I wanted to go to college and have a career, but instead I married young and got knocked up, the two things Renee had warned me about. What's done was done and here I am years later with a dysfunctional marriage and a dead-end job. If there is one thing I do not regret, the only thing that keeps me going, is having my wonderful baby girl. She is my perfect angel. My gift from God for having endured so much. She is my reward.
I was snapped out of my reverie by the all too familiar sound of Emmett's booming voice wishing his team, of which I was a part of, a good morning. Emmett, my manager, was an alright guy. He started with this company from the bottom and worked his way up, and contrary to what most people believe, it is not because he is dating the owner's daughter and possibly the most beautiful woman in the world, Rosalie. Emmett was the one guy in here you can be sure was an upstanding and hard-working man. The fact that he is dating Rosalie doesn't ruffle any feathers here. This company is actually quite relaxed about any policy involving coworkers dating each other. I guess now that Rosalie and Emmett are a couple, they don't even have any grounds to frown upon. As a result, it's common to see office romances and relationships between coworkers, such as in the case of my best friend Alice, who is dating a very nice guy from the mail room. Jasper.
"...and let's all have a quick meeting in the conference room. I have an important announcement I need to make," said Emmett while walking down the narrow office hallway making sure to sneak a quick peek in to each one of our 4 x 4 cubicles to assure himself that we had all arrived to work on time.
Completely uninterested in what Emmett had to say, I fought to fake a smile while picking up my notepad and a pen. I marched into the conference room, grabbing the chair closest to the door so that I could be the first one out the door once Emmett excused us. I watched as my co-workers walked in one by one and took the seats closest to the front. Sigh. Why do they do that? Do they insist on making me look bad? The last thing I needed right now was to get written up on the grounds of not being one of their fucking team players. I swear if I wasn't so efficient and good at my job, as I have been told by management that I was, I would have been fired months ago. I was sure the only thing keeping me here was my high number of processed claims and my seniority, because it sure wasn't my enthusiasm.
I watched as Alice walked in and took the seat next to mine. She knew I was not having a good day and wasn't feeling up to the task of kissing the boss' ass. She smiled at me and patted my knee, a gesture of encouragement.
"Ladies, are you going to join the rest of us?" asked Emmett with an irritated look on his face.
"Oh, but we're only sitting back here because we can usually get a better view of your presentations from the back row. The glare that comes off the white wall and the light of the projector is just terrible when you sit up front. We can hardly see anything from up there." Alice rationalized.
Wow Alice. How does she pull this shit out of her so fast? She is definitely a much better liar than I am. The angelic look on her face would convince even the most incredulous person into thinking that she was being genuinely honest. Emmett, of course, bought it and grinned so wide that I thought I could actually see his wisdom teeth. Emmett loved attention and Alice always humored his every little attempt at being the cool boss. Emmett nodded and began speaking.
"I know that we have been short staffed and the workload keeps increasing. I am fully aware that when Demetri left the company the work he left had to be distributed evenly between all of you. I've had talks with HR about getting someone in here to take the position and I am very pleased to report that we have found someone," as Emmett said those last few words, a collective "Ahhh" could be heard throughout the room. Seriously?! It had been months since Demetri left and just now they figured out that they needed somebody? What. The. Fuck?
Emmett continued speaking, "Okay, okay, calm down folks. Here's the deal. My brother has relocated to New York from Washington state, where we're originally from. He's very familiar with the industry and the position has been offered to him. I believe that he will be a great asset to the company and so does the rest of management. He is ready to start as early as tomorrow and will need to start training right away so that he can start taking some of the workload off of you guys as soon as possible. Which brings me to my next point, I need a volunteer to train him."
Oh this was just abso-fucking-lutely great! A new guy that needed training. Just what we needed. On top of all the work we had to do, now we had the burden of training a new employee. Were they seriously going to give us more work?!
That's when I heard Emmett call out, "Bella? Did you hear what I said?" I looked up and saw Emmett and the entire room turned to look at me. Fuck! Was I daydreaming again? What was wrong with me? It's like I couldn't hold it together for at least ten minutes anymore without going off into la-la land.
Alice, of course, saved my pathetic ass once again and spoke up, "You training the new guy is a great idea, Bella. You know this business up and down and if we want him to get up to speed the same way that Demetri was, he needs to be trained by the best, and baby that's you!" She winked at me with the eye that was not visible to Emmett. Of course, I got the hint that this was her way of turning the attention away from the fact that I wasn't paying attention to what Emmett was saying and that she was also clueing me in on what the conversation was about.
"Sure. You are absolutely right," I said hoping that this was a satisfactory answer.
"It's settled then. Bella will be training my brother Edward. He will start tomorrow and will sit in Demetri's old cubicle, which conveniently enough, is the cubicle right next to Bella's. You can all go back to work now and let's all have a very productive day," Emmett said before marching out of the room faster than I could think about it. This was my cue to bolt out of there, but Alice caught me by the arm and I settled back down. Once everyone was out of the room, Alice turned to look at me with a very concerned expression.
"Honey, I know you've got a lot of personal shit going on right now, but you've got to snap out of it. Did something else happen with Mike that you haven't told me yet?" Alice said while attempting to comfort me.
Her words caused me to weaken and I felt the dam of emotions I had built up lose some of its effectiveness. I felt the familiar sting in my eyes and the tears I've been trying to fight back gave in and poured out. "She's been calling me!" I blurted out louder than I had meant to. My voice breaking.
"What?! That bitch is calling you?" Alice said while gnashing her teeth.
"Yes. She keeps calling in the middle of the night while Mike is supposed to be away at some conference. I can hear Mike's voice in the background calling to her and I hear her answer back. I think that she must dial my number while he is not looking and then leave the phone off the hook so that I can hear him making love to her. I know it must be her calling because there is no fucking way he would be stupid enough to pull that shit." I felt my heart physically throb with pain while I said every single one of those words.
"I...I am so sorry Bella," Alice visibly struggled with saying those words. "Have you said anything to Mike about this? Have you confronted his ass?"
"I have, but he just dismisses it and somehow it turns into how I'm being possessive and overly jealous and just insecure. Then very skillfully he turns the tables and suddenly I'm the bad guy here and I just don't give him any room to breathe. Tell me Alice, when did I become such a coward? I wasn't always like this. You remember the old me don't you?" I said as traitor tears streamed down my face.
"Oh Honey!" Alice said while stretching her arms out to hug me. I hugged my friend tight. Very tight. I needed to vent and Alice was always the one who comforted me whenever I needed it. Alice knew more about what was going on in my life than anyone else. I didn't trust my own mother with the information I trusted Alice with.
"Mail Call!" I heard Jasper call out. Jesus Fucking Christ. He scared the shit out of me.
"Hey Baby!" Alice answered as she got up and walked to stand next to Jasper by the conference room door. They looked at each other so lovingly it gave me a glimpse of how it was like for Mike and I at the beginning. I can't remember the exact moment in which our relationship had turned into one of animosity and torment, but that's exactly how we had ended up.
I started wiping the tears off my face when Jasper said, "Hey, I'm sorry if I interrupted something important. I can come back."
"Don't be silly," I said and I think I actually managed to smile at him. "I'm fine, it's just girl stuff. Don't you worry, go. I know you guys take your breaks together. Go. Go." I said while shooing them away with a wave of my hand.
Alice's expression turned somber. I knew what she was thinking. She was feeling sorry for putting her boyfriend's needs before mine, and this of course, just made me feel worse. I couldn't possibly ask any more of her. She has been there for me always. I had no right to interfere and cut into her quality time with the man she loved.
"Are you sure Bella? I mean, our conversation isn't over," Alice said while hanging on to Jasper's arm.
"Oh yeah!" I dismissively waved my hands at her again. "We can talk tonight. I'll call you. I really don't think we can talk here. Plus I've got to get up to date with my work so tomorrow I'll have time to train the new guy."
I think I saw relief in Alice's face when she said, "OK, but if you need anything, just let me know, 'kay?"
"Sure. Sure," I sniffed.
"Okay" Alice and Jasper said in unison. They both turned and headed out to the hallway leaving me in the conference room alone with my thoughts and my misery.
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*EPOV*
A new beginning. I have traveled 3,000 miles for a new beginning. I kept telling myself that as I got ready for my first day at a new job. Long gone are the days of picket fences, large houses, and wide open green areas. It is time now to start over in this lofty apartment, in New York City of all places. This will take some getting used to, but Emmett insisted that the hustle and bustle this place had to offer was the best thing for me.
I was never a fan of the urban life. Tanya and I always wanted to settle down as far away from the noise as possible. The closest thing to a city we had been to was Seattle, where we had to go for her weekly chemo treatments, and when I lost her I vowed to stay the hell away from there. Forks was much more our pace. It was a place where I didn't have to worry about turning on the 7 o'clock news and hear about someone's kid being raped or someone's wife being chopped off into pieces. I loved how Forks was so green. Its foliage so abundant. It was was a haven away from the urban choas. It allowed me the peace and tranquility I needed to grieve her. These last 3 years have been hard on me, but I've managed to live on, though not necessarily move on.
I still thought of Tanya everyday. Even though we never had the opportunity to have children, we had a very special and close relationship. We were inseparable. I'd like to think that we were soul mates. The day she was taken away from me, I thought I would die with her. I was so grief stricken and became so self-destructive that my family and friends became increasingly worried. Excessive drinking and sleeping around with random women became my outlet. I needed a way to numb the pain and yearning I felt for Tanya. I couldn't understand why, why she had to be diagnosed with cancer and be taken away prematurely from me like that. We had so many plans and hopes for our relationship. For five years our marriage was bliss.
Needless to say, losing Tanya has scarred me like first degree burns. The cicatrices in my soul rooted deep within. I can no longer see women the same way because I am always trying to compare them to her. It comes as no surprise that for the last 3 years I haven't been able to hold any kind of relationship with a woman, other that one-night stands or the week-long fuck-a-thons I had with some of them. Having women available to me hasn't ever been a problem since apparently women think I'm a pretty good looking guy. I guess I have been blessed with good genes and on top of that I like to work out quite a bit, so my body is quite toned. Women obviously like that sort of thing, not that I mind in the least bit.
I like women, and when I say that I like women, I mean I like them a lot. When I became a widower, women in my hometown would not waste any opportunity to "comfort" me. My experiences with that have been sort of odd, like for example, the time that my neighbor Kate thought it would be "comforting" to let me bang her on my kitchen floor. She showed up all Betty-fucking-Crocker-like with the excuse that she was going to bake me a berry cobbler pie. Of course, what ended up happening was that I was the one doing the baking, she ended up being the oven, and what came out was not necessarily pie. Now who am I to turn down a nice gesture like that? Plus I just couldn't resist all that "comfort" between her thighs.
Having this plethora of woman at my disposal was how I coped with my loss. Women became a kind of drug that I needed to have on a regular basis. It was my means of escape from the void I felt deep inside of me. I was very careful though not to give the woman in question any false hopes or ideas that I may want to share with her anything other than a one night stand.
I had many of those such nights in which I would romance a woman while trying to make it clear that I had no intentions of pursuing her further. Surprisingly though, these women didn't seem to mind being used that way. I meant no disrespect to them whatsoever, and if they didn't mind, I wasn't going to feel guilty either. It was just easier this way for me, to have easy, unaccountable sex with these women, because no matter how many of them I slept with, the insatiable emptiness would grow deeper and deeper. So deep in fact, that I wondered if I would ever be able to climb out of it.
As I parked my SUV in the underground parking lot at Hale Inc., a feeling of panic washed over me as I tried to collect my thoughts. The realization that I would be starting a new life at a new city finally hit me right then and there. I couldn't afford to mess up like I did back in Washington. My excessive drinking and womanizing only got me into trouble back there and Emmett had given me this chance to start over. I couldn't disappoint him after he went out on a limb for me. I remember when my father Carlisle had to fly to Washington to bail me out of jail and smooth things over after I punched the sheriff in the face. His nose broken and bloody after he confronted me about sleeping with his wife. I personally had nothing against the guy and had no intentions of hurting him by banging his wife, but Mrs. Yorkie was pretty convincing when I found her in my bed naked, one day when I got home from work. After that it was no secret she was cheating on him. She made it pretty obvious by the constant way she stalked me like a scene out of Fatal Attraction.
I walked in the door and the first thing I noticed was the receptionist at the front desk. Boy, she looked exactly like that Fran Drescher chick on that TV show where she plays a nanny. Humongous hair, long nails, and yes, she was actually chewing gum. Now all she needed was the annoying nasally voice coupled with the New York accent, and she could be her doppelganger.
"Hiiiii and welcome to Hale Inc. How may I help you?" the nanny asked me with, yes, you guessed it, an annoying, nasally, New York accent.
"Yes, um, hi. My name is Edward Cullen. Today is my first day here," I responded.
"Oh. Ohhhh, yes, yes. I know who you are. You are Emmett's brother, aren't you? I can see the resemblance," she responded while adding a sound that could have either been a giggle or a goat bleating. I wasn't entirely sure which it was.
"Yes. That's me. Can you call him for me please? Just tell him I am here," I said.
"Sure hun," she said. She picked up the phone and noticeably starting dialing. Next thing I heard was "Hiii Emmett...yeah, yeah, he's here...uh huh...uh huh...okay dahling...uh huh...I will have him wait for you...byeee."
She hung up the phone then gestured for me to take a seat. While I waited, I discreetly noticed how she would vehemently chew her gum and blow out rather large gum bubbles, the resulting popping sounds sending shivers up my spine.
"Yo! Edward!" I heard Emmett cry out as he entered the reception area. The emotion taking over his features.
I promptly got up and rushed over to my brother, whom I had not seen in years. We shared an overdue brotherly hug while the nanny watched us. I broke the hug first.
"God Edward! It's so good to see you. It's been such a long time," said my colossal brother.
"It has. A very long time. Since, well, the funeral," I answered, while recognizing that he word funeral came out as almost a whisper.
"Yeah, that's right," thoughtfully replied Emmett, "but, the past is the past and this is now your present." Emmett turned around to face the nannyand said, "Oh, I see you've met our receptionist, Fran."
No. Fucking. Way. Her name was actually Fran? I wanted to burst out laughing right then and there. The only thing stopping me was the realization that this was my first day on the job and I didn't want to get on the bad side of anyone here, especially not the one whose face will probably be the first I see every morning.
"Yes. Hi Fran," I said to the nanny-, err, I mean, to Fran and she promptly giggled, or bleated. I still wasn't sure which one.
"Well, come on bro. Let's get you started," said Emmett while gesturing for me to follow him.
I followed him inside. The office interior a typical cubicle grid. Emmett continued down the hallway and entered an office, which I assumed was his. Once inside he gestured for me to take a seat.
"Bro, you have no idea how happy I am that you're here, you crazy motherfucker," said Emmett while swiveling his fancy chair around.
"Uh huh. Oh, I'm sure you are." I narrowed my eyes. His childish spinning driving me crazy. "Would you stop it with the fucking chair?"
"Whoa, whoa! Now you can't talk to me like that. Remember? I'm your boss now," Emmett snickered.
"Whatever man! Look I promised I wasn't gonna fuck this up, and I'm not going to, so stop dicking around," I said, sneering.
"All right, all right. Take it easy man." Emmett laughed in his customary booming fashion, inciting a grin out of me.
We conversed for a while, catching up on all the new happenings in both our lives. When we ran out of things to talk about, Emmett looked at his wrist watch.
"Oh shit! Look at the damn time. I totally lost track. Look bro, I'm going to call this chick that's going to train you. Her name is Isabella, but we just call her Bella, alright?" said Emmett. He picked up the phone and dialed who I assumed was this Bella. We waited not more than a minute while I nervously adjusted on the chair.
...and that's when she walked in...
The diminutive beauty before me a sight to relish. She was very petite. Gorgeous from top to bottom. She had long, dark brown hair that stood out because of the contrast it made with the color of her skin. Her complexion a translucent ivory. She looked like a porcelain doll that should be adorning a very expensive toy store's window display. Her eyes were the color of her hair, a brown color whose depth provided a window into her soul. Their shape a perfect almond. The eyebrows that arched over them thick, but perfectly shaped. Her nose was tiny and delicate and her lips, oh my holy mother of Jesus! Her lips were full and beautifully shaped, a hint of lipgloss bringing out their natural pink.
There was something else about her that caught my eye. A small mole above her upper left lip made her seem very exotic, with the beauty mark to prove it. How Cindy Crawford of her. My eyes scanned her further. She was wearing a light blue tunic dress that complemented her curvy figure. That hot little number didn't hang on her body, but rather it followed its luscious lines. A wide belt cinching her miniature waist and accentuating her voluminous chest. A black pair of unadorned flats on her miniscule feet.
I stood up to greet her and Emmett followed. Bella locked eyes with me and suddenly I felt warm. Wait, not warm. I felt hot. I was feverous. She nervously ran one hand through her hair. Never breaking eye contact with me, she started walking toward me. I felt a knot in my throat that countered my attempt at putting two words together. She was a beautiful specimen. Her beauty and simplicity a very interesting paradox.
Two things seemed to happen simultaneously in the few seconds it took Bella to reach Emmett and me. The first thing I noticed was that my body physically responded, including the twitch of my dick, to every single one of the movements her hips made while she walked. The second thing I noticed was the disapproving look that Emmett was giving me while I salivated over this woman.
When she finally crossed the distance between the door and where I was standing, she extended her hand, attempting to shake mine. I took her minute hand in mine and lightly shook it. The gesture sending electricity coursing through my already shaken body.
"Hello Edward. I'm Bella. Welcome to Hale Inc." she said.
A/N: That's it for chapter 1. Hope you liked it and can give me some reviews. I will update weekly. :D