Disclaimer: Don't own Merlin
It was cold. Cold, quiet, wet and so very disgusting, those were the first things he noticed as he regained consciousness. And the smell, that putrid smell of bile, blood and waste, he almost couldn't take it. He faintly noticed that his hands were bleeding. So much blood just dripping down his body, mingling with the blood from other cuts he had received that day. With his arms raised above his head, shackled to the wall and his head lolling off to the side, also dripping with blood, one wouldn't be surprised at all to find that Merlin was dead.
But he wasn't.
He struggled to lift his head; he had to know, to see for himself. They had taunted and tortured him in every way possible but everything would be okay as long as he was alive, as long as he was safe. His eyes cracked open, slowly adjusting to the light while he fought to contain his fear. Once open he had no choice but to close them again as he let out an anguished cry.
Lying in front of him in a mangled heap on the floor was the dismembered body of his once best friend. Bile rose in his throat, he had failed. He had failed his destiny, failed the people of Camelot, failed his friends and most importantly, failed Arthur. The future king was dead and it was his fault. If he hadn't... if he had only… Tears streamed down his face as he hung from the wall, his mind helplessly running through scenarios of what was to come and what never would be.
He wasn't dead, no, but as the cell door creaked open once more he wished with all his heart that he was.
-Exus