Four Times the Bat Family Got Rid of Dick's Girlfriends

by bandgeek18

Dick can't seem to keep a girlfriend for more than a few months. Not that his family would know anything about that. Some language. One-shot.

Disclaimer: I don't own Young Justice

A/N: So this came to me at midnight the other day. Big thansk to my girlfriend for proof-reading this for me!

-Cindy-

Dick met Cindy after he pulled her over for speeding. Most people in Blüdhaven didn't get off with a warning, but then again most people didn't look like her. She flipped her red hair over her shoulder and smiled brilliantly. So Dick didn't give her a ticket, but he did get her number. He wasn't sure about how this was going to work, but somehow he got the hang of it. Missed a few dates here and there, but some flowers and acrobatic tricks later he'd be fine. So it was kind of surprising when they made it to the two month mark. So of course he decided to introduce her to his family. He smiled as he helped her off his bike.

"Wow," Cindy said in awe, gazing up at the massive Wayne Manor. "I guess you weren't lying."

"Someone owes me ice cream now," he teased, leading her to the door.

The door opened and Alfred smiled politely. "Welcome home Master Dick."

"Hey Alfred. Alfred, this is Cindy. Cindy this is Alfred, Bruce's butler."

"Ah. You must be the one who keeps Dick in line," Cindy said as they walked in.

"Very observant of you Miss," Alfred replied. "May I take your coat?"

"Yes, thank you very much."

"Hey Alfie, where's Bruce?" Dick.

"Master Bruce is in the study with Master Damian."

"Asterous. Come on." Dick led Cindy through the mansion, detailing every place he'd done his acrobatics. They walked into the study and found Bruce and Damian sitting in front of the fire place. "Bruce!"

Bruce put on his most charming smile and stood up. "Dick. This must be Cindy."

"Yup. Cin, this is Bruce. Bruce, Cindy."

"My pleasure," Bruce said, kissing her hand.

"Nice to meet you Mr. Wayne," Cindy replied as Dick pulled her closer. She blinked and frowned in confusion when she saw the fierce green eyes glaring at her from the couch. "Um..Dick? Who's that?"

"Oh," Dick said, noticing the glare for the first time. "That's Damian, my youngest brother. Don't worry about the glare, that's how he greets everyone."

"Damian, come say hi," Bruce just about ordered.

Damian scoffed and came out from behind the couch. He crossed his arms and his glare intensified. "Harlot."

"Damian!" Dick and Bruce chastised in unison while Cindy gave the former an uncertain look.

"Apologize," Bruce growled. "Now."

"Tt." Damian rolled his eyes. "I apologize."

Cindy smiled at Dick. "He's…cute."

"I am not-"

"Damian!" Bruce warned.

Luckily, Alfred entered at that moment. "Master Bruce, could I trouble Master Dick or yourself to assist me for a moment?"

"I'll be right there Alfred," Bruce said.

"I'll come too," Dick added.

"Are you sure?"

Dick looked at Cindy. She smiled and kissed him. "Go ahead," she smiled. "I'll wait here and….talk with Damian."

"Ok." They kissed again and Bruce took the opportunity to give his youngest a warning look. Damian rolled his eyes again. Dick and Bruce left, following Alfred. Cindy watched them go before turning back to Damian. Her smiled faltered when she saw the look he was giving her. It was….demonic in a way.

"So," she began, "what do you-"

"Cut the crap," Damian told her, never taking his eyes off her. Cindy's mouth opened in shock. This kid was..what? 10? 11? "What exactly are your intentions with my brother?"

"Intentions?"

"Yes. Grayson is an imbecile who lets his heart make all his important decisions. As such, he's incapable of knowing what is good or bad for him. So I do it for him. What are your intentions with him?"

"Oh um….date him I guess. He's very handsome and nice-"

"Yes I'm aware he possesses mystical qualities that draw redheads to him like moths. Grayson is an adult, so he may do what he wants. However," Damain stood on the chair Bruce had been sitting in earlier to look her in the eye. "If at any time I find out you're using Grayson in any way, or his satisfaction with your relationship is any less than perfect, you will be sorry."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. Hurt my brother and I will drag you through the darkest depths of hell until you're begging for merciful death. And in the event I deliver, not even Batman will be able to find you."

"We're back!" Dick announced as he walked in. He put his arm around a slightly pale Cindy. "You guys talk about anything interesting?"

"Tt. Nothing of interest to you Grayson."

Dick laughed and tightened his arm around Cindy. The night passed far too quickly for him after that. Bruce talked politely with Cindy and listened to her stories. He in turn told her stories about Dick, all his and Alfred's favorites, and Damian managed to keep his insults to himself. Once the night was over, Dick hugged everyone, much to Damian's disdain. The youngest member of the bat family did take the opportunity to shoot Cindy another glare, making her flinch. She couldn't relax until she and Dick had left the manor and were heading back to his bike.

"You ok sweetie?" he asked, passing her a helmet.

"Yeah. Why?"

"You just seem kind of quiet."

"Just tired. Let's get back."

"Right."

One week later Cindy broke up with Dick. As if leaving him out of the blue wasn't bad enough, she also left town soon after.

"I just don't get it," Dick told Bruce over the phone. He took another sip of his drink, trying to drown his heartache in the cheap beer he always had for some reason. "I thought things were going so well. Why would she just leave?"

"Women are a mystery Dick," Bruce replied. "God help the man who ever tries to figure them out."

"I guess. It's just so weird. I mean, I bring her over to meet you guys, and she just leaves me? I don't know."

Bruce looked over to where Damian was laying on the couch reading. "Very weird. I have to go Dick. Don't drink too much."

Dick didn't bother to ask Bruce how he knew. "I won't."

Bruce hung up and eyed his youngest son. He stood up and approached him. "I told you to be nice."

"Was I not polite?" Damian asked.

"When we were in the room at least. Dick really liked this girl you know."

"If she can't handle a simple threat she would've never been able to handle his hidden life."

Bruce had to give him that. "For future reference, stay out of your brother's love life."

Damian snorted. "Like Grayson can really handle that on his own."

Bruce had to give him that too.

— Kayla —

Dick met Kayla when he saved her from a mugger; thankfully not as Nightwing. Superheroes with secret identities couldn't just pick up girls they saved after all. It wasn't like he'd needed his gadgets to scare off that low-life anyways.

"I really should thank you," Kayla insisted.

"No, it's fine. Really."

"Here." She pulled a pen out of her purse and wrote a number on his hand. "You call me sometime and we can discuss this further."

And they did discuss it later that week. And the week after that and the week after that. It was a month into their relationship that Dick decided to introduce her to his family. Remembering what had happened with Cindy though, he decided to take it slow. So he called Tim. His younger brother agreed to meet him and Kayla for coffee so they could all hang out. 'It's just coffee,' Dick thought, holding Kayla's hand as they entered the coffee shop. 'I won't mess it up this time. I just need to introduce her to them one at a time.'

"Dick, sweetheart," Kayla said. "Are you ok?"

"I'm awesome. How're you?"

"Perfect."

He smiled and leaned over to kiss her. He quickly got lost in the kiss and didn't notice Tim arrive. "If you two are just going to do this the whole time, then I'm going to leave."

Dick chuckled as Tim sat down across from them. "Tim, this is Kayla. Kayla, my brother Tim."

"So nice to meet you Tim," Kayla said shaking his hand.

"Like wise."

Dick nodded. 'So far so good.' "I'll go get us some coffee."

Tim nodded as Dick left. Kayla smiled at TIm. "So how long have you and Dick-"

"I'm not here to make small talk," Tim interrupted.

"I'm sorry?"

"I'm going to get right to it. Dick is my brother. For better or for worse, his happiness is very important to me. You understand?"

"…Yes?"

"Good. So, I don't want you to hurt him. If you do hurt him, I possess the means to ruin your life in every conceivable way. And I won't hesitate to act. So think carefully before you do anything that could affect his happiness. Very, very carefully."

Kayla didn't get a chance to answer to that because Dick came back with their coffee. "Everyone having a good time?" he asked as he sat down.

"Time of my life," Tim answered with an easy smile. Dick smiled back and put his arm around Kayla. The rest of the meeting went smoothly, with Tim and Dick catching up with each other. After Tim left, Dick looked at Kayla, concerned.

"You ok?' he asked.

"Yeah, of course. I'm just….not feeling that well," Kayla answered. Dick made a sympathy noise and kissed her on the forehead.

"Tim's great, right?"

Kayla nodded. "One of a kind I'm sure."

"In his own way. He's kind of like my other brothers in a way."

"You have more brothers?"

"Didn't I tell you? I have three."

"Oh. How….fun."

"It's interesting that's for sure."

Two weeks later, Kayla broke it off with Dick. Dick for his part didn't take it too hard, although he did require a liquor run with Wally. The best part of drinking with speedsters was more alcohol for you. He called Bruce again, aware his father was only letting him vent due to the close proximity of his break-ups.

"I just don't get it. I mean, it was amazing. We had coffee with Tim and-"

"You had coffee with Tim?" Bruce asked. He eyed his second youngest who was currently doing some Wayne Enterprises work for him on a laptop.

"Yeah. They got along so great too. I was thinking Damian might actually like her."

"Mhm. Make sure Wally doesn't let you drink too much."

Agan, Dick didn't brother to ask. "Uh-huh."

Bruce hung up and leveled Tim with a look. "Really Tim?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Tim said, not looking up from his work.

"What did you say to your brother's girlfriend?"

"Nothing that didn't need to be said."

Bruce sighed and shook his head. "First Damian, now you. How many times do I have to tell you not to interfere with Dick's love life?"

"When Dick becomes capable of running it himself."

'At that rate they'll never stop.' "Just…control yourself please."

"I was very controlled."

Bruce rolled his eyes. 'What am I going to do with them?'

— Lexi —

Jason didn't make a habit of stalking his brothers, in general he tried to ignore their existence. But when he heard from Replacement, who heard from Demon Brat, who overheard B talking on the phone with Dick Head, that Golden Boy had girlfriend he'd been hiding from the family, he decided a little stalking was in order. So he did a little digging and figured out where Dick was talking his date, Lexi. He watched the restaurant as they ate and laughed. 'Makes me sick,' he thought. He followed them back through the city, rolling his eyes at Dick's stupid jokes and puns. God how could this woman stand him? Like a true gentleman, Dick dropped her off on her door step and kissed her, albeit passionately, goodnight.

'Guess there's nothing to see here,' Jason decided. He was about to turn away and get a few hours of patrol in when he heard someone's voice.

"Hey Lexi!"

He turned back and hs eyes narrowed. A guy approached Lexi and stopped her from going in. Jason was too far away to hear, but he didn't need to because their actions were loud enough. Lexi pulled the man into a hug, then kissed him with a lot more unrest than she'd been kissing with Dick just minutes before. Jason felt his blood boil. Yeah Dick was pretentious and annoying, but he was Jason's "brother". Besides, he was obviously too oblivious to tell what was going on.

Down on the street, Lexi smiled and led her….other boy toy into her building. They hurried up to her apartment where she locked the door. She pinned him against the door and kissed him again. She led him to her bedroom and pushed him down onto her bed. She took her top off and joined him. The two of them resumed their make-out session when someone grabbed Lexi by the hair. She would've screamed but there was a hand over her mouth.

"Listen closely bitch," the man hissed. "I'm going to remove my hand and you're not going to make a sound." He moved her hand, but she didn't have time to relax since there was suddenly a knife at her throat. "You, out." Lexi's potential lover hurried out of the room so fast he tripped and fell off the bed. He crawled away in fear and blind panic. "Ok whore, this is how it's going to go. You're going to break up with Richard Grayson."

"How do you-"

"Quiet! I'm not finished. You're going to break up with him, but you won't tell him about your little romps with that jackass. Just break it off and never call him again. If you do, I'll know about it." She was pushed forward and the knife was gone. Lexi turned around, but the man was gone. She rubbed her neck.

'How the hell does Dick know that psycho?!'

Psycho or not though, she broke up with Dick the very next day. She gave him the most cryptic answers possible when he more or less begged her for an explanation. She wasn't eager to disobey the mysterious knife wielder. Or tell him that a mysterious knife wielder was apparently obsessed with him. She just told him it was over and to never call her again. This was a huge shock for Dick, who'd thought that everything had been going so well. So he drank his cheap liquor and called Bruce.

"Dick I think you need to take a break from girls," Bruce advised. "At this rate you've slept with half of Blüdhaven."

"I didn't actually seep why any of them. And you're one to talk."

"Let me guess, this was out of the blue as well?"

"Yeah! God what's wrong with me?"

Bruce eyed Tim and Damian, who were for once in the same room and not attempting to murder each other. "Trust me Dick I don't think the problem's you."

"Uh!"

"Just don't-"

"Yeah I won't drink too much."

Bruce smiled a hung up. "Ok, which one of you was it this time?"

"We have no idea what you're talking about," Tim replied.

"Really? So you had nothing to do with it?"

"Trust me, I didn't go after Dick's girlfriend."

"How did you know it was about his girlfriend?"

Damian smirked while Tim groaned. "Excellent cover Drake."

"Shut up," Tim said.

"How did you find out?" Bruce demanded.

"Damian told me."

"Snitch!" Damian hissed.

"So if Damian didn't do it, and you didn't do it, then who did?"

Tim shrugged. "Have we considered the possibility she just didn't like him?"

Damian snorted. "As if she could find better."

Bruce had to give him that. "So if nether of you did it then…." Realization dawned on him. "Jason."

Damian shot Tim a look. "You told Todd?"

Tim glared back. "What of it?"

Bruce sighed. The next time he was on patrol he made made sure he "accidentally" ran into Jason.

"Sup B?" Red Hood asked casually.

"Your brother's girlfriend broke up with him."

"Oh really? Why should I care?"

"So you didn't play a hand in that?"

Red Hood shrugged. "Hey if some two-timing bitch comes to her senses and decided to end her sham of a relationship before Golden Boy found out and got his heart stomped on…" He shrugged. "Why should I care?"

Batman nodded. "I see. For future reference you should avoid getting involved in your brother's love life."

"Like I'd ever get involved in the first place."

Batman rolled his eyes as his wayward son left without another word. 'Right.'

— Melanie —

Melanie and Dick met when he accidentally spilled coffee on her. He turned around and suddenly his coffee was all over her shirt. "Oh my god!" he gasped. "I am so so sorry!" He grabbed some napkins snd quickly started dabbing her shirt, but quickly became a little flustered when he realized most of it was on her chest. "Uh…..here." He handed the napkin to her and she smiled.

"Thanks." she started dabbing at her shirt. "Thank god it wasn't hot coffee, right?"

"Uh…yeah. I'm really sorry. Can I….buy you a new shirt?"

She looked him up and down. "How about," she wrote something down on one of the napkins. "You buy me dinner and we call it even?"

"I…ok." She handed Dick the napkin with her number on it.

"I'm Melanie."

"Dick Grayson."

"Call me, Dick."

And he did. He discovered that she was amazing. He was a little unsure at first. He was worried he spent too much talking about himself, but she just seemed to get more invested. She even asked more about his family. So he was pretty excited that she wanted to go out with him again. She was sweet and funny, and Dick was crazy for her. He took out at least every two days and bought her a bunch of presents. So once they'd been dating for a few months, Dick decided to try and introduce her to his family. Since there was apparently too much pressure in dinner or coffee, an informal meeting with just Bruce would be a good idea.

He and Melanie arrived at the Manor and she let out a low whistle. "Wow."

Dick chuckled. "That's what they all say." He knocked on the door, but no one answered. "Alfred must have the day off."

"Alfred is?" she asked as Dick opened the door.

"Bruce's butler."

"I see."

They found Bruce in the living room and Dick got so excited he was bouncing up and down. "Bruce!"

"Hi Dick," Bruce smiled. He stood up and shook Melanie's hand.

"This is Bruce, he raised me. Bruce this is Melanie."

"Nice to meet you."

"Very nice to meet you too," Melanie replied.

"Sit down," Dick told her. "I''ll go get us some drinks."

"I'll help," Bruce told him. "Alfred would kill me if you messed something up."

"We'll be right back." Dick gave her a kiss before he and Bruce left the room. They went down to the kitchen and he took out some glasses. "Isn't she great?"

"Dick I only know her name."

"But isn't it great? Melanie. Melanie. Has a nice ring to it."

Bruce nodded. "If you say so."

"I really like this girl Bruce. She funny, smart, interesting. I really, really like her."

"I'm glad. I think some of Alfred's cookies are in the fridge."

"Awesome! Here, can you bring Melanie her drink and I'll grab the cookies?"

Bruce took two glasses. "Don't be long." He headed back to the living room, moving with habitual stealth through the manor. So it was pretty easy for him to hear Melanie talking on the phone.

"-yeah I know. No he brought me to Gotham to meet his adopted dad." Bruce paused. There was something in the tone of her voice that sounded…irking. "God no. Of course I don't love him." Bruce's eyes narrowed. "Come on, he's Bruce Wayne's kid. Are you telling me you wouldn't go out with him? Not to mention he has a small fortune of his own. He's like….double rich. Other qualities? Um….he has nice eyes. Come on Julie he's a total man whore, just like Wayne. It's not my fault he's stupid. Maybe if he was a little smarter it wouldn't be so easy for me to make him buy me things."

Bruce's blood was boiling. Hell no. He'd had plenty of experience with women who were just in it for the money. His air-head, playboy persona depended on it. But as far as he knew, Dick had never had such an experience. He was going to be damned if he'd let some bimbo take advantage of his son. So he stomped his feet a little and plastered on his best Bruce Wayne smile. He walked in just as she put her phone away. "Here's your drink."

"Thank you." Bruce sat down and hopped he didn't look at all like he wanted to make her disappear. 'Where's Damian when I need him?' Oh right, out with Alfred and Tim so they didn't scare this one off. Right. He was on his own.

"So, you met Dick at the coffee shop?"

"Yeah. He spilled coffee on my new blouse. But he was so cute I decided some dinner would more than make up for it."

"Dick can be a bit of a klutz. Tim always teases him about it."

"Tim?"

"Didn't Dick tell you about his brothers?"

"Oh….right. Yes he did. Tim, Damian, and Jason right?"

"Right. Tim didn't have a real family before us so he doesn't really have a loving center. Caught him trying to beat his brother with a baseball bat."

"You did?"

"Sure did. I thought Alfred would never get the blood out of the carpet." He almost smiled at the uncomfortable look on her face. He wasn't lying. Tim had once gone after Damian with a baseball bat, he just left out that the younger boy was more than capable of defending himself. "But he's normal compared to Damian."

"…Oh?"

"Yeah I unfortunately didn't know about Damian for many years and his mother was….less than kind for most of them. He has severe anger issues and came at Dick with a knife once. And Tim and Jason as well. Luckily that was in the kitchen so Alfred didn't have to worry about blood on the carpet again."

"Oh….good…"

"Yeah. But honestly they're both amazing compared to Jason."

"Really?"

Bruce nodded. "Jason's been through a lot, so he has very few morals. Combined with his obsession with guns…" He shook his head. "He's a loose canon really."

"Dick never mentioned his brothers were so….different."

"Well you know how he is. He sees the best in people, even if they don't necessarily deserve it."

"I….I guess. Yeah I've noticed that."

"But they all adore Dick. Honestly he's the sanest person in the family. Even if he's the oldest the others are protective. Over-protective even."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah. I'd never want to be someone who hurt Dick when they find out. But you'll meet them in person soon enough."

"I will?"

"Of course. Just between you and me, Dick is crazy about you. The other boys will be dying to meet you."

"….Great."

"I found the cookies!" Dick announced as he walked in. "Sorry it took so long. Alfred did a great job hiding them this time." He sat down and put his are around Melanie. "What're you guys talking about?"

"I was just telling Melanie about your brothers."

Melanie smiled. "There's…so much you didn't tell me."

"Well Bruce never lies so whatever he says you can trust it."

"Oh. Wonderful."

Bruce used his cup to hide his smile. She definitely looked uncomfortable. The meeting went by so fast and before he knew it he was showing them to the door. "I'm so glad you two came to visit. Next time you come we'll have to have the whole family here. If one of them hasn't been arrested that is."

Dick laughed. "True. Come on Mels."

Bruce waved them off, then went back inside. Only two days later, he wasn't surprised when he got another phone call from Dick. He almost felt bad at the heartbroken sound of his son's voice, but then he remembered Dick had been crazy for a tool. "Dick there are plenty of other girls."

"But why would she just break up with me? Seriously?! Why does this keep happening?!"

"Just go get a drink."

"Yeah….ok."

Bruce hung up and turned around. He spotted Tim and Damian in the doorway. Tim smirked. "What was that you said about not getting involved in his love life?"

"This one deserved it," Bruce told them. "She was only after his money."

Damian stiffened. Tim scowled. "Better you than us then."

'My thinking exactly.'

— Brittney —

Brittney met Dick when he "accidentally" bumped into her. Twice. In two minutes. After the second time she gave him her number with the invitation for dinner. Brittney was pretty and smart. She made him laugh and was never late for anything. So with the natural progression of their relationship, he invited her over for dinner at the manor. He was extra excited when he found out Alfred had somehow convinced Jason to come.

"Your going to meet all my brothers," he explained as they approached the front door. "They're great, you'll love them."

"I'm sure I will."

Alfred met them at the door. "Good evening Master Dick."

"Alfie. This is Brittney."

"Nice to meet you," she said.

"Like wise Miss. Master Bruce and the boys are in the dining room."

"Thanks." Dick led her to the dining room where he found Bruce and his brothers. "Everyone, this is Brittney. Brittney this is Bruce, my dad. Tim, Damian, and Jason, my brothers."

"Nice to finally meet all of you," Brittney said as she sat down. "Dick has told me so much abut you guys."

"He lies," Jason said, looking just barely happy to be there.

Dick laughed and held Brittney's hand. "Don't mind Jason." He gave her a kiss and Damian made a gagging noise.

"Damian," Bruce warned.

Dick chuckled. "Relax Bruce, Dami's still young. He doesn't like kissing which is perfectly normal."

Tim snorted. He leaned over. "Remember what Alfred told us."

"Tt."

Dinner passed uneventfully, minus Damian and Jason both attempting to stab Tim with a fork. Dick usually couldn't take his eyes off Brittney for more than a minute at a time. Bruce didn't fail to notice that the three boys watched the girl's every move like a bunch of hawks. She was seemingly unaware of the scrutiny she was under. But nothing terribly drastic happened and Bruce thought that she was nice enough. No girl was actually good enough for his son, but Dick was happy so he supposed that's all that mattered. Dick for one, couldn't have been happier with how it went. Everyone behaved themselves and no one died. By Bat family standards that was a pretty good night.

"So, what'd you think?" he asked Brittney when they got back to his apartment. "Aren't they great?"

"They're….interesting."

"I know. They're the best."

Brittany sat down on the couch. "I wouldn't put it like that exactly."

"Oh?"

"It's just…and don't take ths the wrong way. I don't like them."

"You don't like them? Why?!"

"Well….Damian kept trying to stab Tim."

"That's how they show affection."

"It was…creepy. And Tim was just….boring."

"You think Tim is boring?"

"He only talks about business. And it wouldn't kill him to smile. And Jason….Jason is just strange. He has this….demonic or satanic aura or something." Dick blinked. "And Bruce is…."

"Is what?"

"He's Bruce Wayne. Everyone knows he's an airhead who can barely tie his own shoes."

Dick frowned. "Don't you think you're being a little harsh?"

"I'm sorry, I really am. Don't take it personally."

"Don't take it personally?! They're my family!"

"Yeah well they're awful." She stood up. "Just promise me we won't see them again."

"I can't do that! They're my family!"

"Then you have to choose. It ether them or me."

Dick crossed him arms. "Them."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. I choose them."

Brittney blinked. "Fine." She walked out and he slammed the door shut behind her.

"Good riddance." He pulled a beer out of the fridge. "Guess I should thank them. They saved me a lot of trouble." He smiled and laid out on the couch. "Guess they really do always have my back."